Aug 202014
 

Secret Vibe Remote Control Vibrator by Marc Dorcel has a great remote! Remote face lights up and shows you which setting you're on, and a visual representation of what that setting feels like. “Are there any decent remote control vibrators?” is probably one of the top five questions I get asked. Since I first wrote about this in 2011, a bunch of new contenders have come on to the market. Most I discount immediately, because the first requirement of a decent remote control vibrator can be figured out just from seeing photos online and reading the description – many of the remote controlled vibrators offer only a tiny remote with a button or two and nothing to give you feedback. The Secret Vibe Remote Control Vibrator nails the first requirement. It’s why I considered reviewing it. But to have success, and not frustration, when using a remote control vibrator in public all three of these requirements must be met: 

1. The remote needs to tell the person controlling the vibrator what the person wearing the vibrator is feeling, while being discreet enough that the user feels comfortable handling it in public.

2. The vibrator needs to be powerful enough to be felt, quiet enough for public play use, and designed well enough to be worn comfortably.

3. The wireless connection needs to work through a layer of clothing, through flesh, and from across a room. Bonus points for working through a wall.

The third requirement is decent, not bad, for the Secret Vibe. Holding the vibe in my hand, the connection went across two rooms and through a wall. Inserted, or in panties (both while wearing pants) however it only worked from at most 20 feet away. Which is….tolerable. It’s better than some I’ve dealt with.

So all that’s left is the third requirement, the vibrator. And this is where Marc Dorcel’s Secret Vibe Remote Control Vibrator fails so, so hard. Surface-buzzy vibrations that are on par with the weakest I’ve ever felt. Judging by the sheer size of the vibrator, I’m going to assume it’s meant for insertion. I don’t personally get that; I don’t ever get off from just internal vibrations, nor do they even really do anything to arouse me. If you thought my clitoris was made of steel, apparently my vagina is even worse. As I clicked through the 10 settings (7 patterns, 3 apparent levels of intensity) I couldn’t discern a difference between the settings and the “vibration” was not pleasurable or arousing to me1. Used externally, I could feel differences in the vibration intensity but the vibrations are such crap that I actually preferred a few of the pattern settings because it was the only way I could feel anything pleasurable.  Ok so maybe it’s a great size I guess for internal stimulation, but what if that’s not what you want? What if the feeling of one tiny caged bee whispering at your g-spot doesn’t do it for you?

Under the best of circumstances (no pressure, very aroused, watching my preferred type of “porn”, etc) I’ve been able to orgasm from the lowest setting on the We-Vibe Tango, so it’s really less about sheer power than it is about the type of vibrations. The extremely buzzy vibrations of the Secret Vibe feel almost ticklish/itchy when used externally unless I’m sitting and therefore there’s decent pressure being applied. But there is no way in hell that I’d be able to orgasm from this vibrator. Maybe someone who is much, much more sensitive than I am would be able to. Maybe that’s not the point for many people. If you’re really into tease & denial, then hey this could be perfect. Because it’s fairly unlikely to bring someone to orgasm, especially when inserted.

On the “strongest” setting, it’s a bit noisy if you’re using it externally and you don’t have fuller outer labia like I do to muffle the sound. Not ideal in this case for super-quiet settings without ambient noise.  The vibe itself uses two AAA batteries. I tried to use a better quality battery than they included and it really didn’t improve matters. Oddly, there is space for 3 AAA batteries, so I don’t understand why they’re not utilizing that, unless the motor is just so wimpy, more power behind it wouldn’t matter. The remote uses a little 12V job which isn’t hard to find. The batteries also lasted while, and the remote shows battery level of the remote itself. I wish it showed the battery level of the vibrator.

Secret Vibe Remote Control Vibrator by Marc Dorcel has room for 3 AAA batteries, but only uses two The Secret Vibe Remote Control Vibrator by Marc Dorcel is larger than I expected. To show a size comparison, first there is the Doc Johnson Black Magic Bullet vibe, the We-Vibe Salsa, the Secret Vibe and then the Lelo Luna Beads Classic The Secret Vibe Remote Control Vibrator by Marc Dorcel is larger than I expected. To show a size comparison, first there is the Doc Johnson Black Magic Bullet vibe, the We-Vibe Salsa, the Secret Vibe and then the Lelo Luna Beads Classic

All in all, if only the vibrator weren’t so weak, I could fully recommend this. But it’s just so damn paltry.  Maybe if this thing cost less than $30, I’d feel a little more okay recommending it for external use if you can tolerate it. But a retail price of $70? Nope. Sadly I’ve also got to assume that the Genius Secret Vibe, the anal-safe version, is going to be identical save for the anal-safe sleeve. I can’t recommend either vibrator. There are some other flaws, too. The bullet, when screwed together with batteries inserted, is very finicky. I’ve had a lot of trouble getting it started. It can’t be screwed too loose or too tight, there’s some bizarre Goldilocks setting that will take much fiddling around to locate. I wanted to like this, I had hoped I would like this. So, what now? The answer is simple: Gear up and head out. The quest to find a great remote control vibrator is still on. I’m not giving up.

How do YOU use remote control vibrators? Externally or internally? Do you want to be teased, with no hope of orgasm? Have you ever found a remote control vibrator that passes all three requirements?

 

Thanks to SheVibe for providing me with the Secret Vibe Remote Control Vibrator in exchange for my very honest review!

 

If my reviews and guides have been helpful to you, please consider supporting my work on Patreon. Thank you!

  1. I even went out and purchased a brand new set of the most powerful-looking AAA batteries on the market, hoping that, as an on-site reviewer noted, the included batteries were crap. No dice.
Aug 122014
 
"TPR Silicone" is a Myth

“TPR-Silicone”? Silicone blends? NOPE. Not possible. For quite some time, we used to believe that there was some bizarre “10% rule” where a manufacturer only had to create a sex toy that contained 10% silicone in order to actually call it silicone for marketing. When I learned that there are no regulations, I learned that the “rule” was a myth and companies could be lying about the material. They could use any material, and claim it to be any material. There is nothing stopping them from out and out lying. And then the lies get spread further because the retailers usually have no option but to parrot the information given to them by the manufacturer. When I first started reviewing in 2008, we (the consumers) thought that silicone blends and “TPR Silicone” was a thing. The manufacturers called it that, the retailers (of course) called it that. In fact, many retailers still do! A google

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Aug 062014
 
PalmPower Wand Massager Review

After reading a number of glowing reviews, some even saying that the PalmPower is their new favorite vibrator, I broke down and tried it. I’m not really a fan anymore of being tied down by a cord, so I had ignored this thing for awhile. PalmPower Wand Massager is made by BMS Factory, makers of that “PowerBullet” you keep seeing in Jopen, Leaf, and other vibes. I had been interested in trying out this design for some time now, back when CalEx was making it. Yes, from everything I can see, the PalmPower is the same thing as the CalExotics Couture Inspire just in a better color scheme, thankfully1 – according to BMS a few years ago, the only thing as powerful as the Vanity VR6. Since I loved the VR6 (internal arm only, though) I assumed the PalmPower / Couture Inspire would have the same deep, rumbling vibrations. I was mislead. Yeah, PalmPower Wand

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Aug 012014
 
Free Shipping at Tantus? YES!

The 1st of the month is always a busy blog day for me as I update new sales, especially the new monthly Tantus sales. Lately they’ve been knocking it out of the park with the best sales I’ve ever seen buying direct from a manufacturer – but then, that’s just one of the reasons why I love Tantus so much. EDIT: FREE SHIPPING OFFER CHANGE: I’d previously reported that everybody could get free shipping just by spending $100. Today, 8/8/14, that has been amended. Free shipping in the U.S is available at the spend-$100 mark, but free International Shipping isn’t available until you spend $200. Although, for Tantus fans, it’s not hard to spend that much. And if you’re a fan of Tantus, I’m sure you already have a wishlist. Some of my favorites include anything O2 but especially the Cush and Flurry; the Black Widow harness; their handled dildos like the Anaconda; their unique

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Aug 012014
 
Quickie Review: Sportsheets Sedeux Flare Dildo

I wanted to review the Sportsheets Sedeux Flare Dildo for two reasons: 1. It’s affordable 2. It’s not fleshtone, pink or purple. Lofty goals, right? Also, it’s really the opposite of many dildos I’ve reviewed in the past – it’s simple and small. I can’t, and shouldn’t, always review only the things that my vagina loves (if I did that, I would have just stopped at the Pure Wand years ago) but the problem with trying to give a review that’s equal parts objective and subjective on a dildo that is a size I would never love…..well, it’s damn difficult. So I’ve been dragging my feet on writing this, because I don’t hate it and yet I don’t personally love it. But I WILL recommend the hell out of it for the many people who want a smaller dildo. This would be awesome for pegging, and great for vaginal penetration for those who don’t like

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Jul 272014
 

Maybe you’ve noticed, maybe you haven’t, but I haven’t been as active on social media much in the last few weeks. I’ve slowed down a little on the blog posts. The answer is quite simple: I had to get a civilian job. I didn’t want to, but I’m just not making enough from all of this right now. Luckily, I managed to snag a part-time job where I’m alone basically babysitting an office and the office isn’t very busy. In my two weeks so far, many days I had no customers coming in. So, once I get myself all set up (now that I’m past the training, and am finally left on my own) I should be able to do bloggy stuff while at work. After all, that’s how I started 6 years ago! 6 years ago I was working full-time in a boring government job, and I had plenty of downtime at work to

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