Jun 072017
 

Maybe I’m off my game. Maybe I’m too optimistic, but I really wanted the HIKY to be good. I thought that it could combine the sensations of the Womanizer with the appeal of a traditional vibrator so that folks could always find something to like about it. I scoffed at the terms “suction” and “vacuum” because I’ve seen those terms used to describe the Womanizer or Satisfyer and have been told they’re inaccurate for those items (and have never felt either applied, personally, either). I didn’t expect to end up screaming, terrified and fearing literal bloodshed.

Yes, I truly mean literally, unlike half of the people on social media these days.

Update before we get much farther: I couldn’t find any other reviews, at first, of this sex toy so the owners of SheVibe were going to test it for themselves to see if the clit-trap issue was unique to me or a true flaw with the toy. That’s above-and-beyond, folks. But then a Danish reviewer commented on my IG post and said she had the same thing happen to her! Google translate is awful so I’m not sure if it happened to her because the battery also died out during use, or what, but one other report of this problem was enough for SheVibe to pull it from their site. They don’t fuck around with their customers safety, and that’s one reason I love them so.

HIKY is the second time I’ve tried a true clitoral suction toy; the first being the not-a-sex-toy Fiera Arouser. HIKY and Fiera are such opposites – Fiera was so mild you weren’t sure anything was happening, while HIKY can’t be ignored. At first, HIKY was delivering unpleasant suck-and-release pulses. The suction didn’t feel arousing and the release was reminiscent of when someone uses their thumb and forefinger to flick you – sharp and painful. I started blindly fiddling with the out-of-sight buttons and eventually turned on the vibrating portion of the clitoral head. Also, I tried to get a better seal, I think? I’m not entirely sure – I wasn’t paying strict attention to what I was doing because this was just a quick trial run and I was curious. But then we moved from suck-and-release to straight suction and things got dicey.

The motor died out and quit during the suction action, and suddenly the HIKY was stuck to my genitals like a mechanical lamprey.  I tried to rock the HIKY to one side to release the painful suction; nothing happened but a feeling of intense pulling on my clitoris. I tried to gently push down on my vulva, using my fingers, near the vacuum hole to release pressure. Nothing happened. The pain increased. I couldn’t tell if the suction was increasing despite the motor being off or if my panic and pain just made it seem that way. I had flashes of That Scene where someone sticks their tongue against a frozen metal pole. The pain of trying to pry the HIKY off of my clitoris was intense and frightening – I truly thought I was going to cause actual damage to myself. The two minutes my clit was in this Chinese fingertrap of a sex toy felt like an hour. My husband was outside mowing the lawn; I thought I was going to have to waddle to the back door with the HIKY dangling from my vulva like a rotted dick and somehow get his attention to come help me. Luckily, I managed to remove it myself.

Silly me for doing a quick test before errands! The car ride was pretty uncomfortable for another half hour or so. I’d been wondering if the name was pronounced “hike-y” or “hickey” and now my days of wondering are gone – pretty sure I landed myself an uncomfortable suction bruising.

Unlike many sex toys on the market over $75, the HIKY has no exaggerrated set of warnings for use. I don’t know if the unit is defective, if I fucked up, or the whole shebang should be wiped from existence because nobody fucking prototype-tested this abomination. I have a feeling that the suck-and-release stopped releasing as the battery started dying on me suddenly – and it died in the suction part of the cycle, leaving me literally stuck. The vacuum suction of the HIKY should ideally have a release valve for situations like mine, yet it doesn’t. Every other vacuum suction pump on the market, even the cheapest CalExotics model, has a release valve.

Because maybe this hasn’t deterred you; maybe you enjoy having your clitoris hoovered into oblivion or maybe you feel certain I was Doing It Wrong and you’ll perfect it – so I do need to tell you about the other features the HIKY has (or, doesn’t have).

Soft, silicone mouth

I have a small clitoral head and not a lot of hood exposed, combined with fat outer labia and minimal inner labia. Due to the width of the suction side (2ish inches) and how flat it is I had to spread my outer labia to a point of discomfort plus smush everything down like an unruly cowlick. They talk about the “mouth” almost like it’s a Fleshlight mouth, but don’t get your hopes up. It’s “soft” in the way powdery, smooth skin is “soft”, not plush squishy soft.

Internal vibrator

They promised strong vibrations and failed to deliver. I’m not exactly surprised because pretty much every vibrator company promises riduclously strong vibrations and only a few brands have lived up to their promises. I like a g-spot vibrator to have a larger head than the body but the HIKY is shaped very much like an antique carved horn. They don’t give you much room to work with if you want to insert it and still have access to the buttons. The width goes from 1″-2″ but you’ll never get to 2″ if you stop short of the buttons. Holding it this way is also incredibly uncomfortable and even with the buttons outside of the vagina, they’re hard to reach.

Pinpoint external vibrator

Please, stop, you’re embarassing yourself. The carved-horn design should in theory mean that the insertable end also works well as a more pinpoint, external vibrator except that the vibrations are, again, underwhelming. It’s not reason enough to buy this sex toy. It’s them trying to squeeze out as many jobs as possible, like a really bad infomercial – because we all know it’s not worth it to have single-job tools that do their job well, ho no. The world needs more mediocre does-everything-but-wash-your-clothes tools, right?

The "mouth" of the HIKY

I’m at the point in my sex toy reviewing career where, to be honest, I often don’t even have to use a vibrator multiple times to get a really good understanding of it and know my opinion. But I do it anyways because our bodies are different day-to-day and maybe mine was having a cranky day. But this time I won’t be using the HIKY again. Nope. It’s possible that what happened to me was a one-off and that my clitoris will never again be stuck but the trauma of that event was intense and I cannot bring myself to test this again for you – I can definitely say that I disliked it even before it tried to swallow part of my genitals and I feel very certain with my assertion that you shouldn’t buy this.  If you want air pulses, get a Womanizer. If you want a vibrator, get a vibrator – L’amourose Prism V is awesome for both external and internal use. If you want to explore clit pumps, get something silicone like this. Do NOT get this one from CalExotics (also called the Clitopatra elsewhere), reports say it’s also dangerous. Just don’t buy the HIKY. Given my experience SheVibe removed this from their site, because they don’t like to stock sex toys that can harm you (for obvious reasons). If you’re coming to this review and considering purchasing it elsewhere, well….I just can’t give you my blessing. There are a lot of sex toys on the market that I’d recommend before the HIKY which I like about as much as I liked the Rockbox Finger.

 

Thanks to SheVibe for giving me the HIKY in exchange for this review whose purpose will serve to warn and protect and also ensure that my top 10 worst sex toys list next year will have worthy entries.

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Jan 052015
 

The Bubble Love and Dilly sitting on the edge of a bath tubIf you have a clitoris, chances are fairly decent you figured out years ago that your bathtub faucet is pretty awesome (lucky people had the detachable showerhead). The tub faucet never did anything for me, but the jet spray on the showerhead sure did 1. The force of the water was a pretty decent substitution for me for powerful vibrations.  Last year while visiting someone with a bathtub with built-in jets, I was able to maneuver myself in front of a jet well enough to reach orgasm – but it was not comfortable and I think I pulled a groin muscle. I’m too old and fat for these antics. So in a situation where a detachable showerhead isn’t an option, Bubble Love could save you.

One of my first thoughts on the Bubble Love was “Why not just buy a detachable showerhead that has a jet spray option? You’ll save $140”. Well, valid point. A showerhead’s jet spray can’t be adjusted in terms of “intensity” unless you get a super fancy one with more than 3 settings and the jet spray on a shower head doesn’t feel like the faucet you may know and love.  BUT if you fill up your bathtub and the hose on the showerhead is long enough, you could use the jet spray under water much like using the Bubble Love and adjust “intensity” by positioning it farther from your vulva. The Bubble Love can be adjusted too, by either using the dial on top or moving the unit so that it is closer to you or farther away. Bubble Love does say in their marketing that a mere hose-driven showerhead will not be nearly as pleasurable as the Bubble Love but I’d have to disagree a bit.

I’m finding myself really torn on the Bubble Love and a lot of it comes down to price – because when a sex toy costs over $60 many people have trouble justifying it. When it costs $150, most people have trouble justifying it. It has to be awesome, it has to really be worth the price tag. So that’s the big question for me – is Bubble Love good enough to plonk down $149? I would say yes IF you can say yes to most of these:

1. You only have a bathtub with no chance for a shower head. This is self-explanatory. I kinda feel like the showerhead (be it alone or put under the water with you) is just about as good, for a fraction of the cost.

2. You’ve tried some vibrators and just don’t like how they feel compared to being under the running water of your bathtub’s faucet. I’ve had more than one person come to me, asking for a sex toy that feels more like their bathtub faucet and I thought that this could be something special that I could recommend.  And Bubble Love is pretty powerful if you have it close enough to you (but then, so is the jet spray on a shower head). But when vibrators like the Tango, the Rosa, Je Joue Uma, and now even the beloved-by-most-except-for-me Lelo Mona 2 are waterproof and submersible AND cost less (well, except for the Rosa but goddamn is that thing worth the price tag, both versions) AND can be used in or out of the water? You have a lot of bathtime options.

3. You take frequent baths and keep your tub immaculately clean. Of course, being a frequent bath-taker means you’re getting your money’s worth. But also, your bathtub needs to be super clean. No lingering chemicals, no ring around tub. In fact if you’re taking a bath to get clean, I might even go so far as to say that you should leave Bubble Love until you’re taking a bath just to soak and relax. It might seem obvious but Bubble Love is taking the water in your tub and shooting it at your vulva at a fairly high pressure. If the water isn’t clean this could lead to infections or itching. 

4. You don’t have reach issues or disabilities that would make holding it in place difficult (similarly, you are not a plus-sized person with a teeny tub). I had thought that the Bubble Love could be hands-free once positioned properly, great for people with disabilities or reach issue but it’s not. It is certainly advertised as being hands-free. Sure there’s a peg with a suction cup but that suction cup doesn’t work  – by their nature if you pull on the suction cup at an angle you can break the seal. The back end of the Bubble Love is heavy enough that it leans back and despite the suction cup peg being on a ball joint, it still releases the suction. So despite being advertised that way, it was never hands-free for me. Maybe I’m being unrealistic but for the infrequent times I take a bath, I’m trying to relax. The buoyancy of the water makes my joints feel better, the warm water makes me sleepy, etc. I want a lazy masturbation experience, too. I don’t want to hold the damn thing.  Also? I’m a larger person. The average older tub is not big enough for me to have much space between my knees let alone allow me to spread my legs easily and due to the way I’m built, this is kinda necessary for a session with the Bubble Love. In order to even use this for review I had to wait until I was staying somewhere with a larger-than-average tub. Even then, disaster ensued (you can see why in the video, and read more in the Dilly section).

5. You don’t need utter discretion. It’s a little noisy. The sound of the motor running isn’t Magic Wand noisy but people will wonder what you’re doing in there. Bathrooms notoriously amplify sound, anyways. In addition to the sound of the motor itself, there’s the port where the Bubble Love sucks in air (I call it the blowhole because the whole thing looks like the Twitter Fail Whale) with a schlurping loud sound if you get water in that port during use 2. Many of the better vibrators will be quite a bit less noisy.  Noise aside, there’s the unit. It doesn’t look like a sex toy, that’s for sure. But you will need to drain the water from it and leave it out to dry, and then find a place to store it. It’s larger than your average vibrator.  I’m not about to leave it sitting out all the time. I don’t have a space for it.

I wanted to love the Bubble Love.  But out of the 5 points listed above I only have #5 going for me and that’s not enough to justify it for myself. I can recommend and appreciate a great sex toy even if it’s not my cup of tea so it’s not a matter of being too subjective in this case.  The stream of water definitely is powerful, so it has that going for it, which is something. You won’t find a $40 tub attachment with this powerful of a jet stream, but you can with a showerhead. If the Bubble Love were priced a lot lower – closer to $100? – I might be less critical overall.  But since it IS powerful and it is rechargeable, I don’t doubt that it is priced where it needs to be. It is a quality machine and a product that works mostly as advertised (…except for that hands-free bit which I was never able to replicate).  My problem with the Bubble Love isn’t really with the Bubble Love itself, it’s simply the fact that it’s really only going to be compatible for a small margin of people. Since I wasn’t one of those people, it did color my view BUT I am notoriously a very picky sex toy reviewer who finds, notices and cares about certain faults where most others do not. I really don’t want to crap on the company and I definitely don’t feel that this sex toy should be passed up by everyone – but it will take a certain alignment of stars for the Bubble Love to be the match for you.

I also can’t ignore this wording on their site: “Every woman who has used Bubble Love achieved orgasms and did it faster than with the typical vibrator.” Did I achieve orgasm? Yes. Faster than my Tango or Rosa Rouge? No. Would I continually choose the Bubble Love over my favorite vibrators? Absolutely not. Between the assertions that the Bubble Love is hands-free and the promises that it is better than a vibrator and that “all women” loved it, I’m actually feeling like a failure here for having issues with it and NOT loving it.

Dilly, inserted and supported, everything looks fine. Dilly, inserted and somewhat not supported, you can see it flops downward, and it wobbles in the water.

Optional “Dilly” Attachment

Dilly. No. Just, no. First, it’s an extra $40. Second, it is attached like a really loose tooth via ball joint. Remember that? When you had a loose tooth and it was hanging on by a thread, you could waggle it and turn it and still it stayed there? That’s what the Dilly was like for me, except that it came loose far more easily than a tooth. I had the coordination  of a drunk baby trying to insert it into my vagina while holding the Bubble Love’s handle AND the Dilly AND keeping myself from slipping down the tub and etc – it was almost comical and almost a tragic accident. Picture this: I’m in a tub that, when sitting, my feet don’t touch the other end. This means my ass slips down a bit until my toes can touch. So I’ve got one leg partially resting on the tub edge leaving me with one foot to keep myself above water. I’m trying to get the Dilly inserted and it’s not working. Suddenly, the Dilly detaches from the Bubble Love and clunks loudly on the tub bottom. I lose my grasp on the Bubble Love’s handle. Like a deflating balloon, the Bubble Love is now scooting around the tub haphazardly by itself at an alarming rate (just like in the video below). I get sprayed in the face. There’s water everywhere. My foot slips from the tub and I start to slide down into the water all because I’m trying to sit up and reach forward for the manic Bubble Love twirling around and shut it off. At this point I’m pissed and most certainly NOT relaxed and I fling the Dilly across the bathroom.

 

UPDATE: I don’t know how I didn’t see this yesterday. I’d noticed a few black scuff marks on the Bubble Love, and I don’t know how they got there. But today as I was putting it away I notice faint yellow discolorations. I don’t know how it’s happened, but I can only caution you to store it inside a white storage bag and be very careful with it. During the filming of the video below something also happened and I noticed that the two halves of the plastic had separated a bit. I was able to snap them back together, but I still need to caution care when handling and storing. 

2015-01-06 11

Anyways. Since it was that difficult to get the Dilly inserted once, I cannot imagine thrusting with it. If you really want the feeling of fullness, then get yourself a Tantus Ryder Grab Bag for something more hands-free, or just use your favorite dildo. Having the dildo attached to the Bubble Love was not a bonus for me. It was simply more trouble than it was worth. 

I do want to thank Bubble Love for sending me one to check out. If you think this could be the thing you’re looking for, I recommend buying it from SheVibe.

 

  1. For those curious, this is the showerhead I have; one of the settings forces all the water out of a concentrated center which makes it pretty powerful
  2. I’d recommend using the float and hose at all times in order to prevent this
Aug 292014
 

Fun Factory Stronic DreiBeing disappointed by a high-priced much-hyped sex toy that’s seen many positive reviews is nothing new to me. I’m in the extreme minority when it comes to disliking the PalmPower; I’m not one of the legions who would kill for a Mona 2; and I’m not drooling over Vixskin. Yet I was still surprised when I was drastically disappointed in the Fun Factory Stronic Drei. You see, I was hearing words like “thrusting” and “intense” and reading about people basically in love with this line of vibrators–excuse me, pulsators. But when I really finally paid attention to the “thrusting”, I noticed something: The actual “distance” of the movement is no more than 1/2″ at best, and that’s being generous. Add in friction, resistance, etc….and it’s probably only moving 1/8″ of an inch each direction from “start”, if that makes sense.

When I think of thrusting, it’s more ….. well, just more. More depth, more action, more movement. I’d read a reviewer stating that the Stronic mimicked sex, and also Fun Factory states this. Um, no.  It doesn’t. I don’t think most people have that much fine-tuned control over their bodies to only thrust in quarter-inch movements of the penis/dildo.  If I had sex that was this shallow of thrusting, I’d fall asleep. In fact, I damn near did when I used the Stronic Drei. I’m serious. I was trying to concentrate on what I was feeling from it, so that I could better describe it to you. I had no other stimulation going because I wanted to be sure that my g-spot was responding. And I drifted off a little. It lulled me right to dreamland. Maybe this will be my form of meditation! 

Fun Factory Stronic Drei ProfileThe Stronic Drei faces certain movement challenges that the Stronic Eins and Stronic Zwei don’t – the super-textured design creates a lot of drag, in addition to the silicone type. It’s not the silky-smooth LIM type silicone that you’ll see covering most silicone vibrators (like Lelo or Je Joue). You’ll absolutely need lube. It’s also not small in the width department – for a short stint, the tip is ~ 1.25″ but then quickly ramps up to 1.6 or 1.7″ wide.  So maybe, just maybe, I’d have better luck with the Eins or Zwei. But the Drei has that “g-spot hook” that I figured would work better for me. My g-spot is pretty close to my vaginal entrance, and it really prefers upward pressure. Thrusting and stroking will get the job done, but only at a certain angle and level of pressure. I’m not able to get pressure when using the Stronic Drei because well, that would kill the movement.  And since my g-spot is so shallow, 2/3 of the Stronic Drei was not inserted. You’d have to have the whole shaft inserted to have a prayer of that “sword hilt” design reaching your clitoris, as Fun Factory suggests is possible. If you can use this as a dual-stimulation sex toy, then your vulva must be magical.  And according to a study (I assume) Fun Factory claims that 87% of women prefer the pulsator. To what? A dildo? A vibrator? I already knew I’d be in the minority but jeez.  I tried to love it; I attempted many of these positions that Fun Factory suggests for best use of the Stronic, but no dice.

The Stronics move by way of a heavy-duty magnet (health warning: don’t use one if you have a Pacemaker) that jiggles forcefully inside the unit. The slower speeds produce more movement, actually.  And since there’s no vibrating motor, the Stronic is extremely quiet. I just couldn’t find any happy-medium that made my g-spot respond to this thing. I’ve gotta be really honest….if I had spent $200 of my hard-earned money on this, I’d be damn pissed at myself for falling for it.  I’m never going to use this. I really can’t find major flaws with the product itself, the design, or the details….it just doesn’t work for me. It locks for travel; it’s waterproof (submersible!); it’s totally different from anything else on the market; it’s made of safe materials, and is rechargeable; it has a warranty. See? All good stuff. And yet….

This is where I’m torn. Should I recommend it? Clearly, many other people love this. There are reviews all over the blogosphere of people who love their Stronic. I feel a bit validated in hating the Drei because Epiphora dislikes the Stronic Zwei and Drei (but really loves her Eins). I sorta feel like I should try the Eins but….I don’t have sex toy retailers/manufacturers throwing toy review offers at me. I have to be picky about what I ask to review. I’m not about to sacrifice the chance to review two other, maybe three other, sex toys just to try out the Eins. You know I like to be able to compare things, but this time I don’t think it’s going to happen. It took me this long to just get my hands on ONE of the Stronics, I can’t imagine the miracle that would need to occur for me to ever try another.  If you’ve identified with my opinions on other toys; if you think we’re built similarly and respond similarly to stimulation; if the recommendations of mine that you’ve heeded have paid off for you? Then don’t get this. Save your cash and thrust your own dildo.

 

Thanks to Fun Factory for giving me the chance to try out a Stronic Drei. You can purchase a Stronic Drei, or any of the Stronic line, directly from them; you can also purchase them from my favorite retailer, SheVibe.

 

If you’ve managed to stumble onto this review without knowing much about the Stronic Drei, or any of the Stronics, you can check out this info pdf from Fun Factory that has all the specs. There’s also a ton of information about each of the Stronics, and their unique attributes, on SheVibe. Just view each item individually to get the full details. I felt that it was more important to tell you about my opinion and experience with this sextoy, than regurgitate the specs and “how it works” info that many people have already posted. 

Aug 062014
 

PalmPower Wand MassagerAfter reading a number of glowing reviews, some even saying that the PalmPower is their new favorite vibrator, I broke down and tried it. I’m not really a fan anymore of being tied down by a cord, so I had ignored this thing for awhile. PalmPower Wand Massager is made by BMS Factory, makers of that “PowerBullet” you keep seeing in Jopen, Leaf, and other vibes. I had been interested in trying out this design for some time now, back when CalEx was making it. Yes, from everything I can see, the PalmPower is the same thing as the CalExotics Couture Inspire just in a better color scheme, thankfully1according to BMS a few years ago, the only thing as powerful as the Vanity VR6. Since I loved the VR6 (internal arm only, though) I assumed the PalmPower / Couture Inspire would have the same deep, rumbling vibrations.

I was mislead.

Yeah, PalmPower Wand Massager is super strong. And it, at times, has deep, rumbling vibrations. But something is getting lost in translation here, and I can’t put my finger on it. It does feel rumbly on the lower levels, but only on the sides of the cap. The top of the cap has drastically less vibrations on the low-to-mid settings. On high, it’s all a blur. On high, the PalmPower Wand Massager feels identical to the Magic Wand –  just a smaller head.

But the problem with the more pleasing vibrations in the lower range being more rumbly and lovely on the sides, is that now you can feel that cap’s edge since you’re using the sides of the head. If I were to call it a “seam”, it would be the most obvious seam in sex toy history. I found it quite irritating in use. I could feel it, pinching and making me itchy. I kept trying to press it harder against my vulva, trying all levels of power in an attempt to orgasm, but it was so much more difficult than it needed to be. This could be because of the way I’m built, and maybe not everyone is irritated by this. But I am.

And then when I removed it from between my labia, the silicone cap came off.

*sigh* I suddenly have labia of steel?

To make matters worse, it’s tricky to get the cap lined up just so so that it fits on there properly.  I can understand, I suppose, why they made the design this way. It allows for other caps to be put on. They have a set for body parts and a set for genitals. The body parts set did nothing for me, but I don’t really use a wand massager for my hands. So I tried out the caps for dual stimulation with much hope. I figured that this would allow me to harness the power for good, er, I mean, concentrate the power where I wanted it. That didn’t happen. The part that sticks out, sticks out from the top of the vibrating head…..remember me saying I felt a lot less vibration at the low-to-mid range on top? Yeah. In order to then get decent vibrations traveling through the attachment, I had to crank up the power. And it was no longer the rumbly power I was trying so hard to nail down. Neither attachment worked out for me. It was close, but not quite right enough for me to orgasm without fighting for it.

PalmPower Wand Massager Cap PalmPower Wand Massager Cap
PalmPower Wand Massager Attachments

Another aspect of the PalmPower that I dislike  is the single button. You have to press and hold to increase the power. It can be easy to screw this up mid-use and then it turns off on you altogether because you just clicked the button once. I accidentally turned it off a lot during use. The ramp-up to full speed also seems to go on forever. It’s the vibrator version of the longest pee. I clocked it at 8 seconds. Paltry in the grand scheme of things, but annoying mid-use if you want to jump straight to full power. And, while the PalmPower is easy to hold, a good amount of vibrations do travel down throughout the handle.

PalmPower Wand Massager Compared to Hitachi Magic Wand and Vibratex Mystic WandAnd yes, despite the diminutive size of the PalmPower Wand Massager, it plugs in to the wall. They do give you a long cord, longer than the Magic Wand. The cord, oddly, isn’t permanently attached. It plugs in via jack to the bottom, which – from reading Amazon reviews  – is pretty confusing to many people who went on to complain about their “defective” unit not holding a charge.  I can’t find these reviews anymore, of course, since it was Amazon and they were being sold by shady sellers, so the listings with reviews are now gone but there were many reviews that complained about the cap popping off, the motor overheating, and other issues with the Couture Inspire. I don’t know which wand came first, or why there are two. I asked BMS, but never heard back, so my review has to go live with questions dangling like a participle.

 

You must be thinking to yourself by this point “Jeezus Lill, is there anything you like about this or are you just the pickiest twat on the East Coast?” So I’ll tell you yes, there are things I like. I like that half of the head, and the attachments, are silicone. It’s a nice silicone, with not much drag and it doesn’t attract a lot of lint and fur. I actually do like the smaller size; easier to take with you than the Magic Wand, and gets in the way less if you like to use it during sex. It’s certainly quieter than the Magic Wand. The price isn’t awful. At $69.99 on SheVibe, it’s a bit more than the Magic Wand but still much more reasonable than the Doxy Massager. If they would just make the plain head a permanent “cap” and make it the entire head silicone, with the attachments fitting over that – like every other damn wand is made – it would improve the whole thing greatly. For what it is, it’s pretty decent. It’s not in my top 5 or even 10 because the flaws are too flawed for me to love it. If you adore the Magic Wand’s vibrations but hate the short cord or the large size? This is your vibe. So many other people love it, so I must be the only odd person out who focuses on flaws. That’s the only thing that makes sense here. I just want a high-powered, rumbly vibrator that doesn’t have glaring flaws that stand in my way of enjoyment. Is that too much to ask? Oh, wait……

 

 

I was given the PalmPower Wand Massager and its accessories in exchange for an honest review thanks to BMS Factories. I recommend purchasing the PalmPower at my favorite retailer, SheVibe.

  1. Inspire was only available in pastel hues of pink and purple. While the PalmPower still has pink, it’s a much better pink to me, the magenta color as an accent to the dark grey
May 222014
 

RabbitVibratorsBurlesque Toy Shop asked me to give a few $50 and under “affordable rabbit vibrators” a run-through to see if they stand up in material quality, build quality and so on.  Ever since that Sex and the City episode, the Rabbit Vibrator is hailed as the holy grail. Yet it’s probably the most finicky sex toy on the market. I could buy 10 different rabbit vibrators and probably only have 1 fit my anatomy properly.

Burlesque Toy Shop and I looked through the options and chose what we thought might be contenders. The catch? Nothing short of true silicone would do. They sent me the Blush Novelties Ohm Lotus Flutter, the CalExotics Posh Double Dancer and the CalExotics Entice Belle to put through their paces (Picobong Kaya and Toxic Piece of Crap shown for reference, provided by me). All three seem to have passed the flame test; all three run on batteries and all three are admittedly a LOT smaller in size than I expected. After all, the average “bells and whistles” toxic/porous rabbit vibe is twice the size!

CalExotics Posh Double Dancer

Let’s get this one out of the way first. It’s awful. It’s so, so awful. There’s this weird plastic base that extends past the battery cap, and on mine the material is all chewed up and rough. Granted, that isn’t the part that will be inside you, but it makes getting this thing clean and sanitary an impossibility. The weirdness on the silicone next to the seams is also concerning to me. You see how it’s just….well, different? It’s like they glued the halves together, put tape over the seam line while the glue was trying, and the tape left something behind. It doesn’t feel different but I’m still slightly concerned.

PoshDoubleDancer PoshDoubleDancer2 PoshDoubleDancer3

 It runs on only 1 AA battery, but I’ve seen vibrators running on the same pack a much better punch. The Posh Double Dancer might just win the award for the most wimpy vibrator I’ve ever tried. The motor is in the middle of the shaft, so your g-spot and clitoris receive the least amount of vibrations possible. There’s no motor for the clitoral attachment, and it’s essentially two wibbly antennae. You will get zero pressure, and pretty much feel nothing externally. It has one simple button that has a very loud audible click, and 3 paltry settings. I cut open the vibe once I was done testing it, to see what was what. The little plastic-housed bullet in there actually does have decently powerful (albeit buzzy) vibrations; I’ve certainly had other plastic vibes that weren’t as powerful. But combine the thick silicone skin, the ill-placed single motor, the empty space in the tip….and there’s no way the vibrations are going to amount to much in use. It’s a dumb design.

CalExotics Entice Belle

EnticeBellaThis one is the tiniest of the three.  Possibly good for those with a shallow g-spot who don’t like girth and don’t need a lot of internal vibration.  The Entice Belle runs on 2 AAA and also has one single button for use, and of course the “bunny” attachment. There actually is a decent amount of surface-buzzy vibrations coming from the bunny ears but they feel entirely too pinpoint for my tastes. The shaft is …. well, it’s boring. It’s really boring. The Entice Belle is priced a little higher than the Posh Double Dancer; what you get for that extra boost is construction that doesn’t look like a drunk poodle assembled it, and an extra motor with more power. In the end, it doesn’t really matter to me because the vibrations are incredibly surface-buzzy. You would be able to apply pressure to the clitoris with this one, unlike the Posh Double Dancer, but the rapidly vibrating little ears could still be annoying. The single button on the end will cycle through 3 power levels and 4 pulsating settings, and won’t turn off until you press and hold the button for 3 seconds. The noise level is quite tolerable for such a cheap vibrator.

Blush Novelties Ohm Lotus Flutter

BlushOhmLotusI realize the “flutter” bit is supposed to resemble a butterfly but at first glance I can’t help from humming “Oh Canada!”. Even my husband said “Why is there a maple leaf on that vibrator?”. For as pinpoint as the Entice Belle bunny ears are, the clitoral stimulation from the Ohm Lotus Flutter is broad. And weak. Ohm Lotus Flutter is nearly as weak as the Posh Double Dancer. I can’t even figure out where the motor is, or if there’s more than one. At certain random ways of holding the vibrator the motor gets “off kilter” and rattles horribly loud. It’s a shame, because the g-spot stimulation from the shape and size is the best on this one out of the three. The packaging of the Ohm Lotus Flutter is also the best of the three and it even comes with a decent storage bag. But none of this matters when the vibrations are so damn weak. The copy from the box reads: “The soft fluttering stimulator goes from gentle to intense with the touch of a button”. Blush Novelties, I don’t think you know what that word means. Then again, you should never trust any sex toy manufacturer when they use the word “intense”.

Do We Have a Winner?

Burlesque Toys wanted me to see if any of these should be stocked by them, which is why I am not linking to the toys on their site – they’re not there yet. I’m honestly tempted to say that none of these should be considered, but at least the Entice Belle had discernible vibrations — The other two were barely a gentle breeze. I personally dislike the thin shaft and the pointy bunny ears on the Entice Belle, but I know some people love to have those bunny ears split and surround their clitoris. If the motors are the same on the entire CalExotics Entice line, I’d consider recommending the Marilyn or Viviene but without personally handling them I really can’t take a guess.  Even though the Picobong Kaya doesn’t fit the “under $50” budget and feels overpriced for what it is, the vibrations are at least fairly decent.

A line of vibrators that we didn’t look into is OVO. They appear to retail for under $50 and I heard from one person that the vibrations were decent. I might end up investigating this line, despite hearing lackluster reviews about the cock rings. Regardless, from what I’ve seen there are affordable rabbit vibrators, but they are terribly simplistic – if you expect rotating shafts and swirling rows of pearls with dual motors and dual motor control? You’re out of luck. Then again, nearly all of those types of rabbit vibes are porous or toxic.

What do you think? Have you ever had an affordable, safe, rabbit-style vibrator?

 

Burlesque Toy Shop provided me with the CalExotics Posh Double Dancer, the CalExotics Entice Belle and the Blush Novelties Ohm Lotus Flutter in exchange for my honest review.

May 102014
 

Jopen Ego e5I get a lot of sex toys to review, so recently I nudged my husband to find something he’d like. It’s been a long time since he’s had something he loved for a prostate massager, so after some poking around at Shevibe he picked out the Jopen Ego e5. The Jopen Ego line is specifically aimed at penis and prostate toys; most of the line, in fact, is comprised of cock rings. They have four cock rings, all of them looking like some giant plastic kiddie costume jewelry ring you’d get in a toy vending machine for a quarter. Then there’s the Ego e4, which looks like your average prostate massager – aiming to hit the prostate two-fold, from inside and out. But the Ego e5 intrigued him. It looks very much like your average g-spot vibrator. In fact, I can see strong resemblances to the Envy Five, except that the Envy Five doesn’t have an anal-safety base.

Usually it’s true that what’s good for the g-spot is good for the prostate – something curved or angled, or just big and fat. And while one aspect of the Jopen Ego e5 is good – the motor is located at the end – it has a lot of small issues that don’t add up to a win for him.

The Good

The vibrations are quite nice – much more rumbly than buzzy, and pretty powerful in fact. I wouldn’t call it the most powerful motor I’ve felt, but it’s certainly no weakling. The silicone is nice – no texture, not a lot of drag, but not super silky, either. It doesn’t attract lint and fur easily. And the overall shape is great to be used externally – much enjoyment was had when I pressed the length of it against him during a blowjob. We positioned the vibrating tip to press against the anus, and he received pressure and vibrations against the perineum, balls and base of his cock.  And as I mentioned above, it’s also good that the motor is located in the tip.

Jopen Ego e5The Bad

While the vibrations are rumbly and powerful, apparently straight vibrations are not something his prostate enjoys. It’s overkill, it’s boring, it’s just nothing special. If the Ego e5 had a pulsating function, it would have greatly improved his opinion. And despite the shape of the Ego e5 appearing to be prostate-friendly, he simply couldn’t get it to really hit his prostate. Not to mention the fact that the best position for him during use made the middle “bloop” rest at the sphincter – very uncomfortable indeed. He also kept hitting the button during use and turning it off. The Jopen Ego e5 uses a single button – you click it to turn it on or off, but must press and hold to ramp up in vibrations. Once you’re at the maximum level of vibrations, there’s no way to back down in intensity without turning the vibrator off completely.  There’s also a decent amount of flex in the first “joint”, which he isn’t sure is a good thing. He personally likes a lot of pressure on his prostate, though. Ironically, he’s had better luck with a straight, hard plastic vibe than the Ego e5.

What about the G-Spot?

Honestly I think this vibrator would be better suited for g-spot users. I tried it out before handing it off to him, and while it wasn’t quite powerful enough for my tastes, it should be powerful enough for most. And, this would give us g-spot people another damn color choice besides the pinky-purple that Jopen seems to think we want. The gender binary and stereotypes are strong with this company. The entire Ego line only comes in royal blue, while most other Jopen lines only come in “femme” colors.

Should you get it? Jopen Ego e5

At the end of the day, unless you think this would make a great g-spot vibe, we can’t recommend the Jopen Ego e5 for prostate play. After failing with this style we began to think that the e4 would suit him better, but then we read Incendiaire’s review and found out this baffling bit: on the e4 the motor is located in the external arm. What the fuck? Why? Regardless, the Ego prostate massagers just don’t seem to be worth the price tag. I honestly don’t see him ever using it again for its intended purpose, but we may pull it out for blowjob assistance now and then. Of course, I have an aresenal of other vibes that work just fine for that application.

 

Thanks to Shevibe for hooking us up! I hope to find him something else wonderful for prostate massage in the near future. For now, the list of possibilities includes: the Nexus Gyro Xtreme, the Fun Factory Duke, or the Lux LX3 Plus. Anybody have any experience with those?