Nov 282008

Every few months I get bored and post a CL ad. And just to prove that I’m for real (although most don’t believe me) I always include a photo. A real one! Of me! I make no bones that I’m BBW, and I am certain to make that loud and clear. I don’t want any surprises should I manage to find someone decent. So in my post I included the NYC HNT photo, but the full version with my face in it. They see me halfnekkid, nothing to hide, and my face.

Now, maybe I’m not universally attractive – I fully concede that many men are not attracted to larger women and you know what? That’s their right. I could make a stink about how that’s shallow, I’m a catch, blahblahblah. Fuck that. You are attracted to a person’s appearance first, in most cases (exceptions in the online world, yes I know, I’ve had it happen but that’s not what I’m talking about), and I would be lying if I said that I was giving a full fair shot to every single man who replied to my ad and that looks didn’t matter one iota. Because they do. Whether you admit it outloud or not, they do. Sure you can grow attraction over time. But that is most decidedly -not- what I’m after here, posting in the “casual encounters” section. I’m not looking for a nice guy, honey, I want fire and heat and a chemical reaction.

Apparently….and here’s the funny bit…you’re not allowed to be “picky” to your standards (hey, you don’t KNOW what my standards are, so don’t assume I want everyone to be Brad Pitt) if you’re not universally attractive. I received the most unfavorable replies to this ad (3) compared to all others I’ve placed. In the past I’ve stated my age range. That I would like them to be reasonably attractive, and fit (see? I’m shallow too. I am generally not attracted to overweight men with large guts, and let’s face it….it ain’t easy for two fat people to fuck). BUT – actually say I’m “picky”? Now…you tell me…did I say that I was picky about looks?

I’m looking for a local guy …..blahblah….reasonably fit and good looking……blahblahblah…I’m picky, so please be witty and intelligent in your email. At least try? The good things in life don’t come easy, ya know ;)

And so here comes this guy. How nice of him, he attached a photo but….*sigh* call me a snob, my intelli-squick radar goes off at textspeak in anyplace other than necessary (like texting while driving, or one-handed, or trying to fit your full thought into Twitter’s 140 character limit). But the kicker was the photo. He wasn’t necessarily ugly, but he didn’t appear to have all this teeth. Also…..he’s posing at Wal-mart. In his Wal-mart employee outfit. Dude….I fucking hate Wal-mart. I hate the shoppers and I hate the employees because without fail Wal-mart manages to hire from the dregs of the employment barrell. Can’t get a job anywhere else? Not even McD’s?? Go to Wal-Mart!! Seriously I’m fucking tempted, so tempted, to post the photo he sent me, but with part of his face blacked out. Tempted….

Please make note that I have copied his exact text and changed nothing.

hi there 32 yr old male in the XXX area too..i am interested in ur ad hope to hear from you soon..nice pic too

2 days later….

hi there well i responded to ur ad with a pic and havent heard a response from you so i hope u give me a chance im a heck of a guy..
2 days later….(today, Thanksgiving)
well i sent like a few messages to ya and no…if i can give advice ur not a bad lookin woman but u look overweight so i wouldnt be too just might miss out
Alright. I’ve had just about ENOUGH. Should I forward to him every response I got, every single one, praising my photo? No. But I’m tempted. And I’ve had an irritating day with family and the lovely skilled (/sarcasm) drivers of PA.
Perhaps you’re not wellversed in how this shit works, but when (real) women put up ads on CL, they are not able or willing to respond to -each- and -every- response to just say they’re not interested. For then, we give out our email address to guys we just turned down, and you men seem to take that awfully hard.
Really now, you’re a “heck of a guy”?? Yes, clearly I can see that. You lowered your standards -just- for me by claiming to be interested at first but now you say i’m merely only “not bad lookin(g)” but simply because I’m not thin I have no right to be at all picky and should just whore myself out to every unintelligent, unworthy “gentlemen” who deign to grace me with a favorable reply to my post.
Kiss my big fat ass, because I’ve had, no foolin!, just under 200 responses to my ad and I have indeed responded to some. It is my goddamn right to be picky. I am not a  400 pound hag with bad skin and no teeth.

Miss out? Yes, please, I’d like to miss out.

Update: As of 7pm, my ad was “flagged and removed” on Craigslist. People do this because they think it’s their duty to have the spam posts removed. However, I go to great lengths to ensure I don’t resemble the spammers. So what is left? Pissed off men. Pissed off that I’m fat. That I’m picky. That I didn’t reply to them or that I told them off.

  19 Responses to “Men’s Primer: How to fail at your Craigslist dating experience”

  1. I’m a 300-pound hag with bad skin, and I still reserve the right to be picky. ;)

    Good on ya, girl.

    ~Hag?? You???? Pffft like hell! You’re damn beautiful so hush.

  2. *high five* You go, girl! You have every right to be picky about whatever you want but you already knew that. Hopefully Mr. Walmart knows that now too!

    ~ I fear, dear lady, that his IQ is too low for my words to sink in….

  3. *running jumping hug* !!!

    I have had umpteen eejit messages on various sites … I don’t have alot of spare time to answer every idiot mail that comes my way … grammar, punctuation and spelling … it’s important!

    God damn it, it’s important! Right up there with general intelligence, quick wit and the charming nature of a deviant gentleman. As for a job … not fucking WalMart LOL

    Get em tiger! Mwah xxx

    ~ It’s getting irritating when I have to put disclaimers on my profiles/ads stating that I won’t respond if I’m not interested, as it’s a waste of everyone’s time. And if they’re sitting there pining away for my answer then they need a life. I ain’t all that!

  4. The arrogant sod!!!!! You tell him :D

    ~Oh how I love Brit swear words, LOL =)

  5. Well said! We ALL deserve a choice. OUR choice. :)

  6. I love your response, it looks like that guy was well and truly told.

    And I’m so glad I can write properly! It bugs me when girls use text speak too, especially the more extreme/unintelligible variants…

    ~ When I let it out, I really let it all out…. so glad Jake that you’re not in that lump of silly teenagers using that damn textspeak!

  7. YAH!!!! That’s so funny. I can’t believe some guys that pull crap like this.

  8. I’m 6′ 3″, 230, with ALL of my teeth and I totally liked your “Yes, I’d like to miss out” remark. I’ll use that next time someone tries to diss me like that. LOL

    ~ Glad I can add another line to your arsenal ;)

  9. OMG I love you. Er… Oh Em Gee I love you? ;)

    ~ Now now, OMG is just fine. so is LOL. Abbreviations, first letters of the words….that’s alright. Not when it’s so ridiculous you need a special primer just to figure out what it stands for though. But the whole u/you r/are 2/too/to, B….that shit bugs the fuck outta me.

  10. “Hey, baby. Lower your standards.” Now that there is one fine pickup line. In his defense, it’s better than what he was saying before, “Say, beautiful. Why don’t you buy me a drink? I’ve got bad credit and short dick.”

    ~ Hmmm So nice to have a male translator here ;) He’s a sore loser and a pussy, to boot.

  11. I love your attitude girlie.

    Fuck some of those guys. The nerve they have.

    I think you’re fucking beautiful. If anyone wants to fuck you, love you or whatever the case may be….it’s gotta be all or nothing baby!


    ~ I know you sure share my attitude girl!! Thanks for the affirmations, love.

  12. That is too funny! I love it!

    Oh, and count me as guy number 201 who wants to fuck you. ;)

    ~ Little less conversation, a lot more action please…..

  13. God I hate it when they suddenly become insulting when you turn them down or ignore them. “Uh, if you thought I was a fat cow why did you email three times?” He sounds desperate – and stupid to boot! You have every right to be picky.

    ~ It’s called sore loser. Comes with the testosterone, I guess….

  14. Nah, he’s not a pussy. Pussy is a good thing and he knows nothing about pussy. He’s a feeg. I can’t really get into it with ladies present.

    ~ *grins* Um hon? None of the women here are delicate flowers ;)

  15. More power to you.

    That guy? was probably just a desperate asshole who had to sink so low as to attempt to make a woman feel bad about her looks just so she would give him a chance.

    Out of all of the other unattractive things about his emails, that’s probably the thing that stood out to me as the shittiest =

    ~ Desperate? lol, yeah…I don’t think he has women beating down his door!

  16. One again – the losers of the CL ads make me chuckle. Sorry you hit a bad apple – I hope the good responses make up for it.

    ~ I guess it’s a testament to me that I got pissed but didn’t take it personally. I was pissed at his rudeness, not because he made me feel bad. Good responses though…..there were plenty of favorable ones but few that require a second look.

  17. Although I’ve never answered a CL ad, I have posted once or twice (quiet Sunday afternoons shouldn’t always stay quiet).

    As you pointed out, it’s not as if you’re lacking for those who appreciate what you have. And those who feel the need to make rude comments do so out of a sense of their own inadequacies.

    Stay curvy. You look /good/.

    ~ Thank you! I could be a better form of curvy but I’m not going to go kill myself over it…

  18. Good for you! The guy is a douche, and there are plenty out there. I have a profile on a couple dating sites, and it amazes me what complete strangers will say….

    Like most women, I have my self-image problems…if I really want to be honest with myself, I am in pretty good shape and have a nice body for a 46 year old woman who has conceived, carried, and given birth to 3, but I too have received my share of rude remarks from men….however the worse is comments from friends/family…..”maybe you shouldn’t be too picky.” Like you, I am not looking for a Brad Pitt look-alike; I am looking for someone I am physically attracted to, and most that fall under that category are NOT gorgeous men….but they do have to have their own teeth ;-)

    ~ Yeah the internet gives too much of a veil, allows too many men to think they can just say anything and be rude. It’s their own insecurities talking. Real men, good men, men worth it…..wouldn’t EVER do that. and I guess friends/family feel that they can say it “because they care”. Like my mother is showing me she cares when she tells me I need to wear a girdle, LOL

  19. I post HNTs and Flash Fridays on CL every once in a while, just for a lark. I explain–explicitly, politely–that it’s just for fun and, while I welcome responses and flash backs, I am not interested in sex or meeting up. I also mention that I am entirely real..which I think is pretty obvious from the pictures I choose and my articulate posts. I never respond to the men who (obviously) only pay attention to my picture, but even those who read the whole thing are still so damn pushy. And then, inevitably, I am flagged by those who didn’t receive a response (either because they were stupid, or because they were too aggressive). Pisses me off.

    I’m so glad you gave in to your inclination to write him that sassy response. Great job!

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