Aug 302014

I’m going to start a new little project, and I can’t do it alone. But hey, it benefits you! 

My reviews here are a good balance of subjective and objective, but sometimes they tip the scales into more subjective. Which is really why I started reviewing in the first place – I had a hard time figuring out if a sex toy was going to work out for me without reading about other people’s experiences. But when I talk about how well a toy did (or didn’t) work out for me, that opinion isn’t going to apply to everyone. Let’s say I couldn’t love a dildo because it’s short; I’m round and not all that flexible, so a short dildo is not going to work for me. But someone else without those issues might absolutely adore that dildo. Another example: the OhMiBod remote control Bluemotion vibrator is something that I’m reluctant to even ask for review, because I know that design won’t work for me and how I’m built.  Since that nub has no prayer of reaching my clitoris, my opinion of how the vibe might work for others could be skewed. 

You get the idea, I’m sure. So basically I want to create a list of other reviewers who review subjectively and who can plonk themselves into little descriptive boxes. I have two ideas for how this will look. The first is a line for each person, and then icons, like the icons SheVibe uses for at-a-glance info on sex toys (if you’re looking at the OMB vibe I linked up there, it’s the icons that let you know if something is anal-safe, rechargeable, waterproof, etc).  Another idea is a table, with names going down the left and attributes going across the top and dots in the boxes. If you have better ideas, please explain them. This is all I could come up with this afternoon. 

Who will qualify for this list? 

  • You should be comfortable with writing negative/critical reviews. If you didn’t like the item, if it didn’t work for you and is bad enough it won’t work for most? Say it. Be critical and note flaws. Make sure people understand what they are spending their money on!
  • You should be committed to reviewing only non-toxic, quality toys. What’s good? TPR, Elastomer, TPE are okay but porous. Same goes for Tenga stuff and Fleshlight. Good is silicone, hard plastic, glass, certain brands of wood, quality metals, coated ceramics, stone.
  • Ideally, your reviews should contain a good amount of subjective discussion and personal experience with the toy, and be well-written.
  • I also want this list to be as broad as possible. I need a good mix of all genders and sexualities.  I need people who live all around the world.  Kinky, vanilla, and everything on the spectrum, please!


It will end up looking like this for each person:

Dangerous Lilly

  • Vibrations: 4
  • Stimulation: 3
  • Size – Vaginal: Width: 4 Length: 5
  • Body: Fat, fuller labia, buried clit
  • Gender: Cis female
  • Disabilites: Reduced strength, mild arthritis, issues with flexibility & reach
  • Orgasm ability without toys: 5
  • Partner reviews: prostate stimulators and masturbators, cismale POV
  • Favorite toys: We-Vibe Tango, Njoy Pure Wand, Je Joue Uma
  • Orgasm preference: Clitoral
  • Keywords: More power; safe sex toys; very picky!

What I’m looking for from others would roughly fit the outline below.  Attempt to be succinct and if something doesn’t apply (you don’t have a vagina, you don’t review anal toys) skip it. 

  • Vibrations: Rank the intensity you prefer/need on a scale from 1 to 5, 5 being the most intense.
  • Stimulation: Pinpoint or broad for external vibrations? 1= super pinpoint, 5=very broad
  • Size – Vaginal: Width and Length, scales below
  • Size – Anal: Width and Length, scales below
  • Body: Again, be brief, use keywords. For me, being fat defines how I use toys. If you’re not? If your body size doesn’t factor in in any special way to how a toy might work out for you? Don’t list it. Include here also whatever details about genitals you’re comfortable sharing. I’m comfortable saying that I have very full outer labia and a small, buried clit. Info like this helps others who are built similarly find someone else built like them. Penises, similar info. (try to limit to 50-70 characters)
  • Gender: List it however you choose, whatever terminology fits for you.
  • Disabilities: Have any? List em if it matters to how toys work for you (try to limit to 50-70 characters)
  • Orgasm ability without toys: Judge as best as you can. Scale listed below. If you have a penis, would this apply less/not at all? If so, don’t need to list it.
  • Partner reviews: If you have a partner who reviews toys that you can’t use, list it. My husband, cis male, reviews penis and prostate toys for my blog. (try to limit to 50-70 characters)
  • Favorite toys: Pick three if you can, but limit it to three
  • Orgasm Preference: Do you have one? List it.
  • Keywords: key words or short phrases that really apply best to you. I’m aiming for 55 characters or less here.


1 to 5, 1 being least intense/smallest/easiest

Orgasm scale – 1 would be it’s easy and consistent, 5 would be it happens never or very rarely & only with much patience. Scale yourself accordingly between those two.

Stimulation – External vibrations. 1= super pinpoint, 5=very broad

Size  scale –

  1.  1.25″ and under
  2. 1.25 – 1.5
  3. 1.5 – 1.75
  4. 1.75 – 2.0
  5. 2.0 +

Size scale – length

  1. 3″ and under
  2. 3″-5″
  3. 5-6″
  4. 6-8″
  5. 8″ or more OR toys with a long handle


UPDATE: I’d like to be able to publish all of this on a page on my blog, but I’d also like to give people the ability to sort and filter. Embedding a spreadsheet from Google Docs doesn’t work within the confines of the post area space, and wouldn’t look right on mobile, so I’ll provide a link to a version of the spreadsheet that’ll be published on the web. Anytime changes are made or people are added, the published sheet will auto-update.

 Posted by at 2:26 pm

  40 Responses to “Like a AAA Tour Guide for Sex Toy Reviews”

  1. Maybe you could have each reviewer create a profile of what works and doesn’t work for them and why, especially around the most common, available toys. So when i read a reviewer and she says the hitachi is “too much” i know to move on, as that is our go to toy. OTOH, if they say “if you like the hitachi, you will LOVE this”, then i make a note – we are on the same wavelength.

    The challenge i see with what you suggested, being much more anatomically specific, is that you wouldn’t want the opposite – someone to discount a review just because they are thin, flexible and shaped differently if those aren’t issues with the toy. But if you love x, and I love X then when you review Y, i am going to take notice.

    Good luck and keep up the good work.

  2. That is an idea to consider, but I’m hoping for something more…compact. And while I don’t intend for someone to discount another’s review based on one attribute, it can be important to factor that in. As I said….I disliked the Vixen Tex because of the length, so someone else’s viewpoint (that of a person with more flexibility) could help determine whether or not to buy it.

  3. I love your question, and I have no idea how to set it up. Be sure the attributes include those applicable to us older folks: slow arousal, strong vibrations, slim for insertion….

  4. I think this is a wonderful idea! I’d love to be included. My blog is and you can contact me at Round/skinny is def a good one to use. Have you considered people with disabilities or something like arthritis? Like, from what I’ve heard, the Pure Wand isn’t the best toy for someone who has bad wrists but the Comet would probs be pretty good.

  5. Disabled is def already on the list. I’d agree, PW isn’t BEST for someone with bad wrists (like myself) but the Comet doesn’t compare, for me. There’s a specific quality that the PW has that the Comet does not. PW can definitely kill my wrist but it’s so good to my g-spot that I don’t care, lol.

  6. ^___^

  7. I think it’d be cool if you divided people up by gender type instead of by genitals. Like the categories could be cis woman, trans man, AFAB nonbinary, etc. I think that’d be a much better way of getting people to the right blogs since being cis or trans can really change the way you relate to your genitals. For example, a trans man will probably want to masturbate differently than a cis woman even though they both have vulvas so they’ll have different needs. This goes double for trans people that have been on hormones since that can change the shape and functioning so much.

  8. Yes, very good idea and point. I will def incorporate this. Thank you!

  9. (this is disjointed, sorry)

    Along these lines of tands suggestion, I wonder about having a space for, say, favorite toy could be helpful? I totally look for reviewers to follow by googling reviews of toys I have already used and have strong opinions about, which also means that at this point there is one reviewer I follow even through their writing is *awful* because we are apparently vagina twins for a certain kind of tool.

    Or one free space for a keyword of particular focus that can’t be easily represented with an on/off, or a 1-4 scale, like Joan with her focus on seniors?

    I definitely vote for sensitivity and insertable size preferences as factors. (Maybe borrow the idea of shevibes power scale as well?)

  10. Yes, I’ve been thinking along these very lines! Scale of one to 5 ranking one’s own sensitivity, how big of a toy they prefer, what strength of vibration they prefer, etc.

  11. That WOULD be great, but it presents two problems:

    1. It’s more ambitious than a mere blog can take on. It would have to be set up on a subdomain maybe, but it would take programming skills I don’t have.

    2. I’m hoping for something that others will be able to also display on their site if they want. So while the icons look is great, I don’t think most others will want to go through all of that effort of setup.

  12. As I mentioned on Twitter, I think this is a fabulous idea and I would like to put myself forward to go onto your list. I believe I fit all the criteria you mentioned above (I list plenty of personal experience and am not afraid to write a neg review if the product failed me). I am unsure what details you want me to leave (The full information on my preferences etc, or just my blog details)? I also like the layout you have towards the end of this article. I think it works. Maybe there could be a “other” comment box next to each reviewers name, where they can add any other details or information they feel is relevant to their reviewing or sensitivity etc. I am similar to you in regards to needing a lot of power and rumbles, or I don’t orgasm easily. On the other hand, I differ from you in that I actually prefer shorter dildos, because I can insert them fully without battering my cervix. I also suffer a disability that can effect how I respond to a product. Anyway, if you want to reach me, or get more information or suggestions from me, I believe you know how to reach me via Twitter, email or Toyswap/co-op. I am really looking forward to seeing this develop. All the best. (Gritty Woman)

  13. I think I’m gonna have to wait to get all the details for each person until HOW it should be laid out is more nailed down.

    Maybe I’ll have the scale for “size” reflect both width and length in the scale description.

    Hmm….maybe have a keyword section? I need to keep it all short and compact.

  14. In my opinion, I think that is a good idea. I think length and circumference are two important and separate features to note, because some like short and chubby (For example, me, for vaginal use), others like long and chubby (For example, those who enjoy anal penetration that goes deep and stretches them at the same time) and others might need something thin and short (For example, bio females who are new to penetration, those who suffer with vaginismus and even anal beginners). I think this will be a little complex and will take some work to figure out the best way to go and the most important things to note, but I have no doubt that if anyone can do it, you can! :D

  15. I think this is a great idea. I would love to participate when it goes live!

    I guess my stats would be:

    Pantophile Panic

    Vibrations: 4 or 5

    Size – Vaginal: 3

    Size – Anal: 3

    Gender: Non-binary

    Body: Thin, small labia, outie clitoris

    Disabilites: Ehlers–Danlos syndrome, chronic fatigue, joint pain, menometrorrhagia, Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder

    Orgasm ability without toys: 2

    Partner reviews: Harnesses, cock rings, butt plugs

    Favorite toys: We-Vibe Tango, Leatherbeaten Glow Elkhide Flogger, Vixen Creations Mustang

    Though, I really think instead of a 1-5 scale for sizes it might be more helpful to put our preferred maximum lengths and diameters. So, it would look like “Size – Vaginal: 1.6 inches in diameter and 6 inches in length.”

    PS: “Anatomical gender” is not a thing. The word you are thinking of is sex or genitals. Language like this is problematic because it reinforces the false “male bodied” or “female bodied” narratives. This article explains it better:

  16. My language is not always correct, and I’m aware of that, so I try to word things as best as I can to what makes some sort of sense in my head.

    As for the sizing scale, I plan to break down the sizing to correspond with the numbers, a small range for each. I would be able to really choose a specific width, personally.

    that being said, as more people make suggestions I will be changing what stats are recorded for each person so I’ll probably have to contact everyone who’s given me data early on.

  17. I know you are trying to work on your language, and I appreciate that. Just thought I would point out what I can to help you learn.

    Okay, that makes sense. I can’t wait to see what you do with this! I am sure it will be great.

  18. Things get a little dicey here for me because in a social setting, what I or you or anyone has between their legs is not knowledge that is owed to anyone. But in a more…clinical? sense, I feel like it needs to be mentioned when dealing with items that are sometimes made for a specific genital. Or is even thinking like that being too close-minded?

  19. I’ve been wanting something like this to exist in the world for so long! Maybe someone will come along and love the idea and program it up into something searchable for you/us.

    I would like to see some specific information about anatomy. I see all the time in reviews “this just doesn’t work with my anatomy, maybe it’ll work for you!”. But most reviewers don’t tell us much about their anatomy, or if they do, it’s more about bodytype.

    It’s not as relevant to my vibrator choice that someone is of an average build. It would be so much more helpful if it was stated “My clit is spaced 19 mm from my urethra, and this rabbit vibe totally overshot! Maybe it would work for woman who are spaced greater then 30mm”.

    Great thread on eden a while ago:

  20. Not that I would even be able to reach to do it, but I’ve never really thought to measure. I suppose I could have my husband do it.

    I think I brought up this topic a little bit ago on Twitter. Many reviewers expressed that they don’t feel comfortable talking in such detail. And while I respect them for that, it does make things difficult for me when I read their reviews to try and figure out if a toy would work for me. Many reasons why a vibrator will work for them and not me is the layout of their vulva, their clitoris, their labia size. The only thing I can suggest is that others should just ASK the reviewers. Comment or email, but if they’ve nearly sold you and you’re on the fence, ask. They may be happy to tell you privately or maybe it never occurred to them to EXPLAIN.

  21. I would hope that most willing to participate will be okay with describing the basics of their vulva or penis. I am sure it could be equally necessary for penis people, to have that knowledge. I’ve read glowing reviews of certain masturbators but then found out their size is smaller than my husband, and he would be too big to enjoy the item the same way they did (he’s too big for many masturbators).

  22. I think this is a great idea! Personally, I’d have to do a bit of exploring to even decide on my details…like it’s been a really long time since I’ve tried masturbating without toys for example.

    It might be helpful to add more of a description to each scale. Like does 5 on orgasm ability mean you can’t orgasm with fingers at all? Or if not, there should be an option for if you can’t at all…etc. Does 1 mean you orgasm very quickly? Or consistently? Or both?

    I also think it’d be helpful to have something like an orgasm preference option (whether you prefer orgasming clitoral only, vaginal only, combo, anally etc.)

  23. oh, good ideas!

    On the orgasm scale, 5 would be never or very rarely & not without a lot of patience. 1 would be easily and consistently.

    I will add the preference!

  24. Fantastic idea! We’ll spread the word. :)

  25. This is a fabulous idea! Definitely great to know where the clitoris is in relation to the vaginal opening, for rabbits!

  26. This is such a fabulous idea! I can’t wait to see it come alive – and would love to be apart :) Even before I began reviewing, I always valued reviewers that weren’t afraid to be negative (although TRYING to be negative just for the sake of it is a big turn off. If you love a toy, it’s okay to rave about it!) — I also really value reviewers who aren’t afraid to use real language (clitoris rather than “magic button”, etc) — and value reviewers who take the time to understand their own anatomy, explain it to the reader, and explain how a toy might work or not work for other anatomies. I always try to be sex-positive in my reviews, and think about who the toy might work for if it doesn’t work well for me. Such an exciting way to share our unique perspectives! :D

  27. I think this a great idea, it however won’t be easy. Have you considered height as a factor to? In a way that yes I have a belly, but I’m 6ft 2. I’m pretty much all leg – as such I have longer arms so positions that someone who is the exact weight ect as me but considerably shorter will have less of a reach than I do.

    If that makes sense..

  28. People will be able to self-identify their traits in the “body” section. If you’re exceptionally tall and it matters to sex toy use, absolutely include that in that little section. Like I might reword mine to say short & fat, buried clit, full labia. I don’t think it needs its own category listing though, but should be mentioned!

  29. This might be nitpicky/not hugely relevant for a lot of people, but following on from the “be specific about your anatomy” line, perhaps in the body section have a suggestion that people with vaginas who enjoy g-spot stimulation say whether they have a deep or shallow g-spot (easily reachable with fingers/need longer toys to stimulate?) This might not be easily measurable but I have a fairly deep g-spot and a partner of mine has a shallow one, so different shapes of toys work better for each of us. This might come under length preference, but I’ve found that some toys don’t quite stimulate my g-spot enough, though I’ve read rave reviews about their powers

  30. AH you are so right.

    Yep, I’ll add that. And, though it doesn’t apply for me, I’d encourage people to add in if they have pubic bone issues with penetration.

  31. I missed this when you first published, because I was kind of in a hole, freaking out. But I would love to be involved with this, if you think I’d be a good fit!

  32. Madame Amrita
    Size: vaginal width: 4 length:4
    Body: Fat, fuller longer labia, buried clit under hood
    Gender: pansexual female
    Disabilites: Reduced strength, multiple sclerosis caused numbness in genitalia and extremities,stiffness/spasticity, numbness and difficulty reaching orgasm due to medications such as antidepressants and mood stabilizers required for lifetime mental wellness,
    Orgasm ability without toys: 5
    Partner reviews: male masturbators, cismale POV,male vibrators, silicone lubes, flavored lubes
    Favorite toys: My Mini Miracle Massager Electro Power Kit and Pleasure Kit by California Exotics, Couture Collection Inspire by calexotics, lelo elise II
    Orgasm preference: gspot
    Keywords: mains or rechargeable power; silicone or nonporous only sex toys; no sweet lubes, no glycerin,sorbitol,xylitol,parabens,none of the cheap stuff and no oil lubes

  33. Okay, so this is like half a year old, but I gotta post… This is such a cool concept! I’m new to the whole sex toy review dealie, and I do plan on reviewing some “I got free shipping from Japan by adding this to my order and you shouldn’t buy it because I don’t know what the hell it’s made out of” toys, so if that’s an issue, feel free not to add me.

    The Hierophant at The Silicon Temple

    Vibrations: 2

    Stimulation: 4

    Size – Vaginal: 5 Width 4 Length

    Size – Anal: 5 Width 4 Length

    Body: Very thin thick outer labia, buried/hooded clitoris

    Gender: DFAB genderfluid, bisexual

    Disabilities: Autism w/ Sensory Modulation Disorder

    Orgasm ability without toys: 1

    Partner reviews: May ask bf (cis male, chubby) for help in the future. Partner toy, BDSM gear, etc reviews will take our size difference into account.

    Favorite toys: Bad Dragon’s Xar, Hitachi Magic Wand, Frisky Beast’s Euphoberia

    Orgasm Preference: The elusive dual orgasm.

    Keywords: kinky, furry, bdsm, femdom, binding, packing, presentation play, petplay, fantasy toys, silicon toys, hentai, porn games

  34. how goes the directory Lilly?

  35. Lilly, did you ever talk to someone about getting this set up? Because I happen to have programming and web development skills now, and I’d love to help get this established and participate in it. I know you’re busy with some RL stuff right now, but when you’ve got some time and if you’re still interested maybe shoot me an e-mail? eusimto [at] gmail.


    I never did get the time to finish the Google Spreadsheet, but at least I do have most if not all of the people who submitted info and qualified, listed on the page. That’s about as far as I’ve gotten though!

  37. That’s awesome that you’ve gotten everyone together and listed! Thanks for the link! How exactly do you envision presenting this information? I mean I see you mentioned doing it with icons and tables but did you want more interactivity?

  38. Super excited for this!!

  39. This is a fabulous idea, and I’d love to join. Shall I message you with the relevant details? … Er, I just saw the date on this. What’s the current status?

  40. Always taking new additions. List is live!

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