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Ono Pleasure: Cleo Massager Review

Long ago and in a land far away I wanted a Cone vibrator. Eventually I read enough reviews that told me to avoid it. Sadly there were not enough reviews out when I asked for the Cleo that would have told me to stay away. In fact, nearly all of the people on EdenFantasys who’ve reviewed it already claim that it’s a lot of things that I claim it is not.

Brass Tacks – What does it feel like? The number one thing that other people claim it is (to which I say “Are we using the same toy?!?”¹) is Powerful. While I can agree that to some women  this might be considered “powerful” it isn’t to me and I have enough to compare it to to say that with confidence. Here’s the thing – a deep, rumbley sort of vibration can feel like it’s more powerful than it is. That’s why I tend to enjoy them so much. That sort of vibration stimulates beyond the surface.  But then to those women who find the Cleo powerful the Wahl, the Harmony Bullet, or any electric massager will be considered “whoa nelly you’ll burn off my clit” powerful. This isn’t to say I’m right and you’re wrong or vice versa. But I cannot ever give this toy an intensity rating of anything higher than 3 out of 5. Maaaaybe a 3.5 out of 5 but EF’s rating system tragically doesn’t allow for half-star choices². And I’ve even tried 2 different sets of batteries to be sure one wasn’t half-dead. How sad is it that I have toys that pack a far greater punch on half the battery power?? My Harmony bullet is the same deep vibrations and runs on 2 AAA’s and knocks the pants off the Cleo in terms of power. Sometimes even *I* have to back down off the top level of vibrations on the Harmony.

Ono Cleo vs Lelo Mona – I know, their shapes are nothing alike, nor are their intended uses. But it was the best vibe I could find that had the same type of rumbly vibrations. I would say that High on the Cleo is like setting 5/6 out of 8/9 on the Mona (I had trouble determining exactly how many levels there were on the Mona). I always expect a battery-powered vibe to be more intense than a rechargeable. That’s usually been my experience. Not this time!

The Cleo’s big draw is the unique shape which is great for those who like to rub/grind their clit against a vibe. The other big draw is that it’s meant to be used in the shower/tub because it comes with a big-ass dual-sided suction cup. Ah, the suction cup. I hate it.

1. It stinks, and fairly noticeably at that
2. Unlike the SinFive suction cup dildos, the suction cup base does not firmly affix to the toy via screwing in. It’s a suction cup on both sides. It suctions to the toy AND to the wall, leaving two points of possible instability.
3. Suction cups are picky fuckers – they require a completely 100% flat and smooth surface. Too much moisture, too little moisture, it slides around or falls off. Do you know how cringe-worthy it is to have your solo tub session come to a clattering LOUD halt when your sex toy falls off the wall?!?

You can most assuredly use this without the suction cup feature. Unfortunately….this requires big hands if you need to hold it. As you can see below, I had trouble holding the base with my small hands. Sure, I could set it down on my bed/pillow/other surface and grind away but the base is slippery smooth, hard plastic. And the base unscrews very quickly – there are no threads, just a quick quarter-twist. (this also makes me highly question the waterproof-ness, since there’s no rubber o-ring)

What is up with that shape? It’s an interesting shape – in fact it kinda reminds me of a pommel horse (ex-gymnasts cheer! a vibrating pommel horse!). A design that, again, I thought would get me off. And it might have if the vibrations were a bit more intense or a bit more concentrated. They are concentrated to a degree in the larger protrusion but it’s not enough for me personally. I’m also not sure what the point is to the dual humps. For me this grinding/rubbing action is only good for the clit, not my vulva or labia (but others might love that) and it’s certainly not capable of penetration. I just don’t get it.

I’m supposed to reach around where now?? The controls are just two buttons discretely hidden in the silicone, plus and minus. They seem to be located in a really bad spot for changing the setting during use – they are located underneath the smaller of the two humps….and most of the vibration is in the larger hump. This means I would have to reach under or back around me to change it during use. So I had to choose the setting (high, straight vibrations for yours truly) and then put the toy in place. Since I hate patterns and found the lower levels of vibration boring, this ended up working out for me but won’t for those who like to change up their sensations during use. The buttons themselves require a bit of effort to push (certainly not as easy as Lelo buttons) and glow faintly when pressed. There’s a number of different vibration intensity settings and then eight different pattern settings.Really? 8? Overkill but if you like patterns you’ll be sure to find one here you can enjoy.

The packaging is also sub-par for a toy of this price. It comes in a colorful + black flimsy glossy cardboard box with a window. There is nothing “premium” about the packaging and so don’t expect to use it for storage. There’s no storage bag or anything for it. For the cost of this toy I’d expect at least an upgrade on the packaging.

Bottom line: I’m having a really tough time recommending this. Since it’s primarily marketed as a shower toy, the base is difficult to use without the suction cup action. But it also doesn’t quite work too well in the shower. For the flaws, the lack of oomph, the pitiful packaging and finally the high price tag – I’d say to avoid it unless you can catch it on a really good sale and don’t require direct / intense vibrations. If rubbing with moderate vibrations is your thing, you might like this. But, really Ono? A price tag of over $70?? No. Other than the fact that the colored, main portion is velvety silicone I can find absolutely nothing about this toy to justify this price. If it were priced more like the Pleasure Tops (which sadly isn’t silicone) then I could recommend it as a novelty addition. Sure, it comes in pretty colors and looks different and cool. Does that make up for everything else? No.

• Gimmic: Shower Time Vibrating Massager
• Materials: Silicone and ABS plastic
• Cleaning Method: Wipe Down, no alcohol
• Lube: No Silicone

Thanks to Edenfantasys for sending me this sex toy in exchange for my take-no-prisoners honest review

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Review: Lelo Mona

Occasionally I purchase my own sex toys; lately for some reason most of my purchases have ended in disappointment. Except for the Lelo Mona. Yes, folks, finally a review of a premium/luxury vibrator that I do not hate!!

I miss the styling of what I call the First-Gen Lelo line (Gigi, Elise, etc) but one of their changes to design was a lean towards bolder colors. I could be wrong but I was under the impression that they also changed the motors – rendering the Second-Gen line a little more powerful, with vibrations of a little lower pitch and more rumbly. If there’s a difference, it’s subtle. I had both Mona and Gigi charged up and I couldn’t feel a real discernible difference. That being said, Mona was able to get me off in a way Gigi wasn’t. Perhaps it’s the shape, perhaps there is a little bit more oomph – just the tiny bit I needed over the old toys.

Both Mona and Gigi are g-spot toys, but they look completely different. Gigi is overall a lot shorter and has less girth. The shortness of Gigi never allowed me to use it as a g-spot vibrator. Gigi has a pronounced flat head, where Mona is more…paddle shaped, I guess you could call it. There’s a width to Mona that gives a wonderful feeling of fullness that Gigi couldn’t, and I actually like the shape of Mona for clitoral massage even better than Gigi. There’s just something about the shape of Mona – the curve, the width, the length – that makes it a superior g-spot vibrator compared to Gigi, at least for me. They changed the buttons on this generation of toys, as well. There’s still four buttons that do the same thing, but instead of looking like a wheel, it’s just 4 buttons. It’s probably easier to use for most people than the old style.

Unless you prefer a slimmer vibrator, my recommendation now goes to Lelo’s Mona over Gigi. Both share the same silicone + ABS plastic construction, a similar control pad, rechargeable of course and come with a trademark black and white Lelo satin bag. It’s funny how when I like a toy, my review is shorter than when I dislike a toy. I really don’t know what else to say about this – I think it’s superior to Gigi for my tastes and the shape/size is definitely a winner. I’ve even gotten off using this internally while turned off and a bullet on my clit – it’s no Pure Wand, but it’s a close second.

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Review: SinFive Burgono – A Suction Cup Dildo

Do you know how *few* sex toys there are out there that are both suction-cup AND body-safe material?

Not many.

Tantus has a suction cup modifier that could be used on their vibrators (remove the vibrating bullet and shove in the suction cup modifier and voila its a suction cup dildo). Some of the Fun Factory dildos have a suction-cup-esque base but I don’t know if it’s as good of a “hold” as a true suction cup.

But the somewhat-upscale company from Germany called SinFive has two suction cup dildos that, while not quite the perfect material that is silicone, are still very body safe made from WTP material – read about this material type here. Today’s dildo, the SinFive Burgono, is their smooth, texture-free version.

But wait. You’re wondering what the big deal is about having a suction cup dildo, aren’t you…..

Attach it to a window; tiles (must be texture-free and the size of the tile must be bigger than the suction cup); wood floors or furniture (must be flat where the suction cup goes); basically any surface that is relatively texture-free, paint-free and  flat. Et voila, your hands are free to be doing other things – to yourself or your partner.

The Good

~ Suction cup base which is removable – it screws firmly into the base – and provides a very strong suction grip to the proper surface

~ A body safe material

~ Versatile for vaginal or anal use

~ The funny looking base? Actually VERY ergonomic and fits well in your hand.

~ Comes with nice extras

~ Unique texture – very very subtle texture to it, but it’s not slippery smooth like hard plastic or some shiny silicones.

~ Tapered for easy insertion if you do not do well with large toys, or are a beginner.

The Bad

~ Personally I didn’t think it was good for g-spot play, given that the slimmest point is in the middle – where I’d want it to get bigger

~ The measurements on EdenFantasys (provided by the manufacturer) aren’t exactly accurate – they just list 1.5″, which is the widest girth….but you don’t see that width until you’re farther down the toy, about 4.5″ down in fact. The slimmest points aren’t even at an inch wide, and the top portion’s widest is at 1.25″

~ The SinFive logo band at the bottom of the insertable portion and above the base leaves a bad spot for lubes and bodily fluids to hide out, making cleaning and keeping it germ-free a little darn difficult. Teeny, tight crevices.

Bonus Round

~ Comes with a functional, plain but handy ribbon-drawstring pouch that is more than big enough for the toy by itself.

~ Comes with a sample pack of massage “oils” in 1 unscented and 4 various scents. All come in a little box and are teeny tiny adorable glass vials with reusable, leak-proof caps. The SinFive site doesn’t give a whole lot of information as to the ingredients of this stuff so if you’re particularly sensitive then I wouldn’t use these as lube, just massage stuff. Oil-free.

The material is pretty firm and doesn’t have much give when you squeeze it but it is a bit bendy in the center. It comes in Raspberry, Light Pink, and White. Despite it’s lack of girth for most of the toy, I’d still recommend this one over the Pikilo which scared the crap out of me. Those little bumps feel a lot more painful than you’d think just by looking at it.

Read up on WTP and all Thermoplastics here to find out how to best care for it, and what types of lube to use. For cleaning I’d recommend either Dishwasher Method or Wipe Down Method.

Thanks to EdenFantasys for providing me with this toy in exchange for an honest review.

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Book Review: The Best of Best American Erotica 2008

There’s really four types of erotica books, when you get down to it.

The first is kind of what many us grew up mocking….the Romance Novel that was really just word-porn disguised by a sappy plot and trite nicknames for body parts. Think Fabio on the cover, sort of books.

The second kind is still a full-length novel but it’s more artistic in its prose. The thinking man’s erotica, I suppose. A real story, real believable emotions and situations. If you find flowing hair and ripped bodices in these it is only because the novel is a period piece.

The third kind is a bit like the first, but in a short story anthology form. Of course, it only resembles the first in that there’s a lot of sex. A lot of raunchy sex. Which inspires you to either fuck yourself or fuck your closest most willing partner. The books that Rachel Kramer Bussel and Allison Tyler edit are mostly like these.It’s like a sex toy for your mind.

The fourth is a bit like the third, but in short story anthology form. Thinking man’s erotica. Stuff that leaves your brain wondering and your hormones maybe wanting more, there’s a bit of a buzz (or maybe a lot if it particularly resonated with you) in your underwear. There’s perhaps outright sex, perhaps just sexual innuendo and talk. It inspires you to fill in the blanks, to lower the book unconsciously and let your mind wander.

The Best of Best American Erotica 2008 is the fourth kind of erotica book.

That’s not to say it’s bad, by any means. Some of the stories you’ve read and don’t fully realize until it’s over that it was, indeed, erotic. Arousing. Twisted, maybe. Some of the stories actually made me feel almost like I shouldn’t be aroused. The first 3 stories, for example. The first is about a brother and sister, twins. They’re closer than your average set of siblings. Way closer. The second story is about two addicts; the female ends up cruelly using the male. Ruining his life, and then leaving in laughter. The third story is about a couple with sexual issues, and a therapist who goes too far and then gets caught in their fucked up trap. There’s sex in these stories, no doubt. But it’s kinda like the stuff of fetishes. So many of these stories end up having a twist that surprises you. Just when you think it’s a lesbian story….maybe not.  One thing these stories all do have in common is scene and character development. You get background, foreshadowing, you know their wall color.

The book is the 15th anniversary of The Best American Erotica series, edited by Susie Bright. The stories were picked from the 14 prior BAE editions; at the end of each story the author writes a few paragraphs about the piece – where they were in life when they wrote it, how they feel about it now, what inspired them, etc. You don’t normally get that kind of insight from anthologies. At the end of the book, in addition to the anthology-standard author’s bio section of those who appeared in the book is a list of every person who was published in the BAE series (just names) and then a guide to the most influential erotica editors, sex zines, etc. Susie contributes a story to the book, as well as her editor intro to the book which talks about her journey of editing the series, and as well as her thoughts on the pieces included.

What this book is: Erotic writing, that sometimes is barely erotic and sometimes is teeming with it in a slightly disguised way. This is literature. This is something for book lovers and erotica lovers and writers.

What this book is not: Something to read to get your motor running. This is not a fluffer book. This is not a book that you get 3 stories in and have to either fuck or jerk off. Some of the stories will indeed affect you that way, some will not.

Thanks to Edenfantasys for sending me this (way too long ago) for review. I’m glad to have it in my treasury and highly recommend it.

If this book is your style, you’ll also enjoy Best of Best Women’s Erotica, I also own this one.
For more of the raunchy style, in addition to the RKB and Allison Tyler compilations linked above, I also highly recommend Frenzy: 60 stories of Sudden Sex (short, and the point stories)

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Shopping Sprees

You know, I don’t get ALL my sex toys for free. Sometimes I get impatient and just buy them. Sometimes I do a “buy out” for review at edenfantasys.com which means I get a discount but I still have to review it, such as the Devine Play Chest or the Fleshlight.

But there’s things I purchased with my own money (err…I mean EF giftcards that I got from writing for Edencafe plus the commissions I got from affiliate sales at EF) recently that I want to talk about, both the good and the bad. So read on for my thoughts on the Toiboks Original, the Erosillator 2, a couple of toy storage bags, some rope from Twisted Monk, the Nobessence Seduction dildo, and the Wahl 7-in-1 2-speed Massager.

Toibocks Original

This is a pricey yet unique toy storage item for someone with a few bedside toys that needs total privacy and discretion. The Toibocks IS beautiful, a dark mahogany wood that looks like a plain box and the lid opens to reveal a jewelry-tray thing. Keep cheap jewelry there, watch, anything that you like that’s average and doesn’t warrant a closer look. To anybody that looks at it in depth they’ll know that the box is big but the tray is shallow and try to lift up the tray. But it is locked in place with no obvious key hole. The key is contained within this piece that is stored inside the box magnetically to the metal logo on the underside of the lid. Problem is, in my eyes, that “key” is obvious that it doesn’t belong. In other pictures I had thought it to be metal, but it’s just plastic. Not even fake-chrome-plated plastic, it’s the swirly metallic-silver and so it looks like an oversized play-money coin from a child’s board game, and that’s really my only disappointment with this whole thing. The box is lined with velveteen-flocked cardboard and appears to be well made and sturdy. Like I said…..pricey, not for storing serious valuables, but it IS pretty and inconspicuous. Good choice for bedside storage if you have roommates or kids.

Toy Pouches

These are being sold under EdenFantasys as the brand, and are cute drawstring toy pouches. I purchased one of each, unable to tell exactly if one was better/different than the other. Other than one having the EF logo in glued-on rhinestones, there’s absolutely no different and IMO not really worth sending the extra $6. They come in black or purple on the outside and it’s a faux-suede material. The inside is a hot pink satin. Sturdy, thick cords make up the drawstring. Shiny silicone dildos/vibrators will not smoothly glide along the satin on the inside, so I took one and turned it inside out (that’s the pink one you see above). While the suede will likely stain more easily if the dildo isn’t clean, it can be easier to use it this way for some toys. I was able to fit the Wahl in the pouch by removing the attachment and just dropping it in the bag. I could probably fit one more attachment in it. Toys longer than 9.5-10″ won’t fit in and still let the pouch close.

Eroscillator 2

After reading Epiphora’s stellar, glowing review I decided to try it out. However….her review was for the tippy top super deluxe package of every attachment plus the stronger motor. EF sells a basic package of the standard motor body and 3 attachments. I liked it….but it wasn’t perfect for ME. I like pressure and with the oscillations you can’t apply pressure, or they’ll slow down a lot. I wouldn’t hesitate to recommend this though for other women, so long as they don’t require pressure like I do. It can be powerful or subtle, good for a wide range of women. Even my husband liked the sensation of it when I applied it to his hard cock, at the frenulum. I think that I could love it if I was able to try out the super deluxe package, with a more powerful motor and different attachments. In the end, I wound up loving this next toy so much that I no longer reached for the E2 and so I gave it to Backseat Boohoo as a surprise. (she loved it)

Wahl 7-in-1   2-speed Massager

That sounds so clinical, doesn’t it? This is another “body massager” that has become a pervertable vibrator in disguise. Not for those with sensitive clits, but it’s very different from the Hitachi’s power. The type of vibrations can’t even be compared. The Wahl comes with 7 little plastic attachments but to ME most are not going to work was a sex toy. Especially the scalp massager attachment (the one with nubby spikes). Ouch. There’s 2 speeds and they deliver more than just differing speeds….it’s totally different types of vibrations. The first is almost buzzy and surfacey but yet….not. Because long time readers will know that my clit doesn’t like that type and my clit loves the Wahl, both speeds. The second speed is…..whoa. Only for the aroused clit. The word “jackhammer” comes to mind, but not in a scary way. It’s not a numbing buzz like the Hitachi, it’s…..literally like a hammering/thumping sort of vibration. That might sound painful but I swear, it’s not. And holy shit is this thing QUIET especially on the first speed. On the first speed you wouldn’t be able to hear it from a few feet away. The cord is nice and long. The Wahl has become my go-to vibe now. Sure it looks funny but I can’t even tell you the last time I reached for my Hitachi since I now own this and the Climax Twist. Also, unlike the Hitachi, I never ever go numb from it, clit OR hand. This paragraph doesn’t even do it justice, maybe I’ll write about it more elsewhere, another time. LOVE IT. Buy one. BUY IT. You’ll love it.

Nobessence Seduction

It’s called the “S-shape” on the EF site….why, I don’t know. They do that with all the Nobessence dildos – list them on the site as a weird, generic non-Nobessence name. It makes it hard to locate them, IMO. While you can’t have the choices in wood type/color that you’d get if you bought it directly from Nobessence what you CAN get is the occasional really good sale. This dildo is NOT for those who think their vagina is small. This is a dildo for the size queens, but yet with some “warm up” most women should be able to handle it. LOVE IT. But I don’t use it on myself, because I can’t get the right angle. Love having hub use it on me though. It’s pretty wood, too. They use a different finishing method than Hans, and it seems to seep into the wood giving it a 3D glowy sheen almost. It’s a pricey dildo but SO fucking worth it. And the packaging? Cute. CUTE! Hard pressed/colored/textured cardboard similar to Lelo but the inside is padded and has a few elastic bands to hold the item in place. I can’t wait to try other Nobessence toys.

Color of the Month Rope from TwistedMonk.com

Twisted Monk‘s much-hyped “color of the month” always run out quickly. Whether that’s because it’s a tiny batch or people flock to it, I don’t know. I used to think the COTM was actually monthly but since the annual Midori rope came out in January and there hasn’t been anything new since (or for a few months prior) I’m not sure how helpful my review is going to be. I can tell you without a doubt that this rope is different from his run-of-the-mill colored hemp rope. The description calls it a “premium 4-strand Bavarian Blonde hemp”, which is normally listed under the Exotics section. I bought the rope because I really liked the color, and having seen his regular colored hemp rope back in November, I had high expectations. It was also for a good cause, benefitting Midori’s charity of choice, LifeCycle. While I realize that the site disclaimer says that one should expect some variation from what’s shown…..I didn’t expect to be disappointed. And I was. Really disappointed. The color was dull and drab, and the application of said color reminded me of makeup – surface only. With his normal rope, the color saturates maybe 3/4 or more of the rope and it’s tightly wound so you rarely see the non-colored portion. I had asked Monk on Twitter if the color saturation that I was seeing was normal and he said it was.  This COTM rope though had light patches, un-twisted at every bend, and showed a whole lot of undyed rope. Beware his shipping prices, too. You don’t find out the shipping cost until the very last page of the ordering process – he uses only USPS Priority Mail Flat Rate and charges $13 for it. Even though I only ordered 15 feet of rope and it came in a very small box I paid $13, the same as anybody would even if they ordered 5 large kits. So if you plan to drop a few hundred and order enough rope to suspend 3 models – you’re getting a really great deal! If you’re like me and only are buying a little bit of rope, you’re going to feel cheated on the shipping cost. If there were more standard colors available, I would buy his regular rope again someday (but only going in with someone else on the order to save on shipping) but never the COTM rope. Perhaps this Bavarian Blonde hemp isn’t good for dying….perhaps the dye wasn’t good…I don’t know. I know that I’ve seen his standard rope and had been impressed.

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