Sep 172015
Fun Factory Patchy Paul G5 Review

I finally have a Fun Factory vibrator that I can recommend. I’ve been underwhelmed, overstuffed, had pubic hairs ripped out, put to sleep, and bored. I tried out the G4 version of the Patchy Paul and Big Boss and was let down – I’d read about big vibrations with deep rumbles and I expected delivery. We know how much I love big rumbles and lots of power. And they were rumbly, but the large amount of silicone meant that the vibrations had a lot of fighting to do to stay strong and avoid dampening. I was so underwhelmed by my G4 vibrators that I never even reviewed them. So when the Patchy Paul G5 was offered for review I jumped on it, hoping for something to back me up on my overall feelings about the company.  You see, I’ve always liked Fun Factory, in theory. Their vibes have never worked for me but this pissed me

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May 312015
Yes it's the Cordless, Rechargeable (Hitachi) Magic Wand

Despite what I may say in this review, I am excited about the Rechargeable Magic Wand! But first, a little back-story. I’d used vibrators for a couple of years before I started reviewing. Even the few that worked for me took awhile; longer than I sometimes had patience for. So a whopping 1 month into being an official Sex Toy Reviewer I got my hands on the Hitachi Magic Wand. And, having only tried cheap shit and a few I-feel-like-I-should-adore-this-but-it’s-too-mild Lelos, I was suitably impressed by the old Magic Wand and instructed all to go forth and buy one. Nature of the job though, I kept trying new vibrators. Finally, eventually, I found the We-Vibe Tango. And I realized something: the vibrator best suited for me shouldn’t take 15 minutes if I don’t want it to. Many times the Magic Wand took 15, 20, 25 minutes for two reasons: It’s very broad and I need

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 Posted by at 12:25 pm
May 272015
Jopen ENVY Fifteen Review - Remote Controlled Panty Vibe

I’m reviewing the Jopen Envy Fifteen because I’m on the hunt for a decent remote-controlled vibrator; it’s what people ask for the most, it seems! The thrill of wearing a vibrator in public is a gateway kink for many people; it’s one I can get behind! But sadly when it comes to remote control sex toys the market is lacking. A really great RC vibe needs to nail down these three things:  *  A remote that allows the remote holder to know what’s going on – what setting the vibrator is one, basically.  *  A remote connection that stays through clothing, flesh and ideally from across the room. Bonus points if it works through a wall.  *  A comfortable vibrator shape with decently rumbly, decently powerful vibrations. Con – Weird Shape Every Jopen vibe I’ve tried has been very powerful and pretty rumbly so I had high hopes for “rule 3” to be met with

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Mar 092015
Lovehoney Rockbox Finger: A Supremely Offensive Vibrator

No matter how anybody felt about it in use, all reviews about the original Lovehoney Rockbox said the same thing: it was horrifyingly loud. Lovehoney didn’t take that as a negative, apparently, when they created the Rockbox Finger which is shaped like a lazily-crooked giant’s finger which “thrusts”. Thrusting toys somehow had new life breathed into them in the last year or so. The Lovehoney Rockbox Finger is like the Fun Factory Stronic on bath salts – manic, loud, offensive, dangerous and erratic. It is really the polar opposite of the Stronic line. If you thought the Lelo Mona Wave was loud, you ain’t heard nothin yet. I couldn’t tolerate the electric razor sound of the iGino; it made my cats run away. iGino is the sound of a babbling brook compared to the Lovehoney Rockbox Finger. Yes, it’s that bad. It’s louder than the Magic Wand, it’s louder than the Doxy Massager.    A video

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Feb 252015
Review: Jimmyjane Hello Touch X

Special Note: If you are truly considering purchasing the Hello Touch X and do not have much knowledge on safe e-stim use, please read the Safety section that is in purple text. Jimmyjane does not include a decent safety guideline in their manual. It’s well-known if you read my reviews and posts that I hate Jimmyjane products and they don’t like me much either. So why do I keep reviewing them? For one, I feel that negative reviews are just as important as positive reviews and two….I hated the original Hello Touch so much that I just had to see if they listened to any complaints and made a better product with the Hello Touch X. The product, as a concept, is good. While none of the Jimmyjane vibes I’ve tried worked for me, they’ve all had positive reviews by other people. And when I read their reviews, I could bring myself to understand why

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Jan 192015
Lelo Mona Wave

The Lelo Mona Wave takes the Mona and adds motion, meant to do the g-spot stroking for you. For me, sex toys don’t replace a human. They’re a great accompaniment. I love using them by myself and with a partner. But just as a penis or finger or tongue could never vibrate and nearly never achieve the orgasms (for me) that a good vibrator can, a sex toy can never feel like oral sex or the thrusting of a penis or the stroking, much-lauded “come-hither” motion of a finger or two. Yet sex toy companies, Lelo included, keep trying to create sex toys that seem to be aiming for replacement rather than harmony1. They are also creating sex toys that promise way more than they can deliver, in my opinion.  Right on the box, Lelo proclaims: “The orgasm to end all orgasms2” and “The world’s first g-spot massager that rises and plunges within3 like the

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