What Not to Say

I wouldn’t say that I get a lot of reader emails. Perhaps 2-3 most weeks, sometimes more –  sometimes less.

Some are sweet and don’t expect anything in return, they just wanted to compliment in private.

Some are a little cheesy and make me roll my eyes, but I smile nonetheless.

Some give me a glimpse of a person that I could enjoy chatting with – and some do lead to that.

Some are from greedy lil bastards asking for more photos.

Some mean well but missed the mark a little – one that comes to mind bore the subject line of  “Guess who found your blog!” and I swear to you my heart stopped for a moment. He was referring to himself and all in all it was a really nice and sweet email but that subject line….to an anonymous blogger…..whew!

Some try to jump right into cybering and sexy chat. Some ask me what bra size I wear. To those types I have one thing to relay: Have a little respect. Yes, I blog about sex. Yes, I post half-naked photos. And I do indeed have “those” sorts of conversations with other people – people that are not strangers, people that I clicked with. I get these kinds of emails a lot especially from guys on the message boards that I (used to) post on. In general it just rubs me the wrong way when “hello” is barely out of the gate (sometimes not even!) before the schmooze and slippery talkin comes to the table. YOU might be in the mood and horny as hell but consider what the chances might be that I am as well, at the same time as you are, and equally interested in virtually sating that horniness……your chances are pretty close to nil. I might be a sex blogger but I’m still a regular person – not a sexual automaton here to turn it on when you put in your quarter. Try a little intelligent conversation first – smart, eloquent, funny men get my attention right away. (Such as this one, which I had to share because it made me a little weak in the knees: “Your prose sparkles, and as a professional writer, I admire that; after all, there’s nothing sexier than a wicked mind.  Most blogs I’ve chanced across are the text equivalent of porn — all harsh fluorescent glare and workmanlike efficiency; yours is soft light on naked skin, the heady bliss of that first stolen kiss… and the difference, as they say, is ALL the difference.” THAT is the type of mind/man that can make panties drop with words alone.)

Some are…..I don’t know what their intentions were. But it immediately offended me. For example I got an email from someone who was just starting to browse sex blogs and proceeds to tell me all about these other 3 (that I’d actually not heard of) and how great they were but that mine was….well, I’ll let him tell you: “And your thing seems interesting too. But unless I am missing something, it’s kind of just a…”I am getting married and got a lab kind of blog, no?”” I was quite baffled. Think what you want of my blog, I don’t require that everybody likes it, but is it necessary to go that route? In the end it turned out that he somehow had assumed that my side blog (which is now private) was the “sex blog”…..despite all other evidence to the contrary. Or at least thats what he finally claimed after I lit into him.

In short – my tits are big. I know this. You like my pictures? Awesome, I’m flattered, but I won’t be privately adding to your spank-bank stash. You get what you get here, and thats all there is. Now, if you’ve seen an erotic (not pornographic) artistic photo that you think I could emulate for a future HNT, that’s a different suggestion altogether. Did my prose make you horny? Cool, it’s nice sometimes to know I’m not the only one – but I suggest reading more of my blog or reading more of my friends’ blogs to help you finish because I most likely won’t. At least not for free and I’d bet I’m out of your price range :P

But if you want advice? Want to have an intelligent conversation? I’m your girl. If it’s just a few words you can say it right over there in the sidebar, in that IM widget. And if you worry you’ll say the wrong thing – let me assure you, your concern already puts you ahead of the unsavory ones.

Oh and always, always….spell my damn name right. It’s Lilly….not Lily.

9 Responses

  1. blueyeguy says:

    And to this post, I add an empathic ‘!!!’. Truer words never uttered.

  2. Kayla says:

    I love this post. I haven’t had this problem as of yet, but I do understand where you’re coming from. And that guy that you posted as a good example? Yeah, he was good. I’d love to receive something like that. :)

    ~ I know, it took me a minute to pick my jaw up off the floor before I could respond.

  3. Ronald10021 says:

    What a great post. I love your blog because it is real, and because of the variety of subjects and topics (and yes, I love your tits).

    Keep writing, and don’t be discouraged.

  4. SteelHorseman says:

    Is it too early to ask for sex? Oh wait, we aren’t in the same time zone. Forgot about that. Oh well. I can look at this picture you allowed me to have in which I can see your beautiful eyes and let the fantasy go from there.

    Happy blogging and enjoying the conversations you desire.

  5. Amy says:

    I hate that so much! I’ve had a couple of people email me who were interesting to talk to but would *constantly* try to push the boundaries about what I was comfortable talking about. Especially since just an email before they’d been telling me about their family life. I’m not that girl, don’t try it on with me. I always think that if you wouldn’t say it to my face, don’t send it to me online. Unless I give you to go ahead of course.

    Also, that ‘good example’ guy – that’s the kind of email every sex blogger dreams about!


    ~ exactly. anonymity gives people ego and balls that they don’t deserve.

  6. I’ve written about this before, too. It’s fucking inappropriate and people are so offensive. They think that blogging abut sex gives them the right to take or say whatever they want. It’s fucking disgusting and rude.

  7. Tracer Bullet says:

    Wait, what’s this about buying a dog?

    ~ no fuckin idea, J. he’s an idiot. i am SO not a dog person, lol.

  8. Amorous Rocker says:

    I LOVE this post. So fucking much.

    I don’t mind getting reader email either. It’s nice and sometimes works out to someone I really enjoy talking with. I can’t stand that people think since I post pictures and sexy stuff on my blog that they can email me asking for more or trying to start up some kind of weird relationship. I had one guy that emailed me once being offensive, I told him off. Then he emailed me to apologize. Which I ignored. Then he emailed me every few days trying to get me to talk to him.

    Also, kind of off subject, lol, but… no one ever spells my blog name wrong because that is easy as hell. My real name though? I get that spelled wrong ALL THE DAMN time. By people who see it. By people who have known me for years. By people who get corrected on it all the time. Friends and acquaintances on my damn Facebook page get it wrong and it’s right freaking there. It drives me nuts. It’s not even that hard to get right. One of my boyfriend’s former female friends used to spell it wrong on purpose. Just because “that wasn’t the right spelling” and she just “couldn’t wrap her head around that way of spelling it” but really… she was just a jealous bitch and spelled it wrong to be a cunt.

  9. Coquitten says:

    I think I can chime in here with another resounding “I understand!” One thing I try to do immediately is establish a friendly, chatty voice in my emails – NOT a sexy voice, because, simply put, I wouldn’t have sex with a stranger, why should I sex up a stranger through email? I believe it’s one thing to get off a readership through erotica/fantasy/experience, but unless you have established that sexual relationship already with me, the emails I send as Coquitten are still friendly and polite and professional.