Another Formspring question here!

When looking for a new toy how do you know if it does or does not have pthalates? asked by mydnitebyte

First, a definition from Wikipedia: Phthalates, or phthalate esters, are esters of phthalic acid and are mainly used as plasticizers (substances added to plastics to increase their flexibility, transparency, durability, and longevity).¹

The sex toy review community and sex-positive toy shops are all buzzing about phthalates and how bad they are for you. Phthalates are found in many plastic items that have been chemically softened. The studies going around are saying that phthalate exposure can damage all sorts of organs, and can possibly cause cancer. There are a lot of harmful things in our world these days that we can’t avoid – so when we CAN avoid something like toxins in our sex toys, we should. Not to mention, toys that contain phthalates are also porous and can harbor bacteria if not cleaned properly; they also cannot be sterilized for 100% safety against transmission of STD’s.

So how DO you know if a sex toy has phthalates in it?

1. Research your toy purchases from sites that include that sort of information.

a. At EdenFantasys, you can choose “Phthalates Free” in your search options when you’re browsing categories like vibrators, dildos, butt plugs, etc.
b. At Babeland you can purchase anything they sell and know that there are no phthalates – they won’t sell toys that contain them.
c. At Good Vibes, look for this logo on the product description page for a toy:
d. At VibeReview, you can specifically browse only phthalates-free vibrators or phthalates-free dildos

2. Stick with materials that are known to be safe. This includes:

a. 100% pure medical-grade silicone
b. Elastomer, TPE, TPR, WTP
c. Hard plastic/acrylic
d. Glass, metal, wood, ceramic, and other natural materials

Avoid sex toys made of jelly, rubber, pvc/vinyl. While some of the “cyberskin”/UR3 and other “realistic materials” may not contain phthalates, I would personally recommend staying away from them. They’re porous, they usually have an odor, they require “powdering” (no talc!!! that’s proven to be bad for genitals) and many are painted to look even more realistic but this paint suspiciously rubs off with use/washing.

Can condoms keep you safe from phthalates?

Researchers/scientists haven’t come to a conclusive yes/no result yet, but they say it depends on numerous condom factors such as:

a. The thickness of the latex.
b. The integrity of the condom.
c. Additives in latex condoms could also influence whether phthalates pass through. For example Nonoxynol-9, which used to be used as a spermicide in condoms, could actually increase the risk of phthalate exposure (Nonoxynol-9 is no longer commonly used on condoms or personal lubricants though).
d. The personal lubricant in pre-lubricated condoms could (but doesn’t necessarily) facilitate the leaching phthalates out of a sex toy.²

One thing that I wasn’t able to find in my searches is this: Since the FDA isn’t regulating the sex toy industry, could a company claim that a toy is phthalate-free if it’s made out of a blend or cyberskin & its comrades? Since I can’t find an answer on that – and given that the iffy toys are kinda gross to begin with, what with their chemical odor – my recommendation is to just avoid the stuff altogether. Spend the extra $10-20 on a known-as-safe toy material and you’ll get a longer toy life and the peace of mind that your toys are safe.

1 – Definition of phthalates from Wikipedia
2 – Phthalates and condoms fom About.com:Sexuality

Tags: ask lilly, dildos, safety, sex toys, sextoys, shopping, silicone, vibrators

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Given that my blog address and title both contain the word “dangerous” I get hits from google searches on sexual things being dangerous (or not). Since I talk about vibrators and blow jobs a good bit, these are the two questions that seem to lead the pack.

The Short Answer:

Generally speaking, no.

Oh wait, you want my opinion? Well it won’t exactly be pulpit-pounding preaching, sorry to disappoint ;)

The Long Answer:

Generally speaking, no. The “research” done saying it has long-term harmful effects or harmful effects of any kind are largely based on speculation and opinion. If a woman has it in her mind, wondering, worrying, that maybe the vibrator she’s using is going to bite her in the ass then it will. At least that’s my opinion on some of the reasons why women can think that their vibrators ruined them.

I’m nobody. I’m just a blogger who happens to review sex toys, and use them. I happen to also be a woman who is largely inorgasmic during intercourse. I don’t have a degree in sex education, I’ve not conducted any highly scientific experiments. All I have is my opinion (opinions are never fact) and my common sense.

Carol Queen, however, has a little more wiggle room to weigh in on the topic. She recently wrote a post for GoodVibes Magazine: “Can a Vibrator Numb the Clitoris?” She makes a lot of great points throughout the article but I wanted to point out these two:

The fact is, for many women, in particular (though I know men for whom this is also true), using a vibrator is the surest and quickest route to orgasm, to the extent that women who are very orgasmic with a vibe are sometimes not at all (or certainly not reliably) orgasmic with a human partner. People then sometimes assume that the reason is the vibe “desensitizing” the woman to the charms of human erotic interaction.

There’s a big catch here, though, that’s rarely addressed. Lots of the women who don’t come with partners but do come with vibes didn’t stop responding orgasmically during partner sex once they got the vibrator — they were never reliably orgasmic to begin with! The vibrator didn’t change anything, except to make them more able to come when it was used.

and:

Is it possible to engage in, and appreciate and orgasm from, both kinds? Absolutely!  And the more orgasmic sexual experiences a person has, the more s/he can learn to respond in both/all ways. The answer to this dilemma isn’t to stop one kind of sexual sensation, it’s to engage in more of the other kinds you want to respond to. Your body actually grows new nerve pathways when stimulated (or when you learn any new skill based in motion or position), so keep engaging in the kinds of partner sex that please you the most — the likelihood that, with time and sufficient arousal, an orgasmic-through-vibration woman will become able to transfer this ability to partner sex is really pretty good.

Every clitoris is different. Some stick out more, some are barely visible. I happen to know a woman whose clit is SO sensitive that she’ll orgasm in less than a minute of any sort of manual/tongue stimulation – she doesn’t exactly view this as a good thing because she’s then maddeningly sensitive for a while thereafter and cannot tolerate more stimulation.

Some women are not as dramatically sensitive but nonetheless have little trouble orgasming from the pressure a pubic bone exerts against her clit during intercourse. Some women, like me, are not very sensitive. That isn’t to say that we don’t enjoy the stimulation….I can be enjoying it massively but it’s just not “enough” to push me over the edge. When I say that I require a vibrator that’s more rumbly and deep and powerful? It’s not the portion of my clit that’s visible that needs it.

It’s the other 90%.

The Glans clitoris is the only portion of the clit that’s visible and able to be stimulated by tongues, fingers, gentle vibrators, etc. So when I say that I need the power of the Hitachi or the Wahl or even the Climax Twist, or the rumbly deep power of the Harmony Bullet….it’s not that my “poor little clit” needs to be rattled beyond comprehension. Its that I need the stimulation to travel to the rest of it.

A recent diatribe against the power tool vibrators listed a sex toy store owner as Exhibit B stating that a number of women returned the powerful vibes saying that they’re overkill, too much power, etc. Ok, but does every *satisfied* customer come back and tell them they’re satisfied?

No.

They’re at home having orgasms.

I’ve reviewed a lot of vibrators that were very nice for other women, but not quite right for me. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to steer everyone clear of those vibes. Nor will I recommend the Hitachi or Wahl for someone’s first vibrator. MY OPINION is just that…… an opinion. I think I can make pretty good educated guesses because I read and listen to both sides. But in the end, all my recommendations have one end result: helping others have orgasms. I will only say “Avoid that vibrator” if the toy overall is of poor quality. But in the end, I don’t care if you orgasm from a toothbrush, your mattress, your finger, a vibrator, or rubbing your thighs together like a cricket.

I wrote recently about how I think that my use of vibrators has made me MORE sensitive and has allowed me to eventually experience orgasms that weren’t attainable before.  Given what Carol wrote, that I quoted above, it makes sense. By using vibrators I’ve brought much-needed bloodflow to the area which can help grow and foster more nerve endings over time.

Sure, a vibrator can be dangerous just like a kitten could be dangerous. i.e. by using it improperly:  to extreme circumstances,  plugged in while in the bathtub, etc. Just employ common sense and you’ll always be fine. Always start out your vibrator-buying journey by reading a lot of reviews from bloggers like me who actually give opinions and not just reiterating specs (You’ll find a ton a reviews to reference over at Pleasurists) and start out slow. Buy a vibrator that most rank as medium and that has more than one power level.

Tags: opinions are like assholes, orgasms, vibrators

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One of my favorite sex toys to review are remote-controlled bullets. Well, calling them “bullets” is a bit of a misnomer, I guess. They’re usually egg-shaped. But I digress.

There’s a big reason why I love bullets: I can nestle it in between my labia and sit there, hands-free, enjoying the vibrations as they rumble on my clit. Mostly hands-free. Most bullets, most of the time, require my help to climb that last hill to orgasm by pressing it and holding it to just that right perfect spot on my clit. I’ve found that, for me, price has no bearing on whether or not a vibrating bullet will get me to orgasm. It’s all about the speed and type of vibrations.

The Vital Bullet is probably about as cheap as you can get. And about as powerful. It’s not in the dreaded “high-pitched buzzy” camp of motors that can leave me itchy rather than aroused. On it’s top speed it might very well be entirely too powerful for women with a sensitive clit. It’s made by WHK GmbH which means……absolutely nothing. The packaging is a cheap plastic blister pack with a cheesy half-naked girl on the insert card; there’s absolutely no brand name visible on the packaging. The package tells you the very basic details: “quiet”, “4-speed”, “powerful” and “100% waterproof”.

This bullet has an odd feature – the bullet can unplug from the top of the remote pack. I suppose this could come in handy if it were a name-brand bullet and you could purchase a replacement bullet-only (since that’s where all the wires that can come loose, reside) but for the low price of $9.95 for a brand new one?….why would you bother? If I had any other remote bullets with this plug feature I’d test to see if they’re interchangeable but alas, I do not. I’ve only found one useful reason to unplug the bullet from the battery pack – if it’s not plugged in, then it can’t be accidentally turned on should you find yourself in a situation where you’re traveling with it and don’t want it accidentally turning on (and you also left the batteries in).

The cord is a mere 20″ long. Most other bullets I’ve owned have a cord around 30″ in length. 20″ is pretty short, especially when one is using it the way I tend to use bullets – tucked into my panties, the cord coming out my waist-band and the pack shoved into my front pocket. The control pack is elementary. A slider that clicks along 5 positions: off, low, mid, high, super. “Mid”, because it’s a thrummy-lower-pitched motor, has actually gotten me to orgasm if I’m super-aroused. “High” is perfect when I need a little more oomph. “Super” is a setting I like but I cannot leave it on this setting once I start to orgasm, it’s just too much. Yes! I said something is too much! (see: Am I becoming more sensitive?? for more info) The actual bullet is about the same size as most other ones I’ve tried like the Bnaughty. It’s a bit noisy but then again, many bullets are. If you’re trying to discreetly use this in a silent bedroom….forget about it. Under the covers though? Nestled under panties and jeans? Doable.

The pack also has a singular red light to let you know it’s turned on. Easy to cover up if need be, doesn’t make the whole hand pack glow like the Harmony Bullet. It takes the standard 2 AA batteries, fits nicely in the palm of your hand with the slider bar in just the right position.

I can’t believe I’m actually saying this but……

I’m recommending a $10 sex toy from a no-name company with terrible packaging.

When you get down to it, though, bullets are one of the very very few sex toys that fall into that range that one can safely recommend. I suggest you buy two, because lord knows how long it’ll last. My Doc Johnson Harmony Bullet has actually been my go-to bullet these days so I’ve not put this one through the ringer. At $10 though it’s no hardship to replace once it does crap out.

Thanks to Edenfantasys.com for sending me this (way too long ago) to review!

Tags: bullets, edencafe, reviews, sextoys, Silver Bullet, vibrators

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Be it from uninformed talk or uneducated fear, or both, I know I’ve read in many places that consistent use of a vibrator on your clit will make it harder for you to orgasm without a vibrator. I can list just such a place but Epiphora already wrote a beautiful rant, and I don’t want to link to the asshole’s website any more than as little as necessary.

When you’re using the big bad vibrators like the Wahl and the Hitachi, the likes of which no human could match, I did fear there for awhile that sure I’d discovered a way to finally and reliably (usually) get off but that I could be sacrificing any chances at ever getting off WITHOUT the vibrators. Of course, I hoarded the vibrators -because- it was rare for me to orgasm without them. But it was ok; my hub was fine with it and accepted it. Casual encounters suffered (because I didn’t bring my vibe to a hook-up, lol) but then they usually did when it came to my orgasm.

the past

When I finally learned enough about my own body to know what I should be doing to achieve orgasm (many years later in life than most), I couldn’t manage it with just fingers 9 times out of 10. Partners could do it, but it was just about as rare. Now that I know more about my body, how my cunt behaves after orgasm and so on I’m actually pretty sure that I *was* having clitoral orgasms back then. It wasn’t often and it wasn’t earth-shattering (obviously, because I wasn’t even aware that I was orgasming) but it did happen. I know I enjoyed sex thoroughly and was long-since having g-spot orgasms during sex with my now-husband. But it wasn’t until I got a vibrator (or electric toothbrush) in my hands that I had an actual, pulsating, no-doubt clitoral orgasm. And then? I was addicted. Forever searching for new and improved vibrators. Why do you think I got into reviewing? ;)

the recent past

Vibrators or not, I wasn’t quick to orgasm for the first year or two until I got the bigger vibrators. It took time, more time than I sometimes cared to devote. Fingers got me close….but I either wasn’t capable of going over the edge or I just gave up too soon. I could have counted on one hand the number of times I’d had a clitoral orgasm with no vibrator involved. And I can most definitely tell you that the times it occurred that way didn’t see me as worked up as I’ve gotten while at work. But yet I was never able to come at work  without the aide of a vibrator…..sometimes even then it eluded me.Desperation to come, or not, I was completely unable to ever orgasm at work if the batteries died.

present day

Last month, I had my *second ever* clitoral orgasm from oral sex to the utter shock and glee of mostly me but my hub, too. A few months ago, I came with my silver bullet barely touching my clit….I wasn’t even trying, but boy I was sure watching an arousing scene!

Recently I experienced a new first. TWO orgasms achieved with nothing more than my finger on my clit; two in the same evening, without g-spot stimulation (which had been necessary in the past); two before my fingers/hands/wrists even had time to get tired and sore. The first one I actually had to purposely hold back on. I was watching porn, at the time. Not real porn, no I prefer amateur stuff that’s “we’ve forgotten or don’t know there’s a camera there” type as you well know. Point is…..two somewhat-easy orgasms with no vibrators!! Woohoo! And then a week later? It happened again! Not consistently but that’s to be expected.

But…..how?

Haven’t I been assaulting it now for months and months with vibrators that would make some women back away in fear?

I’m not looking a gift horse in the mouth, though. I’m going to continue my non-vibrator research. Oh you betcha!

Tags: masturbation, real life, vibrators

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You know, I don’t get ALL my sex toys for free. Sometimes I get impatient and just buy them. Sometimes I do a “buy out” for review at edenfantasys.com which means I get a discount but I still have to review it, such as the Devine Play Chest or the Fleshlight.

But there’s things I purchased with my own money (err…I mean EF giftcards that I got from writing for Edencafe plus the commissions I got from affiliate sales at EF) recently that I want to talk about, both the good and the bad. So read on for my thoughts on the Toiboks Original, the Erosillator 2, a couple of toy storage bags, some rope from Twisted Monk, the Nobessence Seduction dildo, and the Wahl 7-in-1 2-speed Massager.

Toibocks Original

This is a pricey yet unique toy storage item for someone with a few bedside toys that needs total privacy and discretion. The Toibocks IS beautiful, a dark mahogany wood that looks like a plain box and the lid opens to reveal a jewelry-tray thing. Keep cheap jewelry there, watch, anything that you like that’s average and doesn’t warrant a closer look. To anybody that looks at it in depth they’ll know that the box is big but the tray is shallow and try to lift up the tray. But it is locked in place with no obvious key hole. The key is contained within this piece that is stored inside the box magnetically to the metal logo on the underside of the lid. Problem is, in my eyes, that “key” is obvious that it doesn’t belong. In other pictures I had thought it to be metal, but it’s just plastic. Not even fake-chrome-plated plastic, it’s the swirly metallic-silver and so it looks like an oversized play-money coin from a child’s board game, and that’s really my only disappointment with this whole thing. The box is lined with velveteen-flocked cardboard and appears to be well made and sturdy. Like I said…..pricey, not for storing serious valuables, but it IS pretty and inconspicuous. Good choice for bedside storage if you have roommates or kids.

Toy Pouches

These are being sold under EdenFantasys as the brand, and are cute drawstring toy pouches. I purchased one of each, unable to tell exactly if one was better/different than the other. Other than one having the EF logo in glued-on rhinestones, there’s absolutely no different and IMO not really worth sending the extra $6. They come in black or purple on the outside and it’s a faux-suede material. The inside is a hot pink satin. Sturdy, thick cords make up the drawstring. Shiny silicone dildos/vibrators will not smoothly glide along the satin on the inside, so I took one and turned it inside out (that’s the pink one you see above). While the suede will likely stain more easily if the dildo isn’t clean, it can be easier to use it this way for some toys. I was able to fit the Wahl in the pouch by removing the attachment and just dropping it in the bag. I could probably fit one more attachment in it. Toys longer than 9.5-10″ won’t fit in and still let the pouch close.

Eroscillator 2

After reading Epiphora’s stellar, glowing review I decided to try it out. However….her review was for the tippy top super deluxe package of every attachment plus the stronger motor. EF sells a basic package of the standard motor body and 3 attachments. I liked it….but it wasn’t perfect for ME. I like pressure and with the oscillations you can’t apply pressure, or they’ll slow down a lot. I wouldn’t hesitate to recommend this though for other women, so long as they don’t require pressure like I do. It can be powerful or subtle, good for a wide range of women. Even my husband liked the sensation of it when I applied it to his hard cock, at the frenulum. I think that I could love it if I was able to try out the super deluxe package, with a more powerful motor and different attachments. In the end, I wound up loving this next toy so much that I no longer reached for the E2 and so I gave it to Backseat Boohoo as a surprise. (she loved it)

Wahl 7-in-1   2-speed Massager

That sounds so clinical, doesn’t it? This is another “body massager” that has become a pervertable vibrator in disguise. Not for those with sensitive clits, but it’s very different from the Hitachi’s power. The type of vibrations can’t even be compared. The Wahl comes with 7 little plastic attachments but to ME most are not going to work was a sex toy. Especially the scalp massager attachment (the one with nubby spikes). Ouch. There’s 2 speeds and they deliver more than just differing speeds….it’s totally different types of vibrations. The first is almost buzzy and surfacey but yet….not. Because long time readers will know that my clit doesn’t like that type and my clit loves the Wahl, both speeds. The second speed is…..whoa. Only for the aroused clit. The word “jackhammer” comes to mind, but not in a scary way. It’s not a numbing buzz like the Hitachi, it’s…..literally like a hammering/thumping sort of vibration. That might sound painful but I swear, it’s not. And holy shit is this thing QUIET especially on the first speed. On the first speed you wouldn’t be able to hear it from a few feet away. The cord is nice and long. The Wahl has become my go-to vibe now. Sure it looks funny but I can’t even tell you the last time I reached for my Hitachi since I now own this and the Climax Twist. Also, unlike the Hitachi, I never ever go numb from it, clit OR hand. This paragraph doesn’t even do it justice, maybe I’ll write about it more elsewhere, another time. LOVE IT. Buy one. BUY IT. You’ll love it.

Nobessence Seduction

It’s called the “S-shape” on the EF site….why, I don’t know. They do that with all the Nobessence dildos – list them on the site as a weird, generic non-Nobessence name. It makes it hard to locate them, IMO. While you can’t have the choices in wood type/color that you’d get if you bought it directly from Nobessence what you CAN get is the occasional really good sale. This dildo is NOT for those who think their vagina is small. This is a dildo for the size queens, but yet with some “warm up” most women should be able to handle it. LOVE IT. But I don’t use it on myself, because I can’t get the right angle. Love having hub use it on me though. It’s pretty wood, too. They use a different finishing method than Hans, and it seems to seep into the wood giving it a 3D glowy sheen almost. It’s a pricey dildo but SO fucking worth it. And the packaging? Cute. CUTE! Hard pressed/colored/textured cardboard similar to Lelo but the inside is padded and has a few elastic bands to hold the item in place. I can’t wait to try other Nobessence toys.

Color of the Month Rope from TwistedMonk.com

Twisted Monk‘s much-hyped “color of the month” always run out quickly. Whether that’s because it’s a tiny batch or people flock to it, I don’t know. I used to think the COTM was actually monthly but since the annual Midori rope came out in January and there hasn’t been anything new since (or for a few months prior) I’m not sure how helpful my review is going to be. I can tell you without a doubt that this rope is different from his run-of-the-mill colored hemp rope. The description calls it a “premium 4-strand Bavarian Blonde hemp”, which is normally listed under the Exotics section. I bought the rope because I really liked the color, and having seen his regular colored hemp rope back in November, I had high expectations. It was also for a good cause, benefitting Midori’s charity of choice, LifeCycle. While I realize that the site disclaimer says that one should expect some variation from what’s shown…..I didn’t expect to be disappointed. And I was. Really disappointed. The color was dull and drab, and the application of said color reminded me of makeup – surface only. With his normal rope, the color saturates maybe 3/4 or more of the rope and it’s tightly wound so you rarely see the non-colored portion. I had asked Monk on Twitter if the color saturation that I was seeing was normal and he said it was.  This COTM rope though had light patches, un-twisted at every bend, and showed a whole lot of undyed rope. Beware his shipping prices, too. You don’t find out the shipping cost until the very last page of the ordering process – he uses only USPS Priority Mail Flat Rate and charges $13 for it. Even though I only ordered 15 feet of rope and it came in a very small box I paid $13, the same as anybody would even if they ordered 5 large kits. So if you plan to drop a few hundred and order enough rope to suspend 3 models – you’re getting a really great deal! If you’re like me and only are buying a little bit of rope, you’re going to feel cheated on the shipping cost. If there were more standard colors available, I would buy his regular rope again someday (but only going in with someone else on the order to save on shipping) but never the COTM rope. Perhaps this Bavarian Blonde hemp isn’t good for dying….perhaps the dye wasn’t good…I don’t know. I know that I’ve seen his standard rope and had been impressed.

Tags: bdsm toys, bondage rope, Dildo, EdenFantasys, hardwood dildo, reviews, toy storage, vibrators

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