National Coming Out Day

Today (tomorrow as I write this in the throes of more sleeplessness on Sunday, actually) is National Coming Out Day. A day where some really brave and true individuals all over the country are telling coworkers or friends or classmates or family that the sexual orientation and/or gender that they present physically is, in fact, not the truth as they know it. Not an easy thing to do all the time.

National Coming Out Day is an internationally observed civil awareness day for coming out and discussion about gay, lesbian, bisexual, asexual and transgender (LGBT) issues. It is observed by members of the LGBT communities and their supporters (often referred to as “allies“) on October 11 every year[1], or October 12 in the United Kingdom[2].

Coming out of the closet, or coming out, is a figure of speech for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) people’s disclosure of their sexual orientation and/or gender identity.

When I thought about this day over the weekend, I knew that I still feel I’m in a position that I can’t “come out” to friends and family. In order to honor what National Coming Out Day is actually FOR, the only thing I could “come out” about is that I am bisexual. Telling people about my blog doesn’t count; trying to claim that my full-face photo in the Calendar counts would just be taking advantage of timing. Trying to claim that the fact that I am showing (albeit selectively) that photo on Twitter this weekend would be taking that term and turning it for my needs.

And so my truth is…..I’m doing nothing today. Nothing except supporting anybody else who might be taking it to heart and coming out to someone in their lives. The people in my life who do not know my sexual orientation are going to be kept in the dark. If they are friends, they are not “good friends” and they are also coworkers. By not “good friends” I mean that I don’t hang out with them much and I don’t divulge secrets. The remaining group of people is my family. My mom, my cousins varied and sundry. My mom seems to be just fine with the fact that her cousin, someone she’s close to, is gay and I don’t think she’d have a problem with that in an of itself. What she WOULD have a problem with is that my sexuality involves 2 genders, and I’m married to one of them. My mother would not understand or support anything but a monogamous relationship. Neither would my cousins. They are all very religious, very “Christian” and while I don’t think they would disown me….I just don’t think it is any of their business, really.

Is that allowed anymore? To say it’s not their business and I don’t want them to know?

I certainly don’t want to tell them about my blog – it contains too much private sexual information mixed in with the sex-positive educational stuff. In some ways I wish I could tell them. I’m proud of some of the things I’ve done, not just on this blog but for the community. This could lead me to doing things with other websites that are not sex-based; doing things as a full time job. How would I explain my knowledge, my experience to them? Ah well.

Anyways. Today isn’t about me as a blogger coming out. It’s not about my photo in the calendar and how it’s nothing you’ll ever see on this site, how I’ll never be able to show my face on this site. I could be wrong, but I feel like making this day about anything OTHER than sexuality and gender is trying to just twist something into suiting your needs. I feel like it’s an insult to all people, LGBTQ, that have indeed come out.

Disagree with me? Tell me why.

The following are some of the posts I’ve found today that ARE in line with what today is actually for.


NCOD: My Story

But….I thought… – On National Coming Out Day

Panda Dementia’s NCOD Story

The WRONG Message

Nadia West’s NCOD

(I’ll link to more as I find them)

9 Responses

  1. CLP says:

    Wholeheartedly agree. But I definitely don’t see you as doing ‘nothing’–your acknowledgement, support, and promotion of what the day means is the best involvement anyone could offer. That’s all that any of us could do, I suppose, regardless whether we are coming out, have already, or are watching and waving flags in support.

  2. Tragic says:

    Thank you for referencing my NCOD post, I am honoured. I agree with what CLP says, you’ve done an awful lot for the cause just by your honesty and intentions with this post and you’ve done even more overall for the entire sex positive community. Your participation matters, people do hear your voice. You matter.

  3. Surreal227 says:

    I’m in a similar position, so I sort of know where you’re coming from. There are some people that I simply cannot tell. Girls that are so close to me they are more like sisters, and I would never want that to change. My mother is a very strict Baptist and we’ve had our battles about many things, and I just don’t think she deserves to know about my sexual orientation. She knows I’m getting married, and she’s met my future husband (he knows and fully supports me), that is where it ends.

    It doesn’t make us any less for not coming out to them… like you said, it’s just none of their business.

  4. Sarahbear says:

    You’re doing exactly what you should be doing today, which is supporting those who are coming out as LGBT with this post since you aren’t coming out yourself. I agree with you 110% on this post. Thanks for sticking to what you believe.

  5. Ashly Star says:

    Excellent post. I agree with you.

    I was supportive of friends I have that came out. I have two that told their friends that didn’t know and their families yesterday that they’re gay. I came out a couple years ago and I didn’t want to post anything about the day really. I didn’t want to come out in any other way because to me, it’s about coming out about not being heterosexual. Not coming out as kinky, poly or anything else. I wouldn’t want to take away from the meaning of the day by making it about me some how. I don’t know if I’m articulating that correctly but I hope I am, lol.

  6. Scoffing says:

    I like the links to the pictures of yourself. You know the things you said you would plug if you were trying to self promote. Not shameless promotion at all, you simply have nothing to promote. Best of luck. Although it seems you will need a lot more than that. Dangerous Lilly? How about …..IamoverweightandselfconscioussoIwillusemytitsineverypicture Lilly.

    Hahaahahahahahahhaa. Pitiful.

    ~ *waves* Hi there, Ms St. Louis Missouri! Oh gee, I wonder who this is?!? Hmmmmm. Nice try with the fake address and all, but your city still shows up with the IP address. You really are the queen of fake comments, aren’t ya…..

  7. Scoffing says:

    Oh really?!?!? You can see my ip address, damnit. (of course you can idiot, it is your website) I am in STL. You did have a couple things wrong though: I am not a woman nor a queen and this is not a fake comment.

    As a man, I find it amusing that there are so many sex bloggers that use pictures of their tits or cropped ass pics because the rest of them is unsuitable for public consumption, or private consumption for that matter.

    Just my opinion though, it shouldn’t bother you as I am sure you are a confident woman.

    ~ If I pretend like it hurt, would that make you feel better? I will do my best here to act insulted. Oops, sorry, I can’t.

  8. Scoffing says:

    Cool. Happy Tweeting. ;)

  9. J(boi) says:

    I’ve read your blog for a long time now. I wanted to step from the shadows now and thank you for the things you share, and the things you support. :) It was a big step to show your face for the calendar and it wasn’t done for publicity for you it was done to support a good foundation. I hope to catch you on the Yahoo pingbox soon.

    ~ Thanks! So glad when readers finally comment – I love hearing from everyone, shyness not needed, lol. The problem with Yahoo is that I keep forgetting to log in! I’ll make an effort to log in tomorrow though ;) And yes, the calendar thing was nervewracking but worth it in the end I think.