Update 7/21/16: A few things about this review are going to be irrelevant, so please see the expanded update at the end.
I need to start off by saying that I’m a bit reluctant to like and recommend the Satisfyer Pro 2. And no, it’s not because of the y-instead-of-i cutesy spelling that reminds me of that sex toy store we won’t talk about anymore. It’s because I find rip-off designs to be problematic. It’s because I think epi24 has a patent pending on the Womanizer and if they’ve patented “pulsating air” coming out of a silicone nozzle focused on a clitoris, then the company who makes Satisfyer is going to be in deep shit. It’s also because the Satisfyer Pro 2 is a fraction of the price and is waterproof, unlike the Womanizer. I have maintained in each review of the Womanizer that the price is way too fucking high. But the Satisfyer Pro 2 is $60 whereas the Womanizer W500 (also sometimes called the “Pro” version) is $220 at SheVibe, and the W100 is $160. Satisfyer has made every effort to be like the Womanizer, right down to a cutesy name, a removable silicone head with a cone nozzle and the “touchless” aspect. So the drastic difference in price has me skeptical, yet unsure at this point who to direct this skepticism at – is the Womanizer trying to empty our bank accounts, whereas the Satisfyer is much more accurately and reasonably priced? Or is the Satisfyer Pro 2 so affordable that one has to wonder what the catch is? Where is the Satisfyer Pro? If there’s not a 1, why is there a 2? Was there a non-Pro version? Who is this Pro – the user it’s marketed towards, or the device itself? Am I really this jaded? All valid questions, folks.
Is the Satisfyer Pro 2 a copy cat of the Womanizer?
Yes, this is identical “technology” to the Womanizer, but it lacks a little finesse in the end result. The Womanizer W100 has only 5 speeds but lets you push the power button to quickly return to the lowest speed if you need to take a little break in the intensity to slow down your orgasm that is potentially hurtling towards you like an out-of-control 18-wheeler coming down the mountain with failing brakes. The Womanizer W500 has a plus and minus button to explore the various settings. Yes, I hate the placement of said buttons on the W500, but at least the easier option is there. With the Satisfyer Pro 2 you have to cycle through 11 settings and then go backwards through those settings. I do not fucking have time or patience to cycle through 11 1 settings. And oddly the “lower” settings feel more intense to me because when you make the pulsating air faster instead of slow/punchy, the upper levels just start to feel like kinda-buzzy vibration. I dislike the upper few levels, yet I’m forced to experience them twice if I want to increase and then decrease the settings – this is insulting, infuriating and confusing. I loved the lower settings on the Womanizer W100 and W500 because, for me, they were great “foreplay” – they kinda felt like oral sex, and definitely felt different from vibrations. It felt also kinda like tapping or the most something could really feel like a tongue without making clitoral contact. Those first few levels on the W100 felt so good to me that I didn’t want to orgasm too quickly, I wanted to continue to experience the sensations. Only the first two or three settings on the Satisfyer Pro 2 feel this way to me BUT they still lack the subtleties and nuances of the first few levels of the Womanizer, before things start to get to be super intense and kinda blurry. By the second setting my lower abdomen is contracting from the intensity of it all, if that makes sense. With the Womanizer, either of them, there’s an obvious difference between each setting. Maybe a little less so on the W500 when you get into the upper intensity levels, but it’s still discernible. With the Satisfyer the differences between the levels are minute and so I don’t know where I am with all that clicking.
If we’re going to go with my odd, Lilly-esque metaphors, it’s like Womanizer W100 is the teenager, all slender and dressed in fashions that scream for attention; the Womanizer W500 is the adult with more power and a refined sense of style; the Satisfyer Pro 2 is the toddler just learning to count, loudly screaming the first few numbers in succession, rushing from “1, 2, 3” to “9, 10, 20, 100!” – while wearing a tasteful princess dress? Okay these odd metaphors have quickly gone to a bad place. And yes, in literal terms, the Satisfyer Pro 2 is louder than the Womanizers. Same type of noise, just louder.
I prefer the body design of the Satisfyer Pro 2 over the Womanizer W500 which has always felt like holding a potato. An awkward potato. Yes, I also like the color better. It’s a pale copper. Maybe rose gold? It surely is less gaudy and ugly than the Womanizer W100 designs. It might actually match the iPhone 6 colors. HEY – IT’S NOT PINK! Surely that will please a bunch of you. I think I also prefer the head on the Satisfyer – the opening of the cone is blunted whereas the opening of the cone on the Womanizer heads has an edge – that edge can be a little irritating when you apply pressure to get a better seal. Also: Fewer seams than the Womanizers. In terms of aesthetics of the Satisfyer 2 I actually don’t have anything to complain about.
I need to also say at this point that I’m already really irritated with typing “Satisfyer”. I hate that spelling. I hate it a lot less than calling a sex toy “Womanizer”, though. I hate it less than cliched ideas of what clitoris-owning people want something to look like. At least the design of the Satisfyer Pro 2 is more gender neutral? So it has that going for it.
Jesus Fuck On Wheels This Is Intense
Here’s what I need you to know about the Satisfyer: It’s intense. On the one hand, it’s good – it consistently gives me an amazing and strong orgasm. The kind where my chest looks sunburnt, my face looks like I’ve had 2 shots of vodka. But they boast that the “touchless” technology allows for multiple orgasms. I was able to do that with the Womanizer because I was easily able to go back down to the stimulating-yet-gentle first level and leave it there to ride out my intense orgasm. With the Satisfyer I’m playing a game of chicken with my clitoris, leaving it on as long as I can stand it before I yank it off post-orgasm. The Satisyfer Pro 2’s first power level is equivalent to about level 4 of 5 on the Womanizer. The Satisfyer, unlike the Womanizers, is completely waterproof and they say that using it under water makes it even more intense – I don’t have a tub, but I don’t think I’d want it to be more intense. This is coming from someone with a self-proclaimed clit-o-steel, a clitoris that responds well to deep, rumbling pinpoint vibrations.
Just like the Womanizer, the Satisfyer Pro 2 doesn’t rely on vibration or true suction, it relies on pulsating air. When you combine this forced air with a nozzle that creates a seal there will be a tiny, teeny bit of suction going on but after experiencing an item with actual, intentional suction I can tell you that one shouldn’t buy a Womanizer or Satisfyer expecting clitoral suction.
I am really fucking torn on this. The price is easier to swallow for those who want to try out this new style of clitoral stimulation, but the high intensity is going to be too much for some people. It’s damn near too much for me on some days, to be honest. It has all of the subtlety of a jackhammer. If you know you like pinpoint clitoral stimulation and you know you want quicker orgasms without the build-up or you know you need high-intensity sex toys, then try the Satisfyer Pro 2. Honestly if the Womanizer didn’t exist I think I would feel differently about the Satisfyer (and I would love it) but it is impossible not to heavily compare these items. Without the super high price tag of the Womanizer I would be thrilled to see a moderately affordable sex toy that can produce such intense sensations while being waterproof and rechargeable. The Satisfyer Pro 2 has, without fail, brought me to an intense orgasm every time I’ve used it. My reservations are that I personally dislike how you must use it (cycling through all 11 settings and back again) and that it is a copy of the Womanizer technology. However for those who are less concerned about the political aspects of copycat designs and simply want to experience a powerful, focused clitoral stimulator at a price that won’t break the bank? I think this might be your ticket.
Update 7/21/16: Days after I publish this review, Satisfyer puts a blast out to the PR wires. XBIZ reports that the new version of the Satisfyer Pro 2 will be “90% quieter” but more importantly: “According to Satisfyer’s Vice President of Sales, Jerome Bensimon, when it is activated, the Satisfyer is now more than 90 percent quieter, and the pulsation also starts much more softly, so that every user can find his or her perfect intensity level.” Hopefully I’ll be able to test this out. New versions supposedly available in August.
My thanks to Shevibe for sending me a Satisfyer Pro 2 in exchange for my unfailingly honest review. SheVibe is also the generous sponsor of my upcoming trip to Woodhull’s Sexual Freedom Summit 2016.
- really, 20, if I want to try out a little more and then get back to the first setting ↩