May 232009

It’s been months since I last bothered with Craigslist but when I did I had a lovely run-in with the sort of guy who, once spurned, turns his forked tongue from compliments to insults. Also given his Wal-mart Employee status and general unintelligence, it proved to be ultimately more funny than hurtful. In fact, I wasn’t bothered negatively by it at all. I find this sort of behavior really funny because I don’t think these men realize just how bad it makes them look.

And while it is entirely too easy to make fun of these sorts, like shooting fish in a barrel, it’s still amusing as hell.

I’ll admit to you that this comes from my profile on OkCupid. I originally (couple years ago) started up on this site to meet women. I’ve actually ended up meeting men, mostly. Some have worked out to varying degrees and still others were abject failures. I  used to like the site. It’s one of the few that are free, there’s a lot of people of many ages and tastes on there ranging from those looking for hook-ups to those looking for the next Mr/Ms Right. In the last year though I’ve gotten fed up with both the site and the offerings of men and women in my area (meaning, I think, that I need to fucking move). So I changed my status from “Available” to “Seeing Someone” (meaning, I’m not looking for anything other than friendship). My profile is, perhaps unlike others, very honest and open and wordy. I migrated from highlighting the sexy to highlighting my base personality including my quirks, my ADD and my sense of humor. When I changed my status though I removed all sexy/risque photos and left up only one of me from waist to face.When I first started my blog, I included the link to it. When I first did toy reviews, I also posted them to the “blog” on the site. But when I quickly realized that I wouldn’t want anybody who works for…um…..the place I work…. to find my profile and then my blog, I removed the link. I still mentioned it because it’s part of my base sexuality and I will give out the link, but I said that people have to ask for a link. I have ignored messages of local guys asking for it, or just creepy men. And again, I don’t have the time or energy or give-a-shitness to respond “no thanks” to every guy who messages me whom I don’t have any interest in.

So this guy. He’s in my area. He’s a little older than I would normally go for, he’s 40 but doesn’t look it – he is likely moderately attractive but doesn’t photograph all that well. While not repulsive, he’s just not my type either physically or what he’s looking for according to his profile. He’s looking for his Ms Right. He’s got a 14 year old daughter and he even had her write this (really cute) paragraph on his profile. If I were a single woman looking for a family type guy, that profile would attract my attention.

And then he messages me after I logged in after a 2-month hiatus. I log back in 2 days later and see a few emails. I read them, I clicked over to his profile, but wasn’t interested. I’ll let you read this all, start to finish. I changed only a part of his username. I’m not real keen on keeping his identity well concealed actually, but I’m not bitch enough to outright post the exact correct username.

And of course, all typos and such are left to original status.

From: Bradsgreeneyes
05/08/2009 – 9:26pm

thought you had a really off the wall profile which is cool by me. i like different. if you want to send me a link to your blog, i would appreciate it. if not, thats fine also.

I believe it was the next morning, Saturday, around 8 or 9am, that I logged in, read it, glanced at his profile, and logged out.

From: Bradsgreeneyes
05/09/2009 – 11:03am

i am definitely interested in your link. would love to see some pics and would send you some of me also.

Why do they all assume that I’m interested in collecting cock-shots? I’m not, not unsolicited ones and certainly not men I’m not already flirting with. Women, on the other hand, are encouraged to send unsolicited pics ;)

From: Bradsgreeneyes
05/09/2009 – 5:56pm

can i ask why you don’t reply. you put that on your page and i thought you wanted people to check out your link. you are a very attractive woman and think pretty cool by reading your profile. i understand that you are seeing someone, but would still like to check out your link. what do i have to do? could you please reply. thanks.

Second email after I ignored him. At least this time he waited. Note as well that other than logging in that morning, I hadn’t logged back in.

From: Bradsgreeneyes
05/09/2009 – 6:46pm

i take it by your no response that your link is not a really that great to check out, or there isn’t one at all.

Oh and now the Dr Jekyl side peeks out. Or is it his bad attempt at reverse psychology?

From: Bradsgreeneyes
05/09/2009 – 9:43pm

still waiting.

still Creeeeeeppppyyyyyy

From: Bradsgreeneyes
05/10/2009 – 12:53pm

i am still waiting. i am very persistant. i will not stop until you reply.

Wow. That much is obvious. I still haven’t yet logged in, btw…

From: Bradsgreeneyes
05/12/2009 – 10:54pm

still waiting for the link to your blog. you put that in your profile, for what reason, if you are not going to be honest about it. you are very beautiful, and i would love to see you.

We’re back to the complimenting tactic, along with….I don’t know what. I’m not sure what that second sentence is trying to say.

From: Bradsgreeneyes
05/12/2009 – 11:03pm

would you at least talk to me.

Would you at least give up?!?! Geesh

From: Lilly
05/15/2009 – 11:05pm

Ok, whoa. I havent even logged in in days!
But seeing the deluge of emails from you, some of them not nice /borderline creepy/insulting….no. I won’t give out the link to my site.

And I don’t have the link in my profile because I couldn’t risk people that work where I do somehow being on this site and finding my blog.

Look ….I had to be honest, and hoped that by finally acknowledging him he’d back off.

I think I logged out right after sending this.

From: Bradsgreeneyes
05/15/2009 – 11:13pm

thats cool. sorry, i thought you were on cuz it said that you were online. i was just a little frustrated cuz you put that on there and then i thought you were blowing me off by not replying. that was my mistake. but honestly speaking i do think you are a very attractive woman, but i dont understand your decision. thanks for replying though. again sorry.


So he’s apologizing. Again, complimenting. Does he think I’ll change my mind? Does he think that that will erase the creepy-kinda-mean messages? Apparently so.

From: Bradsgreeneyes
05/15/2009 – 11:32pm

would you talk through im with me sometime?

Days later, I log back in, frustrated to see he’s not given up. He’s also viewed my profile every. fucking. day.

From: Lilly
05/21/2009 – 12:29pm

As you can see, I’m rarely on here, so no.
And what about my decision do you not understand?

From: Bradsgreeneyes
05/21/2009 – 5:11pm

thats cool. who actually wants to see some naked fat chick anyways. a carpet muncher at that. bet ya your man/woman is a looker.

Ohhhhhh so NOW I’m a fat chick, eh? And I bet if he read any of my posts on here about other women he wouldn’t be so disparaging with the lesbian slurs. I didn’t let my full bitch out when replying to the douchebags on that other site, but tonight….I was in a bad mood already, I hadn’t had a good day at work and had had a….disappointing turn of conversation with someone. Instead of getting angry though, I got even.While I hadn’t, obviously, yet posted his messages to me here, I wanted him to think I already had. The threat of “I will” didn’t seem as enjoyable. And again half of his message doesn’t make sense.

From: Lilly
05/21/2009 – 9:16pm

Thanks for playin along, Brad! It’s always a treat when I get the occasional message from the psychonuts who play up the compliments and begging but then when I bruise their ego they overcompensate for their tiny penis by turning nutter and maliciously threatening and/or insulting me. Honestly, it’s proven to be a huge matter of entertainment with my friends, my twitter buds, and my blog readers! I posted your messages to me up on my blog and it was so greatly enjoyed. You see, it’s really transparent when the local guys, such as yourself, start off with right away asking for the link to my blog. And guess what? It’s such an obvious pattern, you’re all the same. Predictable and staid. The guys who would NOT commit date rape are the ones I’ll gladly pass along the link to.
Do not. Ever. Contact me again. Buhbye now!

It was at that point that I remembered that Okcupid has a “block” feature which didn’t work with the last dickhead who repeatedly threatened me, like actual “you should go kill yourself”  “i hope you get raped” sort of messages that, ironically, the Okcupid admin wouldn’t do anything about and the block feature wasn’t keeping that guy from messaging me. So, I blocked his ass.

He continued to view my profile. But he was, essentially, gagged and bound.


If you were intelligent enough to find this, Brad, (I highly fucking doubt it) then hi!!!!!!

Related posts you might enjoy:

~ The Dickhead Files: Fetfail

~ Men’s Primer: How to Fail at Your Craigslist Dating Experience

  12 Responses to “The Dickhead Files: Dr Jekyl and Mr Brad”

  1. Dang L why are you so mean to guys?
    He was just trying to be nice to you and you called tiny penis on him! Whats up with that??


    ~ Oh my dear Sage I know you well enough to know you’re not serious….but you did give me pause there for a minute, Mister. You shush now ;)

  2. Hahaha, wow. Sadly, this seems like the typical OkCupid experience (at least for me). I used to love that place, but now the lack of cute women in my area combined with all the jackasses and creeps have forced me to keep my profile deactivated until I decide I want to log in again.
    I have to say though, I am also pretty thankful for OkCupid. If it weren’t for that site, I would have never seen your profile (I even sent you a message once!) or the link to your blog. I’ve been a lurker here for months and months and have enjoyed every minute of it. :)

    ~ How nice when a lurker comes out to visit! Hi! Thank you, I’m glad you’ve enjoyed it all :)

  3. I’m surprised he was still sending you messages two weeks later. I would think that with charm like his, he would have already gotten more sex than he could handle by then. ;-)

    I wonder if there’s a difference between pay and free sites, as far as how many guys like this there are. By no means am I recommending Ashley Madison to you, but on “Claire’s” profile there, I don’t think she’s ever gotten guys like that.

    ~ There is a huge huge difference between pay and free sites. Only the serious men pay, of course, that doesn’t mean there’s no dickheads. But they’re fewer and far between.

  4. I laughed my ass off reading this one. Then again anything that has “The Dickhead Files” in the tittle has to be good. I am so stealing that title.

    ~ Hey with all the dickheads we encounter, we should start a group blog. The purpose, of course, to be a lesson for the men – we’re just trying to help! ;)

  5. If we’re grading on the curve, then that dude makes so many other dudes look awesome.

    ~ There is that silver lining, lol

  6. After reading this and your “Men’s Primer,” I was inspired to post something similar:

    CL is so fun, isn’t it?

  7. Ahhh, the obsessive-spurned lover phase… I was a bit like this from puberty up until early 20s… though, having gay relatives, my responses would have been different.

    ~ I’m curious as to how? And I’m glad you grew out of it, it is pretty childish. He, however, has no excuse being that he’s 40!

  8. […] The Dickhead Files: Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Brad […]

  9. That would seriously piss me off. Seriously.

    (And you know I am a major bitch.)

    Damn. You handled it well though…as I expected! I am impressed.



    ~ Oh to have been a fly on the wall as he read my reply. *cackles*

  10. Oh don’t you just love the ones that have the need to stoop to pathetic levels when you don’t want to reply. Seriously those that do this need to learn that they are not entitled to a reply. That there’s nothing snobbish or nasty nor rude about it and that the majority of people who don’t reply usually do it for damn good reason. To me that is incessant online profile trolling and when ignored they start flinging the idiot insults. And then the poor sods don’t understand why they get rejected.

    Reason: asshat status. Stalker behaviour and ummm a stoopid assumption that just because you might have something to share they are automatically entitled to it cause they say so.

    Brad …. FAIL. Lol.

    You rawk darling xxx

    ~ Yes! entitlement! That’s the fucking problem with people. I dare say…Americans, mostly?

  11. Crazy nut job.

    So sorry these men are out there.

    I got your comment on my blog and I just had to tell you … I WOULD LOVE YOU TO TAKE MY PHOTOS! HELL YES!

    And I will give you more. more pictures, more videos, more words. all of it.

    You are sweet and wonderful and very lovely!

    ~ Oh dear, you don’t just give a greedy perv like me the keys to the proverbial kingdom…..heh. hehheh.

  12. OMG…I’ve just started reading your blog in the past week or so and this had me pissing my pants laughing so hard. Ha, I’m bettin’ he was thinkin’ he was gonna score on some “good shit” *wink*. I get wankers like that sending emails thinking I’m going to “kindly” respond and even…get this…send them p i c t u r e s. Especially those emailing me on my alternative profiles. But then you put your foot down and send the wankers back into their caves and they get all whiney and biiiiiiiitchy!!! Whooooeeeee. Big babies…lol

    ciao bella


    ~ lol yes after the fact its all very funny, at the moment though its all very “yeah, well fuck you more!”

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