May 032010

Every once in a while I chat/email with someone and the “click” is there immediately. I wish I could produce the formula that equates to this click, but I don’t really know. It was like that with R, too, except that I had the pleasure of knowing a little about him before he even emailed me. Yet still, R took my bait and we chatted and we never shut up. It was kinda like that with this mysterious J (that’s all he called himself). He emailed me to pay a few compliments about the blog and there was just something there, something in his words. What he said, what he didn’t say, how he said it and his “voice”.

We  both recognized the click and the too-easy banter and the immediate intellectual attraction as being dangerous. Dangerous with the chance of addictive.

And so….at the end of that day full of flying emails, we said goodbye. He gave in briefly once more via my chat box but that was it. Today, nearly 4 months later, I tried to contact him only to find that the email address he’d been using was now closed.

Maybe he was just a ghost?

A figment of my imagination?

An entity capable of communicating through the wires and currents but not of being real?

Pity. I could have used a little more J right now.

Jul 122009

There’s this guy who works in my office, one row over, and I think he might have a little thing for me. I’m not sure just how young he is, he’s old enough to be working there permanently and at something one step up from entry level but he has a baby face.

My job went from being a relaxed administrative assistant to a grumpy clerk who basically does glorified data entry most of the day. Type up a list of numbers, then head back to the printer for all the sheets that the program printed out that I have to then merge with the correct invoices. So, I print a lot. Frequently. Sometimes large batches.

Sadly, I don’t have my own printer. At the back end of every other row is a printer. This guy doesn’t work in my aisle, he’s on the other side (our “adjoining wall” sides are a little over 5 feet high, the cube separating walls are a little over 4.5 feet high) but he uses the same printer as I do. It’s a given that most times, someone else’s stuff is mixed in with mine. For some reason he’s not real adept at finding his stuff, and I’ve got the method down pat and can flip through the stack in mere seconds. He’s taken to occasionally teasing me that I purposely print out a batch of shit right when he prints out one page. And even though I couldn’t possibly know, lol, we end up back there at the same time frequently.

When I walk by his row or he’s in mine, I catch him staring at me.

The other week, as he walked in the thru-way aisle that’s just in front of my cube, I stopped him.

“Hey M, did they put more toner in yet?”

He looked down at me over the shorter partition and fumbled for his words. Pretty much, no, they hadn’t.

Then I realized the view he just had.

Poor kid.


Nov 292008
Well folks I am not going to be getting the promotion, I will not be moving to the other office. Due to the current hiring freeze and the merging of all similar offices in 6 months, HR put the kibotz on that higher position being filled since it was vacated by my now-supervisor. So no extra money. No change in scenery.
I worry about the merger because I can’t say for sure that I’ll get to keep my internet access privileges. I’ll have to find another route, something I can afford, when the time comes. I have quite a few “friendships” that are online only, and only during the workday. Some are casual and a select few are very meaningful to me. If I weren’t able to chat during the workday I think I would lose those people. And for SURE I would be bored to death. I’ve grown terribly accustomed to this “way of life” in the past 6 months.
I am to the point where, no matter what, when I find out I’ll be in that downstairs office all alone for awhile I make it a point to take advantage of the fact. So determined that despite my 3 regular guys being AWOL (One left work early for T-day preparations, S has been in hiding lately and I’m not sure he’s coming back out, and the new guy who’s delighting in bringing out my Toppy side apparently had an impromptu office meeting), I pulled out my bullet anyways and thanks to a few of my Twitter guys, I got off quite nicely. I also took things a little farther than before. The bombardment of arousal from numerous angles left me with a need for penetration. I looked around, I thought….my eyes alighted on the half-empty Coke Zero bottle. 30 seconds later I decided to lock the glass door as it was the day before Thanksgiving, everyone was leaving early and I had plausible deniability if anyone tried to get in (damn door, I can never figure out that weird lock!). After a few brief moments of dropped pants and Coke Bottle attempts, I realized that someone could glance in and see my bare ass. So I moved in to my supervisor’s office…heh heh. Her lights off but the office lights meant that I was still barely visible should anyone look in her huge windows. The moment I inserted (some, couldn’t handle most of it) the bottle, and applied the bullet again to my clit, my orgasm began. I think this means that I need a slightly bigger case for my bag so that I can bring my wooden dildo with me along with the bullet.
Shame to waste nearly half a bottle of coke, but I wasn’t in the mood for a creamy Coke ;) The bottle was a bit of a mess, especially under that ridge for the cap.
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How To Make Lilly Blush:  A little like when S first floored me when he pointedly said in the comments of one of his posts that I was the cause of his recent highly-aroused state and subsequent amazing release, someone else caught me quite off-guard today by including me (me?) in his “hit it” list of sexy blogger ladies. I am the one of the four that he has met in person (at the party) and still I’m on that list.
Sometimes flattery will get you far ;)
If I were to make a list of blogger men on my own similar list…..well, I couldn’t narrow it down to just four, lol, but I think he might find he has a spot on my list, as well.
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You all rock, you know that? I got amazing support and “you tell him sister!” comments on my post about the Craigslist douchebag. It took him a few days, presumably took that long to write this all out and think it up, but he responded. I knew he would. Again, I present this to you in all its unedited glory:
well im glad u didnt respond to me cause i can see ur a very kind woman too..and yes i am a very nice man i just know how to find out who the nice women are and who is the jerks on here too so yes i am learning how this thing works on here thank you very much..and maybe some people have responded to u ok thats fine big it just seemed to me like you were being picky and im only sayin that cause you said in ur ad about looking for good lookin guys well i can see that but if u want that you should be able to give them somethin nice too not trying to be mean and didnt mean any offense and i am sorry..i was just stating a point..maybe i took ur ad the wrong way then
He can have his last words, I really cannot bear to drag out this conversation, risk hearing more drivel from him again. Nor do I give a shit. He doesn’t register on my radar anymore. But it does jade me against Pennsylvania men, in general. He’s not uncommon here I’m afraid.

Also, my CL ad was flagged and deleted, oddly enough, the day I posted about this guy. I doubt the timing is related. But still…..

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I’ve got more toy reviews for the future than I know what to do with….but I have to say, I feel bad for the other dildos. Really. Unless it’s a suction-cup dildo or an oversized one, it’s not going to have a place in my bag. I have found my Holy Grail and there is no besting it. Just not gonna happen. So from now on I’m not going to review any more dildos that are not suction-cup or oversized. I received a very pretty Glass one to review and I feel bad that I can’t really love it, because Mr. Pure has stolen my heart. He’s ruined me for all others.

~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~
I have become afraid of speaking too soon regarding men, but I really do have to just mention this – there is someone new who is really dragging out the “toppy” side of me and I’m liking it more and more. He inspired this post, and if things go well, you’ll be reading more about the situation.
Also, to any of the women who read my blog who have experience topping…please email me. I need to pick a few brains about a couple of topics.
Oct 022008

You all know I’ve put up craigslist ads. I’ve got a profile over on Okcupid, and another spot. *sigh* I mean, do some of these guys truly think they have game? Are they looking over their message before clicking send and thinking “yeah, I got this one in the bag”?

First, let’s be positive and look at the ones that get a response from me (which is only about 15% of the time it seems, because I’m picky and want something rare – personality and the ability to type)

Subject: you had me at provincial french cooking
“seriously, hard hard messy foodgasm. mmmmm…
hi, i’m —- and in lust with you and your profile. so, yeah.”

There’s more, it’s all cute and witty and complimentary and made me smile.But I won’t post the whole thing, it would bore you I’m sure.


“A. You are incredibly gorgeous. No, really. You have no idea.
2. I wish you were not 612 miles away.
iii. I HATE textspeak in email. I have 2 friends that do this on a regular basis, and they are both advisors at colleges. How some can work in education and make themselves sound that unintelligent is beyond me.”

He did the “A” “2” thing, and I didn’t do that anywhere in my profile. But I tend to do that frequently, especially when speaking. Freaky. And it shows he actually read all the way down to the bottom of my profile.

There have been a few more, who weren’t the wittiest right off the bat but had a photo that caught my eye and they seemed “real”, had a personality. But they baffle me. We email back and forth, things are going very well and sparks are flying….photos are being well received to say the least…I show him the blog. Conversation finally takes the proper turn, and they really like what they see and read. But then, conversation dies off within a week. When it comes time to say “Hey we’re both interested, let’s meet”, nothing happens. It’s more complicated than that, but that’s the Readers Digest version. Why contact a local person, why answer their “FWB” ad on CL, why go through the trouble of a week of sexy conversation just to chicken out of meeting? I’m very disappointed in a few guys right now, and kicking their chicken asses to the curb I think.

Fails – I will (almost) never respond back to the fails. Most, to be honest, are things like “hey ur hott, lets fuck” or some shit. *sigh* But then you really get to see some fucktards.

Hey are you really real. I’ve already sent an e-mail and the only thing I got back were clubs to join up to (Not interested) If your real I guess I receive legitimate e-mail back. I cant assume so I have to ask are you 21 or older if not the buck stops here. I have no interest in messing with a kids mind.”

Now, I have to interrupt here. In my CL ad I made a point of saying “Hey, I’m real! Come on, what spam bot is gonna post on CL as a BBW??” AND I posted pics, casual things. If you have half a braincell you can look at the fake ads, and then mine, and know I’m not selling a website. So, I had to bite here. After all he had complied and sent a photo of himself.

Me: Come on, did my ad really look like that of a spammer? Really now, I tried very hard to assure you men that I am real. Is there a secret boys-only-club password I should have known? A handshake? A grunt? Hmmm hard to portray the handshake/grunt via text…..

His reply: Ok all seems well, Send me another Picture of yourself.


um, no

His reply: What you didn’t like the picture.

I’m copying here word for word people. Lack of punctuation and all. I went on and actually told him, bluntly, what all pissed me off. To his credit, he came back with a more thought-out email, punctuation, and showed a general ability to think like a homosapiens. But it was too late.

“r u into piss”

That’s usually not a good thing to start off with, unless this is Collarme or something.


I get this after I ignored 2 of his messages, telling me to check out his (empty) profile.

“Subject: BBW are you one?”

Fucktard, R u 1?

Perhaps I should just stick to my blogger boys. At the least I know you have great personality, know how to type, and share similar interests. Unfortunately most of you are way the hell on the other coast.

A bonus photo (that I wasn’t going to post)  just because you guys aren’t fucktards. At least most of the time you’re not ;)  heheheheee

Sep 122008

Another boring update post ;)

I had meant to post the other 2 half-decent photos from last Friday’s escapades, but that will wait for next week. Monday is a toy review, Tuesday announces a little contest for the wonderful highly-rated sex toy that I’m able to give away.

Two toys on their way to me for review are designed to fill me up. One is solid smooth and pretty big around. The other is wood. Yep, wood. Last minute edit: The hardwood dildo arrived today. I’m impressed. And Q will be happy to know that I’m a bit intimidated.


Remember the cat I rescued? I heard from Cat Lady today. She wanted to let me know that two nights after I rescued little girl, she birthed her kittens. 2 grey and 1 black. She’s had to stay on with the Cat Lady until momma and babies are safe to be moved. Momma has taken on duties as surrogate to others, a calico or two that were rescued without a momma to take care of them. I feel a lot better now, I had good timing in getting her away from the mean people and this area.


It’s always a bit melancholy when someone slowly pulls away from your life. Online-only or not, the closeness is still there, and in a lot of ways they know a deeper more “real” you than real-life friends. At least when you have deep dark secrets like me ;)  T’s abrupt exit was easier to handle, as we never were at a point where we spoke every day.  This one still reads my blog I think, but no longer flirts and barely says hello. C’est la vie…..he taught me a few things, all good.  I treasure the friends that I know are reliable and “real” like —-, Devil, Q of course, and a few female blogger friends that seem to be the real deal as well (I’m usually, oddly I suppose, better friends with men). I’m happy to see more of a female presence in my comments section, it rounds things out quite nicely! Goddamn shame though that most of them live too far away.


If you’ve noticed, I’ve not had much in the way of fiction, good fiction, lately. Having a bit of writers block. I need a few good shoving-off points of exhibitionist/voyeuristic ideas.


My work situation will be changing in a few months, getting a bit of a promotion and moving to another building within the same department. I’ll know next week what the office looks like, and what I can expect as far as my worktime antics are concerned. I’m a bit nervous on that…..


There’s a few sexy things I’m lusting after right now. One is shortly going to become a necessity! For Your Nymphomation has a great line of sextoy (and condom) storage cases of all sizes. Even a bridal line! (now that’s a fuckin honeymoon). I think I’m in need of this one but…, a bit out of my price range! At least for the foreseeable future. Hmmm a naughty christmas gift perhaps?

Njoy is a line of stainless steel toys that are high-quality and very well designed – also very highly rated by any blogger I’ve seen review them. I want this one. Apropo, it’s quite pricey. And I’ll just leave it at “quite pricey”, heh. Talk about being out of my price range…!

I currently don’t have anyone to practice rope bondage on me, but…perhaps in the near future. I’d like to get some good rope, I hear Twisted Monk is a good place. Nice colors, already conditioned. I would want black, of course. Perhaps some accent color….Statutory Grape sounds fun!

And finally….if I’m going to dream big, I should go all out. I have no hope of getting one of these anytime in the next 5 years. The Liberator Esse is the ultimate in “sex furniture”. AAG recently mentioned she has one. I watched a few videos on the manufacturer’s site, as if photos didn’t tempt me enough. Oof. WANT.

Aug 202008

I love how you guys just let me prattle on and bounce randomly between subjects in these sorts of posts. But really, if you think I should just shut up, let me know ;)


I’m going to be reviewing for Babeland and Edenfantasys, now as well, and also will occasionally receive a toy from the high-end company LELO of Sweden who make quite a number of vibes that I find impressive (and rechargeable!). As with VibeReview, if you guys ever see things you like from these companies, please buy from my links and I’ll get credit for it!

Seriously. I need good, creative ideas for sex toy storage! We live in a somewhat small one-bedroom apartment and it’s full as it is. The steamer-trunk idea I had is falling to the wayside as there wouldn’t be any room for one! The problem with these cute toy box/containers on the sex toy websites is that they’re not meant for a lot of vibes, or the larger ones like Hitachi Magic Wand and Miracle Massager.
My closet doors don’t ever close, so the shoe-bag idea won’t work. The underbed area is limited. I have a headboard but not a nightstand. All bureaus and such are crammed full of clothes. *sigh*


Drinks-date tonight. Should be interesting….enough to “write home” about? Hoping so!

Friendship matters with R remain strong, and the sexual side is coming back slowly. We’re both busy. This too, shall pass.

FRIDAY – I still need something to do, somewhere to go!! Refuse to sit home. For some reason I’ve been terribly craving some good seafood from my favorite places down in Maryland (eastern shore, bay side area). Cannot afford, alas.

My ass

Rachel Kramer Bussel is a pretty big name in anthology books, right up there with Violet Blue. She’s an editor and a writer (and I hear something about cupcakes?? YUM). Her newest book right now, Spanked, is on a “virtual book tour” around some popular sex blogs who each got a copy and are reviewing it. On my last HNT Scrabble pic of my Spank Me ass, Marcello says “you should send RKB a link, she’d love this!” *shrugs* ok, sure.

Then yesterday I start noticing all these hits to the post in question. My ass (the actual picture) is up on her blog for the book, her tumblr, and her blog. HAHAHA!! When I realized this I was sitting here at work. Clapped a hand over my mouth to prevent a “LOL” moment in a quiet office, and then proceeded to blush as red as my ass was in the pic. Holy Crap!


I’m inviting all my readers to tell me about their best voyeuristic experience. Email me about it. Perhaps I’ll do a posting about it, leaving it anonymous for you of course. Perhaps I’ll create an erotic story from it for you. Just share :) Nothing lengthy, just some details about what/who/when/where this occurred.

And I’m serious about this request for stories! All you who’ve occasionally been brave enough, say hi again. Those who haven’t yet, don’t be shy….