Posted by Lilly | 15 Comments

On Being Bi-sexual and Dating Women

I no longer consider myself “bicurious”, and I haven’t for a number of years. But some days I still feel that way,  due to a lack of even one good Girl Date.

I’ve been with women sexually…..less than a half dozen, all encounters that happened through either planning to have sex or something similar. I’ve never actually *dated* a woman. Not for lack of trying! I had one encounter, once, that had a possibility of being….well, I don’t know. I’ll never know, because it was cut short. With the exception of that woman, for a few moments, I don’t think I’ve ever flirted with a woman face-to-face. Internet? sure. lots! I’ve even had dates with said women with mixed results.

Back in the heyday of Myspace, I met a few girls that I’d randomly friended on there (because they listed themselves as bi..yes I admit it) and had flirted with for a few weeks online. Flirted and became friendly with. The Goth girl was awesome; we got along famously, like the start of a great friendship. But I couldn’t detect any flirting! Do women flirt differently than guys? And I didn’t know how to be flirty with a woman. It seems different, somehow. In the end, the relationship failed for many reasons. One of which was that we lived an hour apart and she didn’t drive. Another date went horribly because at least for me, there was no attraction in person. It wasn’t her looks, it was her personality and the way she spoke. Too young, too um well that’s not politically correct so I won’t say it.

I went out with a girl I met on Okcupid last year. Again, it was like two friends hanging out. I mentioned her here very briefly (and she even let me put her up as a secret guest HNT!) and while she did kiss me at the end of our….date? hang-out? the atmosphere had still been friendly. So I was still left confused.

I’ve hung out with women I have a crush on, and guess what? No flirting. Either I’m undateable or the phenomenon Nadia (her friend, actually) calls the “Lesbian Sheep Dance” is alive and well.

I love women, but I apparently fail at dating them.

This needs to change.

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Posted by Lilly | 11 Comments

Sex Slang (words I hate)

There are certain sex slang words that when used in earnest turn me off completely. I hate them no matter what, but if they are used in a hot erotica piece….I lose interest. Thankfully I have never been with anybody that’s dared to utter these in person, it might result in some very unpleasant visceral reactions from me.

At the top tip of my list is the word “dong”. Some people and sites will tell you that there is a difference between a dong and a dildo, and I’m telling you: I don’t give a flying fuck. “Dong” is an Onomatopoeia and I’m not going to use it when referring to a hunk of silicone that I fuck myself with. No.

The rest are just self-explanatory euphemisms for cocks, cunt and asshole. And I hate them. Fully and with the utmost conviction.

What are your words?

ETA: I had to update my own jumble bc I forgot about “titties!!” I do so hate that one, I even wrote about it and I still forgot to add it! Thanks to Bunny for reminding me ;)

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Posted by Lilly | 7 Comments

Baggage

I’ve been traveling a good bit lately. Washington State to see Coy Pink a month ago; NYC back in March; a couple of weekends doing computer work for a friend a few states away and dropping in on Debauched Diva. Of course, certainly not as much traveling as Mollena, who has become an expert on packing. I tried to follow the packing guide on the link she gave (here) thinking that surely if other women can pack for 7-10 days in a *carry-on* I should be able to as well.

Right?

I blame my mother.

No, seriously. Hear me out.

As a kid, our vacations were usually these epic cross-country trips. West, south, northeast, Canada, etc….all done in an RV. Now, granted, we were going to be gone for 2-3 weeks and all but still. She packed everything possible. We almost never had to track down a Kmart to buy a necessary item. Every scenario was accounted for.

I’ve inherited this gene. It also comes from my grandmother who was a bit of a packrat. Upon the death of my grandparents and the estate yard sale to clear out items no one wanted, it became clear the level of packrattiness. She wasn’t a hoarder, per se, more likely a hold-over from the Depression. We found unused items from the 70′s that were kept in case a last-minute gift was needed. I tend to be this way in some regards with my own stuff…it’s law that I won’t need it till I get rid of it. I’m getting better, though.

So when I pack for short trips I try to think of everything. Hot, cold, rain, dressy, casual, lots of walking, an extra outfit, etc. And yes, I’m a bit high-maintenance so my cosmetics take up some space too……face & eye brushes, shadow primer, foundation primer, concealer, foundation, light eyeshadow, dark eyeshadow, eyeliner, mascara, eyeliner sealer, lip balm, lip gloss, lip stain, blush, bronzer, moisturizer, eye makeup remover, fash wash. Hair spray, brush, dryer, curling iron, molding paste. Nail care kit. Shower stuff. Lotion. “just in case I start spotting” supplies. Razors. Powder. Any meds I might need “in case”, plus regular ones. Might as well continue……1 planned outfit, 1 spare outfit, something to sleep in, dressy shoes, a book, my netbook + charger, my phone + charger, my ipod, my camera + spare batteries and uh….well….in case I have a “need”, I do need a couple sex toys, yanno. That’s simple – Pure Wand and either the Wahl or a bullet. Simple, sure…..but heavy (remember, the Pure Wand is 1.5 lbs!).

That’s just for a short weekend overnight.

No, seriously.

Back for the last calendar party, when I was going to be in NYC from Thursday-Sunday, I did my best to trim down and use travel bottles. I still barely fit everything and my bag was heavy as fuck. Then, my travel bottles have started leaking, so I just bought new ones (GoToob, they look pretty awesome but since they’re silicone I’ll have to be sure not to put certain cosmetics). I look at that list above and I can’t truly see anything on it that’s not “necessary”. Ok, perhaps the sex toys. Meh, maybe not. With the new bottles, and a resolve to make myself a travel kit for my makeup (small amounts in tiny jars, they’re all loose powders anyways), I hope to find a way to trim down. Both on space and weight. And of course saving time from making lists, running around packing, and then procrastinating for weeks on fully UNpacking. I basically just need to buy duplicates of everything, that’ll solve the packing & unpacking hehehe

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Posted by Lilly | 6 Comments

The Ghost of the Mysterious “J”

Every once in a while I chat/email with someone and the “click” is there immediately. I wish I could produce the formula that equates to this click, but I don’t really know. It was like that with R, too, except that I had the pleasure of knowing a little about him before he even emailed me. Yet still, R took my bait and we chatted and we never shut up. It was kinda like that with this mysterious J (that’s all he called himself). He emailed me to pay a few compliments about the blog and there was just something there, something in his words. What he said, what he didn’t say, how he said it and his “voice”.

We  both recognized the click and the too-easy banter and the immediate intellectual attraction as being dangerous. Dangerous with the chance of addictive.

And so….at the end of that day full of flying emails, we said goodbye. He gave in briefly once more via my chat box but that was it. Today, nearly 4 months later, I tried to contact him only to find that the email address he’d been using was now closed.

Maybe he was just a ghost?

A figment of my imagination?

An entity capable of communicating through the wires and currents but not of being real?

Pity. I could have used a little more J right now.

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Posted by Lilly | 19 Comments

The Bitch is Back

Man if THAT isn’t an over-used “off of hiatus” post title, I don’t know what is.

You know what’s funny? As in downright hysterically fucking ironic?

I put myself on a forced break and suddenly the fuckin posts just come POURING out of me. Srsly. I have a shit ton all queued up. It’s nice and all but…

WTF?

I go on my break starting Tuesday morning, and by Wednesday I’m writing. But no, I’m on hiatus, and I’m not the sort to say I’m going on a break just to grab some attention and poor-babies; no I was on break and fuckin stayin away from y’all.

No offense.

Seriously.

Actually my faithful readers/commenters are the few I wasn’t hiding out from. I was hiding from myself, from my snark and misdemeanors, my lack of patience and tolerance for immaturity and nonsense and lemme tell ya….there’s a lot of that on the interwebz. It’s a disease, I tell ya. Tuesday evening I had to forcibly remove Tweetdeck from my computer, fully uninstall it, so that I wasn’t tempted to see what others were up to because every time I did I got pissed off all over again. Immaturity. Tantrums. Entitlement. Seeing people kiss asses that I know shouldn’t be kissed, that if they knew what I know….but it’s not my place and it’s not a big enough deal anymore to waste my time caring. I’m just going to keep on doing my thing, being me, and that’s good enough. Every time I thought I might be over my cranky spell, I’d log into Twitter or read some pompous blowhard’s blog post and just get ticked off all over again. Until I was finally able to breathe and have my emotions under control, the hiatus was necessary.

On a related note, the return-from-hiatus brings with it some changes to my blog. I won’t be participating in HNT anymore, in any fashion.  I will still occasionally post those sorts of photos of myself, but I think I’m going to call it Wicked Wanton Wednesday…..if any other harlots who wanna show sexy skin care to make it something real, maybe it’ll become more than just Lilly being silly. If you wanna do WW with me, well, I have no rules. If you want to use the button I threw together and link to me I guess that’ll do but I don’t think many will join me for now.

I will still be visiting the posts of HNT participants partly because it goes along with my job as editor of e[lust].

Other changes are going to be some more regularity, as much as this ADD chick can muster up. More “Ask Lilly” sex toy columns on a certain day of the (every other) week; Something new called ‘Tales from the Parking Garage’ which you’ll hear about soon; and other shit I haven’t decided on yet.

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