A Fairytale for Sex Toy Reviewers

There once was a girl who owned too many sex toys that recharged. Our fair lass lived in a cottage that was entirely too small for her and all her sex toys. This development, combined with an ADD-stereotyped heroine, led to confusion of mass proportions.

Let’s wrap this up, dear reader. I don’t have the time for a Brothers Grimm-length tale. The moral, as there are morals to all fairy tales, is to be better organized than yours truly. Find ways of marking the chargers so that you know what it goes to.

Last night I had a manic evening. The night before my body had demanded sleep and so I went to bed so early and got so much sleep that by 6pm I was jiggly. Antsy. Couldn’t even sit still long enough for a favorite TV show. Finally, I started to clean. Throw things out. Which led to a tangle of cables on the floor and THAT led to me reorganizing my sex toys at 11pm. With a lack of masking tape, colored tape or even a silver Sharpie I strode out to the kitchen and raided the cabinet of Ziplock bags. Husband queried my sanity of doing this “at this hour”. Let’s take a look at my Twitter updates to give you the best view of the show, shall we?

• Just found a wall charger & was wondering which toy it might go to. Then I noticed “Nokia” stamped on the plug part. Guess its not for a toy
• I need a Sex Toy Reviewer’s Guide to Chargers. with photos. *looks at huge pile of unknown chargers*
• Hrm. I’m a bit worried here. I’m pretty sure that I have two Lelo chargers and only have one Lelo toy still in my possession…..
• Well thankfully EF shows photos of the toys with the chargers. Now I know which charger is for my Climax Twist. Finally can use it again!!
• Just went through a buttload of ziploc bags to both pair up chargers & toys and sep silicones.
• And its official, I have two Lelo chargers, one Lelo toy. Shit! Someone I swapped w has a non-lelo (but working) charger.¹
• Enough rechargeable vibrators, jesus. I think my next project should be acquiring the newer gen of plug-in “massager” styles.
• Except for the “Fairy Baby Wand“. It’s just too fuckin tiny to be taken seriously as anything but a keychain novelty, in my eyes.
• Sure sign my ADD is fully in charge:I’m wide awake-I cleaned-I threw shit out-I organized my sex toys whilst rabidly playing ZumaBlitz
• And achieved a new high score of over 900,000.

So now I’ve got things organized. I have both my Vanity VR6 recharging and the VR2 charging. I found the rechargeable Wahl massager (thankfully the charger said “Wahl” on it) so I can get that review written. Oddly, I always felt that the charger for my Ideal should be white, since the toy itself it white and teal, but no….it’s black. Again, thankfully it has the brand name (Natural Contours) on it. For the same reason I kept thinking that the charger for the Climax Twist was black (and once I shoved in a black charger that fit AND made the charging light turn on but instead of charging, it drained it. wtf?). I have both the regular Acuvibe and the mini Acuvibe but I only found one charger (they have the same oddly-shaped port, thankfully) which I assume is for the regular Acuvibe since the plug portion is so damn huge. Hopefully I can use it on the mini one and it doesn’t blow it up.

Last year or so I wrote up an epic compare-and-contrast 2 part review on massager-style vibrators: the kind that plug in, and the kind that recharge. A lot of new massagers have come out since then so I think I’d like my next task to be a revisiting of the comparisons. Definitely add in a few of the Fairy ones, and the Mystic Wand.