Confessional: Peep Show….Come and watch me

Yesterday while talking to Sage, an exhibitionistic desire was brought to the surface. I have thought about it before, but never had anyone to tell.

Do you recall Madonna’s old video for Open Your Heart? Those of you my age and older will….I won’t embed the video, I don’t want to subject you to watching it if 80’s music videos are not your thing ;)

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I don’t know what reminded me of her video, but Sage and I were talking about my last fantasy piece of the all girl threesome. And what you all would pay to be even just a mere silent witness to that fantasy in the flesh.

Even with the protection of the glass, could I do this? Alone, or with another woman or more? Growing up I played the piano. I took lessons for something like 11 years until I graduated high school. Due to the ADD, I simply slowed down in the learning process as I got older. My ability to focus on doing two separate things at once weakened. My ability to practice at home while other things went on also weakened. But with these lessons in classical piano from a teacher with many students, came the inevitable recitals. Recitals for the students and their families, and judged recitals in the big city. I hated it, I hated being watched as I performed. A piece I could perform in solitude to utter perfection was suddenly marred with split seconds of hesitation, or fumbling trembling fingers would hit extra keys. Later in college, when I would have the urge to play again, I would wait until the student union was nearly closed and was as empty as I could get it. Only then would I shut the door and play. Trying out for stage band in high school was even worse. Once, I humiliated myself into thinking I could sing. Right. The words left me, I couldn’t remember the notes, it all just left and boy did I fuck up royally.

But wait….you’re not judging me, are you…

I tend to forget that men are usually quite simple in their base desires. I don’t mean that in a disrespectful way, and really perhaps women are too.

Perhaps I could start out slow. The booths darkened, the stage dimly lit. Surrounded by toys, distracted by music, I am sure I could soon lose myself to something much farther beyond Madonna’s peep show. Could I get some female companions to join me, could we get off on the combined thrill of each other and being watched? I wonder how long it would take me to discard all clothing?

I want to be watched. I want to slowly lose the dregs of performance and forget you’re all there for the most part. Only realizing that all eyes are glued on me when I feel the first waves of orgasm roll over.

As I am writing this, I have just been informed that I might find this sort of thing and it might be a reality, should I ever visit a swingers club someday….the right swingers club. That is perhaps even more intoxicating. To know there are couples in those booths, watching me, almost certainly fucking each other in some manner. When the lights slowly fade on inside those booths, will I see a beautiful brunette and her partner….naked and sharing a seat? And by sharing I mean that he is sitting in the chair and she is in his lap, straddling him but facing me. As they watch me they are languidly fucking – she moves up down back and forth on his cock; his hands roam her breasts, her belly, her clit. Would this scene cause me to imitate? Using the sole prop on the stage, the chair, and my suction-cup dildo? (I don’t yet own one but this fantasy now, just this very moment, added it to my short list of “need soon” toys) Will I see a sexy man, black hair and eyes boring a hole into me, staring back at me as if challenging me while his partner is on her knees and sucking his cock? Will he make it clear to me that I am the sole target of his concentration and thoughts?

This is an off and on fantasy I have thought about for years, and only now voiced. Consider yourselves…….? Lucky? Informed? Invited?