Nov 272014
 

First, I hope that everyone who is celebrating Thanksgiving is having a wonderful holiday with the friends and/or family. I am thankful for all of you and for this part of my life, and those I’ve met because of it. I’m sad that due to having a very conservative family I cannot share this part of my life with them; it is fulfilling and fun and I have met some of the best people in the world because of it. I live a double life in some ways but I’d rather have that than none of this.

black-friday

ARE YOU READY?? Not sure what to buy? Check out my Best Sex Toys page and this year’s picks for Best Sex Toys of 2014 (posting later!). These sales will go into effect as soon as the clock strikes FRIDAY. Sleep? Who needs it. Unless of course you’re in a mild coma from that turkey and alcohol and 3 pounds of filling/stuffing/dressing you consumed.

SheVibe!

First up, the most simple one: SheVibe.com. Starting at 12:00 am on Black Friday, through Cyber Monday, SheVibe is having a progressive sale – the more you spend, the more you save. 10% off of $75 / 15% off of $100 / 20% off of $125. Codes are TURKEY10 / TURKEY15 / TURKEY20, and these sales are only good for shipping to customers in the US, AUS, CA, and UK. And when you spend $75, your shipping is free in the US! Make sure you browse their current hot deals page to grab something for a super good price.

Tantus!

Tantus has a lot of deals, and will have a flash sale on a different item each day; that info will be updated as I get it.  The best part? None of these sales at Tantus require a coupon code; your discount for the bundles and individual items is automatically deducted when the items are in your cart, so you can use my code, LILLY, to save an extra 15%. And when you spend $100, you get free shipping in the US; spend $200 and get free shipping anywhere else! All of these deals are good from 12:00am PST Friday through Monday. 

There are 4 different bundle deals: 

Black Friday Tantus sale bundle - Any O2 dildo plus the Vibrating Velvet Harness = 30% off
Black Friday sale at Tantus - Buy a paddle plus a gag, get 40% off both
Black Friday sale at Tantus = Buy  any prostate toy plus a cock ring plus a bottle of Ride Bodyworx lube, get 40% off all
Black Friday sale at Tantus - Buy the suction cup attachment plus any vibrator and a bottle of Blossom Organics lube, get 30% off everything

These individual items are also on sale: 

use code LILLY at tantus checkout to save an additional 15%

 

Lovehoney!

Lovehoney does stock a lot of porous toys. A lot. So please, pay attention when you shop. Unless it says “silicone” or stainless steel, aluminum, ABS plastic, or glass….reconsider it. I don’t believe in “body-safe rubber”.  There’s a few decent items on their sale page, but otherwise you can save 25% off your order of $80 or more at Lovehoney.com when you enter code BLACKFRI14 here. Check prices between Lovehoney and Shevibe – I’ve often found that Shevibe is cheaper so even though their discount percentage is less, your total might be less overall vs Lovehoney.

 

 

 Posted by at 4:44 am
Nov 022014
 

Amazon Warehouse (image courtesy of theguardian.com)

Amazon Warehouse (image courtesy of theguardian.com)

Amazon and sex toys. Not quite as troublesome in my world as toxic toys, but nearly so. A lot of people are more comfortable buying their sex toys from Amazon than a sex toy retailer, because they feel certain that it will be more discreet – they know that anything “sold by Amazon” will come in an Amazon box and an Amazon mailing address. And most of the time, Amazon is cheaper…and to detriment of the reputable sex toy shops, too.  Many of the higher-end manufacturers put a limit on how low their items can be sold, and Amazon sellers often completely ignore this. Either they are just shady people or…..they’re counterfeit.  In the years I’ve been doing this, I’ve had more people report problems ordering from Amazon than any other sex toy problems combined. I’ve had readers tell me, even as far back as 4 years ago, that they bought a “luxury” vibrator and something went wrong after a month or two. They took their problem to the manufacturer because it has a warranty, and they found out it wasn’t the brand they thought they were buying and the company wouldn’t honor a warranty claim. Rightfully so; it’s not their product. The counterfeit sex toy market is bigger than you think and it’s found a nice home at Amazon (and Ebay).

So Which Brands Are Suspect?

While this is by NO means a complete list, and I’d be suspect of just about anything, the specific brands I’ve heard of are: Lelo, Fun Factory, We-VibeFleshlights, Tenga, Fairy Wands by Merci Toys, Magic Wand.  Njoy is probably the most copied brand I know of. Multiple times a month I am contacted by shady companies in Hong Kong, Pakistan and India, who specialize in metal sex toys. They often go so far as to use Njoy product photos. The prices are super low, and there’s no way it could be an Njoy product, much less made of medical grade stainless steel, for that low price (in the ballpark of 15% of the cost of an Njoy).  One shady seller on Amazon was including free Fun Factory Smartballs that were counterfeits….and not even made of silicone as was found out from a flame test. Other products that I would be wary of: low-priced metal toys that claim to be stainless steel. I’ve heard some really bad things about a crystal-ended metal plug that is selling for around $20.  I would absolutely be suspect of glass sex toys sold on Amazon, as I personally experienced what can happen (see update from 2015 below).  Further issues abound with BDSM items (which are outside my realm of expertise) as well as specialty items like chastity cages:

 Another brand that can be suspect is Tantus. It was officially noted to affiliates “in regards to Amazon & Ebay, we don’t sell directly to anyone that has an Amazon/Ebay store. Tantus does NOT guarantee the origin, product quality, or authenticity of ‘Tantus’ items purchased off of these sites.”

Could They Re-Sell a Used Sex Toy?

This part is just a theory but there’s another issue with third-party sellers that isn’t brought up much in discussions about Amazon – the returned sex toys. I’ve always felt pretty confident that there’s little to worry about when the major retailers who allow returns of sex toys (despite a few dramatic claims at the height of other issues with EF). Lovehoney and EdenFantasys both allow it. While Lovehoney is certainly bigger and more global, EdenFantasys used to hold its own quite well as a go-to retailer in its day. Logistically speaking, why would they risk their reputation and company on re-selling a returned (used or defective) sex toy? All it would take would be for one person to report it to the authorities and the doors would be shut. But with an Amazon third-party seller who doesn’t use Fulfillment By Amazon, a person could send back a toy and an unscrupulous seller could re-sell it. I’ve seen third-party sellers who do accept returns if it is “unused and unopened” but unless it’s been shrink-wrapped it’s not that hard to carefully open a box and make it look like it was never opened. On Twitter after this post was first published, this was said and very relevant:

Updated for 2016: Cosmo recently interviewed a person who has done a metric fuck ton of reviews on Amazon. This person is sent product from Amazon sellers; not Amazon directly. She noted that she has had products arrive “destroyed” or “be dirty like someone’s used them already”. This does not sound good!

The Amazon Shuffle – The New Shell Game?

Are all sex toys from Amazon possibly a counterfeit? Of course not. But the risk for getting one is high enough that I don’t feel that people should take the gamble. Many people have no idea that they even got a counterfeit some of the time, especially until it breaks.  Many think it’s okay to buy the item if it is listed as being “Sold by Amazon LLC”.  Here’s how it works: In the Amazon Warehouses, to save space, every We-Vibe Tango (as an example) goes into the same warehouse bin. Every seller who is storing their goods at Amazon for Amazon to ship has to give their item a UPC or Item Code or something. Everything with the same item code all goes in the same bin. They don’t have room to store every seller’s We-Vibe Tango in a different space. So now, whenever you buy a We-Vibe Tango someone at Amazon is grabbing from the communal bin. Since Amazon has many warehouses across the country, they’ll also ship your item from the warehouse closest to you that stocks the item. This means it’s not necessarily going to be the stock of the retailer you chose to buy from and there’s no control over that, either. You could be ordering from a reputable retailer on Amazon and still get the stock from a shady retailer.  The ONLY way you’re not taking a risk is if the item is being sold by AND shipped by a reputable retailer or manufacturer – of which there are very few on Amazon. And then, because it’s coming from the retailer/manufacturer and not Amazon, there goes all your assumed discretion in shipping and the possibility of “Prime” shipping. So what’s the point?

Update for 2015: For two distinct purposes, I purposely purchased sex toys from Amazon. One purpose was to determine what some of these Chinese vendors actually meant when they were calling a product “medical grade silica gel”, which meant I bought some items with dubious material declarations. Spoiler alert: it’s a crapshoot on whether you’ll get silicone (a material actually used for sex toys, whereas silica gel is not) or something…else. The second purpose was for my glass sex toy test. I purchased two that were listed as a branded item. Both came in identical packaging – which to say, it wasn’t manufacturer packaging. Both were purchased from different sellers. One I was able to confirm easily as a counterfeit, by being sent the actual branded item from SheVibe.

Is it Just Amazon?

No. While other sites don’t work the same way, there’s still a huge huge risk of the game ending badly if you buy from Ebay. If you find discount sites that look too good to be true….they probably are. Aliexpress.com is one such site. 

Stay Safe, Ask a Sex Blogger

So what would you rather do? Save ten or twenty bucks and take a big gamble on Amazon or deal with a sex toy retailer that is vetted by your hardworking sex toy review bloggers, and is a company that actually cares about you? By buying from the companies we bloggers work with, you’re supporting the Good Guys in the industry. By using us bloggers as a sounding board before you spend your money, you could actually save money by listening to our advice in our reviews. I advise many people one-on-one on their purchase before they buy (email, Tumblr or Reddit). I’ve had too many people come to me AFTER their purchase, saying that they wished they’d seen my review before wasting their money and there went $100+ down the drain. Read all the reviews, email your favorite bloggers. Ask their opinion. And then, when you’ve decided, wait a little bit. Keep an eye on the sales. Tantus, for example, has a different sale every month. SheVibe has different sales every week. And don’t just take the word of one blogger. 

BOTTOM LINE: I’m such a huge advocate of safe, non-porous sex toys; I want every aspect of your sex toy buying and using experience to be as safe as possible. I can’t promise your safety if you buy from Amazon and Ebay.

When you CAN shop at Amazon

There’s really only three sexuality items you can safely purchase from Amazon, in my opinion. As always, do your research first! 

  1. Educational sex books / erotica books
  2. Condoms
  3. Lube, only after you’ve read up on which lubes & lube ingredients to avoid!

Where to Shop

If you’ve been here before, you probably know my most highly-recommended store is SheVibe.  My reasons are many and varied, but here’s the highlights: their stock is neither too specialized or too excessive. They don’t stock known-toxic toys. They educate their customers on the porous toys. The company is run by people who love what they do and who treat everyone – customers to industry people – with kindness and respect. Their prices are great, and they have many sales. They have a large and varied stock without trying to carry every product under the sun. They are often champions for smaller, indy brands like Fucking Sculptures, and are open to suggestions. Nearly everything under the sun that I could ever recommend for purchase, SheVibe carries. I can’t say that about any other store on my list.

I don’t often recommend buying directly from a manufacturer, but there are two that I’ll break that rule for:

Tantus is great, and every month has a really great sale (no sale you like? Coupon code LILLY gets you 15% off). Between their closeout section and grab bag section, you’re bound to find a safe, silicone dildo to fit your budget. And their customer service is great. Problem with your order? They’ll take care of it. Currently their shipping is a bit high though and can be a deterrent for small orders – although they do offer free shipping in the US if you spend $100. 

Crystal Delights is another wonderful manufacturer of truly high-quality glass items. Their specialty is glass plugs with Swarovski crystals at the end. They also make tail plugs and glass dildos. 

Other retailers I can recommend:

Early to Bed is a Chicago-based shop with an online presence. They have a great selection of items for trans and genderqueer people; however they have a habit re-naming the sex toys they carry. This makes it hard to locate a particular sex toy if you know it by brand and style name.

Smitten Kitten is a Minneapolis-based shop with an online presence. They have a great selection of kitschy and cute gifts, they carry an extended line of BS Atelier products, they’re the only shop I know of right now carrying Hole Punch toys, and they are the brains behind the Lube Guide and every starting point I’ve had for toxic toy research. Their educational book section is absolutely fabulous.

Goodvibes is a long-time shop with an online presence as well as a few brick stores in the US. They don’t carry anything toxic, but do carry some porous items. Their overall catalog tends to be slim and I have numerous favorites that they don’t carry. They also sometimes re-name toy, but more often I’ll find them stripping the manufacturer’s name from the lower-end stuff – since I try to avoid recommending certain brands, I’m not a fan of this practice. Their prices are not as good as SheVibe. They do have a decent on-demand porn store, though.

Come As You Are is a nice little Toronto-based cooperative shop with an online presence. They’re one of the few better stores that do carry a few toxic items – in fact the first few things that come up in their dildo section seem to have phthalates. However, they’re one of the few places that carry a silicone vaginal dilator set with the dilator sizes ranging from 1/2″ wide to 1 1/2″ wide and you can buy the sizes separately. Their prices seem to be good and they also have a great selection of items for trans and genderqueer people. They do have educational material on the site, but continue to (as most places do) insist that condoms will absolutely protect against phthalates (it’s not actually been proven true, nor has it been proven false).

I’ve never experienced them personally, but a number of Canadian friends spoke well of the shipping, prices and customer service at Lovedreamer. They seem to carry a fair amount of crap, but also have a good amount of sales going. Do your research before picking something out.

Lovehoney has bases in the US, UK, Australia. On the plus side, they have a 365-day return policy if you hate it. On the other hand, they carry a large amount of porous stuff without educating consumers about it and their prices are not as good as SheVibe. Stick to silicone (if in doubt, ask) and the other safe materials. Even if they call it “body safe”, if it’s not a non-porous, I’d avoid it.

Other places that are fine, I just don’t work with them: Babeland is best if you are at a brick store. Online their selection is kinda meh. UK shoppers can also check out ThatPosition or Vibrator Kingdom. Canadians, check out Pinkcherry. Australians, I’ve heard MissX and AdultSpice are good.

 Posted by at 12:32 pm
Sep 222014
 

It took 6 years for me to be accused of being bought off. Also, I’m officially notorious. Perhaps I should change my handle to Notorious L.I.L?

SheVibe is All That

Some people, even other bloggers, have questioned my love for SheVibe. As one of the biggest mouths in the Toxic Toy “hysteria” scene, I’ve had a few question it because they carry stuff that’s porous. They don’t carry anything that isn’t labeled by the manufacturer as “phthalates-free” so in that regard they ARE a non-toxic shop. As you all know I don’t love porous toys and won’t recommend them for insertables 98% of the time.  Plus I have deep reservations about trusting the phthalates-free claims from certain companies. Hey, they can lie. So while there are items in stock that I personally don’t agree with, it’s better than most shops. More importantly, SheVibe has changed with the times and now they warn customers about porosity. This still doesn’t mean that customers necessarily understand porosity or why it matters, but that’s another story for another day.

So yes, a few have even questioned if I’m being paid to be so loyal to SheVibe, and work with them/recommend them above all other retailers. Not only am I not paid off to be loyal to them, but I make less money in commissions by directing my readers to them. The affiliate commission percentage at SheVibe is a bit less than most other places I’m affiliated with. But there’s really nowhere else I’d rather my readers shop. I’ve come to realize in my many years that the integrity of the company as a whole and the humans running the company is incredibly important. You will never find SheVibe trying to control their affiliates and what they write in their reviews1. You will never find SheVibe bad-mouthing their competition just to get ahead in business. They do not want to succeed to the detriment of another company.  They have never, to my knowledge, threatened a reviewer in any way, or screwed over a customer. SheVibe is run by a bunch of people whom I consider to all be Good People. They have a sense of humor (that maybe all don’t agree with) and they have a unique style; they’re not cookie-cutter, they’re not posers, they’re not schmoozers. If they fuck up, they apologize and fix, they listen and learn. They listen to their trusted reviewers and value them.  In my 6 years I’ve come across a lot of douchebags and awful people. SheVibe is a goddamn gem. Which is to say nothing of the fact that their stock selection is good, they’ll carry things if requested to do so, their prices are great, their customer service is great, they have sales all the time, they don’t try to hide who the manufacturer is of a toy or change the name of it, and if you’re lucky you might get some box art.  They have bent over backwards for their customers AND bloggers time and time again; for as long as they were allowed to, they offered to handle the 30-day money-back gaurantee for the Womanizer so that people actually felt safe trying it out (many people on social media had said that epi24 was ignoring their requests for money back).

I also want to point out that ever since I started sending my readers to SheVibe, I haven’t heard a single complaint – in fact I’ve heard praise and gratitude for introducing them to SheVibe. I’ve had complaints about EdenFantasys, Adam & Eve, others on my Blacklist and hell even a few complaints about places I do support like Lovehoney and yes, even Tantus.

Jimmyjane is Clueless

I recently received this awesome note of thanks from an employee at a retail store down south, saying that she and her co-workers often learn more from me than many company reps and they credit me for teaching them about toxic & porous toys – honestly the note was awesome and it made my week…not just for the thank you but for this next part. Apparently, their Jimmyjane rep is not only unprofessional but clueless as well. When the rep tried talking up the Form 4, one of the employees countered back with complaints about the charging dock, the price and…..the seam. At the word “seam” the rep woke up and said “You must have read Dangerous Lilly’s blog. She hates us… I don’t even know why she hates us so much. I think she’s being paid by Lelo to leave us bad reviews.”

I’m both insulted and laughing my ass off. Are you fucking kidding me??? Clearly the rep only reads what I write about JJ and never read this post.  They don’t know why I hate the company? Let’s see. OH OH I KNOW. Hmm everything I said in the beginning of this review which of course she read since that’s the product in question that created the entire exchange. Not to mention the fact that I just cannot respect a company that, in earnest, has tried to sell a $35,000 plane ride or a $4,000 bouncy house (to say nothing of the fact that they think people will pay $40 more for gold-plating on the charging contacts). Jimmyjane is a company for the 1%, and I am not2.  Listen, I’m not about to hate a person because they work for a company who puts out products I don’t like. You do you. JJ isn’t making toxic crap; they’re just overcharging like whoa for stuff that isn’t worth the price tag.  But at least have a better line of defense than that. At least TRY, Jimmyjane Rep. Try to defend your product without being totally fucking classless and making me think you’re a really great fit for that company.

 I’m really just a Mouthy Bitch

Here’s the thing. I am a customer, first and foremost. My reviews here are no different than my reviews and opinions on products anywhere else. I’m opinionated and picky. If I hated that batter dispenser I got from Amazon, you better believe I’m going to leave a negative review when it broke after the 4th use. Welcome to the life, folks – there’s shitty companies everywhere trying to make something cheaper and for more profit, customer happiness (and quality) be damned. It’s true in sex toys as much as kitchenware. 

I’m also not a salesperson. I have affiliate links, yes. It’s my way of getting paid for the work I do. I will occasionally review products when there’s no chance at affiliate commission but by and large the affiliate system is a roundabout way of paying for the long hours put into each review and every educational guide. But either way, I’m not going to give a bad review to a product I won’t get affiliate commission for and I won’t give a glowing review to a product just to earn a sale from you. I was once in your shoes, too, unsure where to spend my money. I’ll never purposely steer you wrong.

Any other rumors you’d like me to clear up? :)

 

  1. Yes, there are places doing this, even now…stores you would think are above such nonsense
  2. To be fair, Lelo is guilty of this crap too, to a degree, with their gold and silver/platinum versions of the Ella and Bob and whatnot….but they didn’t do the bouncy house and plane ride so they’re the lesser of two evils
 Posted by at 4:21 pm
Sep 202014
 

Earlier this year I ranted on a topic similar to this; many companies have no idea the sort of effort we put into our sex toy reviews. The testing, the photos, the writing, the editing, and even the promoting. For the cheap toys, we’re getting screwed in the conversion if the sex toy is seen as “payment” for the review.  But many of us spend at least half a day’s work time (if we’re comparing this to an hourly full-time job) if not a full day or even MORE than a full work day’s time on our reviews.

So today I saw a post from a blogger, not a sex blogger, talking about fair pay for bloggers. We’re not the only ones doing reviews! During my short time as a food blogger, I was indeed doing some reviewing. Perhaps because I was new, perhaps because that’s how they do it, but I was never sent a retail size product for review. If it was for, say, something that comes 6 per box….I was sent one individual item. I was tempted to review it as “ew yuck, tastes like poo, avoid” and that be that. Compared to the retail value of the sex toys I get? 140 characters for a total review would have been generous.

Regardless, the post is very good and raises some good points. Go read it. I’ll be here. Come back and talk amongst yourselves.

Maybe what I’m doing is fighting for equal pay: equal pay with journalists, critics, columnists.. or just being paid at all. It’s not a perfect proposition, I know that, but something needs to change. My idea has many reasons why it won’t work – but I just feel that it needs to be addressed and we get a conversation going in order to try and start to make a change.

Some points that have already been raised on twitter include integrity of the review/reviewer…..wouldn’t a company only want to pay for a positive review? Would this change how the reviewer talks about the product? Is there a way to get fair pay to bloggers for the hard work of a review without compromising anybody’s integrity? What about a payment to spotlight the review? For some reviewers, they don’t post often so a new post will stay on the homepage awhile. For others, it might scroll by quickly. One option could be that a blogger is paid a special sort of advertising fee for a sidebar banner that leads to the review or the company’s site or extra social media attention to the review maybe. I don’t know. I don’t know how it would work, if it could work, if any company values us enough to do it.

The blogger who wrote this post did a follow-up, and there is one point someone else raised that I found interesting:

Under the heading “Do you get paid for Product Seeding?” her answer was

“…No. Unless you are required to use specific links, post specific verbiage or do specific tasks in relation to the gifting. If you are being sent a product, you are at liberty to post in whatever context on whatever time frame you deem appropriate. If celebrities don’t get paid to wear a pair of jeans, you aren’t either”

Except that….in the sex toy world we are often required to have certain words appear, and appear as links, links that don’t have our affiliate link in them. We’re hounded if we have the product longer than a few months.

Do you agree? Disagree? Retailers and manufacturers, we’d love to hear your thoughts, too. Be anon if you must!

Would you think the blogger is getting fair pay, or would you think they’re less trustworthy?  If you respond on twitter, let’s use their hashtag, shall we? #fairpayforbloggers

 Posted by at 10:15 am
Sep 172014
 

I’ve spent the majority of my 6+ years not asking to be nominated; I felt it defeated the purpose (in my mind). That if anybody actually liked my work, they’d nominate it without prompt. I’ve since dropped all stubbornness and “pride” and have no fucks left to give about my previous stick-up-my-ass ways.  I am liberated! Or something.

I’m cantankerous, I’m rough around the edges, I’m not all that universally liked. I’m okay with that! I’m proud of the work I do, and if I raise some hackles then I think it means I’m doing my job right. The private notes I receive keep me going, the thanks and tales of change.  And while I’m not a “sexy” blogger anymore and don’t really fit in now with any of these “sexy” sex blogger lists, there’s a new feature that I think I do fit in with. Rory has decided to highlight “posts of the year” and there’s actually two categories that are very much me: Op-Ed and Educational/review.  Of the pieces I’ve written from these categories this year, I think these are the best ones. If you happen to agree, I’d like to ask for your nomination, here. Of course, if there’s something else I wrote that you think is better than these, by all means, ignore my four below. *I* think these are my best, but what do I know :) 

Wood Sex Toys: An Introduction

Despite being probably one of the oldest materials used to make sex toys, wood is one of the most misunderstood. We hear the “splinters” comments a LOT, you guys. A lot. I tried to debunk the myths and figure out the safety aspect.

A Brief History of Sex Blogging

This started out small, but turned into a rambling history filled in by many people across various platforms (and it also sparked controversy and misunderstandings).

How Porous is Your Sex Toy? Why Does it Matter?

There’s a great big gray area in the world of safe sex toys, the porous-but-not-toxic section. Or the porous-and-they-claim-it’s-not-toxic section. So many don’t understand why porosity matters, or that they should stop using the dildo when little black spots start showing up.

The Posh Life of a Sex Toy Reviewer

Most companies don’t have a clue how much work many of us reviewers put into each review, how many hours. We work a lot harder at this than you may realize. Our work is worth more than you realize. And it is work. It is time consuming.

 

Thanks :) Visit Rori here to nominate your favorite blogger posts.

 Posted by at 5:58 pm
Aug 302014
 

I’m going to start a new little project, and I can’t do it alone. But hey, it benefits you! 

My reviews here are a good balance of subjective and objective, but sometimes they tip the scales into more subjective. Which is really why I started reviewing in the first place – I had a hard time figuring out if a sex toy was going to work out for me without reading about other people’s experiences. But when I talk about how well a toy did (or didn’t) work out for me, that opinion isn’t going to apply to everyone. Let’s say I couldn’t love a dildo because it’s short; I’m round and not all that flexible, so a short dildo is not going to work for me. But someone else without those issues might absolutely adore that dildo. Another example: the OhMiBod remote control Bluemotion vibrator is something that I’m reluctant to even ask for review, because I know that design won’t work for me and how I’m built.  Since that nub has no prayer of reaching my clitoris, my opinion of how the vibe might work for others could be skewed. 

You get the idea, I’m sure. So basically I want to create a list of other reviewers who review subjectively and who can plonk themselves into little descriptive boxes. I have two ideas for how this will look. The first is a line for each person, and then icons, like the icons SheVibe uses for at-a-glance info on sex toys (if you’re looking at the OMB vibe I linked up there, it’s the icons that let you know if something is anal-safe, rechargeable, waterproof, etc).  Another idea is a table, with names going down the left and attributes going across the top and dots in the boxes. If you have better ideas, please explain them. This is all I could come up with this afternoon. 

Who will qualify for this list? 

  • You should be comfortable with writing negative/critical reviews. If you didn’t like the item, if it didn’t work for you and is bad enough it won’t work for most? Say it. Be critical and note flaws. Make sure people understand what they are spending their money on!
  • You should be committed to reviewing only non-toxic, quality toys. What’s good? TPR, Elastomer, TPE are okay but porous. Same goes for Tenga stuff and Fleshlight. Good is silicone, hard plastic, glass, certain brands of wood, quality metals, coated ceramics, stone.
  • Ideally, your reviews should contain a good amount of subjective discussion and personal experience with the toy, and be well-written.
  • I also want this list to be as broad as possible. I need a good mix of all genders and sexualities.  I need people who live all around the world.  Kinky, vanilla, and everything on the spectrum, please!

 

It will end up looking like this for each person:

Dangerous Lilly

  • Vibrations: 4
  • Stimulation: 3
  • Size – Vaginal: Width: 4 Length: 5
  • Body: Fat, fuller labia, buried clit
  • Gender: Cis female
  • Disabilites: Reduced strength, mild arthritis, issues with flexibility & reach
  • Orgasm ability without toys: 5
  • Partner reviews: prostate stimulators and masturbators, cismale POV
  • Favorite toys: We-Vibe Tango, Njoy Pure Wand, Je Joue Uma
  • Orgasm preference: Clitoral
  • Keywords: More power; safe sex toys; very picky!

What I’m looking for from others would roughly fit the outline below.  Attempt to be succinct and if something doesn’t apply (you don’t have a vagina, you don’t review anal toys) skip it. 

  • Vibrations: Rank the intensity you prefer/need on a scale from 1 to 5, 5 being the most intense.
  • Stimulation: Pinpoint or broad for external vibrations? 1= super pinpoint, 5=very broad
  • Size – Vaginal: Width and Length, scales below
  • Size – Anal: Width and Length, scales below
  • Body: Again, be brief, use keywords. For me, being fat defines how I use toys. If you’re not? If your body size doesn’t factor in in any special way to how a toy might work out for you? Don’t list it. Include here also whatever details about genitals you’re comfortable sharing. I’m comfortable saying that I have very full outer labia and a small, buried clit. Info like this helps others who are built similarly find someone else built like them. Penises, similar info. (try to limit to 50-70 characters)
  • Gender: List it however you choose, whatever terminology fits for you.
  • Disabilities: Have any? List em if it matters to how toys work for you (try to limit to 50-70 characters)
  • Orgasm ability without toys: Judge as best as you can. Scale listed below. If you have a penis, would this apply less/not at all? If so, don’t need to list it.
  • Partner reviews: If you have a partner who reviews toys that you can’t use, list it. My husband, cis male, reviews penis and prostate toys for my blog. (try to limit to 50-70 characters)
  • Favorite toys: Pick three if you can, but limit it to three
  • Orgasm Preference: Do you have one? List it.
  • Keywords: key words or short phrases that really apply best to you. I’m aiming for 55 characters or less here.

Scales:

1 to 5, 1 being least intense/smallest/easiest

Orgasm scale – 1 would be it’s easy and consistent, 5 would be it happens never or very rarely & only with much patience. Scale yourself accordingly between those two.

Stimulation – External vibrations. 1= super pinpoint, 5=very broad

Size  scale –

  1.  1.25″ and under
  2. 1.25 – 1.5
  3. 1.5 – 1.75
  4. 1.75 – 2.0
  5. 2.0 +

Size scale – length

  1. 3″ and under
  2. 3″-5″
  3. 5-6″
  4. 6-8″
  5. 8″ or more OR toys with a long handle

 

UPDATE: I’d like to be able to publish all of this on a page on my blog, but I’d also like to give people the ability to sort and filter. Embedding a spreadsheet from Google Docs doesn’t work within the confines of the post area space, and wouldn’t look right on mobile, so I’ll provide a link to a version of the spreadsheet that’ll be published on the web. Anytime changes are made or people are added, the published sheet will auto-update.

 Posted by at 2:26 pm