Sep 102014

silicone suction cup dildos on various surfacesLike the rabbit vibrator, suction cup dildos are (for me) a great idea in theory but terrible in execution. I’m no spring chicken anymore and I have the knees of a person twice my age. I can’t deny though that plenty of people love these things. One reason why I have trouble with suction cup dildos is the lack of a compatible surface. The surface has to be completely flat and perfectly smooth, no imperfections that would break the suction seal. Bathroom tiles can sometimes work, but they need to be at least 1/2″ bigger than the base on each side to have a chance at working. Mirrors and windows work, of course. Painted walls though, normally do not. Before you get it in your head that the suction cup is for you, make sure you have a surface that’ll work with it. I see a lot of people buying the porous / possibly-toxic versions way, way too often so I’m providing a list of all known safe versions. There’s a surprisingly larger selection than I expected! As of 2018 update, there are a lot. SheVibe’s updated website lists 115 silicone, suction-cup dildos with prices ranging from $21 to $125, which doesn’t include the butt toys or vibrators.  This also doesn’t begin to take into consideration the smaller, fantasy dildo makers. I haven’t included any of those because I don’t own any, don’t review them, haven’t really seen them much in person. Wanna know about those? Go see Lunabelle.

Affordable Silicone Suction Cup Dildos Under $50

When I first made this post in 2014 the list overall was a little slender and there were fewer options under $50. Nowadays we not only have options under $50, but I count 37 options for $29.99 or less at SheVibe. And many of these under $50 are actually really well made – affordable no longer means being limited to ultra-firm single density or silicone shells stuffed with foam/rags/etc.

Early2Bed carries a few that I’m not yet seeing in many places. Max, Fairy, and Astral. Max is realistic-looking but small while Fairy and Astral (Maia brand) are completely non-realistic. It looks like SheVibe is now carrying a bit of the Maia brand, and using the manufacturer’s naming they carry the Maia Porpora D1 (updated to Riley) in hot pink and purple and the D3 (updated to Kendall) in Blue or Purple.  For a moderately sized (7″x 1.6″ for the D1, 1.75″ for the D3) silicone dildo, the price ($30) is quite decent. I want to note that the only products I recommend from Maia at this time are these dildos. They have a core that is another, non-silicone material (presumably to lower production costs) which you should never see and should not at all affect the safety of the silicone material on the outside (and it is silicone, and quite thick at that). I’ve also been told that the Maia silicone is very firm and has texture to it, making it a bit of a lube hog. Also at Early to Bed is this glow-in-the-dark blue dildo that is actually the NS Novelties Firefly in Silicone.

New-ish from CalExotics is their Packer Gear line. There is a foam core, but you’ll never see it and it won’t affect the dildo. These are apparently, from the product line info, meant for packing. They’re flexible! They’re also all under $35. ETA: I have received one to check out and the silicone feels nice and smooth, without any grabby texture to it. The silicone is relatively firm but it still has bend. I don’t see how one would pack with this, but whatever. It’s still a nice dildo – not my favorite, but you may like it and I don’t see anything wrong with the foam core.

Blush Novelties continues to expand their options for affordable silicone dildos. Every model (except for one) in their Real Nude line at Shevibe has a suction cup. Prices range from $39 to $56 so they’re priced lower than Vixen Vixskin and Tantus. The soft outer layer is delightfully squishy and the core is very firm, but they can bend in half. However, photos have shown the Sumo (supposedly 2″ diameter) easily able to bend in half. I know that my larger Tantus O2 dildo can’t do that. Early To Bed carries a red version of one of the designs! Also from Blush the new Luxe Mio is short and very fat, 1.8″ and reasonably priced. Also included in the link above for Real Nude line is a line of single-density affordable, brightly colored silicone dildos. In Late 2017 Blush introduced the Avant line – vague shapes colored in block sections like striped socks, and the silicone is matte and dust-resistant. The Blush line may be listed in the “budget” section here but their dual density options and the Avant line are gorgeous, well made, and feel great. I fully recommend them.

Doc Johnson’s Vac-u-Lock line was always baffling to me – they require a special harness (none of which look all that awesome to me) and they were all always porous/toxic materials. But in recent years Doc Johnson came out with some silicone vac-u-lock options. These can be used by themselves as a dildo, but I noticed that Shevibe carries a Vac-u-lock suction cup accessory, directly copying Tantus. Since I’ve never owned a vac-u-lock toy I don’t know if the Tantus accessory could be used here instead, but the DJ version is only $10.  This means you can get a realistic, suction-cup silicone dildo for right around $50.

The Cloud 9 brand has a wide range of realistic silicone suction cup dildos in a few sizes and a few flesh tones. I’ve flame-tested another Cloud 9 item and at least the items listed at SheVibe as silicone are definitely silicone. Their prices range from $21 to $25!!

I’ll mention the Godemiche line out of necessity, but note that I don’t support this brand. SheVibe carries a couple suction-cup base options full of glitter, like this one in teal for $40.

The Colours line, from NS Novelties, has a variety of sizes of suction cup dildos in a bunch of colors.  The overall styling is realistic, but the most of the colors aren’t (there are pale skin tones but also pink, blue, purple, etc).  Sizes range from 1.5″ wide to 2.1″ wide, and only the 8″x2.1″ is priced over $50. I’ve been told that this brand is very firm and combining that with the veiny/rough texture has been uncomfortable for some people especially when used anally. Yes, this is the brand with the rainbow dildo.

BUTT TOYS! Not to be left out, there are a few silicone butt plugs with a suction cup base: Cocolicious from CalEx (might have a foam or bead core, like Pipedream); Colt brand Jumbo (over 2″!) plug, the gorgeous Funkit Cashew, two different styles from CalExotics, and some Tom of Finland girthy plugs.

Vibrating Suction Cup Dildos

The Blush Nude Impressions line are under-$60 suction-cup vibrators in 3 non-realistic colors – most of them are priced at $49. I loved the blue one, and have been told that they’re working on revamping this line – adding more colors and a magnetic charger – with the revamps arriving late 2018.

CalExotics Luxe line has a vibrating suction cup dildo that is “touch responsive”, claiming the deeper you stroke, the stronger the vibrations. I haven’t tried it, but I don’t expect the vibrations to be super powerful.  Then they have a cheaper rabbit style suction cup vibrator that, frankly, I’m skeptical about in terms of vibration. It’s $36 so at least you won’t be out a ton of money. Unfortunately, the suction cup (removable) is PVC.  Similarly made with a PVC suction cup is the CalEx realistic vibration suction cup dildo – G-spot style or Standard. Both come in two unrealistic flesh colors.

Higher-End Silicone Suction Cup Dildos over $50

Of course with Tantus, there’s the silicone suction cup attachment, which works with their vibrating dildos. You can also find them at SheVibe, usually for a better price (catch a 10-15% off SheVibe sale for the best deal).

Fun Factory, usually known for the vibrators, have a few dildos. Amor, maybe the Boss (unconfirmed), Bandito and Tiger all claim to have suction-cup bases. The Amor and Boss are subtly realistic while the Bandito and Tiger are not at all plus are heavily textured. New to the line-up is the Bouncer, also with a suction-cup base.

Smitten Kitten carries CJ Hooker, a somewhat realistically-styled dildo from Hole Punch that comes in vivid purple and blue gradients.  It’s got an interesting taper to it, but is 1.75″ at the widest. SheVibe now also carries it, in green and for $20 less. FYI, it’s modeled after the creator. There’s a new one called Chewie, in some gorgeous colors, that is fairly realistic and a little more slender than CJ Hooker.

Funkit, maker of clear silicone with vivid pigment swirls, has an entire line of sex toys based around that innovative hinged suction-cup base. Shevibe carries 3 models – 1 plug and 2 dildos. The NoFrillDos do not have the suction cup base.

New York Toy Collective has a very realistic “uncut” dual density dildo with a suction cup base called Ellis.

Vixen dildos sometimes have a naturally occurring suction cup base. I contacted Vixen to get the complete current line-up:

Vixskin: Tex, Raquel, Randy, Maverick (rumors have it that the Mustangs can be suction-cuppy, but Vixen didn’t list it)

Original Formula: All with the exception of vibe versions, or anything with testicles (Johnny). i.e. All of the Realistic Bents, Randy, Leo, Mistress, and Woody.

Filed under “but how would that even stay on the wall” is the ginormous Tom of Finland Kake Cock. Tom of Finland also makes a few sizes of a standard butt plug with a suction cup base.




May 202013

BS is Nice - Rainbow G-Spot DildoBS Is Nice”  is a newer silicone company making hand-poured 100% pure silicone products in Madrid. has started to carry some of their products and graciously sent me one to try out.

BS has a lot of interesting color schemes and designs; some (not on the SheVibe site) are a little less fun and are just single or dual colors. Others are much more interesting. There’s a cow print, one that looks like a sports sock, crazy asymmetrical stripes and zebra stripes. You can see roughly what it’ll look like on the site, but since it’s hand-poured they’re not all going to be exact. The rainbow levels on mine are not quite as uniform as the one photographed for SheVibe, but they’re unique. I’ve seen photos from BS on Facebook where the rainbow levels were more uniform and more thick, going a little farther up. I’d say that the only thing I would improve about the designs where it encompasses the base, is to bring that design farther up from the base just a bit, maybe a half-inch or so more than mine show? When I put my Rainbow G-Spot in my Aslan Leather Harness, most of the colors were hidden, and it didn’t quite fit right in this particular Aslan style. If you want the BS dildos for use in a harness, I’d suggest that they will look best and work better with harnesses that are more minimalistic, or at least don’t have you pushing the dildo through fabric or leather.  The Aslan Commando harness would be better, as would the Sportsheets ones since the dildo only goes through the o-ring, not the fabric. This might fit RodeoH or Spartparts styles, it’s not oddly small or wide, but you’ll cover up most of the design by using those types of harnesses. 

BS Rainbow G-Spot shown in the Aslan Jaguar/Minx Harness BS Rainbow G-Spot - The Rainbow Base BS Rainbow G-Spot in the Aslan Cherry Minx(Jaguar) Harness

The G-Spot style is the only BS dildo style that SheVibe currently carries, but I happen to think it’s a pretty good choice. I’m not usually a fan of perfectly straight dildos (unless the girth is the factor) and this heavily curved design combined with a slightly-flat more snub-nose tip (reminiscent a bit of the Lelo Ella, shown below to compare) will be great for g-spots and even prostates. I happen to have the Medium size, which looks like it’ll give you an extra inch in length over the small, and a little bit more girth. Honestly the girth is hard to measure. The shaft seems to be 1.3 inches wide and the head juts out a little to be more like 1.4, 1.45 inches wide, but the base widens a little bit on a slope, making it sit less flush against a harness o-ring than I’d like. SheVibe does a pretty good job of measuring the items they list, especially when there are multiple sizes available. For size/shape comparison below, I’ve shown the BS alongside the Tantus O2 Cush in blue, and a black Tantus P-Spot dildo.

Showing the tip of the Lelo Ella vs the BS G-Spot Tantus O2 vs BS G-Spot vs Tantus P-Spot

The G-Spot design is just flexible enough for me to be able to straighten it out fully, so for those that really like and almost require a firm curve and specific pressures/angles for g-spot or prostate stimulation might not love this line. The silicone isn’t quite as squishy as the Tantus O2 outer layer, but is quite a bit softer and more flexible than very firm Tantus pieces. BS silicone is about on par with Vamp silicone in firmness. For those that like some give and dislike rock-solid materials, you’ll really like the BS silicone. It does of course gather up fur/dust/link like crazy.

I actually really like the BS packaging design. It’s minimal, yet reusable. It comes in a clear, plastic pouch but it is a very thick mil of plastic, more like heavy plastic sheeting than the bags that a Tantus dildo might come in. And yes, I said reusable. It comes to you like a food item – you tear off the sealed portion of plastic up top and then it has a “Ziploc” style closure for the bag. It’s not discreet since it’s see-through, but it’s great for people who don’t have a lot of storage space options and want to put the dildo in something to keep it clean in between uses.

BS Rainbow G-Spot in Package BS Is Nice Packaging Text

Since it’s pure silicone, you’ll probably need to use lube with this, the silicone dildos usually tend to naturally create a little more resistance (unless they’re super glossy in finish). I’d suggest a water-based lube, pure natural coconut oil, or you can try to spot-test your favorite silicone or hybrid lube on the base. If it gets gummy/tacky in a minute, scrape it off right away. If there’s no change, leave it there an hour and see if there’s any further change (like the lube gets absorbed). To clean these, you can pretty much do anything. Soap and water for most situations, dishwasher, boiling water, or 10% bleach solution if you’re going to use it both anally and vaginally (although never in the same session, please) or share it. is becoming known for showcasing the smaller companies, and I think that BS Is Nice offers a few really great choices that are unique. I have a feeling that this rainbow-and-black color scheme will be a big seller. Thank you, Shevibe!!


Dec 232012

I thought that this recent question deserved to be highlighted more:

I want to buy my girlfriend an anal plug/toy. She’s new to anal; she tried the finger and now I believe she wants to pass to another level… I just want to give her a toy and let her experiment a little bit. Now, I am new also in the toy buying and I need your advice. Can you recommend something for beginners? I am aware about the materials but I still don’t know what to choose. I believe she needs something soft, something with a “natural feel”. Any advice will be appreciated.

My response1:

A plug is something you wear around for hours or you can also just use it for the occasion, while just a simple toy is used as-is. The most comfortable plugs have a definitive difference between the neck and the body, with a decent base. The neck is what sits at the sphincter level; the sphincter prefers to be closed so a plug that will feel the most natural and least like she’s about to poop will have a thin neck.

I would also caution against looking for something super-soft and cushy/squishy simply because you need something with a bit of “backbone” to be able to penetrate the ass. That first sphincter muscle, especially, can be quite stubborn for beginners on letting anything inside the ass. Biologically speaking, it’s not natural. Your rectum and sphincter are built for exit-only; when the sphincter is open, it wants to close. And when things come out it is much easier than putting something in. That’s not to say that anal play is bad or dangerous; not at all if done right. I’m just pointing out that it’s not the biological function de facto which is why things may seem a little tricky at first.

If she’s taken nothing other than a single finger, I would highly suggest that no matter what else you get, you get her a warm-up dildo or two. Preferably two. The Tantus Silks are the absolute best. I have them both and in my opinion you cannot just jump to the medium if you’re brand new to anal.  I was steered towards the Silk Small as a warm-up and introductory toy to my Crystal Delights plug; despite the fact that I chose their smaller plug, it was still a little too big for me to just jump right to. The Silk Small was amazing. Only after sufficient play with the Silk Small would I graduate up to the Silk Medium. Even after numerous play sessions, to get used to the “weird feeling”, I would still start off each time with the Silk Small as a warm-up before moving on to the Silk Medium.  These are smooth, plain and great for getting the anus and sphincter used to having something there. Other small, silicone options include plugs like the Tantus Little Flirt which if you get from their “Grab Bag” section, is under $20. The same can be said for the Ripple Small from Grab Bag. Tantus Meteorite is slightly bigger than the Little Flirt, but the fun colors demand a higher price tag.  Tantus Warm Up dildo is a newer design, and is another small 1″ option. This would actually be great for prostate play introduction. If you’re looking for something a bit more realistic in design, consider the Vixen Small Bent. They make one in standard Vixen silicone, and then the Spur is the soft, Vixskin option. That will give you a little cushion and comfort.

Plugs that receive rave reviews from everyone are the Njoy Pure Plugs. I know that stainless steel can seem intimidating to a first-timer, which is why warm-up toys are imperative. The Pure Plug Medium though has a max diameter of 1.25″ and a nice, long thin neck. It’s built for comfort and to wear around for hours and hours. The steel might be cold at first, but you can warm it up in a bowl of *semi-warm* (not hot) tap water if you want.

If you’re already ready to move past the 1″ and under set, the Fun Factory Bootie is highly recommended for something under $50. The Tantus Ryder is also a good pick.

Make sure you use plenty of lube! Thicker gel-like lubes work best for anal play. While many companies will tell you that you should avoid silicone-based lubes with silicone toys, the higher quality silicone of Tantus can tolerate certain higher-quality silicone-based lubes. Hybrid lubes are great as they have a small amount of silicone so they don’t interact, but Tantus have recommended brands like Sliquid as having high compatibility even if it’s just straight silicone lube. As always though, you have to do lube research – too low of a pH for lube for the butt can lead to a stinging sensation which is not good! Use the Lube Guide to find a lube that is a good pH and devoid of irritating chemicals.

Random Important Anal Play Information:

  • Please AVOID anal numbing  / desensitizing creams, gels and sprays. I can understand that newbies will be nervous about it feeling weird or hurting, but the anus is very special – if you do not use enough lube and you use a toy that is too big, too soon, you can create tiny tears in the skin called fissures. This is bad because then you are at a high risk for getting fecal matter into the open skin; you’re also at a higher risk for transmitting diseases of all types through broken skin.
  • When you’re using fingers, it’s really best to put on a nitrile glove. This is a safety trick for both the receiver (fingernails!!) and the giver (broken skin? fecal matter under the fingernail?)
  • Never, ever ever ever share anything between the ass and the mouth or the ass and the vagina. Never. Ever. Have I made my point clear? Ignore what they do in porn. Those butts have been cleaned out better than your average endoscopy requires, and there is no fecal matter that might transfer. You or your partner could become very sick if you don’t heed this warning. This also applies to sex toys. The only toys that should ever be used in both holes are non-porous ones that can be properly sanitized  – silicone, glass, metal. And you absolutely must sanitize in between orifices.
  • There will sometimes be a little poop. It’s a fact of life, it’s going to happen. Just have warm, wet washclothes or baby wipes right near by.  If your partner cannot handle this, then you need to rethink anal play with them. Consider buying black sex toys, too, as they won’t show fecal matter like a pastel pink dildo would.
  • Anal play, when done right, can be very pleasurable – for women and men. Men have the added bonus of a prostate to enjoy, but that’s for another guide. Many women have experienced g-spot stimulation via anal play (the wall inside between the vagina and rectum is very thin).
  1. My response is directed to the asker, who has a female partner. However, my information is the same for all genders – I just am focusing on the butt, not the prostate this time
Dec 032012


Last  year I wrote up what I thought were the best & worst sex toys of 2011 and here I am again. My reviewing slowed down this year so I’m afraid I may have missed one or two that would deserve a spot on this list. If you can think of anything that I would consider worthy of this list, mention it! It will give me something to try in the new year. I’ve also included a few things on the list that I haven’t personally tried (*), but my Spidey Sense tells me my hunches are spot-on. That and reading from reviewers that I trust.

Best Sex Toys of 2012

Last year I could rattle off a few really stand-out new products. This year I’m having trouble coming up with more truly “wow” items simply because my tippy top favorite wins by such a giant landslide that everything is just “good” in comparison.

Best Vibrator of 2012 - We-Vibe Salsa & TangoBest Vibrator: Tango & Salsa by We-Vibe(Some of my research says these came out Dec2011/Jan2012, some research says earlier.) It’s no surprise to regular readers of my blog that this would be my number one pick as I have adored these vibrators for a multitude of reasons. They’re one of the few “luxury” sex toys that I fully stand behind the price tag and I will recommend these to just about anybody. I pretty much compare everything to them now and they can sometimes be the only vibrator that I use for weeks on end. Solo, partnered, stand-alone or paired with a dildo…it doesn’t matter. Best external vibrator, ever. Period. It is simply the most powerful mini vibe on the market – and it’s rechargeable. Those two facts don’t usually go hand in hand. It’s more rumbly than just about anything else, too. Pick any external vibe and this will blow it out of the water. Don’t let that scare off the sensitive girls though, because there are 4 speeds.
p.s. – Grab up the Salsa while you can at if you prefer the red, black or white color, as it appears that We-Vibe has discontinued Salsa – Salsa & Tango are virtually identical except for the tip’s shape and the colors. Tango comes in baby blue, pink and purple. I also feel that the Salsa is more versatile for replacing the RO-80mm bullets.

Best Dildo - the Tantus AnacondaBest Dildo: This year’s best dildo is also one of the more unique things. Tantus came out with three new dildos this year specially made for people with short arms. Um, I think. Actually I don’t know what the idea was behind making dildos with handles, but I’d like to think the short-arms theory came up in the drawing room. The Anaconda is my favorite but for those that prefer a little more texture and a little less girth, the Echo and Goddess versions are awesome as well. While Tantus didn’t pioneer the whole handle-on-a-dildo thing, I think they perfected it. I’ve only ever seen similar styles in icky rubber dildos. You don’t want an icky, rubber dildo.

Sometimes Tantus has sales on these, so keep an eye on their site as well for the Anaconda, Echo Handle and Goddess Handle.

Aslan Leather Cherry Minx HarnessBest New-to-Me Find: Aslan Leather Harness – I’m one of those people who has a visceral reaction to the smell of true leather. Aslan Harnesses are made from the most awesome leather, ever. It’s buttery soft and beautiful. The Cherry color is just so incredibly sexy. While I can’t consider myself a harness expert, I’ve tried on a few and the Cherry Minx was the most comfortable one I’ve had on and that says a lot. I always used to think that being fat with hips and a gut meant I couldn’t find a harness but this company proves that thought wrong. The Cherry Jaguar is better for slimmer-to-curvy women, as the Minx adds in a corset backpad that allows for a bigger size increase if you need it. Really though, I think you’ll love any harness from Aslan. They’re just beautifully made and look awesome.

Vibrator "Enhancer" from Evolved - Turns any standard vibe into something anal-play-safeBest Sex Toy Accessory: Vibrator Enhancer* – It doesn’t cost much and it doesn’t really do much but yet if you’re really into anal play and like vibrations in your butt, then you need to own this. Nothing more than a stretchy hunk of silicone, it gives vibrators a flared base which is essential for safe anal play. Small, medium and large sizes will accommodate just about any sex toy on the market I think. I’ve read in more than one place that it can also turn a standard vibe into a dual stimulator, but I just don’t buy that. Anatomy doesn’t work that way for one, and two as we learned from the We-Vibe Touch, a hunk of silicone seriously dampens vibrations. The Enhancers are sold alone or in a three-pack; for the price, you should just get the three-pack, that way you’re certain to get the best fit. You want the enhancer to fit pretty tight – a barely-there grasp will be useless as an anal-play-safety device. Also keep in mind depending on where you’re able to put the enhancer, the all-around pressure on the vibrator might dampen vibrations on some toys. Just try to keep this thing on the handle of your favorite vibe. SADLY THIS HAS BEEN DISCONTINUED

Lelo Smart Wand Large with the Vixen Gee Whiz attachmentHonorable Mention: Lelo Smart Wand Large – I love the deep, rumbly vibrations and feel that they are less numbing than the Hitachi. It’s not as powerful but sometimes buzzy things like the Hitachi need to be more powerful in order to get some people off… me. I need less power when the vibrations are truly deep and rumbly. This doesn’t receive a ribbon though because you really get the most out of it as a sex toy only by adding in a Hitachi-compatible attachment like the Gee Whiz…plus the price tag of everything is a bit of a hindrance. But for rumble-enthusiasts and lovers of the posh look of Lelo, it’s a Good Thing. Heavy? Kinda. Much better as a back and body massager though than the Medium version, which earned a place down below.  If I could manage to keep this thing charged up all the time, I would use it more often than I do.

Lelo Tiani 2Best Re-Vamp Efforts: Lelo has revamped, for the better, the Tiani 2 (and I think anything else from the SenseMotion line), Tor II cock ring, Ina, Mona, and Elise. Lelo actually listened to the complaints of reviewers and while they obviously could not alleviate all concerns and please everyone, their efforts are worth mentioning. The Mona was never really a bad toy, but with a power boost to the Mona 2 and a change towards a more rumbly motor, it seems to be even better. They even addressed that demarcation line between silicone and plastic, making things easier to clean! The TorII cock ring (I’m told) was made more stretchy after my review, although it never really was the strongest contender in their line of revamps. Ina 2 gets a more flexible clitoral arm so that there’s less clamping going on, plus more rumbly power.

Worst Sex Toys of 2012

Hold on to Me Kegel Exercisers from the Bedroom Kandi line – Some women will love how these look, some women will hate them. I actually preferred the color scheme to the Lelo Luna Beads but that was the only singular positive thing about this utter failure. I had the head guy from OhMiBod (the manufacturer) insisting up down left and right that the holder for the beads was pure silicone. My insistence that it was not led to my Silicone Flame Testing post and video. The fails on the HOTM begin with the name and end at “will snap your vag like a rubber band oh and the paint flakes off”. Yeah.

Fixsation Couples Vibe – I knew the very second I opened the package that I was going to hate this item. Hate. It’s worthless for women who need more than just a little vibration and generic pressure to get off. At best it was annoying, at worst it was quite painful. It’s definitely not a “fat chick approved” sex toy, despite them offering the “””panty””” (I cannot put enough sardonic quotes around that word to describe it) in plus sizes.

We-Vibe Thrill – Part of the reason I hated the Thrill so badly was that I was expecting it to have the same motor as my beloved Tango/Salsa. It might, buried somewhere in the confines of the Dumbest Sex Toy Design This Year. It didn’t do anything for any part of my genitals, but hey my thumb got quite the buzz! Wait. Thumb? This toy would be great for women who require feather touches to their clit and a little buzz to the g-spot. If you need anything more than that, keep on lookin.

Lelo’s Smart Wand in Medium – As much as I enjoyed the Large Smart Wand, the Medium left a lot to be desired. Wimpy (equal to the original Mona), not at all living up to the “wand” name, worthless as a sex toy and more worthless as a body massager, it felt like an overpriced (but pretty) waste of money.

Duet by Crave – I didn’t review this, Epiphora gave us that honor. It confirmed my fears and despite being a giant geek, I was not at all willing to shell out $150 of my own money to echo her review. When we first saw this sex toy it was in beta, and all that was talked about was the fact that it was USB storage AND a vibrator ALL IN ONE. Sure…..if you wanna pay something like $225. For 16GB of storage. I always thought that the Lelo Mia would be better if it had USB storage capability but Piph made a very valid point: Unless you were to copy the porn file to the computer in question, it’s not like you can watch porn from the vibrator while you’re using it. Unless you truly enjoy something clamping your clit in a pinch that could turn ugly at the wrong moment, the vibrations are paltry and frankly…Crave should be ashamed of themselves. The vibe was also a lot bigger than I had expected and not even the posh look and adorable black leather carrying case could charm me. * It should be noted that this opinion is based on the original version of the Duet, and since then Crave has re-vamped the vibe with more power and less pinchy tips. I haven’t personally tried it, so I can’t speak for the updated version.

Evi by Aneros – Aneros should stick to prostate toys. The idea behind the EVI is the same as their prostate toys – hands-free, it works by you clenching and unclenching muscles, basically. It may work for some (I’ve heard some glowing reviews, boggled as I may be) but it was an utter failure for me. It is supposed to stimulate both clit and g-spot in a back-and-forth motion via pressure alone. It doesn’t come anywhere near my g-spot OR my clit. It’s, quite honestly, a very boring sex toy. Just looking at the photos on the site again boggles me as the majority of dual-stim toys are C-shaped…and this is um, not. It felt like it was pressing into my ass.



Feb 252012

Joyful Pleasures Curved Joy Flower Glass Dildo

I’ve owned a few glass dildos in my time; my first one was a bit of a let-down, as it wasn’t as heavy as I thought it would be. My second one was even more of a let-down, since it looked nothing like the original photos on the seller’s site and the new design left a lot to be desired. Then I received recently the Curved Joy Flower from MyPleasure for review. Made by a company called Joyful Pleasure, it is a handmade glass dildo yet still mass-produced.

The upside to handmade glass dildos:

They’re a lot like snowflakes – no two will ever be exactly identical

The downside to handmade glass dildos:

The variances can sometimes vary wildly from the manufacturer’s listed specs. This can mean size or color or decorative work.

The Curved Joy Flower is a solid, and pleasantly hefty, shatter-proof glass dildo. [Check out the properties and proper care of glass dildos] The pretty flower that is inside the double bulb end is quite beautiful to look at – I love the 3D design of it. All in all, the design and color of this are pretty close to the photos I’ve seen on MyPleasure and the manufacturer’s website. What was different, however, was the size. Luckily for you, the retail sites accurately portray the sizing of this: which is a max width of 1.5″. That size is only at the bulged portion of the tulip-shaped single end. Is there anything really wrong with 1.5″? No. But when you visit the manufacturer site and go by their measurements (less conscientious retailers will likely use the manufacturer’s measurements without doing any research themselves) they claim that the dildo is 1.75″ wide. A quarter of an inch in width translates to a lot more noticeable girth than you might imagine. For some, especially when you’re dealing with solid materials like glass, 1.75″ wide is going to be too big. I had been hoping for the larger size and so I was a little bit disappointed.

It was pointed out to me that this is what you get with handmade glass sex toys – diversity. Since there is no mold, they can’t be identical. But when you’re expecting 1.75″ wide and you get 1.5″ wide…..well, that’s a let-down. And if you were expecting 1.5″ wide and got 1.75″ wide? That would be an unpleasant surprise for most. After I received this glass dildo for review, I purchased two on my own (which I’ll review in the future) from another company and found the same problems: The sizes were different than the specs. Both were smaller than what was listed. Why is this happening so much? Is it because (and I hate to sound like I’m all “down with China”, because I’m not entirely) they are handmade yet still mass-produced in China? Would we get more consistency in the sizing and quality from a smaller company like Crystal Delights?

Well anyways. Moving on to the dildo itself. It’s pretty, it’s nicely hefty but not overly so, and has a dual-ended thing going on so that you can choose the style that suits you best. The gentle curve on the shaft is generally good for g-spot stimulation; using the stacked-bulb end for thrusting would add extra stimulation for your g-spot. Overall there’s nothing really “wrong” with this dildo (other than the sizing issue). For me personally it doesn’t trump the g-spot prowess of the Pure Wand but at half the price this is nothing to scoff at. The Curved Joy Flower that I received has an orange-ish red spiral in the shaft and the tapered bulb, and a teal-with-yellow flower in the bulb. Women who don’t like a lot of bumpy texture would enjoy this glass dildo, but women who don’t like things catching on their pubic bone might encounter issues with this if they also prefer slimmer dildos. I had no problems with it.

My only real complaint is that while the packaging for it is pretty it isn’t meant for storage and they don’t include a padded pouch, or a pouch of any kind. Storing your glass dildos in a protective cloth pouch is absolutely essential to maintaining a safe, chip-free sex toy. The packaging is a nicely designed cardboard box and the glass dildo is in a plastic mold. Throw away the plastic part and the box is quite a bit bigger than the dildo so that’s why I say it’s not ideal for storage since it’s a pretty big box.

Joyful Pleasures Curved Joy Flower Glass Dildo vs Njoy Pure Wand Stainless Steel Dildo  Joyful Pleasures Curved Joy Flower - Close-up of the glass flower   Joyful Pleasures Curved Joy Flower Glass Dildo - One end has a tapered, tulip-shaped bulb and the other has two stacked bulbs


Product received in exchange for an honest review.

Dec 312011

Every year the sex toy industry grows and, hopefully, matures beyond jelly rubber/phthalates as their stand-by breadwinner. Sometimes the best innovations are not really much more than a slight re-do. The failures of the year include things that were never tried before – innovation was their downfall. To be fair, it wasn’t the whole “let’s try something new” that was the failure it was the “Did you people even test this shit?” aspect. Beta is fine for online computer games, not sex toys.

The Best New Sex Toys in 2011

I’m keeping this sub-list down to the best sex toys that came out this past year (or at least I’m pretty sure these did)

Rechargeable silicone dual action vibrating stimulator with powerful independent dual motors, one in the stimulator and one in the tip. Double penetration vibrating dildo with smooth shaft that provides fullness in the vagina, while the soft, flexible beads stimulate anally,  made of Tantus’s own unique blend of 100% Ultra-Premium Sil The E-sensual bullet is a powerful vibrator that is powered by your computer. The silicone Flurry is an anatomically targeted Tantus product made specifically to stimulate the G-spot. Flurry's tapered shape features a bulked up base perfect for harness play. Small, elegant and discrete clitoral stimulator covered in smooth soft 100% body safe silicone, with 5 levels of surprisingly strong vibrations , starting with a nice low rumble + 5 different pulsing Worn while making love, the We-Vibe 3 boasts more power, a fully waterproof design, a convenient wireless remote control, and a wireless charger base. A multiple girth G-Spot massager with 7 functions of vibration and 2 stimulating ends, made from phthalate and latex free body-safe A.B.S. plastic with satin smooth coating.

Vanity VR6 by Jopen – The vibrator that made me realize I could love internal g-spot vibrations. Sadly it is the only one in the entire Vanity line that packs the rumbly power punch – the rest have power, yes, but none are quite as Rocky Balboa as the VR61. It’s still not the perfect Rabbit-Style vibrator but it’s something I’m willing to overlook for how HOLY FUCK YES it stimulates my g-spot just by sitting there, vibrating.

Flex Double Penetration by Tantus – I won’t be using it personally but I do own one and have read the reviews. It’s a vibrating dildo with a rabbit-esque attachment of firm “anal beads”. It’s probably one of kind at this point. And it’s silicone, one of the only materials you should put in your ass! Use the included RO-80 bullet vibe for a little something extra or get the Tantus suction cup attachment for more fun.

 E-Sensual USB-Powered Bullet – My new favorite bullet, a close second to the Black Magic Bullet. It’s rumbly and it’s a powerhouse and it allows me to forget about batteries when I jerk off at my usual location – in front of my computer. It can be modified to grab it’s power from an electrical outlet  if you have a smartphone outlet charger and you’ll probably want to pick up a $5 USB extension cable if you want a little freedom from the cord length.

  Tantus O2 Flurry – Really firm core surrounded by plush, softness. Pure silicone, of course. Great base, good size, just all around awesome. O2 Cush for more girth is equally awesome, but load up on the lube. The base is a natural suction cup on the right surface.

   Honorable Mentions:

 Je Joue Mimi – Finally a rechargeable vibrator with a moderately-strong and rumbly, deep motor. It’s not ideal because the buttons are a bitch and for me the magnetic charger easily disconnects. It has flaws but sometimes the motor (intensity and vibration type) can throw out bonus points that make you overlook certain things.


We Vibe 3 – The minor improvement to the motor’s intensity and the addition of the remote are good upgrades for those that already like this toy or almost loved the previous version.  Simple, but at least you don’t want to throw it at the wall like some other couples vibes we know.


Sweet Embrace – Vibrations that get me off, but it’s poorly designed. I adore it for many reasons but none of them are what it was made for (g-spot massage). It’s an inexpensive vibrator that can be unscrewed in the middle for travel and produces fairly powerful, rumbly vibrations. It’s also a serviceable g-spot dildo in a pinch.


The Worst Sex Toys of 2011

Lelo Tiani and the entire Insignia SenseMotion line – The level of disappointment and frustration can’t even be summed up here. Lelo totally bombed here. Between the lackluster vibrations, the remote from hell, the fact that the vibrator just SHUTS OFF if you lose signal to the remote AND YOU WILL, and the high price tag it’s the most hyped thing this year that flopped so horribly. If wishes, hopes and dreams could rescue a sex toy from abject failure then the Insignia line as a whole would have magically been exactly what we expected. But it wasn’t meant to be.

Picobong – The whole fuckin line. Yet another Lelo fail. Marketed towards, I think, younger people? They are a more affordable line from Lelo that seems to be designed by someone not human2. Typical buzzy & weak vibrations mock you behind the cutesy exterior, and every insertable model makes you want to scream because the buttons to control it are now inside you.

The Studio Collection’s Vibrating Brush from Screaming O – Touted as vibrators that could be mistaken for makeup in your purse. But oh! no! Better than the crappy predecessors! I don’t think so. What makeup brush do you own has no bristles? The fake bristles (along with “Screaming O” on the handle) absolutely shot the whole “vibrator in disguise” thing totally out of the water.

Club Vibe 2.Oh – Like the Sensemotion line from Lelo, Ohmibod’s wireless sound/music responsive “public” vibrator is wonky at best, according to all the reviews. Weak and buzzy yet loud and irritating. It had potential…oh they all do, really. But what club-hopping chick is going to want a fairly large hard plastic vibrator shoved in her panties when she’s probably wearing something skimpy and revealing?



Best Discovery of 2011

My best “where have you been all these years??” discovery that didn’t come out this year but I should have tried it ages ago: Mystic Wand. Gotta be honest, I don’t even touch my Hitachi these days. Or Acuvibe.

  1. This is fact and is admitted by the manufacturer, BMS. Yeah I know it’s put out under CalEx’s label but trust me
  2. Because humans don’t have a “C-spot” and can’t push buttons on sex toys that are buried in their ass or vagina