And when it all goes to hell…

After a lot of consideration – this weekend and this past year – and careful examination I’m requesting that my affiliate account with Tantus be closed immediately.

There is no one reason, or one bigger than the rest, but it’s a compilation of many reasons. A couple of them I knew a few years ago but didn’t act on, as they were told to me in confidence and when I outweighed the good of Tantus vs what I knew, the good of Tantus in the industry won out. And so, because they were not my stories to share, and because I could not afford to lose affiliate earnings at the time, I did nothing. I did not expect to be further disappointed years later, to be honest.

I couldn’t ignore the fact that Metis was a big supporter and educator against toxic, porous sex toys and that she gave that support and education to me. I wouldn’t be where I am without that. I’ve watched Metis stand by the bloggers publicly when they’ve called out the bad behavior of other companies so to see Metis and the Tantus social media accounts behaving this way now is extra disappointing to me. I sat in a session at Woodhull two years ago listening to Metis, among others, lecture about the best practice ways for companies to respond on social media when they’ve fucked up so the silence from all accounts, the absolute head-in-the-sand ignoring, is even more of a kick to the gut.

But for the last year or so, things keep happening with the social media, with the company, and more information is relayed to me privately and finally, I have hit the last straw. I can’t and won’t share the things relayed to me in confidence from others in the industry, but the things I’ve learned in the last year have shaken my beliefs in the good of Tantus. I’m incredibly disappointed in the actions of the owners. I still believe that Tantus makes good products, but I can’t support them anymore directly for ethical reasons. The stories shared with me in confidence are not mine to tell and telling them could have serious repercussions on those who told them – if they choose to tell those stories themselves, they have my full support.

To read more about the actions of Metis in correlation with a Woodhull issue last year, please see this thread from ChronicSexChat on Twitter, it’s an important read and a lot of risks were taken by Kirsten. They’ve done a lot of the hard work and it’s been ignored for too long. That thread was catalyst part one for this conclusion I’ve reached, and the actions on social media this weekend were the nail in the coffin of secrets I can’t brush away. Please see this thread from Sex Bloggess which details what happened this week. I stand by everything she’s said in it. Her words and feelings mirror my own. And while I can’t share the other stories, I can tell you that the reviews on GlassDoor line up with things I’ve been told, and seem to be the tip of the iceberg.

I have blacklisted other companies for less but the good doesn’t outweigh the bad anymore with Tantus.

I’ve been more and more absent from blogging over the last year and social media mostly over the last few weeks as I’ve had to make a difficult decision to focus my health first. My physical, and mental, health are at their worst and have been for a year, but I’ve been in certain levels of denial. My mental health has only been worse one time in my life – when my father died. My physical health has suddenly gone from not-very-good to bad enough that I’ve had to make major changes recently.

To preserve my health, I can’t fight more than this – this post, this email I’ve sent to Tantus, and this decision to lose that part of my income¹. I hope that my actions highlight that they need to make major changes, NOW, and I hope that others respect the boundaries I’m setting for myself here. I’ve closed comments in part because there’s nothing else I can say on this matter, and because I don’t have the spoons for attacks, arguments, or even discussions or words of support. Again, boundaries. Thank you for understanding.