Feb 152015
 

packingupEverybody told me, “Buying a house is really stressful” but like the other awful club I’m part of, there’s the First-Time-Buying-a-House Club and you can’t be in it til you’re in it and other people can sympathize but they won’t understand. I DID NOT UNDERSTAND. NOW I DO. I’ve employed a few options for stress relief in the last month, and will continue to use those options liberally over the next 30 days. I’ve had more chest-pain-inducing panic attacks in the last couple weeks than my entire life. While things are not going horribly (our credit is shockingly good), there are the normal bumps; but I’m prone to expecting the worst lately. I’ve had two or so straight years of being disappointed in various life things, planning and expecting only to have hopes crushed at the last minute. From simple things like a day trip sightseeing to missing out on a concert (and the money spent on tickets) due to a root canal the same day. I keep expecting this to all blow up spectacularly in our faces.

But yet, I’m packing as best as I can1, because even though I’m glass-half-empty, the hope can’t be crushed.

For the first time in our lives, we’ll have a place that’s really our own. If want to add on, if we want to knock down a wall, or build something or paint something? Totally can do it. It’s both extremely exciting and very overwhelming. There’s a lot we’re going to need; curtains and kitchen cabinet organizers and bathroom storage and a shed and and and….etc.  I’m getting lost in Pinterest, falling in love with design and DIY ideas that are probably beyond our limited capabilities.

The brand new stove and dishwasher are still covered in their blue sticky protective stuff, which was a let down because I could really have gotten behind blue metallic appliances. To compensate, I’ll use blue elsewhere in the kitchen – I’m torn between the color of Le Creuset Marseille and Caribbean. Not that I can afford Le Creuset, beyond a salt or butter crock. No matter, I guess, we’ll be living damn frugal for at least the next year or three I suspect. I’m going to have to learn how to repurpose and reimagine cheap things I can find in yard sales to create an office for myself. I’ll have a good-sized closet in my tiny office room and I’ll be able to use at least half of it for sex toys. I’ve been contemplating this rotating dildo organizer, and this over-the-top chest of drawers. I’ll finally be able to construct a storage and organization option to suit my needs. A desk that is more functional yet resistant to clutter (that one may be a miracle) is my first task.

I wanted to give an update, because that last post was made on January 22nd and I really didn’t want to see that post up there front and center anymore. I have some sex toys to review, but I’m mired in packing and stress. I’m hoping to get a few out in the next couple weeks. I REALLY want to tell you about the new Jimmyjane Hello Touch X and show you the Rockbox Finger vibe.

Responses to emails and chats may be delayed; presence on social media might be slim. So please have patience. And buy through my affiliate links2! Because we’re going to be really, really broke for quite awhile….

  1. which isn’t really very well at all, I suck at this
  2. conveniently all located at the top of my sidebar
 Posted by at 2:37 pm
Jan 222015
 

Note that says: "You're never alone, okay? Someone somewhere cares about you and wants you to be alright. Even if it's just a random person you met on the internet. You are loved. Don't forget that."I need to preface this post. You won’t learn anything from this. I have no answers, no treatment plan, no quest. I have uncertainties and questions.  It isn’t an eloquent post. If you need a visual, I am huddled under a hoodie unable to make eye contact, I’m fidgety and exhausted. I’m skimming in some parts because I don’t have enough introspection to be able to elaborate. This is raw and uncomfortable and it’s not a pretty post. Like I told Reenie when I got her opinion on this post, this is a glimpse of me in therapy (and a clue as to why I don’t DO therapy). I’m all over the place, I skip details, yet I repeat. I’m saying all of this the best I can. This isn’t for fame or notoriety, because let’s face it, I’d like to think I normally write better than this. But if I take the time to polish it, it will never get published. Take it or leave it. 

For the last year or 18 months, I’ve mentally been on a downward, slow spiral. Stress and unknown other factors have made me subtly feel less awesome. It’s been so subtle that I’ve only recently thought “hmmm, maybe this is depression?”.  I want to write about this because it’s high time. My friend JoEllen has been writing about it for awhile now; plus there’s Crista’s world-famous OrgasmQuest. My angle is a bit different though. 

 The Vibrators

Despite the fact that it’s my job to use sex toys, I feel some internal guilt about having an orgasm by myself when it’s not “for work”, since I’m getting off by myself and not bringing my husband into it for something that could benefit us both. Even though intellectually I know that masturbation is healthy and there are tons of reasons that partners in very healthy relationships with great sex lives would masturbate. I know this. I still feel guilty sometimes though. Yet my orgasms, the ones from masturbation, aren’t really for pleasure. I don’t take my time and luxuriate in sensual self-play; there are no candles, no erotica, etc. Everything’s usually done in 10 minutes or less and often my pants don’t even come off. Most of the time I’m using my Tango (lately the L’amourose Rosa Rouge is helpful if a climax is being particularly stubborn) and I flip over to Tumblr for some audio and visual stimulation, enough to help with an orgasm. And then I’m done. Close out Tumblr, no more porn, no residual sexy feelings or thoughts; it’s like flipping a switch on and off. When I start masturbating through to finish, I’m not aroused. I’m not horny. So why the fuck am I masturbating, you might ask?

 For something to do. To maybe help myself sleep. To relieve some anxiety. To maybe not feel melancholy for a little while. Maybe it’ll wake me up. The reasons are varied but 99% of the time my libido is not in the deck of cards that contains my reasons. Sometimes an orgasm is not much different than brushing my teeth, as an activity.  It feels good but it’s not really registering, there’s a brain-body disconnect. 

The Sex

I’ll be honest, most of the time lately I have no sex drive. Luckily (an ironic sort of luck) my husband was going through his own lack of sex drive and issues, so while we both still love each other deeply the lack of sex bothered us only on a more cerebral level. A “shouldn’t we be bothered by this?” kind of bothered. A “it’s been HOW long??? Wow…that’s bad…we really should have sex this weekend” (and then we wouldn’t) kind of bothered. I think this past year we’ve both felt a bit of a strain due to the physical disconnect, but we both know that it’ll come back and we’re happy together regardless. But for two people who love each other dearly and still find each other attractive….the frequency of the sexing is frighteningly low. I don’t know yet how to fix it. 

The Depression

So I may, or may not, be clinically depressed 1 and I’m not being treated for it, nor am I seeing anyone. I’m not on any medication that is hampering my ability to orgasm, like Crista is dealing with on her #orgasmquest. I’ve had such awful experiences in the past 16 years with mental health drugs that I’m reluctant to go down this path again. The hazing period of newer drugs is intolerable sometimes. So I’m not actively seeking help. But I’m not happy, like overall – I mean, duh, right? And I have these weird “quirks” that I never had when I was younger – primarily, the ability to cry at the drop of a hat. Reading a book/watching a TV show where someone else cries? I cry. Happy cry, sad cry, the tears are just always there right under the surface. I also have a really hard time sticking with something I like – you know the whole typical depression question of “do you find yourself no longer getting pleasure from hobbies you previously enjoyed” thing. It’s, quite frankly, amazing that I’ve kept up with this blog for so long. I have definitely had feelings of “why the fuck am I still doing this” over the last 2 years. I tend to let my insecurities and the need to feel accepted and liked by my peers rule too much over me. When I start feeling like my peers don’t give a flying fuck about me/my writing/reviews, I consider throwing in the towel. But then I get thank you notes from my readers, the people I actually write the reviews for, and my brain returns to normal and I stop being such a pain in the ass. Needing validation is a sign of weakness for me because of past, unhealthy  experiences. 

I don’t know what I’m going to do. The thought of finding a psychiatrist/psychologist that doesn’t annoy the crap out of me feels too daunting. But I think I owe it to my husband to try and get my sex drive back. I’d say I owe it to myself, too, but my brain is like “pffft don’t care” so that thought doesn’t even occur to me. And yes, a tiny part of me feels like a fraud of a “sex blogger” for having no libido and reviewing sex toys. Thank goodness I dropped the whole “sexy” sex blogger thing years ago or I’d be feeling double the pressure. 

I guess all this rambling is to say that there is no normal, we need to talk more about sex & depression and masturbation & depression and depression in general, and I’m just as nutty as the next squirrel. I expected that writing this would be like therapy, but you know what? I feel twitchy. I feel like I’m in a therapy session with the therapist staring me down and after 10 minutes asking a “how do you feeeeeeel about that” question and my only response is “I dunno”. Oh hey….it IS just like therapy. Ha.

So uh……yeah. I think I need that orgasm right about now.

 

Links to help:  ADAA page on Depression  –  1-800-273-TALK  – NAMI

  1. But I absolutely do have ADD-Inattentive type and fibromyalgia, and I’m not really on anything for either and both of those, left untreated, can cause depression
 Posted by at 10:59 am
Jan 152015
 

Update: This post has been edited with information I’ve been given that completely changes the narrative; information that hadn’t been made as public as their lab tests. It changes the story from one of me being angry, to me feeling like the industry is actually, slowly, getting better and getting somewhere. Update at the bottom. 

 

For a long while now I’ve been a big critic of The Screaming O brand for one big reason:

They lied about their materials.

This misrepresentation of material content has continued to perpetuate firstly the myth that there is such a thing as a TPR/Elastomer/Silicone “blend” and secondly it perpetuates the myth that silicone will melt and degrade or that silicone can look crystal clear.

I’ve put their basic rings to a flame test before and they created such immediate, hot flames that I had to pour water over them to die down – a simple wave in the air wasn’t enough. Consistently, Screaming O has claimed that the material of their cheapie rings is “SEBS silicone“. The SEBS part confuses retailers, so they’ll just omit that and call it silicone. I’d strongly suspected prior to a flame test that these cheap rings are not silicone because they are so soft, so stretchy and crystal clear. This has not been a hallmark of pure silicone. Flame test revealed no grey and material destruction that was like it liquified in the heat.

ScreamingOburnt

A few months ago there was a dust-up on Twitter between Screaming O and some bloggers and part of this stemmed from a few of us talking about sex toys that are labeled silicone when they clearly are not. Of course, Screaming O came up and made this bold bullshit call:

Tweet that says:  "@sex_ational @dangerouslilly @RaavynnDigitaL Our products that are silicone are labeled and the ones that are not, are not. #wedontfakeit"

Product packaging, and the website, has always listed these as “SEBS Silicone”, and the language I’ve taken issue with is “silicone”

ScreamingOSEBS5

 

TO BE CLEAR: My problem with Screaming O is that they’ve been misrepresenting their material for ages. I do recognize that some of their products are silicone, like  their Primo line. They look completely different. They look like they could actually be silicone, unlike their cheap jelly products.  So you can imagine how rankled I got with their tweet claiming they don’t lie. The products have been sent out for  independent lab tests:

“I think we can finally put to rest the critics with our data that shows our products are what we say they are,” Hodder said.

Polymer Solutions Incorporated, a material analysis laboratory in Virginia, conducted tests on the Screaming O Original Ring, made from clear SEBS (styrene-ethylene/butylene-styrene), and the PrimO Apex, which is purple silicone. Since there are no standardized tests in place for pleasure products, the lab conducted tests that fall under the Consumer Product Safety Improvement Act, which covers baby products and other children’s items.

The tests proved that the PrimO Apex is made from silicone, that the Screaming O Original Ring is made from SEBS.

Let me clarify: “made from clear SEBS (styrene-ethylene/butylene-styrene)” FULL STOP. That’s  it. That’s all. No silicone.

 

UPDATE: I have been informed that Screaming O DOES plan to update their information to reflect the lack of silicone in the SEBS products. So, my apologies for my anger this morning, Screaming O. The information that they “get it” and are making changes wasn’t included in that press release, and I think that’s the most important information of all. Hopefully all retailer sites will be told to update their product listings, and stop calling them silicone and confusing people. I want to thank the warriors behind the scenes who prompted this re-evaluation on their wording, geting the test done, and making the changes. I’m under the impression that the site will be updated soon, and slowly product packaging will change.

I was so upset at what appeared to be a compete “they don’t get it” moment because I was going by the press release information, that I didn’t take the time to ask before I got angry and ranted. I need to do that more, and now I feel like an asshole!

 

 

 Posted by at 10:35 am
Jan 112015
 

A few weeks ago I received a lovely note that reminds me why I do what I do, why I’ll never back down and shut up and why I keep on researching and thinking, testing and theorizing, why I geek out about sex toy materials.

This may sound silly, but I wanted to thank you for all the information you share on your blog and on /r/sextoys. My husband asked for a BBD (big black dildo) for Christmas. I knew from previously buying plugs that we needed a good quality silicone, but was nervous about getting something online that I couldn’t really gauge the size of. So, I went to the local toy shop and asked for help picking out a silicone dildo. The lady there confidently directed me to Doc Johnson, ensuring me that Sil-a-gel was even better than pure silicone and that of course it would be fine with the coconut oil we use for lube. :/

A few days later, I found /r/sextoys and your blog. I’m so glad I did before I gave my husband that gift and we used the Doc Johnson! I tossed that stinky pvc thing and went shopping. Because money is tight, I settled on the Tantus Vamp grab bag, knowing I couldn’t pick the color. Well, it showed up today (just in time for the holiday!) and it’s perfect! The size is great. There’s no smell. Best of all, it’s black with just a hint of purple sparkle in the right light!

So, thank you. You’ve made one woman very safe and very happy this Christmas! …and I’m sure I’ll have a very happy husband when I give him his gift tonight!

And with this note, I’m both happy and pissed. Why pissed? Because for every one of us, in this army fighting against unsafe sex toy materials, there are 5, 10, 15 other retail sex shop employees spouting off bullshit like “sil-a-gel is better than silicone and it’s fine with coconut oil for lube”. A: it’s porous AND whatever sil-a-gel is has been known to cause skin reactions in some people and 2: using coconut oil on a PVC toy would destroy it super quick, because like attracts like and oil will cause the toy to melt like these. So this shop employee bluffed and lied their asses off at the expense of the buyer’s health and wallet (I say wallet because sure it’s cheaper to buy that POS Doc dildo but they would have had to replace it after one time using coconut oil on it).

It’s a fact that you’re not going to get the safe sex toy education in your average store, yet it still pisses me off; just like it pisses me off when people leave their shopping cart in the parking space rather than walking 9 feet to the cart corral. I can’t help it.

There’s only one answer here: We can’t stop. We need to keep educating other people, all the time. We need to educate to the point where our readers are then going to their local shops and educating the employees. We need to find a way to educate without judging and without scaring them away from all sex toys or thinking we’re trying to “upsell”. I’m not trying to force everyone to buy expensive silicone toys; if they know the dangers and choose to use a PVC stinker, that’s them. Yes the porous stuff is gross and the toxic ones have bad chemicals but not everybody believes it’s a problem for their body. They’ve had no reactions and no problems thus far and they’re not going to change. Okay, fine. But so far for every one of them I’ve encountered, I’ve educated at least 5 more who happily want to use only body-safe, non-porous sex toys. And I feel like I have to stress one thing here: even though many sex toy companies are going the phthalates-free route (even if we don’t believe them, some really did achieve this) not all companies are doing this; not all are non-toxic as advertised. And we can’t overlook the potential harm and pitfalls of porous sex toy materials. It’s a real problem.

Affordable, even cheap, silicone sex toys are coming on the market all the time. Reviewers need to look at these and try them out; flame test and look under the hood. Because the day when we have the ability to recommend more than a few under-$40 sex toys made from safe, non-porous materials is the day we can start winning the war. They choose the porous crap often because it’s cheaper. When companies see how well the silicone is selling and when (dare I dream?) the silicone outsells the cyberskin, the PVC, the rubber, the jelly – then they’ll change their tack and their product line-up.

I’m interested in hearing from sex toy shop workers who have managed to educate a customer without scaring them off; and those of you who have been educated. What has been the best tactic?

 Posted by at 8:35 pm
Dec 102014
 

It’s no secret that I’m not a fan of Pipedream. They’re one of the “Big 5” companies, having been around for many years. They like to think they’re a Mafia Boss the way they treat smaller companies in the industry. They take their ability to make mass amounts of sex toys every day and create so much crap. They’re no stranger to misogynistic ad copy on their sex toys but their latest little stunt is above and beyond.

I’m sure any of you reading this are aware of the big celeb phone hacking dubbed “The Fappening”, where dozens of stars had their cell phones hacked and the photos shared for the world to see. Some of these were naked selfies. It was a violation of their privacy, it was a violation of consent. Jennifer Lawrence rightly called it a sex crime.

“Just because I’m a public figure, just because I’m an actress, does not mean that I asked for this,” she told Vanity Fair. “It does not mean that it comes with the territory. It’s my body, and it should be my choice, and the fact that it is not my choice is absolutely disgusting. I can’t believe that we even live in that kind of world.” (Vanity Fair)

“It is not a scandal. It is a sex crime. It is a sexual violation. It’s disgusting. The law needs to be changed, and we need to change. That’s why these Web sites are responsible. Just the fact that somebody can be sexually exploited and violated, and the first thought that crosses somebody’s mind is to make a profit from it. It’s so beyond me. I just can’t imagine being that detached from humanity. I can’t imagine being that thoughtless and careless and so empty inside.” (Vanity Fair)

Knowing all of this do you think there’s any chance Jennifer Lawrence would have consented to have her likeness made into a SEX DOLL? I don’t fucking think so. In true gross fashion, Pipedream had to take it up a notch. It’s not just a Jennifer Lawrence doll. It’s a JLaw “Hacked” doll…..complete with a JLaw-lookalike model dressed as Katniss Everdeen plus posing in selfies made to look just like the ones leaked. Since they’re using a model and not the actual leaked photos, Pipedream isn’t doing anything illegal. But it’s disgusting. It makes light of anyone whose consent has been violated with naked photos leaked to the public. What’s next, Pipedream? Are you going to start making dolls from photos found on Revenge Porn sites?  Here’s the wonderful ad copy and then a quote from their press release:

We’re not sure what came faster, news of J-Laws leaked selfies or the thousands of guys waiting for this day to finally come! She did the world a favor when her sexy selfies spread across the internet, and now Hollywood’s honey is getting naked for the money! If hacked cell phone pics weren’t enough to make J-Law our favorite new selfie slut, her brand new blowup doll is proof that this blockbuster babe is ready for primetime penetration! Just add air and this American hustler transforms into America’s hooker right before your eyes! There’s no silver lining to her 3 love holes, but if you add a little lube they feel great wrapping around every inch of your pleasure rod! Her cloud got hacked so you can get jacked!

“Nobody creates products with mainstream crossover appeal like Pipedream,” Pipedream CEO Nick Orlandino said. “The publicity we receive when one of these celebrity dolls hits the market is priceless. Our customers will definitely experience rising sales as J-Law blows up — literally!“  (Xbiz)

Of course, the JLaw Hacked doll isn’t their first trip down the rabbit hole called Bad Taste. Their “Fuck Me Silly” toys are extremely offensive.  They, of course, justify their ad copy choice when called on it. Just when I think they’re maybe, possibly okay-ish to support for their silicone toys (because people do need access to affordable sex toys and if it’s a crap brand’s silicone butt plug vs buying a porous one, well I’ll choose the lesser of two evils), I find that they include AnalEaze  with all of their silicone butt toys. Their Fetish Fantasy line of low-priced silicone vibrators and cocks are not made of medical-grade silicone like they advertise (medical grade requires clean-room facilities which I cannot fathom them having) but that’s fine – we don’t need medical grade. It would be nice, though, for them to disclose that it’s not pure silicone through-and-through. The core is foam.  I’ve not dissected their Fetish Fantasy line and I can’t yet tell what the chances are of something happening to the silicone exterior enough that moisture could get to the foam core.

What I find the most ironic of all is this email I received earlier this year from their social media manager:

We keep a close eye on all the review blogs and it’s no secret that you’re not a fan of us. We know how influential you are to the blogging community and to customers. Since we so highly value your opinion, we wanted to reach out to you and offer you a trip to Pipedream. We’re hoping to talk to and show you what our company is all about, as well as learn from you and hear your personal feedback. If your opinion doesn’t change after meeting us – no hard feelings! We’d just like the opportunity to open up a dialogue with reviewers, show you what we do and who we are, and have a sit down conversation to more clearly hear your concerns. And, of course, your trip is completely on us. 

 I never responded because really….what could they say that would change my mind? ETA: Actually, since a few people who know nothing about me personally are ripping on me for not taking PD up on the offer, I now feel the need to expand on this. I never responded to the email because there was nothing they could say that would change my mind AND VICE VERSA. But I didn’t GO because, paid trip or not, the ability to take time off and fly there was not in the cards for me. I had multiple, valid personal reasons for being unable to make such a trip. I’m not young, single and without obligations enough to just pick up and go to California.  

Here’s my personal feedback, Pipedream: CLEAN UP YOUR FUCKING ACT. Stop being the douchey bros of the sex toy world. You don’t need to disrespect women to sell sex toys.  Why is “She Never Says No” such a common theme in your ad copy?

Many people have given me shit for being so vocal about not supporting this company. I’m supposed to just give a free pass to any company producing affordable silicone sex toys. And what about their affordable glass toy line? Their ceramic toy line? I’m sure there are other companies making cheap glass toys. If you want to support a company with rape culture ideals that’s your choice. It’s my choice to recommend brands other than Pipedream, and to educate my readers on why. 

 Posted by at 10:06 am
Nov 272014
 

In case you’re new here, let’s review the rules. Everybody’s year-end lists differ;  I try to keep it to sex toys that have been introduced to the public this calendar year as much as possible. For the “Best” toys I only rank the ones I’ve used and loved.  For the “Worst” list I’ve gone outside my normal rules – I just didn’t review very many “new this year” sex toys that I really and truly loathed. Curious to see how I’ve ranked things in years past? I’ve got lists from 2013, 2012, and 2011.  This year’s list is quite different. For one, there’s no dildo! I wasn’t wowed by any dildos I tried this year that were new to the market. This is also the first year that toys for the penis/prostate made the list – not once, but twice!  Onward, to the Best Sex Toys of 2014! (and the worst)

Interested in picking up one or two of these for the holidays? Check out the Black Friday / Cyber Monday sales!

Best Sex Toys of 2014

rosarougeBest Vibrator

L’amourose Rosa Rouge – So amazing. It’s technically a g-spot / prostate vibe, but I ended up liking it best as a clitoral vibe. The vibrations are phenomenal –super powerful and deeply rumbling– and the warming feature actually does enhance the vibrations. This vibrator from newcomer French company L’amourose had me so crazy in love that I emailed SheVibe within minutes of my first orgasm to say “Please stock this!!” Runner up would be the plain Rosa – same great design and vibrations, minus the warming heated shaft.

Tenga Iroha MinamoBest Vibrator ~ Honorable Mention

Tenga Iroha Minamo – This is nearly the polar opposite of the L’amourose Rosa Rouge! Not for anyone who needs powerful vibrations or filling girth, this is great for those who need the opposite – a softer touch. The plush body and decently moderate vibrations combine with a slender shaft to finally offer those who think Less is More a great vibrator.  It works really well as either an internal or external vibrator and has a lot more obvious squish to it than it’s sister vibe, the Mikazuki.  It’s not a vibrator that I love for myself, but because it fills a gaping hole in the sex toy world – slender, decent and soft.

PulseVibratorforMenBest Cock Toy

Hot Octopuss Pulse – The vibrator for the penis, stupidly called the “guybrator”. It can be used as a vibrating stroker, but in our house it’s best when held at the frenulum while he lays back to enjoy the sensations. It surprised both of us, and really went above and beyond expectations.  Unique in design, it boasts super powerful vibrations and is really easy to use. Also hailed as a couples toy, we felt it didn’t perform in that arena but as a solo toy for him, it was so awesome. Keep an eye out though, Pulse 2 will hit the stores by February.

Jopen Lust L12 Prostate VibratorBest Prostate Massager

Jopen Lust L12 – This little guy has everything but the girth – powerful, rumbling vibrations with pulsating patterns and both ends vibrate to hit the prostate from inside and out. Jopen tried to play it off as a vibrator for either g-spot or prostate, but the design and size really fail as a g-spot & clitoris dual stim vibe. Available in hot pink or grey, it’s rechargeable and only $69 at Shevibe.

PleasurePurseBest Accessory

Pleasure Purse – I love this bag; it’s so versatile. It’s a weekender bag, it’s an inconspicuous storage option for the closet, it’s lockable and it’s very well made. Pockets galore with a black leather exterior ensure a place for everything. The stitching is well done and will hold up, plus the zippers are good quality and won’t jam. I filled it up with a lot of stuff for a weekend away, and then crammed it full of sex toys just to test the capacity.

TouchCompareMost Improved

We-Vibe Touch – I wasn’t in love with the first gen We-Vibe Touch but their upgrade brought in silky, matte-finish silicone and much less vibration dampening from the silicone. The Touch no longer picks up all the dust in a 3 foot radius, and feels much stronger than the old version. Sure, I still love the Tango more, but now I can finally recommend the Touch. Good job, We-Vibe!

ovoBest Choice for Beginners

OVO – I’m not even picking a single toy here. I’ve only reviewed the K2, but I had the chance to check out a good portion of the line in person. Shevibe carries a lot of the models and everything is under $50; many are under $30! The vibrations are more rumbly than buzzy (note: this doesn’t apply to the teenie vibes, like the Ws, they’re VERY buzzy, and the S1) and they’re moderate (this applies to most of the items – I’ve seen only negative reviews for the cock rings, so avoid those, and the vibrations on their mini external bullets, W1 and W2 are best left on the shelf). Great for newbies and those who don’t need extreme power. Their 15 year warranty is pretty much unprecedented in the sex toy biz. Made from silicone and ABS plastic, you’ve got a lot to choose from in this line. My only gripe is that the company doesn’t know how to measure a sex toy; they’ve measured from the widest portion –often the handle– and not just the widest usable portion. This led to some really skewed measurements. I’m trying to get better measurements, but if you have your eye on a certain model or have a size requirement, ask me and hopefully I can help narrow it down!

 

Worst Sex Toys of 2014

Lelo  anything – Lelo really fucked up this year. Their Smart Bead seems to be mostly gimmick and that fucking “cock ring for BANKERS”? Uh uh. Nope. That video is so offensive and the marketing campaign as a whole pretty much shits on their overall image. So glad I quit last year.

Fun Factory Amorino – Take a mediocre rabbit-style vibe and add a silicone “rubber band”. It’s as dumb as you’re imagining. And painful, to boot. I had an experience that ripped a few hairs out.

Jimmyjane Form 4 – The review that caused Jimmyjane to think I’m being paid off to hate them so much. I hated the Form 4 so much, and for so many reasons.

PalmPower Wand Massager – A lot of people love this thing so I wondered what was wrong with me when I disliked it so much. It could have been something decent, but all the flaws were too glaring to ignore.

Marc Dorcel Secret Vibe – The only good thing about this vibe is the remote. But otherwise it’s $70 for something so buzzy, so weak that I forgot I had it inside of me.

 

 

 Posted by at 11:30 am