Ask Lilly: Choosing a Dildo for Beginners

Look at any given sex toy retailer site that offers a half-decent selection and you are bound to be overwhelmed at the sheer number of dildos to choose from. Dildos that look like penises, rockets, or nothing at all.  One thing that’s difficult to decide upon when choosing your first dildo (or even insertable vibrator) is size and shape and affordability. After all, you don’t really want to drop $50 or more on a toy you end up hating. And every woman’s body is different, so the toys I love are going to be toys some hate. There are women who just don’t like the Pure Wand. It makes my heart sad, but there you have it.

My first dildos/vibrators were the typical ones chosen by those who are overwhelmed. And also even just 10 years ago silicone and the safer materials weren’t quite as prevalent on the online sex toy shops. I had this hideous jelly vibrator that looked realistic, if by realistic you mean translucent, pink, glittery etc. It had the “realistic shape”. Another was a simple jelly dildo that I never used past the first try or two. Then I chose a typical hard plastic “slim-line” vibrator and while it was mostly sufficient, it did nothing special for me. Avoid my mistakes, people.

Size

Choosing the size for your dildo should depend upon what has already been in your vagina. Think to your most pleasurable sexual experience (solo or partnered) and what felt so good – was it the sensation of fullness, being stretched my something larger? Was it more about the zing of pleasure that came from the head of it stroking your g-spot? Take a look at a ruler. Actually look at how wide 1″, 1.5″, 2″ is on the ruler. If you liked the feeling of fullness, then I’d suggest starting with a 1.5″ at the most. If your focus was on the object/cock hitting a certain feel-good spot, and especially if you’d not had experience with dildos/cocks, go for 1″ or 1.25″ around.

Material

For the love of pete if you’re going to take any advice it’s this: no jelly, no rubber, no PVC, no cyberskin or UR3 or Futorotic or anything like that used in mid-range ultra-realistic dildos (they’re usually painted). They smell funny, they’re not very well made, many of those will have phthalates in them, they’re porous so they can’t ever be shared or fully sanitized unless you’re donning your toys with a condom and they’re just plain ole not worth it. Beginners should stick with materials that are not rock-solid (like metal, ceramic, wood, glass) and look for toys made from any of these materials:

• Silicone
• Items labeled as “TPR” or “TPR Silicone” are iffy, but are usually non-toxic (they are, however, porous)
• You will sometimes see things labeled as TPE, again this is usually non-toxic and usually porous
• non-porous TPR
• Items labeled as “Elastomer” are porous but usually non-toxic, “Elastomed” is a trademarked type that I believe is non-porous
• Hard plastic (sometimes labeled as ABS plastic) is rigid, but non-porous

Shape and Features

For some reason, a lot of women split off into two very different camps when purchasing their first toys. One side runs to the cutesy child-toy-like items or “incognito” items. The other side will pick the most realistic dildos. Unless you’re going to drop big bucks on a Vixen or Tantus silicone cock, most realistic dildos are made from questionable materials, which means stay away! “Realistic” dildos also usually aren’t very slim.

My suggestion is to go with something simple. The Tantus Silk Small or Tantus Silk Medium are good for beginners. They’re silicone, and so if someday you decide that the Small is too small for your vagina, you can upgrade to a bigger dildo and experiment with anal penetration with the Silk Small. If you think you’d enjoy something that is specifically for the g-spot, try out the Tantus Charmer or even perhaps the Lelo Ella dildo which you can use either end of it. The Doc Johnson Thinny Minnie is a newer offering, added after this post originally went live. The Tantus Curve adds a little something extra and is a little wider than most pictured here, at nearly 1.5″ at the widest. The prices listed below are the standard non-sale prices – be sure to check out the links because you’re bound to find any of these on sale at some point on these sites.

For more information on toxic toys and reliable brands, check out this post.

Buying Guide

$25.99	$39.99	$26.99	$33.99	$39.99	$39.99