Sep 012011

Recently I asked you all what you wished you would have known before you bought your first sex toys. One of the biggest things I’d touched on was that back when we first started buying toys there were no bloggers reviewing toys. I could see that a customer named Maria loved it and had great things to say about it, but I couldn’t ask Maria a follow-up question. I couldn’t ask ANYbody a question on a particular toy. I couldn’t really find out if one person’s “Wow that’s strong!!” was my “Meh…it’s so-so”.

Now I want to express here that I mean no disrespect to and especially Garnet, who works with us irritating bloggers ;)  – it’s just that in my sex toy noob days we probably dropped around oh….$300-$350 over a couple months buying sex toys and accessories at MP that ultimately left us disappointed or frustrated or both. We were too afraid to drop $75+ on a better toy and I was still figuring out what type of vibrations I liked, along with being able to tell if something really was “powerful”. It’s nothing against the site; it’s simply what they happened to carry back in oh….2005? 6? And quite frankly, their selection was less iffy than Adam & Eve’s selection at that time but also much much smaller; yet both were already leaps and bounds better than they’d been even just 3 years prior. I think it’s only been in the last 4-6 years that sex toys have really taken off into the “premium” realm – yes? no?

Anyways. So there we were, looking to make another batch purchase from MP in the quest for more exciting orgasms and we’re trying to find things for me and for us. Enter: The vibrating cock ring. In theory it’s good. In actual practice it requires two things: for the woman to not have full outer labia and to have a prominent clit; and for the couple to be engaging in sexual positions that maximize body contact  – i.e. something more tantric, maybe, or woman on top with very little thrusting. The key there is: very little thrusting. Because for every outstroke……AWAY goes the vibrator from her clit!!!

We quickly learned two things: A small watch-battery powered bullet vibrator was not going to vibrate his cock enough for me to confuse him with an actual vibrator. And two, half-second collisions with my outer labia wherein 1 out of every 6 thrusts might have landed the bullet in the vicinity of my clit did not have a prayer, not even halfway there, of giving me a clitoral orgasm during penetrative sex with him.

I can’t find the exact cock ring that we bought back then, but I think that this one is pretty close, ours was clear. I think it was TPR because I don’t remember a jelly stench, but clear stretchy TPR acts like jelly – kind of tacky, it sticks to itself, and it picks up dust/lint/fur. Once I went to pull it out of our toybag, the bullet wasn’t inside the little bullet sleeve, and it was this…..unrecognizable mass of clear sticky material in a ball. We finally figured out that if we stuck it under the faucet the water temporarily de-stickied it so that we could untangle it and maybe use it again. I must have tried the thing at least 3 times before it took up permanent residence in a pocket of the toy bag. Long ago I reviewed Lelo’s answer to a more premium vibrating cock ring, the Bo. Their updated version, Lelo Tor remedied one or two of my issues with the Bo, but in the end it’s still the same concept as the $16.99 TPR jobs – it’s not going to provide the clitoral vibrations that I personally need in either strength, type or time length of contact (can you orgasm with a black fly? that’s what it’s like) so it’s something that is more for “him” than “us”.

Vibrating cock rings. *shrugs* I just do not get the appeal. At all.


Aug 152011

….when a site scrapes your content, and the first thing they scrape…is a post about ANOTHER site illegally scraping / copyright violation.


It was so meta, AAG and I couldn’t even comprehend it this morning. She found out about it only because I have lots of links in that post and someone followed a link to her site and she noticed it in her stats tracker. On the plus side, I was (after much work) able to track down the hosting provider for this site (huggingandkissing dot com) – they didn’t use somebody mainstream. Also, due to the nature of their site’s layout, the scraped posts aren’t appearing on the front pages or for that matter, easily found. They’re being put under a category listing of “news”. So keep an eye on that particular section of their site, bloggers, for your own content and your friends. I’ve already emailed about half a dozen people to let them know about it. Go here to report it:

I was told by the live chat agent that the “abuse” email is the one to use. I had emailed them, and then later when I found two more of mine pop up (perhaps an hour later?) the original post I’d claimed as copyright violation/scraping was already gone (but not before I got a screenshot). So while I was in live chat with this guy I gave him the direct links to my two posts and they were gone within a minute. If you can get the live chat when they’re online, it’s the quickest route.

Here’s something very interesting admitted by my chat support guy:

Lilly: If there are enough complaints, will the site get shut down?
Milo: this is first for whole time, so most probably not
Milo: also, reponsible provider is always better than e.g. chinese or russian provider, where can be the site moved after suspending by the owner
Lilly: I’m sorry, I don’t know what you mean by that2
Milo: i mean that if we suspend the site, it can be online after 10 minutes on another provider3
Milo: so it doesn’t make any sense

Valid point. I was ultimately quite upset that HostGator outright said to me on Twitter that after a few complaints they’d take down scandalshack, but they never did. And scandalshack is STILL scraping posts.

But remember what I said in my post about them, how the reason I probably didn’t get scraped is because I’m self-hosted WP and can use plugins, specifically the one called NoMoreFrames which blocks the scraping script? Yeah, these new people are copy/pasting by hand from my feed. How can I tell? View the screenshots below, and I think you’ll understand why.

I don’t recall all of the people who got scraped in the scandalshack blowup a few weeks ago, but do any of you know if any of those being scraped showed a full feed (as opposed to partial feed which I hate)?

There’s plugins for self-hosted WP users to insert copyright protection aiding things into their RSS feed posts (just see mine as example) and I think that in Blogger now under settings you can add in your own footer for the feed, so you can add in a link to your blog, the blog name, a unique long set of alphanumeric characters, etc so that at least you can find it or others will know when they read the site that it’s been stolen. But I don’t know if there’s anything for free WP users, unless you aggregate your feed through Feedburner and they do have some options. I’m looking into finding out more.


  1. The site apparently caught on to me linking to their old category 164/news, so they deleted it and created a new one. The articles don’t show up on the site, but they ARE being fed to their Twitter stream. They know what they’re doing and are trying their best to keep on doing it
  2. They’re a Czech-based company and I his English is a wee bit rusty, heh
  3. Meaning, they are at least a responsible provider and will act immediately to remove your content. But you have to tell them each and every time. His point is that not all hosting companies would be so quick acting or even care. I ran into that problem with the freak safari guys
 Posted by at 8:25 pm
Aug 012011

Those who follow me on Twitter (and on G+) figured out this morning that I’ve finally been banned from Google+. My profile has been removed. The other Google products that I currently use affiliated with the blog gmail address work (calendar, docs, etc) and that’s as far as I’ve looked. My profile photo was somewhat tame. I originally had my name in there as “Dangerous Lilly” so that others would recognize me better, but I ended up changing it to the name I have gone by on many sites: Lilly Dangeroux.  I did have public links in my profile (where you enter in your sites – be they your sites, your twitter, or just sites you like) to my blog, to elust, and wanton wednesday. I list in my public profile that I’m a sex blogger.

Then I see profiles like this still active on G+ and wonder what I did to catch their attention and get banned first:

Violet Blue has written a lot about this subject, both on her G+ account and elsewhere. Here’s her ZDnet article about Google deleting others.

Another article on talked about how Google was handling the “fake name” thing and as I re-read it, this bit stands out:

Specifically, Google will give:

users a warning and a chance to correct their name in advance of any suspension. (Of course whenever we review a profile, if we determine that the account is violating other policies like spam or abuse we’ll suspend the account immediately.)
Source: ZDnet Blog

So….I guess it wasn’t my name. Because I’ve received no email, no warning, nothing. It’s got to be the adult content. Which means…a lot of fellow bloggers who are on there are your blogger self, even if you’re using a real name, should prepare for your trip to Googleberia. Links to your sex blog on your profile will do it. Links to your sex blog posts will do it. Of course, If you don’t have links available publicly, only to friends….will Google know? Will you then be safe?

After being in my blog gmail account and still seeing that I’m getting G+ notifications (how annoying!) I try to go over to the settings of it. At first I thought perhaps I’d been reinstated. But no. I finally then saw the official warning. And yet it’s so generic that I don’t know what the issue is, my name or my sexuality blog that I link to.


UPDATE 1: It was my name. After finally seeing the profile suspension notice when I viewed my own profile on G+, I clicked the link to submit it for reconsideration. I checked back on my profile today and see that they finally gave a definitive answer. It’s my name. Again, I can submit it for reconsideration and provide either a photo ID with that name or links to “reputable sites” where I am listed as that name.

UPDATE 2: This time they actually emailed me to tell me again that my name violates their community standards. So no, it doesn’t matter that I can show that I go by that name in multiple places online.

~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~

G+ isn’t the only placed I’ve been removed from. I don’t remember to list my posts on Adult Blog Hub because well, I have to remember to do it. So imagine my surprise when I go there last month to add in a post and then I noticed that it doesn’t show up. Well actually it was because I went the next day to add another post and that’s when I noticed. I saw the posts that were listed and know that mine was added before these ones and after these ones. Not there. My blog wasn’t listed. I hop on over to their “Top List” and…..I’m no longer there, either. I hop over to another of their sites, SexPress and… guessed it. I don’t show up there, either. I’m registered. I’ve never received an email from them telling me I was being banned so I’ve still got my requisite links to them in the sidebar. I’ve sent 4 emails now to various ABH email addresses and have not once received a reply (yes I’ve given them enough time, it’s been a month since I first emailed). I thought it was a problem with my account.

Then I tried setting up a new account with ABH. I disabled the old one (removed my blog from the profile) and created anew. I added in a post. At first, it showed up on the ABH home page. Later that day, it was gone.

They are actively blacklisting me from their sites, and won’t even respond to tell me why. I’m upset, I’m confused, I’m angry. What the hell did I do wrong? The fact that they are actively blacklisting me from every one of their sites and will not respond to polite inquiries is surprising and upsetting.

Update: I even tried the personal emails for the owners and still, no response. Fuck em, then.


Jul 292011

A lot of my fellow bloggers are having their content scraped and posted on scandal shack dot com – They’re flat-out stealing; they put your words (or photos!) onto their ugly ass ad-laden website without any links to the blogger who wrote it or anything. The only way that you can tell is when someone uses a WordPress plugin that adds copyright protection words/links to their RSS feed (like AAG does).

It’s being done by scraping the content from your RSS feed – they’re pulling from a lot of sites so it’s not being done by hand (quite obviously, or this lovely post by AAG wouldn’t be showing up as a post on, hehe). I’m posting this warning for you to go check out the site and make sure your content isn’t being scraped. Mina tangled with them directly to no avail, so there’s info in her post on how to report the copyright violations directly to the site’s host. Hopefully with enough complaints the site will go away altogether.

But that only fixes that exact site. And who knows, the guy might do it again. In fact, it’s not the first or last time we’ll ever see our content illegally scraped. I personally use a plugin for WordPress called “No More Frames” which does something to prevent the scripts the scraper is using from pulling your content. My content is, so far, not on the site. It is either because this plugin does actually work OR my feed isn’t worth scraping :)

I guess we’ll find out soon enough, if this post shows up on his site.

This is a lot worse than what a certain vibrator company once did with copyright violation and sex toy reviews, because at least they acted professionally and took things down from their site. This guy is just using it as content filler to fill up the gaps (albeit small) between the garish ads.


ETA: The host of the site is on Twitter, perhaps we can employ that method after aggrieved parties have formally sent in their copyright violation email? it’s @Hostgator.

ETA2: I asked, “How many reports of copyright violation does it take for you guys to shut down his site altogether?” @HGSupport, who had been responding to the @Hostgator complaints from bloggers, was asking for support ticket numbers. I personally don’t have one, but others have reported it. Their response to “how many”? –  “Just one, which has not been received at this point. Again, if we can get the ticket it will be handled as quickly as possible.” Which makes no sense, because Mina said in her post that HG removed the posts that she reported as scraped. So they DID have one report. Sadie also sent a complaint on Friday. Are they just blowing smoke, or are they slow?

Jul 242011

Recently on OkCupid a very unlikely candidate messaged me and he eventually started questioning me on topics surrounding open marriage; apparently I was the first he’d run into on OKC who admitted to being in an open relationship. I suspect he wasn’t looking very hard.

I’m very interested in trying open relationships for a change. In the past I would fall in love quickly, spend too much money, make too many compromises, and then watch things fall apart for reasons that were beyond my control. I always thought that the open relationship lifestyle (if you want to call it that) was more natural and more honest than the sort of till-death-do-us-part mentality I had. I haven’t meet many people who are living this way, what can you tell me about it? How do you handle being married and seeing other people? Why be married at all?

My answer to him was:

You might want to do some reading research on the differences between polyamorous relationships and open relationships.

You can still have that “til-death-do-us-part” mentality and to a big degree my husband and I do. What we DID remove from our vows though was “forsaking all others” (it was a tiny ceremony and I re-wrote the traditional wedding vows in a way that subtly reflected our lifestyle and lack of religion whilst being showy and emotional enough that the parents never noticed what was missing). Many people DO want what’s called a “primary partner”. Someone to share your home and potential children with (if children is something you might want), a rock to always have around……but with the ability to explore other relationships. People in the non-monogamy camp firmly believe that no one person can be one other person’s “everything”. After all, your platonic friends to a degree provide something that your primary partner might not, so why not a lover?

It’s not easy. Unless you are mostly devoid of jealousy and have perfected (or are trying really, really hard to perfect) the ability to maintain compersion for your other partners’ joy in their other loves, as well as all parties having the self-control not to completely drown in their “new relationship energy” at the expense of their primary relationship. 99% of people are not that perfect. So that’s why I say it’s not easy. It has perks and benefits, yes.

Why be married at all? As I said before, just because I want to have the ability to lust and love others doesn’t mean I don’t still want a primary partner to lean on and raise a home with. As for the institution of marriage itself – it’s more the legal and common necessity than anything else. At one point yes, the romantic side of us wanted to be married for the sake of marriage, to wear the rings and say “husband” and “wife” but this was when we were younger. Currently I personally don’t feel the need for legal marriage to fortify our relationship, I don’t worry that if we weren’t married we’d be any less committed to each other. My husband and I have been serious since 1998, but only got married a couple years ago (we had been waiting until we were able to afford a decent wedding, the wedding I’d planned and dreamed about, not to mention a proper length honeymoon) solely because he really needed to be put on my health insurance as I was the one working and had really good insurance. So it was a tiny ceremony with just our parents and felt more like a “green card wedding” than what I’d always dreamed of. But, oh well. Beyond the health insurance issue is all other sorts of legal benefits, very adult and boring matters such as taxes and wills and etc.

Wrapping up the Gender Celebration Carnival

 Blogging, Thoughts & Opinions  Comments Off on Wrapping up the Gender Celebration Carnival
Jul 232011

I’m thrilled at the comments I received on my contribution to this Carnival, all about what terms and labels are correct and how to be as “neutral” as possible in order to not offend someone. Odds are, you’ll still eventually offend one or two, but isn’t that just life? You can’t please everybody all the time.  See Ellie‘s wrap up post below and I hope that more will join in the next one.  The more we talk about it, the less “strange” it’ll eventually become to more and more people.

The first Gender Celebration Carnival is complete but the conversations begun are still carrying on. Some amazing writers participated in this first event and I hope that more will jump in next time. In case you missed any of the posts, here is a complete list of the authors and their posts over the past two weeks. Go check them out and add to the conversations that have begun. If you want to participate in the next Carnival, stay tuned as I will be posting about it shortly.

Neamhspleachas – What Makes Gender

Dangerous Lilly – Labels – Being Politically Correct and Queerly Correct

Eusi Mto – Gender Anarchy and Gender Equality

Curvaceous Dee – What Makes Me A Woman

Sexpert Jane Blow – Are My Nipples Getting the Correct Signals

Sinclair Sexsmith – Living Gender

Ellie Lumpesse – My Take On Masculinity