Jun 282010

Ask any heavy woman and she’ll most likely admit to have some (or many) moments of feeling a perceived shame against her, just for her weight. I say perceived because the majority of people are not rude enough to say to your face how disgusted they are by your excess fat or your healthy appetite. And by “to your face” I mean in person. Bloggieland gives many people false bravado and arrogance.

Why do we assume they’re giving us the body-check-glance and thinking all sorts of negative things? Probably because of the internet, to be frank. Because we can read their thoughts that they feel safe in saying to the faceless nameless crowd. Perhaps some overweight women were also overweight in the years of primary school and high school, when children can be downright mean.

We might feel like shit when we realize we’re the largest person in the room.

We might purposely under-eat when in the company of thinner acquaintances for fear they’ll think we’re a pig for eating like a normal, healthy person.

And…..we might unfairly be judging people. That which we fear and assume is happening to us.

This weekend I found myself at a family reunion wherein half of the family are people I wouldn’t recognize if I passeed in the street – heck some I’ve never met! There were two women there a little younger than me, both thin, both gorgeous. I felt intimidated. I’m sure they were very nice people but I unfairly assumed otherwise; assumed they were judging me. This didn’t occur to me until I spoke out loud how I felt more comfortable speaking to one of the afore-mentioned women after hearing that she’d spent some time pretty overweight herself and struggled to lose it. Granted, her weight issues and weight loss were nothing like mine. But I still had this newly-perceived camaraderie. Comfort.

I need to fucking stop doing this. I have more than enough friends in this community who are thin and who are NOT judging me based on my weight alone. And I need to lose the pointless body-envy.

Jun 132010

This question was very simply asked of me recently on my Formspring. It seems to be a very popular question for men to ask of women. Is it perhaps those that might fall into the smaller-than-average camp doing the asking so that they hear more women say “No, it doesn’t matter” to bring up their confidence? Or are too many men made to think that anything less than 7″ is considered to be small?

Britni recently addressed something similar, regarding being a size queen with dildos but not with bio-cock. I’m pretty much the same as her. I am most definitely a size queen when it comes to my sex toys…but there’s a reason for that. Using a dildo is very VERY different from how I get fucked by a guy. The angle, the force behind it, the speed, etc. When I’m using a really fat dildo, I tend to barely move it at all. I like the full feeling, the pressure. I’ve never fucked a guy with a cock quite as big as the fattest dildo that I’ve used. My husband is fairly well-endowed, and there was a pretty long time period in my life when the first few moments of penetration with him were painful. I’ve luckily moved past that now, but why I did I have no clue.

Too big?

There is, in my opinion, such a thing as way too big when it comes to bio-cock. I have to be perfectly honest with you….if your cock is any more than 8″ long or 2″ around….I’ll likely pass on sex. Especially in length. The vagina can and does expand during arousal and penetration, especially the last 2/3; the cervix will retract as well. The amount of expansion and retraction though varies from woman to woman. Some women can accommodate a 9″ cock…some can only handle half of what I consider my max. To me though whenever I get the ubiquitous cock-shots from Craigslist or dating site emails, if the guy is showing off his monster cock…..I utter an “eeek!” and move along to the next one.

Some positions, for my husband and I, are quite difficult. Doggie style for instance. In that position, if he’s not careful, he’ll bang my cervix and it’s quite painful. And sex isn’t as fun for either of us if we have to focus on being careful.

Too small?

“It’s not the size of your cock, it’s how you use it” is true 97% of the time. But back in the day I can recall being with a couple of guys whose cock was shorter and thinner than I was accustomed to…..to the point where I had to actually ask “is it in yet?”. Either they were unskilled or what, I’m not sure but I do know that there is a “too small” for me…… However, I’ve yet to meet a man again who was that small and it’s not common. “Too small” in my opinion is less than 4″ long and less than 1″ wide. But that’s only my personal opinion and my vagina.

Average is not Average

Considering that the average length of the human male penis, aroused, is ~5-6″, the word “average” shouldn’t ever be taken here as derogatory. Average is more than fine with me. After all, my g-spot is probably only about 2″ deep, and the most concentrated nerve endings are in the first couple inches of the vagina. There are positions to change up the depth of penetration during sex and also affect the snugness of the vaginal canal during penetration.

One of the things that I feel bad about with my husband’s length is that I can’t really get much of his cock in my m0uth for a blowjob. I can’t deepthroat. Guys who fit into the average range are more likely to consistently receive a “full coverage” blowjob, where someone can meet their nose with pubes, lol.

We all have our hang-ups and fears about our body parts during sex. Porn can contribute sometimes to these hang-ups, seeing as how they tend not to show men less than 7″ in porn. Guess what guys? We’re not all multi-orgasmic from penetration like the women in porn. We don’t expect you to shoot your load across the room. We don’t expect John Holmes-sized cocks to be hiding out in your pants. Porn is a caricature, often times. (this is why I prefer amateur porn)

Jun 102010

I’m too lazy and tired and wrung-out to post anything of worth. It’s like my right-brain just up and left me. So you get this boring conglomeration of snippets.

I added an option to subscribe to my updates via email. It’s not different than what you’d see in the RSS feed, it’s just that I know some people don’t use a feed reader or would prefer another method. The emails go out every morning that they’re needed…..no new post, no email. The email will contain the entire post, photo and all. There’s a link in my blog sidebar up near the top. Just click, fill out your info, and be sure to look for the verification email from Feedburner to ensure you’ll receive the updates.

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I’ve decided to try Formspring again, except this time it’s in my blog sidebar over there. Please don’t be a douchecanoe with your questions, being anonymous isn’t carte blanche to ask things you’d be ashamed to attach your name to. Decent questions I’ll answer on Formspring, so check back there. Really good questions might inspire a blog post!

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In exactly one week from today, I’ll have been blogging for 2 years. To mark this occasion, I’m having a really big giveaway of 6 different really awesome prizes. It’s a surprise till then, so be sure to check back!

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Oh, I activated a feature in this really cool WordPress Plug-in that I’ve had forever but never really took full advantage of. It shows comments that I’ve gotten on posts right in the feed! It’s not instant with updating the newest comments or my replies, but it’s still pretty great.

That’s all, folks!

Jun 072010

I no longer consider myself “bicurious”, and I haven’t for a number of years. But some days I still feel that way,  due to a lack of even one good Girl Date.

I’ve been with women sexually…..less than a half dozen, all encounters that happened through either planning to have sex or something similar. I’ve never actually *dated* a woman. Not for lack of trying! I had one encounter, once, that had a possibility of being….well, I don’t know. I’ll never know, because it was cut short. With the exception of that woman, for a few moments, I don’t think I’ve ever flirted with a woman face-to-face. Internet? sure. lots! I’ve even had dates with said women with mixed results.

Back in the heyday of Myspace, I met a few girls that I’d randomly friended on there (because they listed themselves as bi..yes I admit it) and had flirted with for a few weeks online. Flirted and became friendly with. The Goth girl was awesome; we got along famously, like the start of a great friendship. But I couldn’t detect any flirting! Do women flirt differently than guys? And I didn’t know how to be flirty with a woman. It seems different, somehow. In the end, the relationship failed for many reasons. One of which was that we lived an hour apart and she didn’t drive. Another date went horribly because at least for me, there was no attraction in person. It wasn’t her looks, it was her personality and the way she spoke. Too young, too um well that’s not politically correct so I won’t say it.

I went out with a girl I met on Okcupid last year. Again, it was like two friends hanging out. I mentioned her here very briefly (and she even let me put her up as a secret guest HNT!) and while she did kiss me at the end of our….date? hang-out? the atmosphere had still been friendly. So I was still left confused.

I’ve hung out with women I have a crush on, and guess what? No flirting. Either I’m undateable or the phenomenon Nadia (her friend, actually) calls the “Lesbian Sheep Dance” is alive and well.

I love women, but I apparently fail at dating them.

This needs to change.

May 302010

There are certain sex slang words that when used in earnest turn me off completely. I hate them no matter what, but if they are used in a hot erotica piece….I lose interest. Thankfully I have never been with anybody that’s dared to utter these in person, it might result in some very unpleasant visceral reactions from me.

At the top tip of my list is the word “dong”. Some people and sites will tell you that there is a difference between a dong and a dildo, and I’m telling you: I don’t give a flying fuck. “Dong” is an Onomatopoeia and I’m not going to use it when referring to a hunk of silicone that I fuck myself with. No.

The rest are just self-explanatory euphemisms for cocks, cunt and asshole. And I hate them. Fully and with the utmost conviction.

What are your words?

ETA: I had to update my own jumble bc I forgot about “titties!!” I do so hate that one, I even wrote about it and I still forgot to add it! Thanks to Bunny for reminding me ;)

May 272010

I’ve been traveling a good bit lately. Washington State to see Coy Pink a month ago; NYC back in March; a couple of weekends doing computer work for a friend a few states away and dropping in on Debauched Diva. Of course, certainly not as much traveling as Mollena, who has become an expert on packing. I tried to follow the packing guide on the link she gave (here) thinking that surely if other women can pack for 7-10 days in a *carry-on* I should be able to as well.


I blame my mother.

No, seriously. Hear me out.

As a kid, our vacations were usually these epic cross-country trips. West, south, northeast, Canada, etc….all done in an RV. Now, granted, we were going to be gone for 2-3 weeks and all but still. She packed everything possible. We almost never had to track down a Kmart to buy a necessary item. Every scenario was accounted for.

I’ve inherited this gene. It also comes from my grandmother who was a bit of a packrat. Upon the death of my grandparents and the estate yard sale to clear out items no one wanted, it became clear the level of packrattiness. She wasn’t a hoarder, per se, more likely a hold-over from the Depression. We found unused items from the 70’s that were kept in case a last-minute gift was needed. I tend to be this way in some regards with my own stuff…it’s law that I won’t need it till I get rid of it. I’m getting better, though.

So when I pack for short trips I try to think of everything. Hot, cold, rain, dressy, casual, lots of walking, an extra outfit, etc. And yes, I’m a bit high-maintenance so my cosmetics take up some space too……face & eye brushes, shadow primer, foundation primer, concealer, foundation, light eyeshadow, dark eyeshadow, eyeliner, mascara, eyeliner sealer, lip balm, lip gloss, lip stain, blush, bronzer, moisturizer, eye makeup remover, fash wash. Hair spray, brush, dryer, curling iron, molding paste. Nail care kit. Shower stuff. Lotion. “just in case I start spotting” supplies. Razors. Powder. Any meds I might need “in case”, plus regular ones. Might as well continue……1 planned outfit, 1 spare outfit, something to sleep in, dressy shoes, a book, my netbook + charger, my phone + charger, my ipod, my camera + spare batteries and uh….well….in case I have a “need”, I do need a couple sex toys, yanno. That’s simple – Pure Wand and either the Wahl or a bullet. Simple, sure…..but heavy (remember, the Pure Wand is 1.5 lbs!).

That’s just for a short weekend overnight.

No, seriously.

Back for the last calendar party, when I was going to be in NYC from Thursday-Sunday, I did my best to trim down and use travel bottles. I still barely fit everything and my bag was heavy as fuck. Then, my travel bottles have started leaking, so I just bought new ones (GoToob, they look pretty awesome but since they’re silicone I’ll have to be sure not to put certain cosmetics). I look at that list above and I can’t truly see anything on it that’s not “necessary”. Ok, perhaps the sex toys. Meh, maybe not. With the new bottles, and a resolve to make myself a travel kit for my makeup (small amounts in tiny jars, they’re all loose powders anyways), I hope to find a way to trim down. Both on space and weight. And of course saving time from making lists, running around packing, and then procrastinating for weeks on fully UNpacking. I basically just need to buy duplicates of everything, that’ll solve the packing & unpacking hehehe