Pass/Fail

You all know I’ve put up craigslist ads. I’ve got a profile over on Okcupid, and another spot. *sigh* I mean, do some of these guys truly think they have game? Are they looking over their message before clicking send and thinking “yeah, I got this one in the bag”?

First, let’s be positive and look at the ones that get a response from me (which is only about 15% of the time it seems, because I’m picky and want something rare – personality and the ability to type)

Subject: you had me at provincial french cooking
“seriously, hard hard messy foodgasm. mmmmm…
hi, i’m —- and in lust with you and your profile. so, yeah.”

There’s more, it’s all cute and witty and complimentary and made me smile.But I won’t post the whole thing, it would bore you I’m sure.

Next….

“A. You are incredibly gorgeous. No, really. You have no idea.
2. I wish you were not 612 miles away.
iii. I HATE textspeak in email. I have 2 friends that do this on a regular basis, and they are both advisors at colleges. How some can work in education and make themselves sound that unintelligent is beyond me.”

He did the “A” “2” thing, and I didn’t do that anywhere in my profile. But I tend to do that frequently, especially when speaking. Freaky. And it shows he actually read all the way down to the bottom of my profile.

There have been a few more, who weren’t the wittiest right off the bat but had a photo that caught my eye and they seemed “real”, had a personality. But they baffle me. We email back and forth, things are going very well and sparks are flying….photos are being well received to say the least…I show him the blog. Conversation finally takes the proper turn, and they really like what they see and read. But then, conversation dies off within a week. When it comes time to say “Hey we’re both interested, let’s meet”, nothing happens. It’s more complicated than that, but that’s the Readers Digest version. Why contact a local person, why answer their “FWB” ad on CL, why go through the trouble of a week of sexy conversation just to chicken out of meeting? I’m very disappointed in a few guys right now, and kicking their chicken asses to the curb I think.

Fails – I will (almost) never respond back to the fails. Most, to be honest, are things like “hey ur hott, lets fuck” or some shit. *sigh* But then you really get to see some fucktards.

“Hey are you really real. I’ve already sent an e-mail and the only thing I got back were clubs to join up to (Not interested) If your real I guess I receive legitimate e-mail back. I cant assume so I have to ask are you 21 or older if not the buck stops here. I have no interest in messing with a kids mind.”

Now, I have to interrupt here. In my CL ad I made a point of saying “Hey, I’m real! Come on, what spam bot is gonna post on CL as a BBW??” AND I posted pics, casual things. If you have half a braincell you can look at the fake ads, and then mine, and know I’m not selling a website. So, I had to bite here. After all he had complied and sent a photo of himself.

Me: Come on, did my ad really look like that of a spammer? Really now, I tried very hard to assure you men that I am real. Is there a secret boys-only-club password I should have known? A handshake? A grunt? Hmmm hard to portray the handshake/grunt via text…..

His reply: Ok all seems well, Send me another Picture of yourself.

Me: LOL

um, no

His reply: What you didn’t like the picture.

I’m copying here word for word people. Lack of punctuation and all. I went on and actually told him, bluntly, what all pissed me off. To his credit, he came back with a more thought-out email, punctuation, and showed a general ability to think like a homosapiens. But it was too late.

“r u into piss”

That’s usually not a good thing to start off with, unless this is Collarme or something.

“WE MATCH AT LIKE 70% SO WHAT THE HELL ARE U WAITING FOR???????????”

I get this after I ignored 2 of his messages, telling me to check out his (empty) profile.

“Subject: BBW are you one?”

Fucktard, R u 1?

Perhaps I should just stick to my blogger boys. At the least I know you have great personality, know how to type, and share similar interests. Unfortunately most of you are way the hell on the other coast.

A bonus photo (that I wasn’t going to post)  just because you guys aren’t fucktards. At least most of the time you’re not ;)  heheheheee