Feb 122009


In my post earlier this week I spoke of how one’s impression of sexbloggers can differ greatly from the reality.  Many of us that participate in HNT post weekly provocative half-nekkid photos. We’re dressed in sexy near-nothings, or wearing nothing and posed sinfully. Not all, but a lot. And most do not include their face in the photos. Therefore many readers must think that we must be model-beautiful to be posing and preening like that and having all this sex! All this hot, sexy, kinky sex!

And the fact is, we’re not all 10’s. I read on the swinger blogs quite often that the couple writing was disappointed by the lack of attractive (to them) people at the swinger clubs to fuck – but hey we all have sex. Words and attitude can make up for a fuck of a lot, I’ve found. We’re all tapping in to our inner Sex God(dess) and bringing it slowly to the forefront.

Those who responded to my earlier post agreed that their real-life, non-superhero alter-ego is a good “cover” so to speak. Perhaps some of us are “average”. Perhaps others are “above average” in the physical appearance department. But, regardless, unlike people such as Audacia Ray and Violet Blue and Rachel Kramer Bussell, our real life work/socialization doesn’t have anything to do with sex. We are not “out” in that way.

Someone brought up a good point though. And a few points to ponder.

It all seems so innocuous, doesn’t it? These masks that we wear in public and even to our close family and friends. The question of the moment is : Would you treat somebody you know personally near and dear to you any different if all of the sudden they had a blog. What if they had a sex blog? What if…. they had a sex blog and you’ve been commenting there for a long long time?

So….what if?

What if you found out that they had a sex blog?

I’m not going to touch on the area of co-workers because you’re not usually close to them despite sometimes seeing them more waking hours than your family. But what if you found out your aunt/uncle/cousin had a sex blog? Your parent(s)? Your child? Is the blood relation a multiplier in the squick factor?

In speaking of a family member, I don’t know how you all were raised but as a kid you were kicked out of the room for “adult” conversations. As a teenager you likely hid your burgeoning sex life from these authority figure adults. And holy gods it was eye-burn-worthy if you walked in on a family member (parents, worse) having sex. It’s a fact of life, it’s something nearly everyone does to some degree. But with those people it’s a taboo topic. Now I know of people who openly and graphically speak of their sex lives with, say, their mom. I couldn’t do it, I just couldn’t. To find out a family member has a sex blog could be awkward, weird and uncomfortable knowledge.

Now, your close friends. It’s a different matter, no? Those are your peers to whom you likely do talk about sex with in some fashion. Depending on how prudish all or some involved parties are is the extent of the conversations. I know that any sexblogger wouldn’t be very phased by the knowledge; we’re all open and sexual beings.

What if you found out that they have a sex blog AND you’re a regular reader/commenter?

Would it lessen the blow, or the squick factor, with family members? Or would it be worse because you’ve now inadvertently been privy to all sorts of information and maybe photos that well…..just isn’t “normal” for family members to share.

What about if it were a friend? A sex that you’re not attracted to, would you be less open to their kinks and likes now that you know them? A sex you are attracted to but perhaps not the particular person; is your view of them going to change? Will you suddenly be attracted to them in real life?

What if you are the one being found out, or being read?

I know one blogger in particular had this problem and for her it was a major squick factor (because it was a family member who found her blog, and continued to read knowing it was her and her half-nekkidness).  Would you expect those who found out to treat you negatively or at least think less of you? Or would you adamantly insist that their views of you not change? Would you be furious if you lost the friendship of someone who had very opposite sexual ideals, solely based on your blog?

Me? I would likely embrace the knowledge if it were a friend. I wouldn’t be upset that they never told me, most likely. A family member would be a different story. I think I would be a bit scarred. I think there would be a bit of deterioration to the relationship, perhaps temporarily perhaps permanently. Is that wrong of me being a very open and sexual person with my peers?

If I were found out  – I would completely expect that my family members would see it all very negatively. Real life friends? I don’t know. An open relationship isn’t normal but it isn’t as taboo as infidelity. Of course I have a healthy dose of “embracing mysluthood” on here which could be seen negatively as well by many. I’d be saddened if I lost a friend or was shut out entirely by a family member, but if they’re so uptight and unforgiving that this would be my great sin….hm. I don’t know.

  10 Responses to “Alter Egos, Super Heros and Secret Identities”

  1. You know, my sisters know I write BBG but I don’t know if they read it. My older sisters friends read loyally. I have some other family members that are ‘aware’ of it. My boss knows, but I don’t know if she reads. I walk a fine line. A co-worker found out… and now she and I are great friends!!

  2. Oh boy… Talk about questions I’d rather not ponder! I suppose I’d be OK with *some* friends knowing about my blog and lifestyle, but not many. Family? No fucking way!

    And I gotta chime in on your comment about the swingers who bemoaned the perceived lack of attractive people at parties. Because Veronica and I have grumbled about exactly that, but I don’t know who you’re referring to.

    The way we see it, we have a fantastic sex life without swinging. If we’re going to fuck others, they *have* to be people we consider attractive. And we go to parties in large part to find such people. So if we don’t see anyone to our liking, well, it’s not exactly a wasted evening, but it’s also not what we were hoping for. You get what I’m saying?

    I agree, by the way- attractiveness is not just a physical trait. Personality and attitude are very important as well. We’re not *that* shallow! lol…

  3. One of the reasons why I enjoy anonymity is to avoid complications, plus it allows me to write as I think and feel, unfettered. But some lovers have been told of the blog, and at least one friend (and lover) accidentally discovered it.

    My choice is to be proud of the blog, to not be embarassed. I don’t flag-wave for it among my friends, but neither would I shirk from it. In many ways, writing has helped me be more courageous as a person when it comes to sexual topics, especially concerning how I came to terms with being a sexual person with HSV2. Because I feel healthy in my approach to writing, it enables me to be healthy in my attitude about said writing.

  4. I sincerely hope that my family never finds my site. My friends and acquaintances, well, it wouldn’t bother me too much to know that they were reading my blog. I have two fairly close friends that know about my alter ego. One, I think, reads everything. The other one, who’s known me since I was 10 and also knows my husband, she says she skips over a lot. :-) But it has helped our relationship because she now knows how much I trust her, enough to tell her about Coy Pink.

    My husband’s co-workers – that’s another group that I’d like to keep our secret from. It wouldn’t bother ME to know that they were aware of our blog, but it would be upsetting if it changed their perception of him.

    Thank goodness we sex bloggers have each other to cling to. I’d positively BURST if I had to keep my blog completely secret.

  5. You need to link this post for Lil Bit and send this picture to her for her mask collection.

  6. My family wouldn’t know it was me even if they did stumble onto my blog! I’m very careful to make sure of that. I will say that I have one exbf/best friend who reads it and sometimes references things (typically non-sex things) in real life. It is a little weird. :-p

  7. I spoke my piece on the whole thing I think.

    The only addition to the post I want to make is you limit your use of “squick” a bit more otherwise you owe us more dirty pictures,lol.

    wtf is a squick?!!??!?

    ~ I’ll use my words as often as I like, dear boy. Also, clickety-click. Read and learn.

  8. I wouldn’t think less of a family member if I discovered he or she had a sex blog (except my little sister because she’s a 32-year-old virgin. She is. Fuck you). I also wouldn’t read it, because that would be damned creepy.

  9. […] Alter Egos, Super Heros and Secret Identities […]

  10. Hello sweet temptress…

    Very good post! There are only two people IRL that know of my blog. I think if anyone else found it, or if any family members or someone from work found it, I would have to close shop. On the other hand, I might just say “fuck it” and keep business as usual.

    None of my family members blog because a) they don’t know what a blog is and b) they don’t even know how to turn on a computer.

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