Nov 182015

I have a few other reviews that I need to knock out before I can get my review up for the Womanizer; plus I really felt that you have to see the look of utter mystification on my face when I’m talking about the Womanizer. I’ve officially named mine Blanche. I don’t normally name my vibrators, but this vibrator is Blanche Devereaux through and through.  I’m sorry for the lack of captioning; I’m going to work on that. I will take recommendations from those who do videos on how best to caption on screen and have it NOT take 4 hours? Also, yes I know. The quality is lacking. This is my first and I wanted to just jump in without editing and without making a big production of it all. If I think that this is something I plan to do again then I will record the video with my better equipment.

While each vibrator has its pros and cons, all three are going to get my stamp of approval. When the full blog post reviews come out you can expect in-depth photos of the Womanizer (the seams, oh god, the seams) and videos of the Doxy Die Cast and Doxy Skittle, especially as they compare to other wands and similar items.

And as I mention at the end of the video….something big is happening Friday! Come back for that!!

Oct 192015

BugUterusThe Eva by Dame Products was a crowd-funded vibrator – the Indiegogo campaign raised 1000% more money than they asked for. So while I remained skeptical, I thought “With all that extra money there’s no excuse now for not doing a ton of beta testing and employing a really awesome motor, and basically getting it really right, right out of the gate”. I had hopes, despite the fact that I really don’t like “couples vibes”1 that this here might actually be something that would work *with* my fat outer labia. I had hopes despite the really bizarre design of it. A lot of us dubbed it “The Bug”, but when I visited Bex and saw her stuffed uterus it hit me….IT’S A UTERUS.

My Eva was unveiled at a mini #blogsquad sleepover at Bex’s house the weekend of SHE NYC. I hadn’t even opened the box, since it arrived a few hours before I headed out to NY. I unpacked Eva and held it aloft and reactions were mixed. But then I turned Eva on…and my face fell like a bad souffle. I looked more dramatically sad and pathetic than Grumpy Cat. After 7 years in this business I know that companies are like real estate agents when it comes to describing their wares but the video for Eva tells you “We selected a small motor with a powerful kick” and this couldn’t honestly be further from the truth. The video contains nothing but glowing testimonies (naturally) from happy, hetero couples. Early online reviews made it sound awesome and super-powered. Literally, they talk about intense vibrations. I’m left wondering if they received the same vag bug that I did twice over, because it’s like I’m reading about another vibrator entirely. I appreciate the massive attention that the Eva by Dame Products received during crowdfunding simply because of the conversations it started on many corners of the internet. But in person, in actual use? I feel hoodwinked.

The Vibrations

Before we even delve into talking about the biggest factor of fit, we need to talk about the motor that Dame Products chose for the Eva. I have a lot of vibrators that are more powerful. On my personal scale, I’d probably rank Eva at a 2. The vibrations are shallow, surface-buzzy and extremely mild. I tried to go all Tantric with it and just relax, let go and watch some porn but….it wasn’t happening. It was never going to happen. It didn’t feel nice, it didn’t even feel soothing. I thought that perhaps the vibrations could add in to the amazing, almost-overwhelming, g-spot sensations I feel during sex but they made the vibrations of the Eva feel non-existent. These are some of the most sad vibrations I’ve felt in a long while. I realize I require more vibrations than a good portion of the population but I am able to be objective here. These vibrations are mild. I’ve had mild salsa that has more of a kick. Suffice to say, no one in the House of Bex that night was impressed with the vibrations2. I almost feel like the noise is making you think the vibrations are stronger than they are. It is noisier than I expected, that’s for sure. But if I turned up music so that I couldn’t hear the buzzing and tried to just relax and focus on nothing….nothing is what I felt. I felt barely a buzz. I really want to go to the houses of those early reviewers and demand to see their Bug because Houston, we have a fucking problem.

The Fit – Eva Takes the Vulva Tour

DameEvaComparisonBefore I tried it, Bex and Girly Juice tried it for fit. Both have a different vulva than I3, and I wanted to get a few opinions to be sure it’s not just my vulva that hates it. Neither used it during penetrative sex but were trying it out to see if it would even stay put under the best of circumstances (and test the vibrations). Due to a shipping snafu that Dame Products was kind enough to compensate for early on4, I received two Evas and so I sent one off to Sarah to try during penetrative sex.

The verdicts all around agreed that it’s frustrating to get it situated, and you generally feel like it’s falling out. At one point while Bex was doing a little dance she *thought* the Eva was staying put but instead we noticed one buggy leg poking out. That visual might honestly be the most hilarious sex toy blooper I’ve encountered yet. General accounts from GJ and Bex were that it took foreverrrr to wrangle it into place where it was staying put; more time than one would want to spend when in the midst of sex. It kept slipping, despite the fact that no sex was involved. The lack of decent vibrations wasn’t getting anyone anywhere, either.

I sent Sarah the bug to try out with her husband, and that resulted in something I didn’t expect – chafing. For Sarah, it sounds like her vulva is small5 (like she is!) and there was less space for Eva to hang out so during PIV it kept chafing his penis. They never could get to the point of deciding on whether or not it would have stayed put or helped her with orgasm. Again, it took a long time to get it properly in place for her – 10 minutes of fiddling around. Would this get better with multiple uses? Who knows. She felt that the third level of vibration was a little more powerful than she expected from my moaning about it, but it was very numbing.

My vulva is a bit like Bex’s, but my outer labia and mons is chubbier. I had no problems getting the Eva to stay put at first simply because my outer labia cover it up. When I wear the We-Vibe, my outer labia completely covers the We-Vibe. I don’t need to turn the We-Vibe Dusk into a Tango holder for my clit; my labia does that just fine (so long as I’m doing my usual of sitting in a chair). So yeah, the initial situating didn’t need much. But it kept popping up on one side, and subtly moved around a bit. With fairly average penetration it didn’t feel comfortable, I constantly worried about it and it simply was not worth the hassle for such piddly vibrations. This is one of those times where not only do I not need to test something a handful of times to be sure of my assessment, I don’t want to. Please, don’t make me use it again.

Why I just don’t like the Eva by Dame Products

If you like/need/prefer:

  • Pressure on your clitoris
  • Some degree of rumbling vibrations on your clitoris
  • The ability to rub your clitoris with the sex toy
  • Lube, and lots of it during sex (your own or from a bottle)
  • Moderately powerful vibrations, or more

Then the Eva by Dame Products is not for you. If there isn’t more than 1.75″ from your clitoris to your vaginal opening, the Eva isn’t for you. If you have minimal outer labia but long inner labia, the Eva may not be for you6 because the inner labia might get in the way. If you don’t like worrying about whether a hands-free vibrator is going to be truly hands-free and stay in place during sex, the Eva isn’t for you. If mild, buzzy vibrations piss you off and make you want to stomp bunnies, the Eva isn’t for you. Dame Products fully admits that the Eva will not work for every body; they do suggest that if it doesn’t stay in place for you on its own, then just apply a finger! Wait, that’s defeating their entire point. But here’s a tip: a vibrator that you are meant to hold in place *will* work with every vulva.

Frankly, I don’t think it’s worth the retail cost of $105. When I informed #SHEsquad of the price there were dropped jaws all around and “no fucking WAY” muttered a lot. Again – I’m happy that a sex toy did so well in a crowd-funding campaign if for the sheer reason that it got people talking. But I really feel that it made claims that the retail version of the Bug didn’t live up to. I’m let down that the end result is like a deflated balloon for me. If this is a powerful motor then I’m a monkey’s uncle.

Look I could talk more here about the design, how it’s meant to work, show you the cute drawings that Dame Products did to demonstrate, etc. I could talk about charging time or use time. I could have taken nice photos like Heather did. I could, but I’m not going to. Why? It’s irrelevant here; I’m not recommending this. I don’t see a point in getting that far into the conversation when I hate the product. You may wonder why I was skeptical about the product; am I just jaded? Too picky? Nay nay it goes beyond just that – first time products from baby companies coming from crowd-funded platforms rarely turn out well.

But hey, I can’t recommend the We-vibe, either, really. I’m on the fence about the Lelo Tiani 3. I think the Fixsation is more dumb than the Eva by Dame Products. I feel like they’re trying to work around fragile masculinity by having a vibrator that tries so hard to be unobtrusive7. Sex toys are tools, and they are fun and varied and they can make your sex (solo, coupled, thrupled, grouped) fun and varied. If what you’re doing is not working, then re-work it. So many people with clits need a vibrator for orgasm; and the overwhelming majority of those people just simply need clitoral stimulation period to orgasm – penetrative sex alone won’t cut it. And that’s fine! We have options for you! Find new positions that work with vibrators you hold in place. Maybe let go of that fairy-tale “let’s come at the same time or at least while my cock is still inside of you”. Consider how powerful it would be to have them come while your fingers are inside of them and you have the best view in the house. Consider how much more sensitive your g-spot will be to the rubbing of a dildo or penis after you’ve had a clitoral orgasm *first*. Genitals are different in looks, sensitivity, how they respond best to touch, if they even like vibrations. Sex is messy and fun and like a Rubik’s cube – there’s more than one way to solve the puzzle and sometimes when the colors are a jumbled rainbow it’s just as pretty as when they all line up. And there are hundreds of regular vibrators out there and you can find a way to incorporate them into a re-worked vision of the sex you want to have – way better odds than the half-dozen half-assed “couples vibrators”.  /rant

This will only be relevant for a short time but if you want to support an Indiegogo campaign for a vibrator that actually DOES have a lot of power and comes from a veteran sex toy company proven to use many real live beta testers, then support the Tantus Rumble campaign.

My thanks to Shevibe for sending over the Eva by Dame Products in exchange for my (brutally honest) review.

  1. because they often just don’t work as promised, have lackluster vibrations and seem overpriced to play on the sex toy anxiety that people have over bringing a proper sex toy to bed – but, more on this later in the review
  2. I took an informal poll to get the idea of what we all like and need. Bex’s faves are Mona 2, Siri 2 and We-Vibe Touch; the least powerful she’s been able to get off with is the Bswish Bcurious. For GJ: Preferred vibes: Eroscillator (settings 2-3), Tango (usually settings 2-3 also), Siri 2 (middle-to-high settings). Weakest vibe that’s gotten her off: probably the original Lelo Gigi. For Sarah: favorite vibes for clitoral stimulation are Lelo Mona 2, Siri 2, We-Vibe Touch (either). The weakest toy that gets her off is the Tenga Iroha Mini. So you can see that these people don’t REQUIRE a powerhouse vibe. I would say that the weakest vibes able to get me off is either Lelo Mia 2 or the Crave Vesper, but the We-Vibe Tango is my go-to, and I can come on level 1 and the L’amourose Rosa Rouge is a big hit
  3. You can see GJ’s vulva because she had a RING made! And Bex is a lot like me, just her outer labia aren’t as fat as mine. With hers, she didn’t really cover up the bug much but my labia completely covers the bug
  4. The tracking for the first Bug stalled out for way longer than it should have, leading us to believe it was lost in the mail. My review product was sent to me by Dame Products but should you purchase from Shevibe, it will come directly from them. We also had a shipping snafu that was NOT good, wherein they put my blogging name on the package and then they briefly tweeted the tracking link to my second package, so I’m very very happy to report that shipping is handled by Shevibe. Your discretion will be assured
  5. In her words:  “I have “porn star” (there has to be a better way to say that) outer labia with inner labia that flay out a little bit if my outer labia are apart, but they don’t hang. My inner labia got in the way of the Eva, and it chafed at my partner’s penis because of how close my clit is to my vaginal canal.”
  6. This is starting to sound like a sex toy version of Jeff Foxworthy’s “Here’s Your Sign” monologue. Feel free to go read that in his voice. You’re welcome
  7. I understand that there are going to be plenty of other clitoris-owners who disagree heavily with me, they have bought into and want the fairytale of the perfectly unobtrusive, hands-free, dream vibrator and maybe they even have one of the couples vibes and it works really well for them. Great! If you use one and like it, more power to you. I just can’t help but feel that it is also working on that “porno sex” ideal that many of us have felt the need to live up to – where they always come together and she is always highly orgasmic just from penetrative sex while he ignores her clitoris
 Posted by at 10:27 am
Oct 092015

LamouroseDeniaThe L’amourose Rosa Rouge very quickly became a Top 5 toy for me for its rumbly goodness, intensity, and warming element that made clitoral stimulation with it awesome. The L’amourose Denia lacks the warming element but as a dual-stimulation vibe I actually still like it quite a lot – this doesn’t sound like high praise but consider the source; I rarely recommend or use dual-stimulation “rabbit” style vibrators. Would I love the Denia more if the clitoral arm had the warming element? Yep. The added warmth that Rosa Rouge brings aids in blood flow and increases my ability to orgasm. Previously the Jopen Vanity VR6 held the position as “most loved rabbit vibe” for me, even though it wasn’t perfect – the clitoral arm didn’t hit me just right, and the clitoral arm was kinda clampy. The Lelo Ina 2 was okay but again the clitoral arm just didn’t have enough oomph for me. But the L’amourose Denia has all of the rumbly intensity I need and something else I didn’t think I needed – flex.

Flex and Shift

Normally I need a solid tool for internal g-spot stimulation because I need a LOT of pressure on my g-spot. This changes when the internal vibrations are very strong and very deep/rumbling like the L’amourose Rosa Rouge or the L’amourose Denia. Intense and rumbling vibrations on the internal arm was why I had a love-hate relationship for so long with the Vanity VR6 – loved the internal arm, hated the clitoral arm. And while, in the end, half of the time with the L’amourose Denia I need to use the internal arm externally to tip me over the edge, I don’t think most people will have that “problem”. If I had more patience (which I rarely do, these days) I could actually orgasm with the Denia used properly. It’s probably the first rabbit / dual-stimulator that fits me properly because of the “Flex and Shift” action – meaning there is flex and movement at the base of both arms. Usually the clitoral arm is a branch off of the internal arm and the internal arm is rigid with no flex or movement. That’s what makes the Denia different, and able to actually fit me comfortably. I did find that the clitoral arm of the Lelo Ina 2 was also more comfortable over the original Ina and the Vanity VR6, but the Denia still wins out with even more comfort and right-spot-hitting. And while there is a lot more flex to the Denia, overall, this doesn’t mean it lacked pressure for me on the clitoral arm which I do need. It provided pressure, but not too much, with the ability to adapt to my body. The intense, rumbling vibrations inside stimulated my internal clitoral legs and g-spot more than most vibrators can.

LamouroseDeniaVR6Ina2There is a bit of an oddity that comes with the Flex and Shift technology, something that may bother some people. The ability for both of the arms to flex, combined with motors so intense, leads to some vibrator “dissonance” in some positions – I’ve never owned the Jimmyjane rabbit-eared Form (I cannot keep the damn numbers straight) so I’m not sure if it’s a similar thing or not. I don’t feel it all the time but when I do it’s kind of like using a subtle pattern. It’s not exactly bad but it can be a little distracting for me sometimes. The L’amourose Tech Department explained it thusly:

Although variables of motor rotation can be controlled with electronics, motors are still physical machines and subject to several physical consequences. A key factor in the issue you cited has to do with sympathetic resonance, or in your case, dissonance. In simple terms, this means that one motor directly affects how the other behaves. This is further complicated by variances in vibration intensity, how you are holding the product, how the product is flexed during use, etc. We maintain the highest quality in all of the components of our products and assemble each one with care, however there is no way to control something like sympathetic resonance when using motors that are as robust as ours.

Like the L’amourose Rosa, the Denia sits on a faceted gem-like base to charge magnetically. Not so good if you have an asshole cat who likes to bat things and knock them over, but otherwise it’s fine and I don’t mind it. When it sits on a base, versus having a fob that must dangle and be subjected to gravity, it won’t disconnect and stop charging. The battery on the Denia also holds a charge for a really long time; longer than Lelo does for me. I hadn’t used the Denia since probably February and I pulled it out in June to start writing this review1 and it still worked like a champ.

Some people dislike the fat base/handle on the Rosa and Denia; for me it’s a godsend because instead of having a longer handle that sticks out from my vagina and away from my arms, this base means I can easily reach and manipulate the vibrator. For my arthritic hands a fat base is also easier to hold. A lot of people dislike the buttons on the L’amourose stuff – they’re part of the silicone skin and you only have slightly raised markings. There are no discernible buttons, and they’re on one side of the base. For me this makes it a bit easier to avoid accidentally turning it off during use but it can be a bit of a pain to find and reach the buttons during use.  I personally allow such imperfections when the overall result is body-shaking orgasm – I don’t make that statement lightly, but the L’amourose motors just do it for me.  The design of the L’amourose Denia, and Rosa/Rosa Rouge, is a part of why I love it so and why it’s so comfortable for me to use. It simply works better for my body size and my limitations. You may not find this to be true.

But Oh My God The Price

Once again with L’amourose, I have to talk about the price and if it’s worth the price. At Shevibe, who has a better price than Lovehoney, it’s $199. This is a significant chunk of moolah. Only a few Jopen Vanity models are more expensive than the Denia. It’s $10 more than the horrific Lelo Ida; $10 more than the disappointing, mild Lelo Ina Wave; and $50 more than the regular Lelo Ina 2. Even the now-dethroned Vanity VR6 is significantly less at $129. The vibrations overall are barely stronger than the Lelo Ina 2, but the vibrations are more rumbly and the clitoral arm has just that extra edge of intensity and rumble that I need (plus added comfort). The warranty on L’amourose is a little longer than Jopen and Lelo, it’s 18 months whereas the former two are 1 year. From what I’ve found so far it seems that the build quality of L’amourose is superior to Jopen and Lelo. I’ve also had readers write to me complaining about customer service in regards Lelo’s warranty department, and Jopen will always require you to mail them the failing vibrator for them “to check”, on your dime, and it they may not even decide it’s broken. All in all I’ve probably tried just under a dozen dual stimulation vibrators; I try to avoid them because most will not work for me. But the L’amourose Denia blows everything else out of the water. It’s just that much better, for me, than everything else I’ve tried.

L’amourose Denia vs Lelo Ina 2

It’s funny, reading over my review for the Ina 2 I wonder “why don’t I use this more?” and then I go to turn it on after a few months and find it dead. Oh, that’s why. The Denia sat dormant for 4+ months and still kicked to life, full throttle. I said that “the clitoral arm on the Ina 2 provides the proper amount of pressure for me and hits me in the right spot.” in regards to the Lelo Ina 2 and it does have a lot of flex at the base of the clitoral arm. But the Denia has flex on both arms and this, for me, gives it a bit of an edge. Is this bit of an edge worth the vast difference in price? I think that if you prefer the traditional style of rabbit vibe where the handle sticks straight out from your vulva; if you need obvious buttons; and if you really really need to cut down on cost, get the Lelo Ina 2. If you need a little more power, a little more rumble, a bit more comfort? Go for the L’amourose Denia

L’amourose Denia is Great For:

  • Those who hate finicky charging cables
  • Those who need a lot of power and deep, rumbling vibrations
  • Those who hate clampy clitoral arms that don’t offer enough flex to fit you
  • Those who don’t require intense pressure on the g-spot
  • Those who sometimes want to turn off either the internal or external arm – Denia allows you to have only one running at a time
  • Those who like their vibrators to be waterproof


L’amourose provided me with the Denia long ago to review, but I was so blown away by the Rosa Rouge that I almost forgot about the Denia! Then life hit, and all reviews took a backseat. I can’t recommend the brand more, as brands go. Get your L’amourose from Shevibe, they carry just about the whole line. 

  1. yes, yes, I’m slooowww lately
Oct 052015

Ooh by Je Joue Line Fall 2015Lately I’ve been having a real thing for truly affordable, decent sex toys so I was perhaps a little too excited for the Ooh by Je Joue line to come out. As soon as I heard about it I ran right to Shevibe and asked them if they planned on carrying it, can I review it if they do, etc. I’ve loved every Je Joue vibrator I’ve had my hands on so I had really high hopes for this hot-swap-style sex toy geekery. It’s not quite the first time this concept has been done, but this is unique in that we know the line is going to expand greatly – I already know there will be a smaller motor, a smaller cock ring, a butt plug, a flexible dual-stim, a smaller Pebble, a Rabbit and a g-spotter. The “mix and match” or “modular” concept is great – spend a little now, and a little along the way, and soon you’ll have a small collection of items for less than you’d pay for them singularly.  The Large Motor I have is listed as compatible with pieces 1,2,3,4,5 and 9 – and we only have access to 1, 2, and 3 right now. More will be revealed in January 2016, with a few more coming in Spring 2016**  pictures of the full line viewable at the very end of this review.

I love the idea, as you can tell. Ooh by Je Joue be great if the execution didn’t fail. Trust, I’m super sad that I can’t recommend the entire line as it is right now. I wanted to love this. But I also kind of expected it to be even lower-priced than it is. I wanted the Large Motor to be closer to $30 than $50. I basically hoped for every component to go no higher than $40, with most at $301. Am I delusional? Apparently. But that’s a story for another day.

You can start off with just the Large Motor and the Pebble, or buy “kits” although these don’t save you a whole lot, just a few bucks. What Happens in Vegas is the cock ring and classic insertable; Her Name is Rio is the classic insertable plus Pebble; and London Love-in is the Pebble and cock ring. Happily they offer cool colors like mint green and bright yellow in addition to the standard pink and blue. The packaging is super cute, made to look like little coffee bags or chocolate bags. Which you would think makes the packaging easy to open, but it’s not – scissors are required and it makes me sad. I expected the bags to be as easy to open as a bag of Lindor Truffles. The shapes are pretty easy to put together and disassemble. It doesn’t require much strength to press on the necessary part of the shape to eject the motor. The silicone is satiny-smooth, much like that of the regular Je Joue items – it’s just barely noticeable that it’s a little less silky.

One point of quality that does concern me slightly is that the silicone skin seems haphazardly glued to the plastic base on the shapes. The glue is sometimes so sparsely placed and so wimpy that if you’re not super careful when washing a shape if it’s not clicked in to the motor you probably would get water trapped down in between the plastic housing and the shape. The silicone on my Cock Ring easily separated from the plastic housing, while the Pebble seemed to be glued very well and I couldn’t even separate them. The Classic had even less glue than the Cock Ring. I pulled the silicone skin down off the plastic housing on the Cock Ring so that I could show you the metal clips responsible for keeping the motor clicked in – but it also shows me that the plastic housing the motor slides snugly in to is also responsible for vibration dampening.

Ooh by Je Joue Large Motor

I can’t wait to see the small, because the Large Motor is pretty small overall. The vibrations of the motor alone, no attachment, are shockingly deep and powerful on high. There are two mediocre patterns. But the odd thing about these vibrations…they’re not smooth. The steady vibrations almost feel like a pattern. It sounds like a helicopter on the lower settings. You can feel a rapid pulsing; not enough to deter from orgasm, but it’s discernible and I’m undecided on love vs hate. This is actually the same experience as the other Je Joue motors in the Mimi and Uma but since I never use those on the two lowest settings, I never really noticed it. The Je Joue Mimi has 5 intensity settings while the Ooh Large Motor has 3. The Large Motor by itself on high is equal exactly to the Je Joue Mimi on level 4. But when paired with the Pebble or Cock Ring, high is a little less powerful now than the Mimi on level 3. I don’t actually know if you’re allowed to use the motor naked – by itself the motor is really intense. I don’t think they intended for it, but what’s the worst that could happen? The recharge port has a silicone flap over it and seems like it could be water-resistant at the least. I’m grasping at straws here, aren’t I…

Ooh Vibrating Pebble

Ooh by Je Joue Pebble vs Je Joue MimiThis is the stand-out piece; take that as you will. It ends up being a similar shape to the Je Joue Mimi with less punch. The tip is rigid-flexible, meaning I can make it move with my fingers if I try but it won’t make a bit of difference to my vulva. This is the shape the motor was truly meant to work with best. However due to the overall cost being $75, and the more powerful Je Joue Mimi being $90, I feel that you must be absolutely certain you can put the Large Motor to good use for at least one other attachment. You’ll have to decide if the Cock Ring is right for you (and then purchase the London Love-in set to save a couple dollars) because if not, I don’t think you should purchase anything from the Ooh line yet. The Pebble shape is pretty versatile and can be great for all genitals for external play. Pebble comes in hot pink or sunny yellow.


Ooh Cock Ring

Ooh by Je Joue Cock Ring vs Lelo Tor 2I handed the ring to my husband and he immediately proclaimed it would be too tight to comfortably be on his cock. He said he’d be able to get it on if he put it on while flaccid but then once he was fully hard he wouldn’t be able to get it off – not a good situation to be in.  I figured as much, so it didn’t even get tried out in the field. The silicone is stretchy-ish but not the most stretchy I’ve come across in silicone cock rings. It feels tighter on my fingers than even the original Lelo Tor. Also the shape ends up being comically large – probably a full inch longer than the Lelo Tor. It sticks out a little over 2 inches. I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a large, protruding cock ring. The Ohh Je Joue Cock ring feels like the  Duplo of the rechargeable cock ring world. However for someone with minimal labia and an exposed clitoris I can imagine this shape would feel great for grinding against. I tried putting the ring around 3 of my fingers at the second knuckle and it cut off my circulation. There’s always the chance it might be awesome to attach to your smaller dildos for harness play. If the receiver is in to grinding on the dildo, they’ll appreciate the vibrations.  Similar to the Pebble in design, the vibrations transfer as well as they’re able to in this system. The cock ring is available in a dark cobalt blue (which they call “electric”) and a pale mint green.

Ooh Classic Vibrator

This one is such a let-down. The center is solid and the vibrations do not transmit well at all. There is barely a whisper of vibration past the handle/motor. In fact it’s so infuriatingly bad that I have to wonder “did they test this?”. There’s a review on Babeland already for the Classic Vibrator which talks about how powerful it is and I’m all “are we using the same vibrator?”. I cannot recommend this. The We-Vibe Glow does *such* a better job of transmitting the vibrations from the Tango down the shaft and into the tip. If the Ooh Classic Vibrator were a standalone product I would be ripping it to shreds for even daring to exist. It’s that bad.  The fact that the two components cost $90 is a major insult. It’s not even worth $30 for the whole thing. It’s all down to the design of the attachment and motor. Sadly, this tells me that the “coming soon” items like the g-spotter and dual-stim will also probably suck. 

Ooh by Je Joue Classic Shape GutsTaking the Classic shape apart like I did the Cock Ring shows me exactly why it’s so terrible – the motor slides into the plastic housing and the other side of the plastic housing is glued to a hard plastic rod that goes down the center of the Classic. So only the vibrations that touch the spring and screw inside of the plastic housing could possibly be transmitted. It’s a shit design. Taking the rod out of the silicone shows that it barely is vibrating at all unencumbered that way, and then they go and encase that in a half-inch thick shell of silicone and expect vibrations to somehow make it out the other side? The people under the dome had a better chance of escaping than these poor, strangled vibrations2. I’m not an engineer and even I uneducated lil old me can see that this won’t work. Yet they did it anyway and you’re going to waste your money and they’re okay with that. Honestly the more I think about the design of the insertable Classic, and the design that is clearly going to be the same in future shapes unless they do a total overhaul, the more pissed off I am.

One could say that I’m idealistic and what can one expect from something affordable but I don’t think that’s the problem. I think that, like many companies, they didn’t beta test these with knowledgeable users. Or at all. There is definitely a way, some how, to create this modular system in a way that takes better advantage of the lovely motor. I think the answer though is to shape the vibrating motor more like the Tango – the long and thin lends itself to transferring vibrations farther than a short and wide motor. But then you have a system that’s quite similar to what’s already on the market and there’s no point to that. But the way this system is built right now I can assure you that none of the insertable pieces will have very much vibration at all.

I wanted to love the Ooh by Je Joue line, I wanted to recommend this, but I’m only able to truly recommend the Ooh Pebble. I’m cautioning against getting too carried away with dreams of building a set until we see the rest of the collection. I think that the motor needs an overhaul, the silicone needs to be stretchier for the cock ring and the insertables need a total re-design to get vibrations to actually travel versus held up in the handle like a bad traffic jam.


Big thanks to Shevibe for getting this to me pronto and indulging my odd excitement. I was provided this set in exchange for my honest review.

** The insert in with the toys shows the shapes of the upcoming designs and I’m skeptical of everything else needing the Large Motor.
OohJeJoueFullLine1 OohJeJoueFullLine2

  1. The two smaller shapes are $25 which is a great price point, but the shameful Classic is $40
  2. I haven’t watched the most recent season because the show was so awful, so I’m left at “maybe they escaped? maybe they were eaten by the void?”
 Posted by at 9:48 am
Sep 172015

Patchy Paul G5I finally have a Fun Factory vibrator that I can recommend. I’ve been underwhelmed, overstuffed, had pubic hairs ripped out, put to sleep, and bored. I tried out the G4 version of the Patchy Paul and Big Boss and was let down – I’d read about big vibrations with deep rumbles and I expected delivery. We know how much I love big rumbles and lots of power. And they were rumbly, but the large amount of silicone meant that the vibrations had a lot of fighting to do to stay strong and avoid dampening. I was so underwhelmed by my G4 vibrators that I never even reviewed them. So when the Patchy Paul G5 was offered for review I jumped on it, hoping for something to back me up on my overall feelings about the company. 

You see, I’ve always liked Fun Factory, in theory. Their vibes have never worked for me but this pissed me off a lot less than when Lelo vibes didn’t work for me. Fun Factory has always had cool designs, albeit with some high prices (remember the Sinnflut line?). They’ve always been different enough, unique, “fun”, but without boasting lame/non-existent “revolutionary tech” or trying to claim absolutes. With the G5 vibrators you can experience flex and give, unlike the silicone-skin-over-hard plastic like Je Joue, Lelo, and many more. 

Fun Factory also usually has a very draggy silicone – matte finish with a texture that means even I need lube. Fun Factory silicone is a bit of a lube hog, so be sure to stock up – water-based, hybrid or coconut oil is fine. But unlike a lot of companies, Fun Factory doesn’t focus on the gendered colors. Patchy Paul G5 is available in Neon Orange and Green, as well as light Pink. 

Another upgrade to the Patchy Paul G5, and the whole G5 line, is that the controls are just a lot better vs the G4 line and even many other vibrators on the market. They kind of idiot-proofed it. If you try to just hit the + to turn it on, the red Fun button blinks to remind you to start there. This isn’t brand new for Fun Factory; the Stronic Drei and Amorino had it as well.  These are vibes for people who hate to read a manual just to work their vibrator. Unlike the G4 line, now there are two obvious little metal nubs that show where the Click n Charge magnetic charger will go (and the magnets are quite strong). You can’t screw up using this vibrator. You can hand this to anybody, even a total vibe newbie, and they’ll immediately understand how everything works. When you hit the Fun button it starts out in the middle of its vibratory range – there are two lower settings and 3 higher settings. Once you hit the + enough to get into Pattern Land you can cycle through the 6 basic patterns by continually hitting the + button. To leave Pattern Land you have to hit the minus button. Again it’s not super complicated and didn’t ever leave me feeling like I had to turn the vibrator off and back on again just to get myself back to straight vibrations.


So how does it feel?  The vibration power level is a significant improvement over the G4 line and a huge improvement over less expensive Fun Factory vibrators. The motor seems to be about in the middle so in the G4 line the tip felt bland. In fact the difference in vibration oomph is enough to make me even more disappointed now with the old G4 line. You have no idea how badly this upgrade was needed, for such a pricey vibe. With the Patchy Paul G5 on high you do feel vibrations in your hand, but it’s not overwhelming. When inserted it does suffer from vibration dampening, a good bit more than the Rosa Rouge, but it’s still powerful enough to stimulate the clitoral legs for me. Because the motor is in the middle I am feeling most of the vibration right at the vaginal entrance, since I can’t insert the entire length.  I was able to use the Patchy Paul G5 both as an external vibrator and an internal vibrator – it wasn’t as great as using the L’amourose Rosa this way, though. The vibration dampening I experienced with the first inch or two just from my labia-o-steel was enough that in certain positions I didn’t feel enough oomph to get me to come.  The design is awesome for those who want to work up to using more length and width internally  – the nose is a flexible just-shy-of-1.5″ curved tip which narrows back to 1″ wide and then slowly gets fatter up to about 1.6″ but that’s not until you get close to 5″ insertable. I feel like the max insertable length is more like 6 or 6.5 inches versus what FF claims and I don’t see it getting up to the 1.75″ max width they list, either. 

There’s a good amount of flex for the top 3 inches so if you need solid vibrators that can apply firm pressure to your g-spot, this might not be your thing but if your g-spot, a-spot and/or clitoral legs respond to deep, penetrating, powerful vibrations? Patchy Paul G5 is your jam. It’s an easy-to-use, powerful vibrator that is pretty versatile, too.  Would I recommend it over the L’amourose Rosa, though? Honestly no. However the Rosa is $40 more (while the warming Rosa Rouge is full $100 more than Patchy Paul G5) and I understand that when the price climbs closer to 200 it’s hard to justify. The Patchy Paul G5 doesn’t have reliable all-over vibrations like harder vibrators (such as the Lelo Mona 2 or Je Joue Uma) but it is definitely more powerful than the Mona 2 or Uma and definitely more rumbly. I feel that if you don’t have the fleshy outer labia like I do which can provide a decent amount of vibration dampening (by surrounding the vibe tip with flesh) then you could easily use the Patchy Paul G5 externally and experience deep, powerful vibrations that slightly eclipse even the Rosa. While I would recommend this vibe I still found myself abandoning it during testing for the L’amourose Denia (because my Rosa Rouge was dead).

Patchy Paul G5 isn’t a quiet vibrator. In quiet room you’d be able to hear it from under the covers and probably on the other side of a closed door. It is more noisy than Lelo, L’amourose, Je Joue and even Jopen vibes.  If you need stealth sex toy time you’re going to want to turn on music or buy a white noise machine. I feel like Patchy Paul G5 really could claim the title of “the Barry White of vibrators” – yet they don’t, because Fun Factory isn’t a pretentious asshole company.


My thanks to Shevibe for sending me the Fun Factory Patchy Paul G5 in exchange for my honest review.

Aug 052015

Pulse2soloWell, this is going to be a hard review to write. I hate phoning it in, but the bulk of the review has already been written before – the Hot Octopuss PULSE II SOLO, whose counterpart is the PULSE II DUO, was originally just one toy: the Hot Octopuss Pulse. It was meant for solo OR couple’s play and while it had some flaws and areas of improvement, it was an item my husband really enjoyed. And how you use it, how it works, has remained the same. They’ve changed the buttons and added in pulsating patterns but the gist remains the same – apply to penis, vibrate, ejaculate.

Most people out there don’t treat sex toys like the latest iPhone; they don’t purchase the upgraded version when their older version functions just fine or even just “good enough”. For those who DO purchase upgraded versions, you’re in luck: just about everything you wished they would change, they did. There’s now a dedicated on-off button on one side, and intensity controls on the other side. You now have the added option of pulsating patterns. And finally, the blessed thing is more quiet. Not “whisper quiet”, but it’s a big change. In order to make it more quiet, though, they did have to shave some intensity. My husband enjoyed the intensity of it, the deep rumbles of the vibrations, but he doesn’t feel they tamped it down too far. It’s still intense on the upper levels.  But wait, there’s more: The Hot Octopuss PULSE II is now waterproof. Before it wasn’t even splash-proof. 

Hot Octopuss decided to make two versions this time around. With the new PULSE II DUO you have the *option* of turning off the exterior vibrations, and you have a remote to help control things (which is a necessary upgrade for using it this way). With this distinction in models, it allows for one version to cost less (there’s a $40 price difference), so that’s nice. Those who only ever plan to use it solo aren’t penalized with the higher price tag for the dual motors and remote.  Reports have come in that the external motor on the PULSE II DUO is stronger than the one on the original Pulse, but is not rumbly like the interior motor and can actually overpower the interior motor for the penis because the higher-pitched motor wins out, in a bad way. I never found the design comfortable to use as a couple’s toy especially because it gives very broad stimulation and I need pinpoint.

The silicone wings still accommodate a large range of cock girths. With a lot of lube, you can use it in motion but as with the original Pulse, my husband felt that it’s best keeping it in about the same spot – that sensitive point on or near the frenulum. I think that for some people, this sweet spot location will vary slightly. The vibrating pad that gives off the most sensation is about the size of a quarter. How do you know if you’re going to like this sort of sex toy? I’d suggest first trying out a regular vibrator, one that’s very powerful. Good test subjects would be the Vibratex Mystic Wand, the We-Vibe Tango or Touch or any very powerful and rumbly vibrator that you or your partner already have on hand – if you don’t have an immediate “WOW” reaction to the level of vibration, then it’s not really strong enough to give you a good idea of how the Hot Octopuss Pulse II Solo will feel. Some people respond well to concentrated vibrations, and some don’t. Before you drop $99 – $139, you should be certain this is something you’ll enjoy.

Since I wrote my original review, I’ve heard from a number of people with erectile dysfunction who rave about this and its ability to provide pleasure and orgasm even if they can’t get a stiff erection (which would be necessary to use penetrative masturbators). I’ve even heard from a few disabled people who find the Hot Octopuss Pulse much easier to manipulate and use versus penetrative masturbators. We still feel that it’s not totally hands-free because applying a little pressure to keep the vibrator on-point is necessary but it requires less effort than many sex toys for penises. In my original review my husband loved it but felt it would be better with some upgrades – and all of those have happened. So if you were waiting around on them to make a better, updated version then you’re in luck. We don’t have anything bad to say about this sex toy!

The Hot Octopuss PULSE II SOLO comes highly recommended from us both, and can be had for $99 from the lovely Shevibe, who graciously sent me one ages ago in exchange for my honest review.


 Posted by at 11:10 am