Jan 292010

I’d say about once a week I am asked by my readers to recommend sex toys. Men, women, couples…..specific queries or newbie general “I just want a sex toy” questions, I get them all.

And you know what? I genuinely like doing it. Unless of course the asker gets too personal and creepy – I’m basically your sales associate….not your sex surrogate. Overall though most are nice and respectful requests. I don’t just rattle off a few typical suggestions, though. I gather the data about the person/couple using the items and I  go digging. I love doing this for people, because I like helping and sharing what I’ve learned, but it’s not a quick process so it’s really nice when they go buy the products I recommended via my affiliate links.

Today’s Ask Lilly segment is a recommendation list for a couple who have never used toys before. This particular couple is a cis man and cis woman.

The Details:

She: doesn’t orgasm clitorally very well from fingers or tongue and (much like I used to be) tends to have her hubby go for g-spot play during sex. Is probably curious about vibrators for both areas

He: is also looking for a toy to initiate himself with. What good is finding your prostate if you don’t have the right tools to make it happy?

They: are looking for items that can be used together, or for just her on her own. Willing to try a few things out in the first go and spend a little more for better products, but without buying only luxury items. They are trying to increase her pleasure level overall and get away from the frustration they both feel when she doesn’t orgasm.


G-Spot Recommendations:

  1.  Doc Johnson Tru Curve – This is from Doc’s line of dual-density silicone – firm core, squishy outer layer. The angled head will hit the g-spot but won’t be too firm.
  2.  Prism V – Amazing g-spot curve, firm pressure, phenomenal vibrations and a good price point. I LOVE the Prism V. 
  3.   Njoy Pure Wand  is my holy grail, and works for a lot of people.


Clitoral Recommendations:

It’s hard to tell if her preference for g-spot play and inability to have a clit orgasm is because she needs a level of clit stim that fingers and tongues can’t provide, or she’s so overly-sensitive that their attempts are sensory-overload for her. Either way, I’m going for the lower-pitched vibrators because they’re more universally liked. It’s also hard to know if someone prefers pinpoint or broad stimulation. This list will give a little something for everything, and stay right around or under $50.

  1.  Fun Factory Layaspot – This is in case she can’t handle the more powerful vibrations. It has the right pitch and many levels of vibration intensity. It can be intense enough, it’s gotten *me* off, but it’s a diffused sort of vibration, rather than the pinpoint that a bullet can be.
  2.  Doc Johnson Black Magic Bullet – I think that this bullet has the right mixture of being nice to look at, fairly well made, and powerful at the right vibration pitch level. 
  3.  Vibratex Mystic Wand – This provides rumbly power that isn’t as overwhelming or itchy as the Magic Wand, but works for those who like broad stimulation. Don’t bother with the rechargeable version, though.


Prostate Recommendations:

Prostate toys can be used solo or in couple play. Masturbation, blow jobs, even sex – having something in your butt pressing on your prostate will make your toes curl and your whole body sing.

  1. Jopen Lust L13 – Fairly powerful vibrations in the blobby-shaped design that seems to hug the prostate.
  2. The Mood Naughty set – This is an affordable introduction to the blobby-shaped prostate design; it doesn’t vibrate, and instead you need to really clench your butt PC muscles to get it to work, but that clenching happens naturally during sex.
  3. Tantus Prostate Play – This can vibrate, or not, it’s up to you. It’s a good size and a little bigger for more intermediate players.
Jan 272010

I plan to write more on this, for this blog, but for now this is just a quick meta-post. The post before this one detailed how I finally care enough about me, for myself, to want to look and feel better.

But my husband felt that some commenters might have missed that point. By saying that perhaps women who appear polished and well-dressed are really hiding flaws and fears might have some merit with some women, but it certainly isn’t a standard. I feel that many of those women appear that way because they *care about themselves* and how they look. The old adage of “look better to feel better” is really so much more true than some of us can realize. I feel sexier when I dress sexier. I feel more attractive when I put on my make-up and dress smartly. I feel it, so therefore I exude it, and therefore…I AM. For years, I did this all for the benefit of others above myself. But now, it’s for me above and beyond all else. It’s going to extend past wearing smarter clothes and into eating healthier and exercising more. I don’t know how, but I’m going to do it. He was more proud of me than I expected, upon reading that post. He was more moved than I expected, as well. I guess because you don’t see the changes in yourself as easily as the ones closest to you.

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I feel like you all are going to think we have a sploshy food fetish, but I swear we do not. We got messy with some food again the other day, but this time it was purely for the camera and I ran for the washcloth right after. Why for the camera? Well let’s just say inspiration struck when eating something, providing us with photos and a mental image for him that normally wouldn’t occur. You’ll see soon enough!

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Over there in the sidebar, up top,  I put a new textbox to alert you whenever I see a really good you-can’t-miss-this sale on a fabulous sex toy that I love. I’ve got alerts set for a number of toys but this first one is near and dear to my cunt heart – the Njoy Pure Wand. Right now Edenfantasys has a deal where you get a free $50 giftcard towards your next purchase, if you buy the Pure Wand (and buying the Pure Wand gets you free overnight shipping). If you buy sex toys even on a semi-regular basis, that’s kinda like getting the Pure Wand for nearly half off. In a roundabout $50-worth-of-free-sex-toys way. Which is awesome in my book :)


Jan 242010

This originally appeared over at Edencafe.com, but I’m re-posting it here in hopes of some helpful comments and giving my thoughts more exposure.

As a little kid I can remember being quite the tomboy. I disliked Barbie Dolls. I preferred my toy guns and make-believe horses to baby dolls and playing dress-up. I can remember being just as dirty as a boy, with just as poor hygiene habits. Shameful, but true. Eventually peer pressure and friends ahead of me in terms of femme influenced my behavior (in other words: Junior High).

I can remember painting my nails. I can remember that it never lasted long, I picked even back then. I can remember owning numerous skirts and dresses. In fact, I had one year in High School where I wore little other than skirts and dresses to school. Why? No clue. I think perhaps I had just truly discovered that boys were attracted to my looks (and by looks I now realize it was more like my C cup tits). And of course I used to wear pantyhose a lot with those skirts and dresses. I owned numerous pairs of cute dress shoes. Not high fashion, mind you….. keep in mind this was the 90’s and High School girls then did NOT look like High School girls now (and HS girls these days are better at hair, make-up and stylish clothes than me. Aren’t I supposed to be more wise??).

And then it all tapered off again.

Recently I thought very hard as to why;  what happened, what was the catalyst?

Ahh yes. I can almost pinpoint it now. I gained weight slowly after my dad died. So slowly at first that I almost didn’t notice. I bought cheap, crappy “temporary” clothes because I was in denial. But then they became tight as well. In short order, I got fat.

The fatter I became, the less choices I had for clothing. The worse I felt, the worse I looked. I can remember a time period when I barely wore makeup, hell some days I didn’t even wear a proper bra! I worked retail jobs so my work clothes were a genderless outfit. I wasn’t a big social butterfly, so my other clothes weren’t that great because they didn’t need to be. I had a fiance who loved me and wanted me just the way I was, so what did it matter? It only mattered when I was occasionally around a certain friend who always looked pretty no matter what, who was thin and wore better clothes. I felt “dumpy” no matter how hard I tried, when I did try. I reverted back to my tomboy childhood ways and stopped caring. I scoffed at the women who got manicures. What a waste of money! How silly! I could spend that $50 on a computer part and be WAY happier! Oh how I laugh at that, now.

The catalyst for the revival of femme within myself was that I met someone online; my monogamous relationship opened up. For a while there though my style was half-femme half-slut. If it was low cut and sexy while still being flattering and covering up my bad spots, then it was for me. In some ways that is still my fashion sense. Over the next few years I slowly, very slowly, crept back into my femme.

Last year, meeting my then-Dom created an even bigger catalyst. He didn’t try to change me, he just saw the potential in me and he knew me – he knew that I saw the office women around the city and felt incredibly inferior and ugly. There’s so many women surrounding me that are SO put together. They looked like they had been through a grand makeover and came out as a shining example of what happens when a skilled stylist has a good canvas to work with. Classy, feminine, always in heels that are still going to be out of my reach.

He encouraged me to go get that manicure that I laughed at years ago, and after a few weeks of attempting on my own to transform my nails from raggedy jaggy stubs to healthy canvasses I gave in. I think I must have stopped to look at them 50 times in the first few days. Then I became minorly obsessed with the littlest hang-nail or chip in my polish. I always had my nailcare kit in my bag. Recently I’ve slacked off a little but I’m ready to get back into it for ME. I don’t want to look longingly at other classy, feminine, pretty women and be jealous. I want to BE one.

I managed to find a pair of “heels” that are femme and cute and make me feel better than my dressy Sketchers. Kitten heels, but its progress. I’ll never wear the towering heels, because my body/feet just can’t do it. But I’ll keep on the lookout for more like these heels.

It’s been years since I would allow myself to leave the house without the basics in makeup, but I need someone experienced to teach me the finer points of being polished. I want to learn more eye make-up styles. And oh my hair…..my poor hair. I have the fine/thin unruly hair of a stylist’s nightmares. Either I am completely unskilled or my hair will just never have that polished feminine look. The 35 different hair products cluttering up my tiny bathroom are a testament though that I try.

I’m still fat. I’m still thoroughly discouraged by my clothes and the clothes that I can find in my size that are equally flattering, age-appropriate, and the right blend of sexy and classy. Perhaps if I had more money to spend on clothes, then I would dress myself the way I want. But for now, the only way that I see out is to lose a lot of weight. And man, that’s about as depressing as looking inside my own closet.

Maybe not. Maybe I just need a mentor. A Femme Guru. Send me to finishing school where I learn to walk in heels with a book balanced on my head.

Or just fuckin nominate me for “What Not to Wear”.

Ultimate Massager Pocket Rocket Review

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Jan 232010

I’m pretty fond of my clit vibrators and I harbor a special fondness for my old red pocket rocket. It was the first clit vibe that I bought and shockingly it ended up being the best as far as power and vibration frequency. Since it’s only a cheapie pocket rocket though (I bought it for less than $10), I know it’ll die so I’ve been trying to find a replacement. While that need isn’t as dire anymore thanks to my beloved bullet vibes, I’m still interested in finding inexpensive sex toys. I keep my eye trained on this category of vibes at Edenfantasys and picked this one out recently. It’s a little bit pricier than I personally think a pocket rocket vibe should be but there are more expensive ones out there. At least this one has functions and is more justified in being over $20. I see plenty of single-setting pocket rockets that are over $25 and for as simple as these things usually are….that’s unwarranted. If I was able to find a kick-ass simple one for under $10 and a damn respectable one with bells and whistles for under $25….those other manufacturers need to take a closer look at things.

One thing I always hated about my old red one was that if it was “off”, it was in two pieces. There was no happy medium there. Most of the newer pocket rockets I’ve reviewed, even the simplest ones, beat that out but they never had the same oomph as my good old standby. I chose to review the Ultimate Massager by Nasstoys because they’re the maker of my old red one.


This one is a little more than just a pocket. Although it does still look like one and frankly there’s nothing in the mainstream market resembling these so it’s not exactly discreet. It’s small (5″ long and about 1″ around), so I can’t say that it would ever pass as a massager of ones neck or shoulders. Unlike most pocket rocket vibes, this one has 3 different power settings and 7 other functions. These vibrator manufacturers sure like their pulsing functions, don’t they? I’ve personally never really bothered with them. Give me straight vibration any day. But since this one does offer up variety, it will appeal to a wider range of people. When this is in the “off” position, the two halves are still firmly together. The vibration intensity is really decent, and the frequency is nice and low. It’s not *quite* as powerful as old red, but it’s close. Yes, for my clit, that fraction extra of power makes a difference. I would rate this higher than a few other PR’s that I’ve owned (the one from Babeland, their branded one, sucked ass and the plain white Doc Johnson one was nearly as worthless) and recommend it.

There is one seeming constant in the world of pocket rocket vibrators. Those stupid little plastic caps that they include. At least this one included a domed, smooth one which I actually kinda liked (surprisingly). But they all like to include ones with nubs. Spikes, even. Listen – hard plastic tiny spikes that vibrate do NOT belong near my clit. There is only one use for that, in my opinion, and that is in S/M play because it ranges from itchy/irritating to OW. Since there is no pouch included with this (or most any) pocket rocket, you’re likely going to lose those silly caps. One of my 4 has already become a cat toy. I think the spikes massage her gums when she noms on it.


I’d recommend this, unless you’re looking for a very inexpensive one or unless you have a clit o’ steel like mine. While I am not disappointed in it, it’s not yet going to replace my bullet vibe or my old red one. Keep in mind though, as usual, that this will indeed work for most women. And I do mean most, especially since it has three power levels.

Jan 212010

So on my facebook page I allowed a friend request from someone that I apparently went to high school with (even though I don’t recall her) because she seemed cool. Like someone I might want to be friends with. Why? Because unlike many of the people I know in my area/state, she openly is sex-positive. Or so I thought. I thought this because she had a side business of at-home sex toy parties of the FYP For Your Pleasure Inc brand.

FYP sex toy parties

Basic premise of this and similar others is that you gather up all your little girlfriends and their friends and you giggle over the sex toys. It’s like a Pampered Chef party or a Tupperware party – except it’s sex toys. And if any of you girls (or your wives) have been to anything like this, be it jewelry, kitchen gadgets or food baskets, you know that once you’re there you are subtly pressured in a Stepford Wife way to buy something. The hostess only does well for herself if you all buy stuff. And for the moolah she sinks into these you’d better believe your sweet tookas that you’re gonna get pressured.

for your pleasure wallet rape

Out of curiosity I clicked over from one thing to another to actually happen upon the For Your Pleasure site. After much clicking I ended up at the online store.

I know that many retailers have various pricing and that I happen to be affiliated with ones that are very reasonably priced, but I about fell off my goddamn chair.

At FYP, the Njoy Small Plug is $85.00. At Edenfantasys.com, that plug is $59.99. At FYP the Njoy Fun Wand (fuckers don’t even CARRY the Pure Wand) is $115.00 vs EF which is $87.99. Tantus Goliath? $82.00 at For Your WalletRape er I mean For Your Pleasure, and $59 at EdenFantasys. For Your Pleasure also charges tax no matter where you are located – other retail sites only charge tax if you are in the state they are in. FYP has no offers of free or reasonable shipping charges. I placed a dummy order of $75 and the shipping was $9. EF gives free UPS ground on orders over $59 or free overnight on orders over $100.

I know that at these FYP sex toy parties, the hostess doesn’t have products to let people take home right then and there so they DO have to pay the tax and shipping. They’re bullied and pressured into buying something before they can have time to go look for a better deal elsewhere or a more pleasing color. I’d be willing to bet my left tit that the hostesses of these parties NEVER talk about phthalates and using condoms on toys.

I know that when I was in New York in November I also had a hard time keeping my mouth shut about the prices in the one sex toy shop we went into. Granted it was a MUCH better place than the ratty gross skeeve-dives here in my area but they were no Babeland brick-n-mortar – that shop was at least run by women and felt non threatening – probably because of the lack of Live Nood Gurls. Anyways, while it was cool to see all these toys I’ve only ever seen online live and in person, I also knew that they were overpriced. I am no savant with numbers but I could vaguely recall prices of Lelo toys and knew they were upselling by $20.

I’ve been invited to a sex toy party here once run by a coworker’s friend and I politely declined with a prior commitment excuse – because I knew I wouldn’t buy anything and I wouldn’t be able to keep my mouth shut about the jelly rubber and the CalExotics garbage and the exorbitant pricing. To say how I knew these things I’d have to admit to a couple of things that I don’t feel like letting those people in on. So I figured it was better that I don’t go.

I don’t know how to spread the word better about these goddamn parties, but maybe if enough of us reviewers write up a post on it, the search engines will eventually point a few untrained housewives and corporate powerhouses to our post before they get suckered into these gigglefest “buy a cute little bunny to put in your kitty!” travesties. I could probably be a lot more eloquent about this and give even more information and examples but I’m honestly just too ticked off right now.

So if you are an internet searcher who came here via this post? PLEASE don’t be shy about emailing me or IM’ing me to ask about toys. I will be more than happy to educate you and help you.

Jan 182010

Is my neighbor kinky or just weird?

As is wont to happen when living in an apartment complex, you hear things. Weird things. Annoying things. I’m thankful that most of the annoying things happen before 10pm, but I’m disappointed that I rarely hear sex things.

At least, I don’t *think* I do.

The thing is, we’re not sure about the guy below us. I’m not sure if it’s just this complex, these people, this region or if it’s normal at apartment complexes to remain mostly mysterious to your neighbors – but I don’t know these people. I couldn’t tell you the first name of a single person in my building. There’s only two floors here, long buildings that stretch out in rows like legos not linked together and no shared hallways or entranceways. We peer out of our blinds at each other but that’s mostly it. Once a month a “hello” is issued in passing. So I don’t know this guy below us. I know he has odd work hours, and I know he’s not married. I know he listens to his music loud and his Nintendo/Playstation even louder.

But what the HELL are the noises that I hear some evenings?!?





Muffled, slow-paced loud thumps. It’s too slow for it to be a headboard hitting a wall. It’s the right pace for a sadistic ass beating, but my eyes widen in fear that said ass beating noises are reverberating like that through the floor and walls. So no, it just can’t be *that*. But what the bloody hell is going on? I try creeping down our steps to get closer to the offending noise but he somehow hears me, and the noises stop or slow down even farther.

Is he chopping up dead bodies?

 Posted by at 10:41 pm