Sep 272009
 

Last week I told you about a Craigslist “missed connections” post I put up for the young man in my office that I originally wrote about here. In case you were too lazy to click that link, this is the picture that I included with the post. I figured office boy would recognize it as being me, if he saw the MC ad:

noname-19

Apparently, it was in good part due to this photo that I got around 50 replies in the 6 days I left the ad up.

Now when I asked for opinions last week, most seemed to think that I meant “would you pretend to be the intended target?” – that wasn’t it. Not a single one of these emails were from a guy trying to pretend to be “M”. Oh no, they either made it clear that they knew they were not the intended victim or they thought they weren’t but listed off their building name anyways just to be sure. And then there was a good handful of men that didn’t try to say “Hey if you don’t find him, maybe we can talk more” – all they wanted to tell me was that “M” or my husband was a very lucky man and that my cleavage was awesome. One delusional man wearing a hairpiece and obviously over 50 wrote me thinking that maybe possibly I was looking for him; even though my ad said that “M” is 10 years YOUNGER than me.  He listed out his building name and all sorts of stuff.

I’ll share a few of the messages from men I didn’t bother to respond back to with my interrogation, just for giggles. And yes, a couple of them I decided to email back at the end of the week and ask them why they replied. Half of those didn’t answer me.

“………I know this would be even a longer shot than yours, but if you’re interested in flirting a little, hit me up! I don’t know why I sent this message other than trying to add a little excitement to a boring life right now, and I figured what the hell!”

(This was probably one of the least offensive replies.However, I didn’t say I was “looking-but-not-looking”, I out and out  stated that I wanted to fuck “M”.)

“I would be very interested in a would like your self…..If you like E-mail me back and we will go from there…..”

(Uhhhh……what?)

“hey im not that guy but i think i can help you out with the hookups and flirts :-)”

(No, I’m sure you can’t. Next!)

“does it have to be the right guy to respond to your post you sound fun and if you are interested in the young guy thing im 25 in decent shape and love to please older women.”

(Yes you fucking idiot it DOES have to be the right guy!)

“This is as much a long shot as your post, but I thought i would give it a try. I am not your friend from work, but that was such a wonderful pic that I thought I would tell you how much I would like to see them in person! Nothing more! Perhaps in a see through top, or in a verry sexy bra?”

(Wait…..what? I’m really not even sure what he wants here.)

“I love your ad   so I am kevin taking a long shot if you don’t hook up with the guy   get back to me,  I will     wow nice tits  love bbws  I am  45 6ft 3  and would love to fuck you and have a good time”

(I replied back: “How do you know you’d love to fuck me? Maybe I have an ugly face and weigh 300 pounds!” He didn’t answer me on that one.)


“Well I can tell you one thing, I don’t recognize that cleavage from the xxx building xth floor. So that leaves only two guesses, now I’m down to a 50/50 shot.
I’m going with 343 Xxxxx because there are lots of beautiful women in that building. Now… maybe I should’ve come over there and scoped out the xth floor before sending this. Nah hopefully you will decide to respond and meet me in person. I like your playful nature, I think that we could have a lot of FUN together. While I’m not 10 years younger than you, I am one year older, attractive white male. Drop me a line, and we’ll take it from there. I’m about the most adventerous person you will meet!”

me: “No, I’m not in that building. But how do you know I’m beautiful just based on my cleavage?”

him: “There are a lot of beautiful women In the 343 xxxx building. You do have very nice smooth cleavage. And I’m a sucker for great breasts. Want to do a walk by at Xxxxxx Place”

me: “Well I just said though that I’m not in the 343 Xxxxx Building.”

him: “Nope. But you’d still likely enjoy. Home watching a sick kid today. Maybe I’ll post a video for you to enjoy this evening. Showing a bit of my adventurous side.” (gag)

me: “So what made you reply to a missed connections ad if you know you’re not the guy I’m looking for, and all you’ve seen is my cleavage….? I’m honestly just curious.”

him: “What are you going to do for a playmate since you’ll likely not find him??”

me: “That didn’t answer my question……”

him: “thought you might’ve been someone else. nevermind.”

(LOL wtf? That’s how he drops it? Oh that was funny)


The following are the replies I got back when I prodded and asked them why they responded to my ad, trying for a meeting or hook-up, when my ad was clearly meant for a certain person and not the general public.

“I tend to take weird chances in my life. Alot of times I dont know how to explain it, but I just do it. I am running a 60/40 rate on it working out. Thats normally pretty good. I saw your ad because I live in an apartment complex and go to them often for friends. I read the description and thought, hey she sounds like fun. Why not take a chance and see what happens. Does that make any sense?”

(Ok sure, it kind of makes sense. Maybe. But his ratio proclamation is what I call bullshit to.)

“Yea that’s ok well I replied because I thought u sounded real not like a bot and u sounded hot and I liked the pic and I just figures if u thought this younger guy was cute that I’d email u and see if u were attracted to me I’m a young guy to I’m cute well endowed and I’m very attracted to older and married woman and that’s the type I want for a fwb situation I know its a lo g shot but I figured if I was ur type and u didn’t have luck with M maybe we could hookup???”

(Ugh holy hell, I didn’t want to reply to this guy, but I took one for the team. His original message was even more gag-worthy. This is why he responded to my ad)

“First off I am not that guy…lol   However I am THE guy.  I would love to get to know you a bit more.  I am also married so we both know the value of discretion.  I am 6’4 37 and dashingly handsome…;)  Let me know if you might be interested.”

(Cocky motherfucker, lol. Sometimes I like that in a guy, sometimes I don’t. This time, I don’t. But I asked him why he responded and the following is his answer)

him: “I liked what you said in your post and I love meeting new people…  It seemed like a good idea to reach out to you.  Obviously I am not shy,  and I just wanted to see if you might be interested. I guess it was a good idea after all huh?”

(good idea? I only replied asking in a nice cheeky way why he responded since I was obviously only looking for M and not a random hookup. Nothing about my query email suggested that I was going to consider him.)

“No it’s not a long shot because there will be plenty of other men interested in you.  Im 36, 6’2, 210 lbs, muscular, and very interested in you!  You are married?  So what.  What is wrong with a little flirtation and fun on the side to keep life interesting??  I would like to flirt with you via email since we dont work in the same office.  I also wouldnt mind swapping some racy pics back and forth if you’d be into it?  Then possibly meet up for some hot, mind blowing sex?  You let me know.”

me: “Hmmmm….so you’re interested this much in a perfect stranger based just on a shot of cleavage and a few words?”

him: “Is there something so wrong with that?”

me: “Well not “wrong” per se, just not quite right. Heck for all you know I could weigh 350 pounds and have an ugly face, but my cleavage is at least great!”

him: “Well your right.  I dont know what you look like.  I hope thats not the case, but I guess thats up to you if you want to tell me.  As far as me doing that, I have never looked there before.  I figured with so many fakes on CL, that was the only place to look where most of the postings were real.  I have no problem meeting women, just seems like its so much work to weed thru the ones that want a long term thing vs a NSA thing.  At this point in my life, i am looking for the latter.  Just seems like this is the easiest way to find what im looking for. And by the way, you pic tells me a story about you.  Even though its just of your breasts, this is what i saw.  You were dressed very nice.  You also looked extremely clean/feminine.  Maybe some extra weight, but that doesnt make you unattractive.  What you said made you attractive.  Just my opinion.”

(I didn’t reply back to that, but come ON! Ok seriously, all you can see in the pic is cleavage and a little of my top. You can’t see my hair. You can’t see much else of the top or what else I’m wearing so how can he “tell” I’m dressed very nice? I don’t see anything about that pic either that says I’m “extremely clean/feminine”.)


Well I got a few answers but really they didn’t help me much. I outright asked one guy if he replied because I sounded slutty and/or desperate and he denied that. DID I sound slutty or desperate in my original ad??? Maybe a little slutty, lol. But still I find it hard to believe that so many guys replied in that manner, thinking that if I didn’t find M that I would consider them. Perhaps the cocky asshole men don’t read my blog and therefore couldn’t shed light in the comments section of the last post.

Sep 262009
 

Last Saturday, the floodgates opened for traffic to my blog. This screencap shows Saturday’s hourly numbers – the jump from normal to holymotherofgod!

kristenvisits

While I had already been getting perhaps 50-75 hits a day for the last week from The Kristen Archives, a site containing a monstrous compendium of erotica in all 687 flavors, I wasn’t prepared for what would happen when my site name got featured for a week. Because I have a link to the site over there in my side bar, my blog name was on the site’s referral section at the bottom of the main page (I think it happens automatically as soon as their referral-grabber-bot finds the link). I was pretty close to the bottom of the list even, but still got nice traffic. So on Saturday when my numbers flew through the roof, I kept checking the site wondering what the hell happened. A few of  my friends looked, I checked the site with all 3 browsers that I have, and still nothing showed as being different. Until Sunday when it was then pointed out to me that my blog name was featured up at the top of the site.Why it took us 24 hours to see that, I’m not really sure. I’m confused, honestly. If I thought Saturday was ridiculous, Sunday was even moreso.

kristenvisitsday2

These hourly numbers? That’s what I get on a really good day. A whole day! A few people asked me on Twitter either Saturday or Sunday what the hell was up with my blog because it seemed that every 3rd referral to them in their stat counters was from me. Awesome! For those that have stat counters, what was your traffic boost, I’m curious? I know that watching the exit links showed a whole ton of activity going on from out-clicks of either commenters or those in my blogroll.

I find this all funny for numerous reasons, one of which was that this flood made the one from indienudes.com last November seem small. And I freaked out over that, asked them to move my link from the front page because I was afraid my bandwidth couldn’t handle it or that the numbers would increase my monthly page view numbers to be over the limit for SiteMeter. See, I pay for the premium SiteMeter tracker just because I get a kick out of the statistical things. The price you pay is based on your monthly traffic…..or so I thought. Because back in November I did go over that bottom tier pricing, which is what I pay. In fact I’ve now gone over that number consistenly in the last 4 months but they’ve never billed me anything more. It wouldn’t be a huge increase obviously, but back in November I worried, lol.

sitemeterprices

kristenvisitslast30days


The traffic wasn’t all one-hit-wonders either, a very good percentage poked around for a few pages or 20. I’m not sure of course how many might ever come back. So if you’re still reading and you got here from The Kristen Archives, please comment and say hello :)


Now my numbers are going back down to normal-ish and I can go back to being able to see a weeks worth of stats in my log rather than 1 day, hehe. Fellow bloggers, if you could use a little daily boost in traffic, I suggest you add a link to Kristen in your blogroll.

Review: Silk Touch Egg Vibe

 Reviews, Sex Toys  Comments Off on Review: Silk Touch Egg Vibe
Sep 262009
 

On my quest to find a better bullet/egg vibrator – one that’s powerful and also well made so that it will last long – I’ve had a few duds and a few that were not bad but just not right. In a way I feel like Goldilocks. Goldilocks and the 100-acre Sex Toy Store. Wait no, I’m mixing my childhood stories there.

Sadly Goldilocks (Lillilocks?) has not yet found her “just right”. The Silk Touch Egg Vibe had potential but it floundered and then finally failed completely. I had thought that it was just mine and that I somehow got a dud, but my dealer (Drew) hunted and found out that more than half of the people who reviewed it had the same problem or similar. So for that reason alone, I can’t recommend this vibe – especially at a price tag of $27.99 at the time of this writing. For the quality of the item, the price should be half that. This vibe will just *poof* stop working. Click the big button and it turns back on, for half a minute. Sometimes only half a second.

TO74676_2

There are other reasons though why this vibrator is just not up to par. For starters Continue reading »

Sep 232009
 

{no HNT this week, outta pics and haven’t had the time or ability to take new ones. next week!}

Ah, Craigslist. Such hope, such possibility, such fodder for snark.

A couple months ago I mentioned this young guy who works here in my office. At first I just thought it was cute but I brushed it off with “He’s too young”. But then the old wheels…they start a turnin’. And by the time I figure out that yeah, I could go for some of that, he’s seemingly cooled off. Maybe? I can’t tell. Playing hard to get now that I glance back and flirt a little too, or did he cool off because of all the wedding talk? From the time I started planning the wedding, I was talking about it to the girls in my aisle, a couple desks back. He sits on the other side of the cube wall, the other aisle….so he heard most of it. Aww what a good little boy, not wanting to flirt with a married woman *snickers*

So I took a plunge and posted this up on Craigslist. I attached a pic too….the one I put in that post about him. Sure it’s cleavage only but I figured that if he was reading the post, he would know by that photo that it was me.

Post title was “For ‘M’ on the [redacted] floor” and it listed my age and city.

This is SUCH a long shot.

Both for you even reading this, and being interested.

We both work in [redacted] for [redacted], on the [redacted] floor. You’re about 10 years younger than me I think, but I kinda don’t care. I don’t want a relationship (I think you’ve figured out by now that I’m married, but you don’t know that it’s open); I just want an office flirt, the occasional hook-up, etc.

There seems to have been some occasional brief flirtations between us. Looking-but-not-looking, and in general being very coy. I know you chat up a few of the girls your age, so I’m not sure you’re actually interested in an older BBW like me. Is it too obvious though that sometimes I expose a little too much cleavage for your benefit? You think I don’t know that when we’re standing there waiting on that machine, you sneak peeks.

The correct guy will tell me his first name and the name of the building we work in.


I wanna ask you guys something. The men here, please reply….you can even put in a fake email address for this one if you want to remain anonymous when you divulge the truth.

If you browse Craigslist for encounters, or just the missed connections section for whatever reason….would you reply to that post or something similar knowing full well that the post is not for you? Knowing that the poster (me) put that up looking for “M” and not just any guy. If you WOULD reply…..why?


I’m sure you all know that I got replies from guys who knew damn well they weren’t the guy I was looking for. Today I decided to reply to a couple and ask them why. I’ll continue this next week after I hear some insightful comments from my readers.

Sep 222009
 

……..

I realize that this is an unorthodox request, especially coming from a woman. Never known a woman who likes to spy and watch others having sex? Then either she was too uptight to admit it to you or even herself.  I’ve posted this under W4M because I figure that more men will check here than women or couples. But I’m not looking to just watch a man by himself. My preference would be to watch a couple.

I’ve had fantasies bred by some really hot erotica books and blogs. Some scenarios I’ve wanked to are ones like I’m in my car at night in a parking lot that’s nearly empty – suddenly a car comes in, and no one gets out right away….but then they do. Both of them. Why? Because they can’t fuck IN the car. As I silently watch from the safety of my hiding spot, they fuck against and on the car. OR. Parking lot this time is in front of your apartment complex. You get your wife to feel kinky enough to fuck in full view of the window that I can see into, with enough lights on so I can clearly see. Obviously a level of trust is going to be necessary here, so this isn’t something to jump into blindly. I’m not doing this so that I can record you or take photos, you won’t find your bare asses posted somewhere on the internet. This is purely for my own fantasy enjoyment.

Yes I’m real, yes I’m female. This is just my particular kink and I’m trying to find a way to indulge in it. I don’t want to meet in person, this isn’t an ad for sex or to join you and your wife. This is not an ad to watch you jerk off while I sit in a chair. If I wanted to see that I’d log into a chat room. Please don’t suggest situations in which my safety would be compromised, I’m not that stupid.

………

I posted that ad some time ago in my local Craigslist. I, surprisingly, didn’t get all that many replies. But I did find just one suitable reply – and in the end, one is better than none. We conversed for a week or two and fleshed out details.

He and his co-worker/mistress had started fucking in one of the empty offices where he works, whenever they work the later shift together. To keep up appearances she apparently pretends to leave when all others are going home, and then sneaks back in after the last one goes out. Their workplace is on the first floor in a large office building that is part of a complex of other buildings. In short, it’s not private property and my car there wouldn’t be conspicuous. He gave explicit directions as to which window (on the side) and which nights they closed up together. I didn’t tell him which night I’d be watching. I just randomly picked one.

I arrived early and put my seat back a little to read my book. It appeared as though I was waiting on someone, it was nothing to cause a second glance. A half hour later, as dusk was settling in, I noticed a lamp being turned on in the previously dark room. I quickly put my book down, put my glasses on and sat up in anticipation of the show. First I saw him alone; moments later she eagerly went to his arms. It was plainly obvious that they are a newer couple, still intent on devouring each other as much and as voraciously as possible. After a few steamy kisses she took note of the raised blinds and the lamp that was on; she said something to him and made a move to turn off the lamp – I held my breath as he quickly diverted her. He pressed his body up against hers from behind and wrapped his arms around her as his lips found her neck. She melted and slowly became more caught up in the lust. The moment his hand grabbed her hair was the moment I relaxed and knew she wouldn’t go for the lamp again.

The flames between them fanned quickly and they tore off each others’ clothes in that way that new lovers do. I felt my clit thump and pulse and knew how soaking wet I was already. I started slowly – my cunt already bared by my wearing a skirt and no panties – and I did something I never do when masturbating in semi-public locations. I took off my top. I pulled my breasts out of my bra cups and as I teased my wet cunt lips with one finger the other hand was busy pinching my nipples. I watched as they attacked each other with passionate kisses and gropes and fast movements; I was equally envious and turned on. I watched as she bent at the waist to suck his cock.

As she sucked his cock I started rubbing my clit in earnest. When it became a tug-of-war between them of his hips pumping to fuck her mouth and her sucking the life out of him, my own hips moved of their volition.

As he moved her up suddenly to sit on the desk I brought out my vibrator. When his lips locked around her nipple and his fingers dove for her cunt, she threw her head back in an obvious gasp of pleasure, my own gasps escaped as electricity flowed from my cunt and the vibrator worked its magic.

Then when he pushed her to lay back on the desk and his mouth sought out her cunt, I felt my orgasm begin to climb as I watched her back arch and her hands grab his head.

I couldn’t help it, moans and curses flew out as my cunt spasmed and flooded in a powerful orgasm. Mere moments later, before I could catch my breath or calm down my pounding heart, I witnessed her obvious climax from his oral skills.

He didn’t give her more than a moments rest before he sunk his cock easily into her cunt. She wrapped her legs around his waist at first and then he grabbed her legs and pushed them back – this allowed me to see brief flashes of glistening cock as he pounded into her. Did he do this because he hoped I was watching?

As I watched her get fucked my own cunt needed more attention. I grabbed my Pure Wand to try to fill up my need for cock at that moment. It didn’t take much at all before I felt the frenzy of a building g-spot orgasm. I backed off on the bullet buzzing on my clit so that I could wait for them. I didn’t wait long.

He must have said something to her because she moved her hands to hold her own legs against her chest and she spread them as much as possible. He was fucking her so forcefully, with a hand digging into her hip, that I could see her tits jiggle. He moved his free hand to her cunt and presumably started rubbing her clit. Within minutes her body shook and twitched as she climaxed; the feeling of her convulsing cunt was too much for him to bear and I watched as he stopped pumping, leaned his upper body back a little and clenched his jaw. Without hearing them I knew how strongly they had just climaxed.

I returned the bullet to my clit as I witnessed the finale, I roughly fucked myself with the hot steel wand, and I had my own massive, wet, noisy orgasm.


Sep 202009
 

Sorry, the sexy erotica piece I had been working on will now be delayed until my mind stops racing in trying to figure this out, and my blood pressure settles down from the anger.

Maybe I’m making a big deal out of this. Reviewers, chime in, ok? Has anything like this ever happened to you?

So the lovely Cici sent me a Hitachi Love Seat to review. Priority mail, and thankfully a tracking number. I inquired about it yesterday I think and she gave me the number today. Punched it in……”Delivered on 9/16″…..oh hell.

My apartment isn’t the sort where you go inside a main door and all the apartment doors are in there. No, packages that get left, get left on doorsteps. But its that way with everybody. I’ve been concerned before, when it comes to expensive items, but now I see the point behind signatures being necessary for delivery. In the year plus that I’ve been reviewing, I’ve never had anything go missing. Heck not even in the whole time we’ve lived here, no matter what. Until this week.

I’ve emailed Cici and found that the label was indeed correct, so it’s either the case of it being swiped from my doorstep or the mailman put it at the wrong door. At first we thought that perhaps the wrong apartment number was on the label, and that would explain the next bit…..

I got my package today (sunday) and it was opened. The top of the box flaps folded in so that it was semi-closed. The mailing label was ripped off (if it had the wrong addy on it, it could have identified who opened it, but since it was my addy…..god knows why they ripped it off). I open it, it is indeed my Love Seat. The seat was in a clear poly bag, taped shut and the little manual/pamphlet was shoved down inside the spot where the Hitachi goes down in (Cici relayed that info to me). So, it was down in there and this person dug it out. They put the seat back in the bag and tossed the pamphlet in the box.

It took them FOUR DAYS to return it to me. Why even return it to me at that point, in that condition??? It’s creepy, I’m freaked out. It’s worse because today is the one day I can’t call anybody – not the apartment complex managers, not the post office. Rest assured I’m calling them tomorrow. I won’t let them brush this off. It was mail, isn’t that a federal offense?

Cici is recommending I wash it and I agree, just in case. It’s not dirty, it doesn’t look used.

I’m just pissed off and creeped out.