May 122017
 

I don’t often have Guest Posts but sometimes I want to bring you information that I just don’t know enough about! But you know I’m picky so you’ll only see guest posts from fellow bloggers I trust. Taylor J Mace was kind enough to write up this amazing guide to BDSM toys for you – the impact toy infographics are especially helpful!

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There are so many sex toys out there to choose from, which is great! But it can also be overwhelming for those who are new to toys and don’t know what’s worth buying from lists of 500+ items. You want to make sure it’s safe, decent-quality, and worth the price tag, but you’re also exploring something novel that you might not know all the terms for.

This article aims to break down the various types of BDSM toys, include a few tips for what to look for, and also for what to avoid. It is aimed toward folks new to this kind of play, not seasoned kinksters.

By now I’m sure you know that I do not support Pipedream or their subsidiaries. This makes shopping for BDSM toys more challenging, as a few of the companies owned by Pipedream are incredibly common. BDSM brands that are owned by Pipedream include: Fetish Fantasies (Frequently listed as “FF” on websites), Anal Fantasy, Metal Worx, Jimmyjane, Pipedream, Extreme Toyz, Pump Worx, Sir Richard’s, Neon, iSex, and Icicles.

Blindfolds and Hoods

Blindfolds and hoods are used for sensory deprivation – when unable to see, folks frequently report that their other senses are more focused and that they are more sensitive to whatès going on around them. Hoods come in many different styles with any combination of mouth, nose, or eye holes being covered. Many feel that a blindfold or hood makes them feel less self-conscious – when I was new to being dominant, I always felt more comfortable when the submissive was blindfolded as they couldn’t see my face so I didn’t need to worry that I wasn’t “looking the part” of a dominant. Sleep masks or scarves tied over the eyes make great makeshift blindfolds if you’re curious about blindfolds but aren’t ready to invest in one!

Bondage

Look for soft materials – leather, nylon, silicone, neoprene, pleather, or bondage tape. Avoid handcuffs, even the fuzzy kind! These can cause serious and permanent nerve damage. Cotton or silk rope is also a fun option, though make sure to have safety scissors on hand for any rope play. Bondage tape sticks to itself and not your skin, so it can be used anywhere on the body and around any type of surface. Bondage kits are a good option if you’re looking for several items – for instance, the Complete 10 Piece Luxury Bondage Kit includes wrist and ankle cuffs, a faux leather flogger, a ball gag, a collar, leash, blindfold, feather tickler, hogtie, and rope. These kits are usually cheaper than buying each piece individually and are a great (affordable) way for people to try out a number of different types of kink play to see what works best for them. It is important to never leave someone alone in the room while they are tied up.

Clamps and Nipple Play

There are so many types of nipple clamps out there that it’s hard to know where to begin when you first want to explore nipple play.

Clothespins tend to be a good starting-point as they are a common enough find that you can discreetly buy some in order to see if you like clamps without spending much money. They can be wooden or plastic (avoid plastic ones with teeth) and are recommended for single-use only as they are nearly impossible to sterilize and therefore can harbour bacteria from one use to the next. You cannot adjust how tight they are on your nipples.

Micro-Pliered clamps have a screw used to adjust how much pressure they exert on your nipples.

Tweezer clamps tend to have a smaller surface area, thus the pressure is more concentrated and may feel more intense. Depending on your nipple size and shape, you may find that you have a very hard time making tweezer-style clamps to stay on your nipples. You can adjust the intensity of these, though not as much as micro-pliered clamps.

Clover/Butterfly clamps are probably the most advanced kind of nipple clamp. Unlike other kinds of clamps, when you pull on the end of a clover clamp it tightens on the nipple, exerting more pressure. Even when they aren’t being pulled, clover clamps are very powerful.

Weights and chains can be added to some types of clamps – these increase the pressure, pain, and intensity of the clamps. When you’re moving, chains or weights can add even more intensity through the way they pull on your nipples.

Nipple suckers can be vacuums, pumps, or suction. Unlike clamps, they aren’t painful – instead, they increase the sensitivity and blood flow to your nipples temporarily.

Collars and Leashes

When selecting a collar, pay attention to what the intended purpose is. Is it meant to be decorative, functional, humiliating, or for posture? Most collars come with an o-ring on the front for you to attach a leash to or to secure the wearer’s neck to a piece of furniture, however, some of the more decorative collars do not so make sure to keep an eye on that if it’s important to you.

Leashes can be used in conjunction to a collar to exhibit more control over the wearer by simply tugging on the leash like you would a dog. Pay attention to how long the leash is as this will impact what positions you can have your submissive in.

Gags

There are a few kinds of gags to chose from – the most common being ball, bar, or o-ring – and each type comes with their own advantages and disadvantages. It is important to not leave someone alone when gagged and to have a non-verbal safeword in place in case something goes wrong (the standard one being the submissive tapping their hand twice).

Ball Gags

These can have holes or be one solid ball. The ones with holes are easier to breathe through while using but are typically made out of a hard plastic which caused more strain on your jaw and mouth than one with a silicone or rubber ball. Silicone balls have more give and so it’s easier to relax your jaw for a bit or bite into it in the middle of a scene. Be aware that the larger the ball is, the wider you’ll need to keep your mouth and thus the quicker your jaw will become sore. Ball gags tend to pinch at the corners of your mouth after extended use. These restrict a lot of speech and also have a higher choking hazard than the bar or o-ring gags.

Bar Gags

Also known as “bit gags”, these feature a bar that is typically made out of silicone, plastic, or (less commonly) metal. They pinch your mouth less than ball gags do, are easier to speak around, and also restrict the breathing less than a ball gag.

O-Ring Gags

Usually made out of metal or silicone, this type of gag fits behind your teeth and does not restrict your breathing. They make it difficult to speak and pinch the corners of your mouth just like a ball gag does. You may be able to perform oral sex while wearing one of these gags. Keep in mind that the larger the ring’s diameter, the wider you will have to keep your mouth and thus the quicker your jaw will tire.

Impact Toys

When it comes to impact, there are “thuddy” toys and “stingy”/“sharp” toys – think of the difference between getting punched versus slapped. Many people consider stingy toys (canes, crops, whips, some floggers) to hurt more than thuddy toys (paddles, some floggers), though individual preferences vary.

Material also plays a big role in how much a toy hurts. Below is a guide to know how things will feel!

Keep cleanliness in mind – it is just as important to clean an impact toy as it is to clean something that’s going inside of you. Impact toys may come into contact with blood (even if the submissive does not seem to be cut, for example if you hit them on a pimple), sweat, spit, ejaculate or pre-ejaculate and/or lube, and they may come into contact with genitals. As such, make sure you know how to clean your toys between every use.

The above ratings are all pretty high, which can be super intimidating if you’re new or not into much pain. So…what are your options if you don’t enjoy a lot of pain?

Material, size, and force used by the top all greatly affect how intense the pain feels. The thinner/narrower an object (cane, flogger falls, paddle, etc), the stingier the sensation; thicker toys, wider falls, and/or increasing the number of falls will all make the toy more thuddy.

Floggers are one of the more customizable options, good for everyone to those who don’t like pain at all, sting-enthusiasts, or those who prefer a nice thud. The below graphic will help you pick one that’s right for you!

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I hope you’ve learned more about kink toys and gear and that this guide helps you find toys that work for you and your partner(s)!

 

This post has been sponsored by Lovedreamer, but all opinions, information, and recommendations are Taylor’s (and approved by me!). Sponsors like Lovedreamer are helping Taylor get to Woodhull SFS17.

 Posted by at 8:06 am
Dec 252016
 

Due to something that was an experiment-turned-Big-Thing1, I wrote more frequently this year than I have in recent years. I’m branching out a little with this list to talk about sex toys I loved, loathed, wanted to love, and hope to love. Sometimes though I couldn’t pick one item so there’s also a few companies I want to highlight – good AND bad.  This post won’t be my only 2016 round-up though, so stay tuned for more.

Stand Out Sex Toys of 2016

Womanizer PRO40Womanizer PRO40 – The PRO40 didn’t get it’s own review, but it was part of the Womanizer vs Satisfyer comparison post. Despite me liking the PRO40 the best of all of them, I couldn’t be bothered to do a full review since, by and large, it was the same thing as before with some seemingly minor changes. But oh, the changes they were. A lower price! Waterproof! Up and Down buttons! No rhinestones! It’s the same technology as all other Womanizer versions, but it is cheaper. The motor is better than the Satisfyer Pro 2 but perhaps a little less finessed than the Womanizer W100 or W500. I first tried the Womanizer W100 last fall and was blown away. This year this type of sex toy has become my go-to clitoral sex toy. Yes, even more than the Tango. Seriously.

TengaIrohaKushiTenga Iroha Kushi– It’s squishy. It’s cute. The vibrations are fairly rumbly and have enough power to get me off. And that tip is super-pin-point in the best way. I wasn’t in love with the first line of Iroha squishy vibes, but I’m a convert now. I love the seashell look and shape, and my reservations about the grooves were erased when I saw how easy it is to clean. I’ve tried the whale (Yoru), but didn’t like the shape at all. If the shape and color of a red bird appeals to you more then try the Tori– I think it’ll be just like the Kushi.

NudeImpressions1Blush Nude Impressions 01 – I’m not a fan of Blush overall so it was hard for me to put this here. Really hard. But I couldn’t help myself with this darn good, affordable vibrator. It’s waterproof. It’s rechargeable. It has a strong suction cup. It’s silicone (of course). The vibrations are fairly strong and rumbly – it’s no We-Vibe Rave but for the price range and qualities, I think it gets overlooked. It can be used in a harness. It’s butt safe. It’s good for g-spots. It’s even good for external stimulation. Should I go on?

Favorite Sex Toy Companies of 2016

funkit2Funkit -This year I was blown away by the designs of Funkit. Yes, the first thing I focused on was the clear silicone and swirls of pigment but then I noticed the designs. I noticed how hard Kenton was working to perfect the designs and the lengths Kenton will go to to ensure that everything is as high-quality as possible. At first there were just a few dildos and a plug, but now there are paddles and hand-sex rings and even ball gags. Fancy a certain color combo? Funkit can abide. Shevibe is now stocking a few select colors/models from Funkit (including the rainbow “Crista” design)!

crownedjewelsCrowned Jewels -In a world rife with counterfeit stainless steel sex toy designs the originality and beauty of Crowned Jewels stood out.  Offering up stainless steel alternatives in either titanium (anodized for extra awesomeness) or aluminum alloys, these lightweight metal designs can be especially great for folks who worry that the heft of Njoy steel is too much. While their designs, for now, are a bit on the short and slender side, bigger (and better?) things are coming!  I’m excited to see the direction this company will take and their future designs.

wevibesyncpositionsWe-Vibe – “Wouldn’t it be awesome if there was a g-spot vibrator with the motor of the Tango?” is probably something many many folks have said over the years. So We-Vibe listened, and created the Rave. Then they listened to the many complaints and downfalls of the typical rabbit vibe, and fixed that too by adding the motor of the tango. And making a unique and powerful clitoral arm. Nova is my number 2 favorite dual-stim sex toy (the L’amourse Denia is the top, but it was on last year’s list). And even though the flagship We-Vibe, that c-shaped couples vibe, has never been something I needed or loved, I have to give props to their new Sync. They fixed the “fit” issue so that it would accommodate the genitals of more people2, and made the motor more rumbly and powerful. It’s not perfect, of course – the Bluetooth doesn’t work when surrounded by flesh because of the position of the antenna3. Because of that it’ll probably never work for me, or others with large full labia, but who knows – maybe they’ll listen, and change that, too. I continue to look forward to their future vibrators! 

DoxyvDoxywideDoxy – While I love the Doxy Don (it used to be the Skittle), I don’t use it much these days. And while I appreciate the Doxy Wands, I never use them because I’m not a fan of broad stimulation or vibrations that aren’t deeply rumbly.  So why are they here? Because they are a stand-up company. Their products are high-quality, their customer service is superb and they’ve managed to hire a stellar manager for their US-based operations; Ruby is an amazing human. AND they sent Girl on the Net to us for Woodhull’s SFS16. Doxy has a few products coming down the pike for 2017 that I am 98% certain I’m going to fall in love with, so be EXCITED.

Problem Child Sex Toy Companies of 2016

lelohex22Lelo fell out of my favor years ago but it’s been getting worse. They started the year with a useless piece of fabric called the Penis Tuxedo, and took up the rest of the year on their even-more-useless condom, the Hex. They partnered with Charlie Sheen, a celeb known for abusing women, to act as their spokesperson and liaison to breaching Civilian Land as they try to fancy themselves a condom maker and sex toy maker. The promotion of a condom that can break and users don’t even know it broke is dangerous, ironic (Sheen is HIV+) and plain stupid. Any sex educator who promotes the Hex as a good condom has earned my distrust, and I’m done recommending Lelo products, period.

tracys-dog-burnTracy’s Dog – I loathed the company for a long time based on the brand name and the fact that they only sold their products on Amazon. Then I saw that they were including fake lab test reports on suspect dildos sent to reviewers; they lied about the lab tests and lied about the material. So when I was searching for a cheap, clear sex toy to use in my clear silicone post I couldn’t resist the purchase of the Tracy’s Dog rabbit, especially since 90% of the Amazon listing called it silicone. It’s not. I wouldn’t recommend buying anything from this brand; there are other brands to support instead, and Tracy’s Dog doesn’t have anything truly unique.

meoMEO.de – What happens when a sex toy retailer puts out a line of house-branded Njoy steel knockoffs, sells house-brand silicone lube mispackaged as water-based lube4, and labels a TPR-headed wand vibrator as silicone because they believe silicone is a “concept”? “We mainly use the concept of “silicone” in the German-speaking world. Our customers understand the term “silicone” a plastic, which is soft and moldable.” I get mad. Other bloggers get mad. And I realize that I can’t recommend them to my readers.  I don’t have a way to test which grade of stainless steel a company may be using and if it’s truly the most body-safe choice, so when I see something priced much lower than njoy, it is highly suspect in my eyes. MEO isn’t the worst ever but have made enough mistakes to cause me concern.

Worst Sex Toys of 2016

Fiera Arouser for HerFiera Arouser – The Fiera “don’t call it a sex toy” Arouser was only given to me for review by the company because I demonstrated the apparent ability to make them feel that I wouldn’t be mad in my review that it didn’t give me orgasms, because it’s not for orgasms, and also because I’ve been dealing with a very low libido. It’s a $200 (or $249 depending) item that is meant as a “warm up”. By combining some suction and light vibration, this sex toy is supposed to basically get you in the mood for sex, or something. But it won’t give you an orgasm, they don’t want it to, and insist that’s not the point. Your husband should give you the orgasm – and please read that bit with the incredulous sarcasm that is in my head. Also, the silicone head has to be replaced every few uses and they’re about $5 each.  It is gendered, hetero, and frankly – insulting. Try literally any other sex toy to achieve the same results. Yes, sex toy, because that’s what this IS.

JimmyJane Intro 4 and 6 with the Form 4 in the backgroundJimmyJane Intro Collection – I tried to give it a chance. I even psyched myself up and expected to enjoy it – rather than expecting to hate it like most Jimmyjame products I’ve tried and verbally (or literally) lit aflame. And boy was I sorely disappointed. I said in the review that I don’t hate the Intro pieces but I’m far from loving them, however as time has marched on I’ve gotten more salty over it especially after reading more about the Intro 2. There are plenty of other affordable sex toys that are better than anything in the Intro Line so please, do not waste your money on these buzzy, half-ass vibrations covered in lint-attracting silicone with some strange shapes.

missvvMiss VV’s Mystery / Miss On The Go – I couldn’t even give this one a proper review because this crappy product requires an app to be useful. And the app never worked for me, an Android user with the latest Samsung phone. First, the app claimed my Bluetooth wasn’t compatible5, and then the app just kept crashing. They don’t anticipate a fix for months, apparently. Good fucking thing I didn’t actually pay for this! To boot, the kegel exerciser is painful to wear as there is no “bend” or give in between the two sections. And that tail! So long! I couldn’t keep it in my pants. Even more strange was the fact that I kept getting notifications on my phone saying that “pillowprincess has canceled the invitation to play”. This means that someone supposedly was allowing me to chat with them and control their useless vibrator. How could this happen though with an app that has never worked? Maybe it’s the Ashley Madison syndrome – not enough users, so bots are available to control or be controlled to make you feel like the experience isn’t totally worthless.  And at $169, with buzzy, weak vibrations, Miss VV’s (real) Mystery is that someone thought this was a good idea. Raise a glass to yet another crowd-funded failure, folks.

Sex Toys of 2016 I Expected to Love More

tantusrumbleTantus Rumble – I wanted to love it, because Tantus. The body design is wonderful – ergonomic and lightweight, with removeable silicone heads for easy cleaning and sanitization. The let-down lay in what many of felt the name implied: rumbles. We admittedly all expected powerful, strong and rumbling vibrations due to words used in marketing. What we have are more gentle vibrations that are somewhere in between buzzy and rumbly. I can recommend it for folks who like broad stimulation and gentle-to-moderate vibrations, but for myself I just don’t love it.

vibratex mystic rechargeable wandMystic Wand Rechargeable – With a motor that felt just a bit buzzier than the original and construction problems making my wand not safe for further use, I was underwhelmed. Even if the silicone were glued on better, the vibrations are just not as amazing as the battery-powered version. It’s such a disappointment because otherwise I adore the body design. Another lightweight, ergonomic wand – albeit with vibrations more powerful than the Tantus Rumble.

swanwandSwan Wand – Fellow lovers of rumbling vibrations urged me to try the Swan Wand, and my few sessions with it left me a little disappointed. The larger end is the rumbly end and boy is it powerful and rumbly, but it’s too large for me to insert. No problem, it could just as easily be an external, broad stimulation vibrator – except I don’t prefer broad stimulation. The Swan Wand is dual-sided and nice, and it clearly is a favorite of many bloggers….just not my favorite. But I don’t hate it, either. I hope to get my full review up soon. The lovely Nashville-based Friction sent it to me and if you are in the Nashville area, contact RoseMarie!

Sex Toys I Look Forward to Trying in 2017

cravebulletCrave Bullet – I got to feel the vibrations when I visited Sexplorations in October, and liked it but I need more use time. I know that the world doesn’t really need another bullet, and I know it can’t best the Tango but something in me needs to try it. Despite the higher-than-Tango price tag on some colors. Hell I’d also like to try other Crave products, like the soft Crave Flex or Crave Solo – although the $139 price tag on the Crave Solo has kept me away all this time and it may prove to keep me away for good.

funkitFunkit CashewCashew is their plug, which can be for vaginal or anal use but I think it was designed to be a vaginal plug. I’m lazy and usually don’t like to thrust dildos anymore so a plug sounds dandy. Ages ago I used a particularly short and curvy wood dildo as a vaginal plug and loved it; then I tried a plug version of the defunct Jollie and hated it because it lacked an exterior base, so removal was a real bitch – it was like a silicone potato. But the Funkit base reportedly won’t get in the way, much, keeping the path for clitoral stimulation open while giving an easy out. The blue-green color of Cashew is at Shevibe now! Bonus!

bswishBswish Wand – Historically I’ve hated every Bswish thing I’ve tried; their motors were always weak as fuck as super buzzy. But the buzz on the street is that the wand is equal to or slightly better than the Mystic Wand so I’m intrigued! Given the price point on this, $31.99, I’m having conflicting feels. I can’t judge anything by the required 4 AAA batteries, since my beloved-and-now-departed Mystic Wand also took batteries.

lumberjillLumberjill Leisurecrafts – Soon to be stocked at Shevibe, I’m interested in trying out more wood sex toys. The designs of Mr Dick Carver have proven to be unique and interesting, without looking anything like Nobessence or, worse, a table leg. Wood is an amazingly beautiful material that is safe when coated properly, and no…..no splinters. It’s probably the least-understood and appreciated safe sex toy material. When coated in a permanently-slick waterproof coating, wood is as slick as glass but les fragile.

 

Hopefully you’ve found things to buy, things to avoid, and know where to spend your holiday money now. Did you have a favorite (or awful) sex toy this year that is notable? Let us know in comments!

  1. It turns out that by offering my RSS subscribers the chance to win not one $50 gift card, but three $50 gift cards, with the link to the gift card entry page only published in the weekly RSS newsletter, I felt compelled to write enough to have at least 3 RSS newsletters go out per month. Many years I would have months in which I only wrote a single post, but not 2016
  2. but like any sex toy, it won’t work for everyone
  3. on the side, under the serial numbers – if that spot is not “seeing the light of day”, Bluetooth won’t really work well and for me and my labia, that will never happen
  4. Causing toy damage with users – they recalled via emails
  5. if the latest phone isn’t compatible….then what is??
Nov 292016
 

img_20161129_110321Recently I posted an article calling out Tracy’s Dog for being a shady, shady brand. This isn’t the first time I’ve purposely purchased a sex toy from Amazon suspecting bad results (see also: Glass safety post, Silica Gel post) but it’s the first time I took a leap of faith and committed to filing a report with Amazon. I was happy enough with the results of my chat, and saw a glimmer of hope for cleaning up Amazon. If more folks would file reports, and go beyond just leaving a 1-star customer review, we might be able to slowly whittle away at all of the counterfeit products and the incorrect material claims1. The most effective options are ones for those who have purchased the offending item from Amazon, but even non-customers can do a few things. Here are all the various ways we can start to clean up Amazon:

File an A-to-Z Protection Claim

There’s talk of this “A-to-Z” guarantee protection, and so I looked into it. I quickly hit a snag when I followed these directions:

To file an A-to-z Guarantee Claim on an eligible order:

  • Go to Your Orders.
  • Locate your order in the list and click Get help with order.
  • Select a reason code to describe your issue.
  • Select Request refund through A-to-z Guarantee.
  • Enter the required information and select Submit

Well, I didn’t see the “Get help with order” button on the order I needed to report. I saw it on a couple of other, more recent orders. My order definitely fit in the 90-days timeframe. You might see it if you try to contact the seller, though (but I never have on any order, so I’m not sure why a few showed the link and most don’t) – and you should, to see if you can get your money back. I found no way to contact the seller on my order – perhaps because it was outside of the Amazon 30-day returns? I don’t know. But the A-to-Z thing didn’t pan out. So…Now what?

Live Chat

I went to “Contact Us“. You start by choosing the order you want to report. Then in section 2 you select an issue. I selected “Problem with the order” and then “Wrong item or not as expected”. When Chat opened, I explained the situation at hand: The seller’s ad copy in their listing says silicone, the box says silicone, but it’s not silicone. They didn’t ask me to prove it; they didn’t ask me how I knew. I chose to tell them about my blog and a little about the flame test method. I could have also linked to the post where we talk about the flashlight test on clear TPR and silicone, but I didn’t need to.  They confirmed they were filing a report for me, and told me that if more customers give similar feedback, they’ll investigate the seller. 

I’ve always received good help from Amazon’s live chat, but sometimes it’s been clear that there’s been a bit of a language barrier. In the case of reporting the Tracy’s Dog vibrator, I could tell that the person I was speaking with understood the situation perfectly (and in fact asked me more about everything; she was a med student, too) and I didn’t need to further explain my links, my materials testing, etc. She appreciated the links I gave her though, and thanked me for doing research before contacting them. If others out there ever want to report this particular brand, feel free to link to my Tracy’s Dog vibrator post to give Amazon background information on the problems with the brand.

The bottom line here is this bit from my Live Chat conversation with Amazon – I was told by the Live Chat associate:

“I have submitted your claim. You may also leave feedback on the products review page for others to see. Hopefully we will get more claims and that will speed up the priority of the investigation.”

And when I asked about others reporting:

Those that have bought it from Amazon should definitely contact us as well because it brings the problem to our attention sooner than the reviews. The reviews are more for customers to have an idea as to what others think.”

Write a Customer Review

While the customer review won’t alert Amazon, it could help in deterring others from purchasing the item. Ultimately, this is what we want: we don’t want customers purchasing shady products from shady brands. You can write a customer review even if you haven’t purchased the sex toy from Amazon (but you should own the item, at least). Reviews from folks who’ve purchased though may hold more weight and will show as “Verified Review”.

Leave Seller Feedback

This is again only something that customers who purchased from Amazon can do. In your Orders history next to every item is a “Leave Seller Feedback” button.  I gave the seller 1 star, confirmed that it arrived on time, said that it wasn’t as advertised, and again discussed material discrepancy in the comments section. This will be seen by both Amazon and the seller. Too many bad seller feedback reports will also cause an investigation.

amazonreport4

Report Incorrect Information

There’s a link that you will only see if you’re logged in to your Amazon account, where you can report incorrect information. You don’t need to have purchased the product, but you should be certain that the information in the listing is incorrect. The link can be hard to spot; it floats around based on the size of the product picture.  If the picture is small, the link is right up under photo or bulleted list of product highlights. If the picture is large the link may float farther over to the right. Below are two examples.

amazonreport1

amasonreport2

When I clicked on the link, because the incorrect information was everywhere and not just the bulleted points, I chose “Other product details” first, and then after some thought I went back and reported again to point out the bulleted list. The next drop down wants to know what the issue is. I put “incorrect information”, but “product quality issue” may also be valid. On listings like the items I purchased for the Silica Gel post, I would choose “conflicting information” because those items said silicone in some parts of the listing, silica gel in others, and so on. Does it help to report over and over again on the product for every issue? I don’t know. Because we could say that the Tracy’s Dog rabbit vibrator also had “conflicting information” – while all of the ad copy from the seller, Tracy’s Dog, said silicone the Product Description (which I assume Amazon writes?) said TPR. But it only ever said TPR in that one little section, and that is easy to overlook when they say “silicone” 15 other places.

amazonreport3

It would take a massive effort worldwide, really, and I feel that this reporting needs to be done across the board – not just sex toys, but all items on Amazon that you receive which seem in poor shape. Counterfeit products are rampant on Amazon, products of all kinds, and these counterfeits are killing small businesses. Maybe a change can happen; maybe Amazon will just stop selling sex toys. Until this massive change happens, though, please think twice before you buy that sex toy from Amazon.  You’ll get much better customer care and support by shopping with amazing folks like Shevibe, Early to Bed, Come as You Are, Smitten Kitten and many other small, feminist shops both online and in-store  – for more information on where to shop, go to the last portion of this article.

 

 

  1. allow me this one moment of sheer optimism
 Posted by at 12:54 pm
Nov 062016
 

Womanizer vs Satisfyer Comparison

The Womanizer vs Satisfyer Comparison Guide

This thing has taken on a life of its own as I polled folks for the comparison info they most wanted to see. This meant that the once-tidy-and-small comparison chart has grown to monster proportions. Below you’ll find a small graphic of the chart; click to see it full-size. If you need to see the text Excel spreadsheet, visually-impaired readers can comment here or contact me and I’ll send it to you. If you’re curious on what some of the measurements mean you can just ask me or see the incredibly bad drawing at the bottom of the post.

The chart provides a large amount of quantifiable data and a few subjective opinions. The brief product overviews below provide more insight into my personal opinions on each item, while the full reviews hold back nothing (naturally). A lot of you want to know which product(s) I’d recommend the most and, as usual, my answer starts with “it depends…”.

If you…

  • Want to use yours in the bathtub OR care about buying a product that was well-made: Womanizer PRO40 or Womanizer Plus Size
  • Have certain mobility issues, flexibility issues, grip issues, or a larger body: Womanizer PRO40 has the best button placement but the Womanizer Plus Size is much longer
  • Are curious about the tech and wonder if it’ll work for you: Satisfyer 1 is cheap enough to test, get you by for a few months & then upgrade if you want
  • Agree that intensity navigation is important but can’t afford the Womanizer PRO40: Satisfyer 2 is your only option, but nobody I trust carries it
  • Don’t have grip issues, don’t have small hands, and want the best quality: Womanizer Deluxe (W500) is the top pick for many
  • Prefer rechargeables, but can’t afford the PRO40: Satisfyer Pro 2 is the only Satisfyer I’ll recommend now
  • Care about supporting an ethical company: Womanizer PRO40, Womanizer Plus Size, Womanizer 2GO and Womanizer Deluxe (W500). For more info, read all the way through.
  • So far seem to have a definite preference for wands vs pinpoint stim: Buy a Doxy.
  • Like pinpoint stimulation but have a notoriously picky clitoris, and prefer rumbles: Womanizer PRO40. Satisfyers can feel too buzzy!

For quite some time I regarded the Womanizer with a healthy dose of side-eye; I was quite sure that it wouldn’t work for me. I remained skeptical of the many glowing reviews. When you’ve been reviewing sex toys for 8 years, you can often get a really good feel for the facts just by reading a handful of reviews. But the Womanizer shocked me – in fact, it left me speechless. It took me months to write my first Womanizer review because I felt like I couldn’t explain why I liked it or who else might like it (or hate it). I felt that the price of the Womanizer W100 was too much when I couldn’t confidently tell someone they would like it if they like X Y and Z. So for all of my issues with the build quality and company ethics of Satisyfer, I have to appreciate models like the Satisfyer 1 for their sheer affordability.

A Note on Suction: And this applies to every Satisfyer and Womanizer pressure-wave toy on the market: These seem to have very little actual suction. Suction can be great for bringing in extra blood flow to the genitals, and there are vulva/clitoral pumps for that purpose (or that awful pre-arousal thing, Fiera) – so I don’t want folks expecting any appreciable suction with these toys. I’ve been told by Womanizer there is no vacuum/suction, instead, the technology is “pressurized air pulses”. Yes, despite what parts of their site say and many other sites say, I asked and they responded. It may mimic the feeling of suction to a small degree, perhaps. I was able to see this better with these Satisfyer models, as shown in this video. There’s a lil nubbin in there moving rapidly in a small space, creating air pulses that match the nub’s speed. Then I did an informal experiment on a Womanizer toy to show that air is coming out, not being drawn in. It’s confusing, trust me. epi24 (Womanizer) said: “We prefer to call it Pleasure Air Technology”. Well, alrighty then. I’ll see what Satisfyer has to say, if they ever answer me.

A Note On Using These Underwater: While every other test seemed to tell me the same thing Womanizer did – that there’s no vacuum motor – putting these underwater did yield some suction. Mild, but more than regular use which is nearly nothing. I also noticed that if I held the nozzle tip a millimeter or so away from contact – just hovering – the “jackhammering” sensation kicked in and was the most amplified with the Satisfyer Pro 2. It reminded me a lot of the Wahl on high. I ran every model under water for a bit to make sure none were immediately affected adversely (I don’t have a tub, so I can’t use them this way).  However, there are more and more reports of Satisfyers biting the dust after being run under water. Some quit working, some turn on on their own and cannot be turned off. I didn’t experience these issues but some have, and with multiple models, enough to make me dislike Satisfyer even more. This issue has become bad enough that Shevibe has stopped carrying the “newer” (or older, depending on how you look at it) models of the Satisfyer – they only stock the Satisfyer Pro 2 now.

Womanizer vs Satisfyer Comparison Chart

Womanizer vs Satisfyer Comparison Chart *

Womanizer vs Satisfyer Chart

If you need more details or views on the various silicone heads, please ask.

Image of Womanizer and Satisfyer silicone nozzle heads view 1 Image of Womanizer and Satisfyer silicone nozzle heads view 2

All of the Womanizer heads - standard sizes on the left, XL sizes on the right

Womanizer Models

While I still feel that the overall cost of the Womanizer Deluxe (W500) and Plus Size is way too high, and I worry that the price point of the Womanizer PRO40 ($129) can’t compete with the Satisfyer range, I feel pretty confident about the build quality of the Womanizer line. Maybe their Deluxe W500 model wasn’t built for someone like me, but their PRO40 and Plus Size definitely are. The overall build quality isn’t always evident from the outside but Womanizer still comes out looking better and as Womanizer has noted – they pioneered this technology.

A note on the 30-day guarantee with Womanizer: Recently on Instagram Womanizer said “orgasms guaranteed” and I had to comment; I asked if their 30-day money-back promise was still in effect and they said “Yes! For the Deluxe and Delight versions!” Uh…wtf is the Delight version? They informed me that the Deluxe is W500, and Delight is W100 (except, it’s been discontinued). They stated there is no guarantee on the PRO40, sadly. There is no mention on the website of this 30-day money-back guarantee. If they give you a hassle, you can show them this screencap from Instagram where they publicly said it’s still a thing. Update: the 30-day thing is also in effect for the Plus Size and 2GO.

Womanizer W100

Womanizer W100Definitely discontinued – One thing that the Womanizer W100 has that the others lack is a really nice storage case. Sure, it’s baby-pink and has “Womanizer” emblazoned on it, but it’s really nice to keep the extra head, and charging accessories, all together. The W100 is the quietest model because it lacks the more intense levels. I feel that when the Womanizer W100 is pressed against your vulva, it’s nearly silent. Even when you break contact, it’s not that loud – 62 decibels. The Womanizer W100 has only one button but the power button can be tapped during use to bring you back down to the first intensity level. As of February 2017 update to this guide, no website is carrying the W100 model and it has been discontinued.

Womanizer Deluxe Pro / W500

Womanizer W500One word: Awkward – For as much as I loved the Womanizer W100, I thought I’d love the Deluxe W500 even more. Sure, it introduced the necessary plus and minus buttons to easily navigate the increased levels, but the power button was harder to press. The buttons are now located on the back side of the body, facing away from you, and are located in a place that is very awkward for me during use. The short, fat stature also makes it harder for me to hold. The designs of the Womanizer W500 are a little more classy, but still very femme with the exception White Chrome design – but even that has a Swarovski crystal “element” as the power button. The W500 is priced way, way too high at $219. It’s absolutely ridiculous and I can’t recommend this model with the other choices available. The W500 comes in the aforementioned White Chrome; Black Leopard, Red Roses, and Magenta Lace. The Womanizer Deluxe also comes with an XL head; the measurements aren’t in the chart because it’s complicated. While most nozzles have some extra width where the silicone touches your body, the canal of the nozzles are pretty straight. The Womanizer’s XL head is decidedly more funnel-shaped, so when I measured the interior, I put the calipers about 2mm down inside the “funnel” since I think part of the interior is going to touch flesh. The exterior ridge is 22 x 24.5 mm, and the interior is 18.6 x 19.9 mm.

—> In-Depth Review
—> Purchase at Shevibe
—> View/Download User Manual

Womanizer PRO40

Womanizer PRO40Practically Perfect – Until this model, Womanizer remained an overpriced, luxury item. And while $129 for the new Womanizer PRO40 still is considered luxury, out-of-reach pricing to many, it’s a bit more attainable than the price of other Womanizer models. The Womanizer PRO40 came out in response to the much cheaper Satisfyer knock-offs – and unlike the W100 or W500, the more affordable Womanizer PRO40 is waterproof, with a plain design that is a welcome change. It may still be more expensive than any Satisfyer, but the PRO40 has the features that keep me coming back to the Womanizer brand – comfortable nozzle heads, intuitive designs, and better navigation buttons. The PRO40 combines the best of the W100 (body, button placement) with the best of the W500 (extra power for those who need it, and up/down level navigation buttons), adds in waterproofing and takes away cost. I’m happy to have a slightly louder motor in exchange. The Womanizer PRO40 also comes with an XL head; the measurements aren’t in the chart because it’s complicated. While most nozzles have some extra width where the silicone touches your body, the canal of the nozzles are pretty straight. The Womanizer’s XL head is decidedly more funnel-shaped, so when I measured the interior, I put the calipers about 2mm down inside the “funnel” since I think part of the interior is going to touch flesh. The exterior ridge is 22 x 24.5 mm, and the interior is 18.6 x 19.9 mm. 

—> In-Depth Review
—> Purchase at Shevibe
—> View/Download User Manual

Even though the Womanizer Pro 40 is a little louder vs W100 or W500, it’s now my top recommendation over every brand and model.

Womanizer Plus SizeAlmost Had It – Extra length in the handle means the Womanizer Plus Size is more ergonomic for folks with reach issues, whether that’s due to disability or body size. They smartly put the up and down intensity buttons at the tip of the handle, but stupidly put the power button way down by the head. Since the power button also quickly takes you back to level 1, it’s a feature I personally use a lot and the placement is a ruiner for me. Whether it’s due to a change in overall size or a different motor the Plus Size feels different – less intense, less thuddy. The extra intensity levels are at the beginning to make the increase from level 1 on up less “jarring” I guess. While I love the extra length, I prefer the motor on the Pro40 and hate the power button placement on the Plus Size. I also hate the price tag on the Plus Size – currently $219 at Shevibe, the same price as the W500 Deluxe. It comes with an XL head and black storage bag.

—> In-Depth Review
—> Purchase at Shevibe
—> View/Download User Manual

Womanizer 2GORidiculously Large – Womanizer 2GO is billed as a travel-friendly, discreet version of the Womanizer. You’ll see in my full review how ridiculously large it really is; at 5″ tall it’s not fooling anyone. In some ways it is travel-friendly – the single button operation means you have to press and hold the button to get it started. All other Womanizer models turn on easily with a tap of the power button (too easily). 2GO is a little loud, and way more intense on the “lower” levels than any of the other models. It’s often too intense for me (note: intensity is only an issue with the original head, see review for more info). The cap falls off easily, too, but I do actually like having the cap. I don’t hate this one, but I have my druthers.  The price is high – par for the course with Womanizer, I guess – at $169.  It is made really well, though, seems higher quality than the others. 2GO comes with 2 heads! The XL head dimensions are: Interior: 19.5mm x 23.9mm and Exterior: 22.5mm x 26.8mm, making it slightly wider than the white nozzles.

—> In-Depth Review
—> Purchase at Shevibe
—> View/Download User Manual (nothing online yet – will update)

Satisfyer Models

The lower quality of build is definitely common across all Satisfyer models, and this is something that is honestly only apparent to me because I’ve tried all 3 available Womanizer models. I admit that I felt that many elements of the W100 seemed cheaply done when the price is taken into consideration, but it feels elegant in comparison to most Satisfyer models. I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again, that I realize I’m pickier than most. And I also want to point out my privilege in not finding the word “Womanizer” triggering, the way many non-binary, genderqueer, and trans folks might. I realize that, for them, my insistence on preferring the Womanizer PRO40 is very frustrating. I know that some sex toy shops won’t even carry the Womanizer because of the name. The part of me that refuses to work with sex toy shops that heavily gender their sex toy listings is incredibly frustrated that I can’t find a Satisfyer product that I like overall half as much as I like that damn Womanizer PRO40. 

On the higher intensity settings, the Satisfyer motors tend to all feel buzzy, like a vibrator. They lose that unique quality of “tapping” or rapid pressure taps that can mimic oral sex in a way. Instead, many become overkill, and feel very uncomfortable for me.

If you forced me to rank the Satisfyer models from best to worst I would be cranky and say: Satisfyer 1, Satisfyer 2, Satisfyer Pro 2, Satisfyer Pro Penguin, Satisfyer Pro Deluxe. Completely subjective, though.

A note on the “waterproof” features: Everything except the Satisfyer Pro 2 has been taken off the site at SheVibe because of many complaints that when used under water, the other models die. I didn’t experience that but also didn’t use them in the water – just tested.

A note on Satisfyer models and the User Manuals: Every user manual seems to be roughty the same when it comes to the warnings, and they all warn you not to get your credit cards too close, etc because of magnets. I don’t understand how there would be magnets in these, except for the few models that charge magnetically. Not all do, though. Strange.

A note on Satisfyer and warranties: Despite not advertising it at all, buried in legalese in their Terms and Conditions is mention of a warranty. I’ve been told that there is a 1 year warranty, and if you need to use that, email info@satisfyer.com. Thanks to Nikki at Fairvilla’s Sex Things for letting me know that they’ve tested that warranty and had a good experience! I don’t know what the parameters are, but you can download a copy of the T&C here, PDF.

Satisfyer Pro 2 – The Old and The New

Satisfyer Pro 2Affordable? Nah, Cheap – Rather than rename the Satisfyer Pro 2, the company made two changes and kept the name and design the same. This means that with most retailers you won’t know which model you’re buying, because they’re priced the same, too. You’d only know to see it in person – the new version has “Satisfyer” in raised lettering along the handle (shown here). Satisfyer boasted that the new Pro 2 was “90% more quiet” than before. Using my amateur decibel meter the difference is 9 points – the loudest rating on the lowest setting is 63dB on the new model vs 72dB on the old – it’s been explained to me by others that this does equal a 90% difference. It’s definitely a noticeable change, yet it is still one of the loudest models on the lower settings. And the high levels? Identical when not pressed against the vulva – when pressed against the vulva, the new Pro 2 is a bit more quiet. One strange quirk: The clicky clacky of the buttons on the Satisfyer Pro 2 is the loudest in the entire bunch. Louder than the motor itself. The Satisfyer Pro 2 comes in one color that is very gender-neutral, even if the packaging isn’t1. The button location isn’t the best for me and my preference but it may not bother you as much.

—> In-Depth Review
—> Purchase at Shevibe
—> View/Download User Manual

Satisfyer 1

Battery-powered and basic, Satisfyer 1 is a decent introduction to pressure-wave toys. If you think you’ll want the Womanizer models but are afraid to drop that much money, try out the Satisfyer 1 for awhile, knowing that upgrading to the Womanizer will only make your experience better. If the Satisfyer 1 doesn’t work at all for you, then I doubt any of these will work. It’s pretty cheaply made, so I actually don’t expect it to stand the test of time. Satisfyer 1 has the most comfortable head of the cheaper Satisfyer models; it is similar to the Pro 2. The single-button design is basic, but the intensity isn’t awful (and is better than the Penguin). It’s not the most powerful Satisfyer, but it’s definitely in the running.  Note: Shevibe stopped carrying this model due to the above-mentioned issues with waterproofness. Currently the only sex shop I recommend buying from is Canada’s Come As You Are. With the exchange rate so much in the favor of the US dollar, it’s not a bad buy.

—> In-Depth Review
—> Purchase at Come As You Are
—> View/Download User Manual

Satisfyer 2

Battery-powered and confusing. Satisfyer 2 adds in something that no other Satisfyer model boasts: plus and minus up/down navigation buttons, a feature I’ve come to rely on. Unfortunately, the body design of the Satisfyer 2, combined with button placement, makes it unwieldy. It’s also the loudest model now being sold. Some may even say it’s also the ugliest version; the boxy 1970’s-style body reminds you of a straight-stemmed tobacco pipe, or maybe the Nike logo. The batteries rattle around, too. It has more silicone in the nozzle than the Pro Deluxe or Pro Penguin, but less than the Satisfyer 1 or Pro 2. If the noise factor and button location dooesn’t bother you, and you really feel that you, like me, need the extra plus and minus intensity navigation buttons, this is a begrudging green-light to buy this if you can’t yet afford the superior Womanizer PRO40. I will forever curse the button placement on the Satisfyer 2 because it coulda been a contender. Note: Shevibe stopped carrying this model due to the above-mentioned issues with waterproofness. Currently, no shop I work with & recommend sells this model.

—> In-Depth Review
—> Purchase at Shevibe
—> View/Download User Manual

Satisfyer Pro Penguin

Satisfyer Pro PenguinSmall and cute, the Satisfyer Pro Penguin will appeal to those not as picky as me. I have a huge gripe about the teeny, tiny silicone nozzle head that pops off easily (even during use, for me), and it’s corresponding lack of comfort plus difficulties maintaining a “seal”. The angle of head-to-body is less than other models so this means that the body of the toy will be angled further away from you. Coupled with its short stature this may mean it’s hard to hold for some folks with larger bodies or shorter arms (or the annoying combination of the two, like me). Like many Satisfyer models it has a brightly glowing LED light under the translucent silicone button. This is the only Satisfyer model that has the button facing your body, which is more comfortable for me but thin folks may find this causes the LED to glare in their eyes if they use it in the dark. I would probably recommend the Satisfyer Pro 2 over this, unless you simply cannot ignore the cute factor.  Note: Shevibe stopped carrying this model due to the above-mentioned issues with waterproofness. I very very reluctantly will note that it’s available at Amazon, but please check the reviews of the seller before you buy (as it will probably change over time).  I’d rather you purchase from Come As You Are, located in Canada. With the exchange rate in favor of the USD, it’s not a bad buy and CAYA is a retailer I trust.

—> In-Depth Review
—> Purchase at your own risk from Amazon (Recommended shop is Canadian CAYA)
—> View/Download User Manual

Satisfyer Pro Deluxe

Move Along. It’s awful, and I won’t recommend it to anyone. The design is way off the mark and it’s not comfortable to hold. Buy literally any other model. The Satisfyer Pro Deluxe has no redeemable qualities, unless you think that pranking someone by wrapping it up like a potato would be your idea of a good time. But even then, don’t buy it. I was going to publish a short, rage-filled review but you know what? I just couldn’t muster the spoons to waste reviewing this piece of crap. Turns out it’s problematic anyways, due to multiple reports of it failing the waterproof test. Shevibe stopped carrying it after multiple reports.

* A few things to note about this comparison chart:

  1. As new similar products are available to retailers, and I try them, I’ll add them to the chart. By similar I mean no vibrations, just this air pulsing whoosiewhatsit.
  2. The decibels were tested with my phone and a sound meter. Due to the idling-engine type sound that the motors make on low, the sound meter jumped around a lot. The lower numbers then represent the loudest that the first settings will get. Also, I tested the sound levels without the nozzle being completely covered, like it would be in use. When the nozzle is completely covered the sound is dampened a lot.
  3. Charge and use time reports are varying from retailer info to manufacturer website / product manual info. One reports the Satisfyer has 120 minutes of use, while their web-version user manual reports only 30 minutes. When I can get an accurate number, I’ll add it.
  4. I feel that the fat & short design of the Womanizer W500 is awkward to hold and more awkward to press buttons. Womanizer boasts it being more comfortable to hold. We’ll agree to disagree, I guess.

The Knock-Off Issue with Satisfyer

Like anything popular, counterfeit and copycat products quickly flooded Amazon, AliExpress, eBay, etc. It never takes long after “white label”2 versions of popular brands are available for the emails about them to start hitting my inbox3. As you can see in this email screenshot there’s a knock-off of the Womanizer tech in a different body with a wholesale price of $20. At first glance, Satisfyer seemed to have fixed the primary complaints about Womanizer: design, name, price. But when you use any Satisfyer model side-by-side with any Womanizer it’s glaringly obvious that the price increase with the Womanizer will get you a product that is better made. I also just have a really hard time supporting a product that is such an obvious rip-off – maybe you don’t agree, and you need to have the most affordable option which I respect.

When I saw the Satisfyer brand, it was really clear that they’re going after the Womanizer market4 with this non-vibrating air-pulsation technology – they went the cheap route though with the motor and design, allowing the retail price to be so much lower than the Womanizer that they were guaranteed to steal a large chunk of the Womanizer’s potential customers5.

 

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  1. features a white femme person
  2. White label is when a manufacturing plant makes a product, but they are not necessarily a brand – they offer to make things for your brand. You, the brand company, don’t really design anything, you just slap your brand name on the packaging and maybe pick a slightly different color scheme. This is why you can often see a dozen nearly-identical sex toys on the sub-par retailer market
  3. Side note: why the hell do these companies think bloggers are retailers?
  4. **After this post went live** two folks commented via Facebook about their interactions with Satifyer reps at SHE NYC. One said: “True story, at this years SHE Expo in Brooklyn the Satisfyer representative said flat out to my wife and I that they took the “poorly designed Womanizer and made it better” then proceeded to essentially brag about how they got away with it adding how they considered a powerful patent lawyer part of the cost of bringing the Satisfyer to market. I mean, the guy was chuckling about it.” You know, this is not how a decent company behaves. At all. Jesus fuck.
  5. The company behind the Satisfyer has denied that they’ve outright copied the Womanizer tech; Womanizer responded by slapping them with patent infringement but it won’t hold water outside of Germany
Oct 172016
 

This might rank as one of the questions I see the most; it’s usually asked by cis men shopping for a (usually first) sex toy for their cis woman partner. If the question is asked vaguely in a more public forum the answers from others most often include the Magic Wand; if the seeker has any ideas it’s usually either a suction cup toy or a rabbit vibrator. I have great reservations about willy-nilly recommending something as high-powered as the Magic Wand for most people’s first vibrator and of course I have strong feelings about rabbit vibrators. Speaking as both a professional sex toy critic and someone whose own first sex toys were purchased by her boyfriend1, I’ve got a lot of opinions and feels on this topic as a whole so it’s time I answer this question long-form.

Who Really Wants It?

Frequently the request for advice is accompanied by “she doesn’t know what she wants, she told me to find her something” or the request is for something to surprise them. I have to admit that it’s times like these that I wonder if she has actually made the request. The only way I can imagine letting someone pick out a sex toy for me would be if I actually didn’t want one and had no intention of using it. If I wanted it then I would be the one to shop for it (or shop with my partner). I feel like if I could better understand the mindset of someone who is so laissez-faire about the topic that they give their partner carte blanche, then I could better answer the queries.

It’s Subjective

When someone asks the “I/we want a vibrator” question and starts out very vague, I run through a list of questions. I try to avoid recommending specific sex toys without knowing details about the person using them. Let’s be realistic – my favorite vibrator, the Tango, is going to be too intense/pinpoint/hard for some people. You shouldn’t be buying a sex toy for someone else unless you are absolutely certain you have the correct answers to these questions:

  1. On a scale of 1 to 5, how easily can they orgasm from manual clitoral stimulation alone? 1 being never or very rarely, 5 being easily and often.
  2. Do they know where their g-spot is? Have they successfully experienced pleasure from massaging it?
  3. What size?And no, “small” or “large” are not specific answers. If you, their partner, have a penis go measure yourself. Be sure you know if they want something the same size as you, bigger, or smaller. In the US most sex toy shops measure their insertables by telling you the diameter of the widest portion (elsewhere you’re told the circumferece) and yes, when it comes to diameter a mere 1/4″ inch can make a big difference. I can enjoy a 1.75″ wide dildo but will run away from a 2″ wide dildo. A 1.25″ vibrator is just too slender for me while a 1.5″ (or slightly bigger) is perfect.
  4. What shape? Some people do like perfectly straight toys, some really prefer a curved shaft or curved tip. Some would like a tapered shape, while some would prefer that the head is the largest part. This may be something you only learn by trial and error.
  5. What color / level of realism? Are you really sure your partner wants a heavily realistic sex toy?
  6. Have they ever owned a sex toy before and if so which one and how much did they like it? What were the pros and cons?
  7. Do they like direct clitoral stimulation? Some require pinpoint stimulation and some hate it, and would prefer a wand-style vibrator.

Champagne Wishes and Rabbit Dreams

The rabbit vibrator, a dual-stimulation sex toy, seems to be what people think is the ultimate holy grail vibrator. I can understand – it seems to do it all! It provides the internal and external stimulation simultaneously and easily while having more options than you can shake a stick at. But the rabbit vibes that many people are drawn to are, for some reason, the porous ones with the rows of plastic beads under the skin that rotate in various directions. I’ve personally never thought much of the rotating ones, but that’s just me.

There’s a lot of problems with buying a rabbit vibe:

  1. The Motors: Instead of worrying about 1 motor being the right intensity and type (rumbly vs buzzy) now you have two motors to worry about. Many rabbit vibes seem to have a more intense internal arm than clitoral arm which was always the opposite of my needs
  2. The Fit: Genitals aren’t the same; there isn’t a formula. Some have a smaller, buried clitoris. Some have larger labia. Some have a clitoris that is closer to the vaginal opening, some are farther away. Some have a g-spot that is right inside the entrance, some have one a little further in. Some prefer A-spot stimulation, and the A-spot is closer to the cervix than the G-spot is. Some people like pressure on/near their clitoris, some don’t. And while I’d like to say that there’s a rabbit vibe out there for everyone, there isn’t (or at least you shouldn’t spend the $500 it may take to find your perfect rabbit vibe).
  3. The Fit, Part 2: And then after all of that, we have to worry about the width and shape of the internal arm.
  4. They can be overly complicated or too simplistic – depending on how many buttons, options and settings there are
  5. They can be expensive – at least many of the better ones are, but there are some decent, affordable ones. Sadly many of the cheap ones are worthless.
  6. They’re more likely to break, and sooner – It’s like the old days when you could buy a TV with a VCR or DVD player built in…what happens when one part dies? The more parts, the more motors, the greater chances of an early demise.

I have a few favorites, but by and large, I hate recommending them until I’m absolutely certain that someone knows exactly what they need and we can find numerous blogger reviews of the rabbit to ensure that the motors are going to suffice. It’s just better to buy two separate toys, I think. This way you have more variety and leeway.

Dildo vs Vibrator

People who don’t understand the types of sex toys may say dildo but mean vibrator. They may think that anything you insert is called a dildo, and if it vibrates it’s a vibrating dildo. While they aren’t really wrong, it leads to confusion when you’re talking to someone who is aware of the nuances of the industry. A dildo is an insertable object that doesn’t vibrate. A vibrating dildo is a dildo that has a removable motor, like Tantus products. A vibrating dildo could also aptly describe the (rarely silicone) highly realistic, squishy things that vibrate2. But most things that vibrate that are meant for insertion are just merely called “vibrators” and left at that. They may resemble a penis or not at all. They’re usually broken down into categories: Mini vibrators and clitoral vibrators are often interachangable3; G-spot vibrators usually have a curved shaft, a curved tip or a bulbous tip; “Classic” vibrators are usually straight. Decent shops will also have an anal vibrator category, which should only feature vibrators that have a flared base or some design feature that prevents the vibrator from getting lost up inside the butt. Many brands will claim their product is an anal sex toy when it doesn’t have a flared base, but that’s a rant for another day.

I’ve also seen a lot of dudes looking to simply get a sex toy, any sex toy; and without asking their partner first they just gravitate towards a dildo – the reason may very well lay in their insecurities. A lot of people, especially cis men, believe that a sex toy will replace them, that they are in competition with a sex toy. They don’t want their partner to have a vibrator because they “can’t compete with that”. This level of controlling behavior and irrational insecurity is probably best kept for another post, but suffice to say that every person is different and some may prefer dildos while some really need a vibrator. If I can’t orgasm from cock by itself, I’m unlikely to orgasm from a dildo by itself.

The Solution

Unless you can answer all of the questions I listed above, then any recommendation will be a random guess. Even with all of the information from you/your partner, a recommendation is a guess, but an educated guess and more likely than not to be correct. I really don’t want to see you wasting your money which is why I’m writing this post and why I’m giving you the answer you don’t want which is: shop with your partner, not for your partner. There are a lot of awesome surprise gifts out there that you can buy; sex toys usually aren’t one of them. The bonus? Shopping together, whether it’s in-store or online, is really fun. It builds anticipation, sparks communication, and more.

One more reason why I’m so reluctant to make recommendations for your partner: if you choose wrong, the whole thing may backfire on you. Your partner may actually be upset if you chose something drastically different than what they would have picked for themselves.

The best way to pick out a sex toy is to make sure you both research every aspect. Start out by reading guides that introduce you to the various types of sex toys. Make sure you understand what a body-safe sex toy material really is (and what it’s not) and the issues with porosity. The last thing we want is for someone’s sex toy to cause genital itching or burning and have them be scared of sex toys after that. There are thousands of body-safe sex toys out there. And keep in mind that a sex toy is going to feel different from a penis or fingers – so just because your penis is 1.5 inches diameter doesn’t always mean that that’s the perfect size for a sex toy – because of the firmness your partner may find they want their sex toys to be slightly smaller than you. Or because a sex toy is wielded differently than a penis, it could mean that they can tolerate (and want) a sex toy larger than you. There are a lot of under-$50 body-safe dildos to choose from so before you invest in something like a high-quality dual density silicone, or high-quality metal, glass and wood sex toys, you should try out an affordable silicone dildo to get a decent idea of whether or not a size is right for you & your partner.

A few exceptions to the rule of “no surprises” come into play when the item is meant to be used by them, on you (like buying them an upgraded strap-on harness after you’ve tried pegging and you’re both into it) or when you skate from sex toys to BDSM products.

As always, I’m happy to help you find the right sex toy but needed to get into detail about why the most common request is such a difficult subject to tackle. If I’ve directed you here then hopefully this post will help you understand why I’m not just randomly suggesting a few products – let’s work towards getting your partner a sex toy they’ll enjoy, and avoid you wasting money!

 

  1. and no, I didn’t like the ones he bought
  2. And no, I don’t like recommending the ones that aren’t silicone because the material is so porous and iffy
  3. But sometimes there are vibrators that really are best just for the clitoris and not general multi-purpose use
 Posted by at 9:22 am
Jan 312016
 

Looking for the most powerful G-spot vibrator? I list out 5 powerful g-spot vibrator that will rock your world. Some people, like me, need a seriously powerful G-spot vibrator. A little over 4 years ago a comment came in on a review for the Jopen Vanity VR6 – at the time the vibrator with the most powerful, most rumbly internal vibrations I’d ever felt – to ask if I still felt the same way about it after 8 months. At the time, I did. Over the years I would go back and update the post but the last update was in 2013 and my, how times have changed.

I no longer have to resort to finagling an ill-fitting rabbit vibrator just to experience internal vibrations that will rock the socks off not only my G-spot, but my internal clitoris. I have CHOICES! But I’m not just looking for a powerful G-spot vibrator – I’m looking for a seriously *rumbly* powerful G-spot vibrator. The rumbles make it powerful. I happen to be a rumble aficionado, doncha know. My genitals are a divining rod for rumble. Many a copywriter – and even a few reviewers – have tried to tell me “This is rumbly” but nay nay, I detected buzz. I have scoffed at vibrator claims of being the most powerful and “seriously rumbly“.  For a vibrator to be on this list, it must be devoid of buzz. I must be able to say “Hey, if Barry White’s voice were a vibrator, this might be it”.  Please note that this list is only for G-spot vibrators. I may end up doing a post on the top 10 most rumbly vibrators, period, if that’s of interest.

1.  We-Vibe Rave – The new Rave is currently the most powerful G-spot vibrator I own. It overpowers my beloved L’amourose Prism V and Rosa Rouge. It has a unique, asymmetrical shape to it that allows for a twisting motion to ping the g-spot, rather than just thrusting. It’s a very unique sensation, but less unique to those who have already been a fan of Laid dildos. Due to the shorter stature overall, and my laziness, the shape of the Rave doesn’t win out for me over the shape of the Prism V but I cannot deny that the Rave is indeed a damn powerful G-spot vibrator. It’s excellent for external use, too, as are all of these.

2. L’amourose Prism V – The Prism V gets second place which is technically a tie because the Rave is a bit more powerful; however the shape of the Prism V absolutely enchants my G-spot. It allows me to do minimal work for maximum pressure. It challenges my dildo preferences (which I usually prefer in the 1.75″ wide range) by being fairly slender, but the rigidity and curve remind me of my utterly beloved Pure Wand – it’s probably the closest thing to Pure Wand + Awesome Vibration as I’ll ever get.  The Prism VII works well too, but it’s billed as a dual-stim vibe and for me it fails as that. It could be the answer for a powerful prostate vibrator, though.

3. L’amourose Rosa / Rosa Rouge – Rosa Rouge was my first L’amourose love, and continues to be but I like it for external use where I can feel the heat the most. I really think L’amourose underestimates how much more effective the heat is on the vulva and clitoris vs internal. The Rosa / Rosa Rouge is a little more quiet than the Prism V but just as powerful. You’d prefer the Rosa if you are NOT a fan of firm pressure and want a vibrator with a little give to it. Naturally the Denia is the dual-stim equivalent, and also holds a strong place in my heart. Despite the fact that I use the Rosa Rouga externally more often than internally, I still feel that the Rosa is a fabulous g-spot vibe. It was the first vibrator in a very long time that got me excited about internal vibrations. Thrusters will love the not-overly subtle ridge at the bottom of the head, and the thinner body will appeal to those who want some girth at their g-spot but not their vaginal entrance. I’ve read glowing reviews about the Rosa as a prostate vibrator; it has downfalls for that aspect, which I can explain if you want to hear about it.

4. Fun Factory G5 – You’ll notice I didn’t list a particular model. I have the Patchy Paul but really I think any of the G5’s fit the bill as a powerful G-spot vibrator. The thick silicone does dampen vibration a little (which was why I didn’t love the G4 line, it didn’t feel impressive enough to me) but it is an option for those who don’t like solid, rigid g-spot vibrators with a hefty curve or for those who need girth (which the G5 Big Boss can deliver) for their g-spot instead of a curved head. The ribs on the Patchy Paul and ridges on the Tiger combined with Fun Factory’s draggy silicone can provide the tug and “tap” on the g-spot that many prefer over pressure. One caveat: Even if you’re not someone who normally needs lube, you’ll probably need lube with FF’s silicone. It’s very draggy/textured compared to Lelo/L’amourose/We-Vibe/Je Joue. Also: The Tiger has a bit of a flare to make it anal-safe, so this is potentially a prostate option. Pick up something awesome here.

5. Evolved Novelties Roulette LineIt’s been a long time since I reviewed one of these and now I own two. The Evolved Roulette line is a battery-powered silicone powerhouse vibrator. Rumbly and deep, it packs a serious (albeit kinda noisy) punch. The single wheel makes one-handed use a snap, and the silicone, while firm, still has bend and give to it. For those who can’t afford a rechargeable vibrator yet, this would be a great place to start. It’s powered by 2 AA batteries and to get the most bang I’d suggest using those extra-powerful batteries meant for electronics. They do seem to have a bit of an edge over standard Duracells but admittedly this can become a pricey habit. 

Because I can’t leave well enough alone, I have to sneak a bonus recommendation in here. It doesn’t really fit the bill and I think that the others will be gentler on your wallet but hey, it is a versatile suggestion.  This option is something I mentioned in an update to the original post and while it’s a less satisfactory option due to price, it’s still something to consider: The Lelo Smart Wand Large coupled with a topper like the Vixen Gee Whizzard. The Gee Whizzard (or Whiz) is a more pliable silicone and won’t provide pressure but the deep, rumbling vibrations from the Smart Wand Large turn the Gee Whiz into a seriously powerful G-spot vibrator and you get multiple toys in one! The Smart Wand Large is significantly more rumbly than any other wand on the market right now and as such the vibrations from it travel through dildo-wand-toppers so much better than the Magic Wand for which they were made. Unfortunately it comes with Lelo’s spotty customer service and a recent Lelo price hike which has turned this combo into something seriously pricey.

Those of you who love the Lelo Mona 2 might be side-eyeing me really hard right now for not putting it on the list. I feel like the vibrations on it dampen quite a bit for g-spot use and I simply enjoy the vibrations of the Rave and L’amourose considerably more than the Mona. If you feel I’ve made a terrible error in leaving out one of your favorites, let me know and I’ll debate it with you, haha. Or try it for myself.