Apr 292010

Be it from uninformed talk or uneducated fear, or both, I know I’ve read in many places that consistent use of a vibrator on your clit will make it harder for you to orgasm without a vibrator. I can list just such a place but Epiphora already wrote a beautiful rant, and I don’t want to link to the asshole’s website any more than as little as necessary.

When you’re using the big bad vibrators like the Wahl and the Hitachi, the likes of which no human could match, I did fear there for awhile that sure I’d discovered a way to finally and reliably (usually) get off but that I could be sacrificing any chances at ever getting off WITHOUT the vibrators. Of course, I hoarded the vibrators -because- it was rare for me to orgasm without them. But it was ok; my hub was fine with it and accepted it. Casual encounters suffered (because I didn’t bring my vibe to a hook-up, lol) but then they usually did when it came to my orgasm.

the past

When I finally learned enough about my own body to know what I should be doing to achieve orgasm (many years later in life than most), I couldn’t manage it with just fingers 9 times out of 10. Partners could do it, but it was just about as rare. Now that I know more about my body, how my cunt behaves after orgasm and so on I’m actually pretty sure that I *was* having clitoral orgasms back then. It wasn’t often and it wasn’t earth-shattering (obviously, because I wasn’t even aware that I was orgasming) but it did happen. I know I enjoyed sex thoroughly and was long-since having g-spot orgasms during sex with my now-husband. But it wasn’t until I got a vibrator (or electric toothbrush) in my hands that I had an actual, pulsating, no-doubt clitoral orgasm. And then? I was addicted. Forever searching for new and improved vibrators. Why do you think I got into reviewing? ;)

the recent past

Vibrators or not, I wasn’t quick to orgasm for the first year or two until I got the bigger vibrators. It took time, more time than I sometimes cared to devote. Fingers got me close….but I either wasn’t capable of going over the edge or I just gave up too soon. I could have counted on one hand the number of times I’d had a clitoral orgasm with no vibrator involved. And I can most definitely tell you that the times it occurred that way didn’t see me as worked up as I’ve gotten while at work. But yet I was never able to come at work  without the aide of a vibrator…..sometimes even then it eluded me.Desperation to come, or not, I was completely unable to ever orgasm at work if the batteries died.

present day

Last month, I had my *second ever* clitoral orgasm from oral sex to the utter shock and glee of mostly me but my hub, too. A few months ago, I came with my silver bullet barely touching my clit….I wasn’t even trying, but boy I was sure watching an arousing scene!

Recently I experienced a new first. TWO orgasms achieved with nothing more than my finger on my clit; two in the same evening, without g-spot stimulation (which had been necessary in the past); two before my fingers/hands/wrists even had time to get tired and sore. The first one I actually had to purposely hold back on. I was watching porn, at the time. Not real porn, no I prefer amateur stuff that’s “we’ve forgotten or don’t know there’s a camera there” type as you well know. Point is…..two somewhat-easy orgasms with no vibrators!! Woohoo! And then a week later? It happened again! Not consistently but that’s to be expected.


Haven’t I been assaulting it now for months and months with vibrators that would make some women back away in fear?

I’m not looking a gift horse in the mouth, though. I’m going to continue my non-vibrator research. Oh you betcha!

Apr 182010

So the other week I wake up to an email notification in my inbox from the kinky social networking site I belong to. I’m not very active there, so I don’t get a lot of messages. I’ve had a few recently……dominant men who make me snarl and snap, but they’re not worth mentioning. Everybody gets those sort.

But this morning in question I was fresh into my self-imposed hiatus and easily irritated. When I read the message in my email I had no clue who the sender was other than their name but could see that the subject line was “hi honey” and the message was merely: “nice titties sexy girl”. I logged into the site with guns a’blazin’ and was all ready to fire off a “fuck you” email for the offensive and assumptive content (I told you I was feeling cranky and pissy! I’d normally brush it off)

but wait.

It’s not from a guy…..

And suddenly, I was stopped. My first reaction was “hey that’s kinda…..hot”. She appears to be a little butch but she’s in a relationship with a guy and her look isn’t “butch” just “metal/punk/raaaa” tryin to be a hard ass. Her profile though comes across very butch and gruff and Toppy and a few lines in it lead me to believe that anything I might do with her I can expect him to be involved and neither one of them appealed to me quite enough to get involved in a dual-topping session from them.

Mostly importantly though was that lingering word that I hate.


I hate it. It sounds like a word used to describe an animal, like a cow’s teets or a dog’s. Which therefore leads me to imagining it coming out of a uneducated redneck-drawled mouth and…….no. Just….no.

Tits is fine. Boobs is fine. But yet I also cringe at “boobies” unless its coming from a kid. The word “boobies” seems juvenile to me. Whether it comes from a man or woman, it just feels asexual. It’s a word that if said during dirty talk would feel like a bucket of cold water.

Of course my skeptical brain then sat there and thought about it and then wondered if that message did, in fact, come from HER. Was it maybe him controlling both accounts? Or just him logging in to her account on a whim? They are local, and if I cared enough I could figure out if she’s actually behind it. But despite a deep craving recently for girly sex or group sex, the intrigue just isn’t there enough for me to take the risk in trying.

Saving Women’s Studies At UNLV – Please Help

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Apr 172010

My friend Diva alerted me to something yesterday, and I wanted to share this because I think it’s important. Read on and please take a moment to send an email to UNLV’s President, Neal Smatresk, to voice your support for Women’s Studies at UNLV. From her post:

I was dismayed when I received this note from my friend Lynn last week and I am asking for your help. If you are a blogger please repost this note and ask other bloggers to also post it. If you’re not a blogger please take a moment to write the UNLV president and voice your support for Women’s Studies at UNLV. The monetary savings if $300,000 in reality is a small amount in the budget and cost of what we all lose when departments such as this are cut is so much higher.

April 11, 2010

Dear Friends and Colleagues:

As many of you are aware, Nevada has been hit especially hard by the economic downturn. Revenue from gaming and tourism – the two biggest sources of state revenue – is down by double digits; Nevada ranks number one in the country for foreclosures; and unemployment in Clark County, as of February 2010, hovers at 13.9%. The effect of the recession on the Nevada System of Higher Education has been just as dire. Since I arrived on campus in Fall 2007, state funding for UNLV has been cut by over 30%. The latest round of budget cuts – which are certainly not the last – has forced the hand of the administration to initiate a university-wide program review geared toward “vertical cuts,” or the elimination of entire academic units.

UNLV’s Women’s Studies Department is one of eight academic units on the chopping block. Eliminating Women’s Studies would save UNLV less than $300,000. But the hidden costs would be immense and irreversible, especially to UNLV’s stated mission to “nurture equity, diversity, and inclusiveness.”

UNLV has no Ethnic Studies Department, so Women’s Studies does double and, at times, triple duty to fulfill the mandate of equipping students to navigate an increasingly diverse society and global economy. If the Women’s Studies Department is eliminated, non-tenured faculty, including myself and my colleague Dr. Anita Revilla – one of only two Chicana professors in the College of Liberal Arts – will lose our jobs.

I ask that you please take a moment to send an email to UNLV’s President, Neal Smatresk, to voice your support for Women’s Studies at UNLV. The administration needs to know that people all over the country, both within and outside academia, are watching what transpires at UNLV. (I have attached a “fact sheet” detailing what would be lost if UNLV?s Women’s Studies Department is eliminated.) Las Vegas – of all places – needs a heartbeat of feminism; and UNLV students and faculty deserve the benefits that come from a vibrant, intellectually engaged, and diverse Women’s Studies Department.

Thank you for your support – and please feel free to circulate this note.

Lynn Comella
Assistant Professor
Department of Women’s Studies
University of Nevada, Las Vegas


Why UNLV Needs Women’s Studies: Diversity and Inclusion

Eliminating Women’s Studies would save UNLV less than $300,000. But the hidden costs would be immense and irreversible, especially to UNLV’s mission to “nurture equity, diversity, and inclusiveness.”

Eliminating Women’s Studies would save UNLV less than $300,000

The current overall cost of the WS department is: $629,857

If WS were eliminated, UNLV would still have to pay salaries totaling: $339,000

By eliminating the department, UNLV would thus save only: $290,857

We Need Women’s Studies to Nurture a Diverse Student Body Equipped for a Global Economy

  • A 1998 Ford Foundation Survey found that almost 70% of American voters believe that “preparing people to function in a more diverse work force” and “in a more diverse society” are two of the top four goals of higher education.
  • Research shows that students who take diversity courses develop the “more tolerant racial and gender attitudes” key to success in a diverse society and global economy, with students enrolled in Women’s and Ethnic Studies courses showing the greatest gains.
  • At UNLV each year, at least 2,262 students fulfill their General Education diversity requirement by taking WS courses, a total of 11,624 students in just the past 5 years.
  • Among WS faculty who teach these courses is Dr. Anita Revilla – winner of 4 UNLV teaching awards and one of only 2 Chicana professors in the College of Liberal Arts. If WS is eliminated, Dr. Revilla will lose her job, and UNLV students will lose an excellent teacher.
  • Dr. Revilla and her WS colleagues founded and now mentor several organizations that represent and support underrepresented causes and students, including Hispanics (MEChA and UCIR), Asian Pacific Islanders (ROAR), students of color (Allied Students of Color, a group that is now inactive, but that helped create both UNLV’s Office for Diversity and Inclusion and the UNLV Multicultural Center), and female victims of violence (the Vagina Warriors, who stage yearly performances of The Vagina Monologues to raise both awareness and money for community organizations).
  • Though WS currently has only 26 majors, 88% of those students are women, 50% students of color, one of the highest proportions of any UNLV program or department.

We Need Women’s Studies to Nurture a Diverse and Representative Faculty

  • If WS is eliminated, UNLV will lose Drs. Lynn Comella and Anita Revilla, 2 female faculty members approaching tenure, including 1 of only 2 Chicanas in CoLA on the tenure-track.
  • UNLV will lose the only department on campus composed entirely of female faculty, half of whom are women of color.
  • In CoLA alone, 14 women faculty resigned between 2003 and 2009. 5 were women of color.
  • A 2009 Harvard survey of faculty from underrepresented minority groups across the nation found that “lack of diversity” ranked second only to “compensation” among the factors attracting them to, and encouraging them to stay, at a particular university.
  •  Posted by at 8:32 pm
    Apr 162010

    Recently, as a way to gradually get exercise without royally pissing off my back, I’ve started going for walks in the parking garage attached to my building. A heat wave prompted me to think of that, because the cement-encased garage would be cooler, plus no beating sun.

    The garage is mostly used by people who work in my building or a nearby building. The farther down you go in floors, the less sunlight and open spaces exist. The basement floors, of course, are fairly dark. Nice, cool and quiet.


    Mostly quiet.

    I take 3 little walks a day, for a few weeks now, and I’ve seen some things. I’m no stranger to gettin naughty (in more ways than one!)  in the parking garage (or in parking lots!)  so perhaps I have an eye for it…..

    I’ll start talking about them soon but I also want to hear from you. Email me a guest post and you can be as anonymous as you like….but I want to hear about what you’ve seen or done in parking garages!! I know I’m not the only one to spy sneaky things….

    Apr 142010

    HNT Wicked Wednesday pic is one post down……

    I have a lot of social issues and flaws (to the point that I have been asked once or twice if I have Asperger’s, lol) and I do or say things that come out wrong. As my position in the community as creator/editor of e[lust], I also too often censor myself and try to remain neutral.

    Combine those two things, and the result is a huge infraction of friendship.

    Recently Roland posted again about one of his favorite subjects to rant about….Entitlement and Privilege. My eyes glaze over anymore, and I have a personal policy of not engaging in fights in comments. Why?

    1. The person starting the debate/rant/diatribe is 9 times out of 10 a stubborn mule. They will not listen to anything other than agreements. They will continue to counter your arguments, facts and opinions until they are blue in the face. I have seen others do it without hesitation and guess what happens? The arguer is left PISSED and rabid-eyed, frothing at the mouth while the one who started it is calmly chuckling to himself.

    2. As I said up there, because of e[lust] I try to bite my tongue too much. When I started it, I knew that I had friendships in the community that put be definitively on one side of the room, so to speak. Just because I am friends with this group and against that clique, though, didn’t mean that I wanted to alienate anyone from participating in e[lust]. I had visions of fostering a community-wide thing where gang lines got blurred. Holy fuck, you can stop laughing at my pacifist ass now, really. Ok, seriously, stop laughing at me. Are you done yet?

    Even though part of his rant was about a person I care about dearly, Kyle, I commented on the post but held my tongue on my feelings. Roxy, in true hell-hath-no-fury fashion, took me to task about it, ripping me to shreds on her blog. Utter itty bitty shreds. Her words are vicious, and meant to hurt (unlike my actions of silence, which wasn’t meant to hurt). But I put myself in her shoes, in Kyle’s shoes, and I have no argument. She’s right. She’s 100% right and I’m unhappy with myself for my need of neutrality.

    Part of what was said on Roland’s post:

    The usually brilliant Butchtastic Kyle wrote a blog post about his humiliating experiences at the hands of the TSA agents at the airport. Normally, I would think this would be a topic to break the beers out for, since I too have had some head-spinning experiences with security dudes before and love to compare notes.

    However, here’s the rub; Butchtastic Kyle was whining – and it’s fair to call it exactly that – about the inappropriate search he received for going through airport security packing a silicon cock.

    Yep, weeks after the dude in Detroit tried to blow up an airliner with explosives hidden in his underpants, Butchtastic Kyle thinks it’s in somehow appropriate to march through security with six inches of silicon stuffed in exactly the same place – his briefs; and then gets pissy about the reception he got (both from security and in the comments on his blog, including mine.)


    So my words, that I shouldn’t have held:

    You’re wrong. You are flat-out wrong. You missed the entire point of the post, of the incident he recalled, his words. Did you even really read it? You, a white hetero cis-male, couldn’t ever possibly put yourself in Kyle’s shoes and understand how the TSA’s treatment felt. The TSA had every right to pull him aside and do a search. That part I will not deny and I don’t think Kyle was, either. It was the utter disrespect and disdain they served up to him. The lack of privacy and humiliation. NO ONE deserves that shit from ANY ONE. Period. If you suffered the indignation of a public humiliation I’d bet all my pretty undies that you’d be up in arms and fricasseeing the offenders.

    After Britni attempted to school him in comments he replied to her “You seem to always assume that your perspective is the only correct one, and that anybody who disagrees with you is somehow not entitled to have an independent opinion of their own.”




    He also said in comments “Some people in this community are aware that I was actually the subject of a documentary in the UK on a certain form of discrimination!” Then pray tell, how HOW can you say Kyle was WHINING? How would you react if one of us wrote up a ranty blog post saying how you were coming off as a whiny, entitled sad sack? I invoke the Golden Rule here. Try it sometime.

    Another quote, while I’m at it:

    Ultimately, if I’ve learned anything from this experience it’s that it’s all very well to call out people like Britni and Kyle; but you sound like a bit of a horse’s ass if you end up exhibiting bloggy behavior that’s arguably worse than theirs.

    *scratches head*

    That was said ironically, right? Seriously? No, really, tell me it was.

    In conclusion….

    I have learned 3 lessons

    1. Even Switzerland has to step in sometimes.

    2. ….shit, I forgot the second one……

    3. I’ve grown up. Old me would have read Roxy’s rant and written her off for doing it publicly without bitching me out personally, and for her vicious words. This Lilly read it. Thought about it. Talked to Roxy. Cried and apologized and did the whole “other shoes” bit and went “wow….she’s right. I was wrong in my inactions.” Publicly apologized and attempted to right the wrong.

    So Kyle….and Kyle’s loving White Knight (roxy)…..I am humbly and terribly sorry. Sorry for remaining neutral and thinking it was ok. For not seeing that the way I handled it was wrong. Sorry for not saying fuck my “job” and drawing a line in the sand. Mostly, sorry that you are hurting and I didn’t help.

    I won’t be making this error in judgment again.

    Petite Couture Cashmere Rabbit Vibrator

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    Apr 092010


    CalExotics tries. At least this is silicone. But the words “couture” and “cashmere” evoke luxury, quality, and many other descriptors that this vibrator cannot deliver.

    At first glance, the Cashmere appealed to me visually. A nice matte-silver handle, unoffensive Easter-purple silicone and best of all no damn animals on the clitoral arm portion. Even better, no itty-bitty ears/antennae/horns/legs protruding from the clit portion. It takes more than butterfly whispers for my clit to be happy. Of course there is a bit of protruding silicone (if I had to give it a vague shape, I’d compare it to a dolphin snout) where the clit stimulator is concerned and it of course extends a little past the actual vibrating bit. It manages to transmit the vibrations decently, though.

    There’s two types of silicone toys….shiny and matte finish. Even though matte finish can lend a little more resistance to the party, I prefer it because it works less like a fur & lint atomic magnet (have you ever managed to clean the dusty corner of your headboard cubby just by wanding a silicone dildo around the area? I have. It worked brilliantly, sadly.). So it’s got a nice, classy design; matte silicone; no animals; and a box with no silicone tits pictured. We’re heading for a win, right?

    Not so fast….

    I’ve only owned one other rabbit vibe, and in order to tell you why I don’t think this one is worth the money, I have to mention my old one. My old one (akin to the DJ iRabbit) had more bells n whistles. Sure it looked more gaudy and was not body-safe silicone, but it DID MORE. The shaft rotated and had swirling beads and something else. The controls on the base offered at once more confusion and more detail. You didn’t need to just cycle through the settings in ascending order, you could go forwards, backwards or off with one click. I can give you equal arguments for and against on having more control buttons. Given all that this rabbit vibe did, I had felt justified in paying around $80 (with inflation that same rabbit would probably cost over $120 now). Until, of course, the rotating motor died because my cunt clamped down too hard at orgasm!

    Anyways, onto the current contestant.

    The insertable portion does nothing other than rotate at the tip to three different speeds. That’s it. One direction, no vibration, no pearls (altho I must admit the pearls in other rabbits didn’t do anything for me). At 1 1/4″ wide, the shaft isn’t girthy enough to wow me. Nor were the rotational movements enough to even raise an eyebrow for me.

    From the base of the clitoral vibe to the tip of the shaft, it is 4.75″. It measures 3.25″ from the tip of the clit vibe to the tip of the g-spot section. Since I’ve never actually stuck a ruler up my cunt to measure and plot out in autocad where my g-spot and clit are in numbers, I don’t suppose that these numbers do most of you any good.

    The battery compartment is nice. A simple and easy-to-open cap clicks open with a shallow turn where the separate battery-holder then slides out. This allows batteries to be put in properly with ease. Sadly though it takes 3 AAA batteries, which aren’t as common in my house.

    The clitoral vibe offers vibration at three different power levels (the last one is very noisy if it’s not buried in your cunt) and then 4 different pattern settings which are pretty basic. As I mentioned before, the insertable part only offers up rotation of the last inch or so, a fairly shallow rotation in 3 different speeds. There are only 3 buttons on the handle. On/Off, the button controlling the clitoral vibe, and the button controlling the shaft. If you accidentally change a setting, you must cycle thru (including one click which turns off that section) to get back to where you were. The buttons DO light up when the power is “on” but otherwise the lights don’t tell you anything.

    I’m not a fan of rabbit vibes because they’re generally pricey and, in my experience, not worth the risk. Sure having one item to do 2 or 3 jobs at once is nice but it also leaves less room for customization and less chance it’ll work with the anatomy of a wide range of women. I could never feel comfortable in saying that *this* rabbit vibrator (this being any of them) will work for most women. I can’t say that – I don’t know how deep or shallow your g-spot is situated, same with your clit.

    This vibe got me off, surprisingly/barely, but it was a very boring orgasm to be truthful. In fact the shaft and its rotations didn’t enhance my experience or orgasm. While I’d rather see you choose this over a dodgy one that is made of porous material (jelly, rubber, TPR, etc), it’s still not great. Not awful, but not great.  For the fact that it is battery-powered, I’d really like to see a lower price point on it. At around $80, it’s still not affordable to many people.

    Edit: At the time of my review, this product was carried at EdenFantasys. It’s been discontinued there, and the closest model that Shevibe carries is the Couture Aquarius. Same size, same features, different color.

     Posted by at 7:52 pm