Apr 182014
 
A trio of wood sex toysWOOD SEX TOYS?!? But won’t I get SPLINTERS?!?

When I encounter a wood sex toy newbie, the “splinters” bit is bound to come up right away. Either in an attempt at a joke or said in seriousness, I will admit it makes me roll my eyes a bit. Do you get splinters from the wood furniture you sit on? From the wood salad bowl you use? From the wood bedpost you hump? I’ve yet to run across a wood sex toys crafter on Etsy that didn’t make use of excessive sanding and a finish, because they’re all woodworkers. It wouldn’t make very much sense to just hand over an unfinished wood carving. Right?

Why Wood?

Made from a sustainable material, well-made and cared-for wooden dildos can last a lifetime. Wood is beautiful, it makes every dildo unique, and often can be made solely from scrap wood. Hans Hardwoods, the first little company I heard about years ago, uses only salvaged scrap wood.  Depending on the type of wood used, your piece can be  featherweight, lightweight or have a bit of heft to it for its size, but it certainly won’t be as heavy as glass and definitely nothing like steel. Depending on the type of finish used, the wood dildo can glide as slickly as a glass or metal toy with only a small amount of lube.  When a high-quality finish is used, the grain of the wood stands out in a nearly-3D effect; it’s similar to how beautiful rocks and shells look when you pick them up on the beach, but they look dull and boring once they dry out at home.

Wood can also lend itself to some truly unique designs. I’ve never seen anything in the industry like the Nobessence Fling. Too often I’ve seen a small wooden dildo maker that has promise but only makes subtle designs that don’t excite me, or simply look too much like the leg of my kitchen table. With the creativity wood allows, why would you even bother with designs that look like an oversized tampon?  Looking through the massive listing of the wooden dildos that Hans Hardwoods has sold will really show you what can be done. Unlike Hans Hardwoods, whose designs are more organic and varied, Nobessence sticks to recreating tested design shapes that people love. I’ve not met many people who dislike the Seduction once they try it, and anal plug fans adore the Romp.  There is a benefit to the Nobessence way of life: the design has already been tested, refined, and so on. With the Hardwood Dildos, it’s more about what would seem to be a great shape, and no testing–some are going to work out great, some not so well. This also happens when you create your own.

How to Choose a Quality Wood Dildo

Most wood dildo makers keep it safe and simple; they never stain the wood. With all the various types of wood out there, combined with the beauty of what happens during the varnish coating process, who needs stains?? If you find one that is, I would stay clear of it. I would also keep away from dildos that boast a “natural finish” (see next section for the reason). Most wood sex toy makers put their design through many sessions of sanding, to smooth out any naturally-occurring rough spots and sharp edges.

The biggest sign of safety, though, is the coating used. Hardwoods uses something called “Salad bowl finish” which is food safe grade, but not an oil. Nobessence uses “Lubrosity”, which from the sounds of it, is the most superior wooden dildo coating being used currently. Both of the Hardwoods dildos I’ve own have been a more silky matte finish, and not quite as slick. The Nobessence coating clearly brings out the depth and beauty of the wood grain better. My older Seduction is a semi-matte satin finish, while my Fling is much more shiny and glossy. Both are smooth and beautiful.

Here’s what Alicia from Nobessence had to say about their process:

When wood, even ‘treated’ wood, comes into contact with moisture it will absorb some of it.  The results of that moisture can be a raised bumpy grain, warping and yes, splinters.  And add to that the harboring of bacteria, you can see why it was very important to us when we started selling our sculptures, that the coating be something more than ‘food safe wax or oil’.  Those products are great for salad bowls and chopping boards, but not for sex toys.  Even the non-toxic coatings used on children’s toys were rejected.  I don’t know of any children’s toys that are worn in the body, like a butt plug – well, at least that’s not the plan for them.  We have designed our Sculptures for use – they are in contact with moisture and delicate body tissue for extended periods of time.  So we worked for a long time to develop the process we call our ‘Lubrosity Coating’.  It involves a medical grade polymer – used on medical devices.  It’s formulated to be bacteria resistant, moisture resistant, hypoallergenic.  It meets our high standards.

We’ve been using our coating since 2007 and in that time we’ve been asked to re-coat only two of our own Sculptures.  Both of those had been damaged by the owners using abrasive body scrub type soaps on them.  In that same time, we’ve been asked to refinish and coat numerous other wooden dildos carved by other people.  We’re more than happy to do that.  There are some beautiful pieces out there and it’s a shame for people to spend a lot of money on a unique hand crafted item only to find it rough and bumpy after a couple of uses.

Something you’ll want to avoid is when the manufacturer boasts a “natural finish”. Thus far, I’ve only seen this on the smaller Etsy-based crafters. It seems that they’re mostly wood artists who make other household items, and simply finish them the same way. They think that a natural finish is safer than chemical-laden varnish, no doubt. But it won’t take long for that natural finish to wear off, leaving the wood susceptible to retaining moisture which will cause it to swell and splinter, and be porous. And, when it comes to using carnauba wax, olive oil, mineral oil, beeswax, etc., there is a greater chance for someone to have a skin reaction due to allergies and sensitivities. Between the use, the washing, and the lube I just can’t see these finishes standing the test of time.

What about if the finish is not natural, but isn’t medical grade like Nobessence’s Lubrosity? Well, we don’t know.  The non-toxic food-safe status is for the assumption that it’s being used to coat a children’s toy, a table, a utensil, etc. Most of those aren’t going to be tested for safety as a sex toy sealant. If you’re looking at a butt plug, I’d avoid it. An occasional-use dildo, I would be more tolerant, but make sure you completely inspect that dildo tip to tail before every use to make sure the finish is still perfect and intact.

As you can see from the photos below, the natural grain of wood isn’t perfect. You can see the little imperfections and pits in the wood, but when I run my hands over the dildo I don’t feel anything rough. This is because the wood has been sanded many times and there are many coats of finish on it. On the Nobessence Seduction, I don’t feel anything at all. On the Nobessence Fling I can barely detect those imperfections with my fingers; they are smoothed down and it’s not something I can feel during use. My Fling and Seduction are both the same type of wood; I imagine that on a different type of wood, you might have more or less of these little natural imperfections.

WoodDildoCloseup1 WoodDildoCloseup2

Wood Dildo Makers on Etsy

It seems that many wood carving crafters are sticking with Etsy at first to host and take care of payments. As with anything on Etsy, you can find some really great stuff or you can find items that should never be taken seriously. A few other reviewers have a wood dildo from Silvarus company, but I’m not seeing any reviews of any other Etsy-based wood sex toy makers. I continued to poke around the wood dildos on Etsy, and found some that concerned me. A number of them are using a “natural finish” and some don’t even say outright what that finish is, exactly.  I found this one company called LadyWood who is doing the pyrography that Silvarus also does, but hers are combined with color. At first, these look beautiful, but a closer glance makes me worry. I’m not sure what they are colored with, I assume wood stain; she doesn’t really say what the coating is exactly, but her description of it makes me unsure. Here’s one person who simply finishes it with “good old mineral oil”. Um, no. I don’t think that many of these crafters are really researching the coating to be absolutely certain of the safety, and longevity, of it.

If you find a design on Etsy that appeals to you, I strongly urge you to ask them about the finish they use. If they are using a natural finish, question the longevity and ability to make and keep the dildo non-porous and waterproof. I decided to ask Rickard of Silvarus what he uses, since as of this writing it wasn’t stated on the description, and he replied: “I use water based polyurethane made for applications such as kitchen areas and childrens toys. It’s diluted even further with water and applied in at least 10 coats to totally seal the surface and make it waterproof, virtually maintenance free and glass smooth.” “The surface is absolutely safe and I feel no hesitation using it, BUT there will always be someone oversensitive to ANY surface treatment used. I am 99.5% safe and secure in what I use, but because the 0.5% I have to be honest with my clients and say there is no 100% safe surface, and I doubt there ever will be.” I would argue with the last comment, because I truly believe that the coating Nobessence uses is the safest on the market and given the properties could boast a 100% safety rating.

When the Finish Goes Bad

On my original Hans Hardwood dildo,  I now have cracks and crazing in the finish. This isn’t normal, and if you ever see this after years of use, days or use or even when you first get it, you should contact the company immediately and not continue to use it. At this point the seal is compromised and the quite probably the dildo is no longer considered to be non-porous and waterproof. Another reviewer received a new dildo with a poor finish job, also shown below. After a couple uses, the finish developed some opaque spots that (to me) signifies moisture retention in the wood. The company agreed that it wasn’t normal, and sent her a new one with a much more acceptable finish on it, but it’s hard to say which version could be considered normal production quality for the company. The review on it is up, and it looks like the problems might be continuing.

ETA: K continued to use her replacement Dee Lee Do dildo, and saw damage to the finish again. She then did the water test described below, and well….the results? Very very bad. Only submerged for a minute, the dildo is now ruined and it’s a good thing, too–the finish would have continued to slowly deteriorate and flake off inside her. For now, I’d say that I don’t trust Dee Lee Do’s finish, and I’d also say that if you have any doubts about the finish on your wood sex toy, do the water test. The updated photo from K is the last one below.

WoodDildoCrackedFinish K circled the opaque spots in the finish K circled the opaque spots in the finish on her Dee Lee Do dildo Bl1Yp5RIEAAQO_L

Care and Cleaning

A wood sex toy shouldn’t be tossed around, unprotected in a drawer or overnight bag. I made that mistake years ago. I would absolutely recommend that you store your wood dildo in a pouch that is made from a slightly padded or thicker material (something made of satin, for example, wouldn’t provide enough protection in my opinion). Anything abrasive can ruin the finish. Scrubby cleansers or rough cloths shouldn’t be used. If you decide to take the risk and buy a naturally finished dildo, you should avoid using a lot of soap and you might consider re-doing the coating (especially if its oil) yourself every half a dozen uses to ensure that it remains waterproof and as non-porous as it can be. A Nobessence toy ONLY can be cleaned more thoroughly for use between partners by wiping down with anti-bacterial/microbial cleaner (alcohol, bleach, peroxide, etc.). I have seen other manufacturers/crafters caution against using anything that harsh, because the finish they are using cannot tolerate it–this means the wood sex toys from other crafters cannot be truly sanitized.

If you suspect that there’s a problem with the finish, Nobessence gives a great way to test that: “The integrity of your finish may be tested by immersing in water for a few seconds and removing to inspect. If the area in question darkens in response to water AND when wiped remains damp when the surrounding area is dry, then your toy should be retired or replaced.”

Can a wood sex toy break? Sort of. According to Nobessence: “Please protect your investment from impact with other solid surfaces (hard floors, sinks, etc.) as this may decrease the aesthetic qualities of the finish and ultimately damage the woods’ internal cell structure – weakening it and making it more prone to damage. In the event that your toy impacts another solid surface, gently but firmly test the integrity of your toy before the next use.”

If you have any other concerns, questions, whatever please ask below!

 Posted by at 12:39 pm
Apr 162014
 
Regretsy for Sex Toys: Clay and Wax Dildos

Subtitled: How to make a sex toy activist have a heart attackORStupid Human Tricks: Sex Toy EditionALSODon’t try this at home In research for my post about wood sex toys, I’ve been spending time on Etsy. There are some whackadoodles and many legit crafters on Etsy, and this of course applies to sex toys. Today, Naughty Reenie pointed me to a whackadoodle of the highest order. I’ll link to the shop at the end of the post, but I honestly don’t want to give this guy too much traffic. I’ve screencapped his wares for you, in case he does finally wise up.  You have to see this. It’s sort of like when something smells really bad, you know? We have this bizarre need to share it with someone else: “ewww man this smells funky! Here, smell this.” I shared my horror over this on Twitter but now I shall share this with the world 1.

[Click here to read more...]
 Posted by at 2:17 pm
Apr 122014
 
Quickie Review: Tantus Anaconda

Despite the fact that more than two years ago I offered up one in a giveaway, and despite the fact that it’s on my “best” list I never managed to do a proper review on the Tantus Anaconda dildo. Because it’s a dildo and doesn’t “do” much, it gets a Quickie Review. What makes the Tantus Anaconda so special? The handle. Often, we use the harness base or the balls (if the dildo has either of these) as a handle, but with the Anaconda (and the Echo Handle, and the Goddess Handle) you have 4″ of nothing but HANDLE! I don’t have tiny hands, so the length of the handle is perfect for met. There’s 3 subtle ridges, too, to be extra sure you’ve got a good grip plus the handle has a textured finish to also aid in grip. Finally, to be sure it’s anal-safe, the handle flares out to a bit of a

[Click here to read more...]
Apr 102014
 
We-Vibe 4 Review

I’ve been reviewing the We-Vibe ever since it first came out, so it’s been interesting to watch the changes they’ve made over the years. The first We-Vibe was simple–no remote, no patterns–but lacking in vibration strength. We-Vibe 21 added in a bunch of patterns. We-Vibe 3 added in a remote and a bit of a power increase, along with an easier method of charging–the induction base–which also made it waterproof. So far though, We-Vibes 1 through 3 all looked about the same. Finally We-Vibe 4 is out and the changes are significant2. I admit that the We-Vibe has historically never had enough power for me, although I’ve read plenty of reviews from satisfied people. I’ve been hoping that one of these versions, the changes will be significant enough for me to finally love it as much as I want to.  New Silicone–Finally! Previously, We-Vibe had used the shiny silicone that attracts dust/fur/lint like a magnet.

[Click here to read more...]
Apr 032014
 
Throwback Thursday: The Magic Wand

The Hitachi Magic Wand was one of the first really powerful sex toys I reviewed. Except that it’s not REALLY a sex toy, it’s a back massager. That’s what Hitachi thought, until they caved and let Vibratex distribute it instead but with a rebranding of removing the “Hitachi” because they were so ashamed of its fame.  I loved the Magic Wand for awhile. It was cumbersome and clunky, but sometimes I really needed that power boost in order to orgasm.   Nearly 6 Years Later Update… The more vibrators I try, the more I learn. I learned that although the Magic Wand is certainly powerful, it’s not the *right kind* of powerful for me. I’ve found that what I need is vibration that travels deep and vibration that is rumbly, instead of buzzy. The Magic Wand is pretty buzzy, but you don’t really notice that because of the sheer power. However when you compare it to

[Click here to read more...]
Apr 022014
 
Lill'Bits - Vol. 1 Issue 1

Lill’Bits – The Dangerous Lilly Quarterly Review1 Reviews So if you’re new here, or have just been busy, let me fill you in on what I’ve been up to for these last three months.  I started off the year reviewing a few items from the new Lovelife line, Cuddle and Smile. I was happy to find that the one thing I hated about the original Je Joue Mimi (the buttons) has been fixed, and I loved the new Je Joue Mimi Soft.  Then I reviewed the Fun Factory Amorino, that weird one with the rubberband.  I didn’t have too many words to say about it, but I felt the need to review the Lelo Mia 2 finally.  I got my paws on one of Tantus’ NEW super-fancy-awesome harnesses, and holy pete it’s gorgeous. The Black Widow harness is superhero-worthy. And finally…..I re-reviewed my Holy Grail of clitoral vibrators, the “new & improved” We-Vibe Tango. I

[Click here to read more...]
 Posted by at 7:48 pm