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Dating Pool: OkCupid and their Questions

I wouldn’t say I’m using Okcupid for dates, per se, right now. I’m just not in a date-like frame of mind anymore it seems. But I AM actively using it to find like-minded friends, even friends with no chance of having benefits on the side. That’s my preference right now because I need like minded friends, live and in person, because I really really badly miss my bubble.

There’s people on OKC who answer a lot of questions, and people who don’t. All I can hope is that they’ve answered the ones that are important to me; the ones that make or break it. These answers have saved me from big wastes of time; once, I didn’t quite listen to the answers and had a 3-month waste of time.

These questions help me weed out people who would find my looks or my availability status to be less-than-ideal. I’ve actually had guys still hit on me when our answers do not match up which blows my mind. Both times when I’ve called the guy out on it they’ve said “oh we can work around that” or “I’m not sure why I answered it that way, I find you attractive”. Most times I don’t bother to call them out on it, I just ignore them (or  in cases or people who looked like we could potentially be a match outside of friendship while doing my own searches, unfavorable answers meant I didn’t message them).

• Can overweight people still be sexy?
• If one of your potential matches was overweight, would that be a dealbreaker?
• Would you consider connecting with someone whose relationship status is ‘seeing someone’ or ‘married’?
• How willing are you to meet someone from OkCupid in person?¹
• Would you date someone who was already in a committed relationship with someone else?

These next questions help me determine their queer-frame-of-mind, lifestyle and general “If you don’t know this, I can’t know you” fields.

• Do you ever feel the need to get really drunk? ²
• Do you believe in dinosaurs? ³
• To you, is abortion an option in case of an unwanted accidental pregnancy?⁴
• “Wherefore art thou Romeo?” What does “wherefore” mean in this context?⁵
• Straight women who kiss or fondle each other in clubs in the hopes of attracting men are… ⁶
• How important is religion/God in your life? ⁷
• Is contraception morally wrong?
• Which is closest to your reaction to foul language? ⁸
• Do you like cats? Would you consider owning a cat as a pet? ⁹
• Did you join OkCupid just so you could find people to have sex with? ¹⁰
• The idea of gay and lesbian couples having children is: ¹¹
• Which best represents your opinion of same-sex relationships?

Some people on the site blow off the “matching algorithm” but I don’t. It’s based mostly on these questions, and they’re usually pretty right. I have, happily, made two female friends that I will soon be meeting in person. I need more female friends in my life. Really do. It can be a bit disheartening when I put so much effort into my profile and making it really “me” and then I find someone who sounds really awesome and we’re a great mathematical match and I message them along the lines of “Hey you’re rad, let’s be friends” (but not as pathetic as that) and then I never hear from them. Puzzling is when I message them and they never respond but I see them checking out my profile once a week or so. No, my fat ass didn’t magically melt off, I am no more attractive to you. Is the “bisexual married to a man” thing going to make a lesbian dismiss me totally even as a friend? So far seems to be the case, unless of course they all just find my personality revolting *shrugs*.

There’s a lot of other questions that I’ve ranked “somewhat important”; they’re not deal-breakers but I still consider them if they give an answer that I didn’t choose as being acceptable to me.

One odd thing to note: Whenever I encounter a person who matches me in either friend/match high 80′s or above, and they’ve answered the “How often do you use Twitter” question is it always answered as “never”. I’ve put it as an important question to me I guess because I’m not sure I’d know how to communicate with someone who isn’t tied much to online/social media.

So if you’re on OkC, what are YOUR deal-breaker questions?

Don’t worry, there’s been enough activity for a Dickhead Files post or two in the near future ;)

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Posted by Lilly | 6 Comments

The Last Day of Our Acquaintance

I write this post on my last day of the job I was working when I started this blog. It wouldn’t feel right to not blog today while at work.

Well. Kind of. 2 years ago we were “restructured” and so while I still worked for the same branch and in the same block of buildings, my job duties and the building I worked in changed. And with that change back then also coincided the beginning of changes in what I’d be able to get away with at work. There was a time with a certain man when it was commonplace for me to be masturbating at my desk while chatting away with him or someone else, taking photos to be shared with him, someone else, and/or the blog. Usually all three.

So while I will walk away today from this building and these particular coworkers knowing that it’s not the place I sat the day I first penned this blog, it’s still “the place I started this blog” at. And through fate, and the butterfly effect, it is roundabout because of this blog that I am leaving this job today and this state in a week. This fact alone is utterly mind-boggling to me: that because of connections of connections I made through this blog my life is changing in a hundred ways. I never imagined that anything connected to this blog would have such a huge impact on me but this is the final straw of being proved wrong, and not the first time I’ve been proved wrong on that subject. While this blog is not over, this chapter of my life is and I have changed.

Yesterday I felt compelled to do two things “for old time’s sake”; the things that were once the staple and theme of this blog. I snapped some risky risque shots (to be shown in upcoming WantonWednesday posts), inspired to recreate the first office photo taken. I then pulled out my trusty silver bullet vibrator and orgasmed at my desk, again, one last time. I didn’t do it for the reasons of old…..sadly. I had no chat companion saying dirty things to me, no erotica fiction tumbling forth from my fingertips. And it was with sadness that I realized I had no one to show the photos to, either. Yes, you all….. But back when I was taking these regularly it was always for someone else. A request, a demand, a dare. And this time I had nobody to giggle and send the snaps to. It was a very melancholy realization. The nature and backbone of this blog has changed….for better or for worse, I don’t know. My social-sexual life is nothing like it was that first summer of blogging or the first year even. Will it ever be again? I don’t know.

I’ve always been the sentimental sort. To a fault. I didn’t much like high school; I wasn’t popular, I hated the school itself and the throng of other students pressing around you at all times, I hated the classwork and etc. But yet I still had connections. I still “grew up” there. Had friends. On the last day of high school I cried. I took photos. I looked around at every period of the day with purposeful eyes, trying to memorize everything. I knew that life was changing and even though I was leaving behind a chapter that wasn’t always good to me it still held a treasured place in my life. That’s kind of how I’m viewing this last day. Did I start the blog *because* I worked here? Because of my dire boredom back then? Quite possibly, yes. I started it not long after I found a way around the very restrictive internet policy (I used a remote login site called Logmein.com, and just did everything via my home computer. In later times I would up the security to accessing Logmein from Portable Firefox loaded up on a usb memory key). I browsed OkCupid and made acquaintances that led to me creating this blog. To finding the world of sex-blogging in general. While this city and what we thought we’d get out of the move to here ultimately let us down, I think I’m realizing that it was a necessary step. We were meant to be here at this time. It doesn’t make it suck less, I can’t stop viewing it as somewhat of a stall to our lives (because the progressions and gains that were “supposed” to happen, didn’t)…..but it brought us to this day. To next week. To the next big chapter.

So yes, while I won’t miss much of anything concrete here – (not the buildings, or the way things are run, or the job I did, or most of the people around me, or the office itself, or the commute, or the downtown city, or for that matter our apartment) save for one or two people and the simple convenience of many stores being in a close driving distance – I am a little sentimental about this day. To be certain though I am happy for it’s arrival. I am happy at the prospect of my future after our move, happy to move on from this place and this state and the ideals here.

But I won’t forget what this place did to me, for me, brought me. I have no ties, though, no true friends and no family in this city. The few friends I made here will shortly fade away I’m sure…..and so there you have it.

It’s time to go.

 

Other than a WW post next week, expect this place to remain fairly quiet yet until we move and get a little settled in. I think both hubs and I have kinda been unconsciously waiting on me to be done with work for the full-throttle srs bzns packing to begin (which doesn’t leave us much time to do it, but then I think we both perform best under pressure).

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Posted by Lilly | 14 Comments

I couldn’t think of a title

This post? Not about teh sexy. If you come here solely for that, this is fair warning that you can safely skip this post.

I’ve been living in abject fear for the last 3 months. The occasional moment of relief and self-pride, but honestly…..not much of it. Constant fear……of failure. Fear of tempations I won’t be able to resist. Fear of self-sabotage.

Why? I joined Weight Watchers. After a few health problems cropped up that may or may not be weight-related, combined with the utter disgust in the plus-size clothes market, I decided to lose weight.

I never thought it would be easy. I knew going in that I have food addiction issues not much different from a drug or alcohol addict. Except….I can’t just avoid bars and get a new set of clean-and-sober friends. I’ve broken down in tears numerous times. I’ve completely lost my shit because I wanted something and knew I couldn’t have it because it was *just that bad for me*.

I take comfort in numbers, logic and science. I like knowing how things work, and why. I like numbers that keep tabs on things, give me comparison points, etc. In many aspects of my life. And with this attempt at Weight Watchers, I’m embracing the numbers and using the fact that I’m always online and at my computer to make the most out of their e-tools (I don’t go ot meetings). But when the logic and reason don’t add up to the numbers? I lose it. I lose my grip, my sanity, my “I can do this”. When I look at what I’ve eaten for the week, when I look at all I’ve changed in my diet, when I think about the exercise…..and then the scale doesn’t give me a proper hearty congratulations? I lose it. I lean heavily on my bestfriend R because he’s got the knowledge and intelligence to explain the why’s and the nonsensical to me so that even though I don’t *like* the answer, I can take comfort in having an answer.I keep trying to find a pattern between how many points I’ve consumed, how many I’ve earned with exercise, and how much I lost. I can’t find a pattern. I can’t find a certain angle to work to get the best weight loss numbers consistently (or mostly consistently) each week.

Right now I’m hovering in the 22-25 pound loss range. I’ve had two bad food weekends and despite now taking a water aerobics class, it’s not making up for the bad weekends. I keep coming close to giving up. I avoid social situations that revolve around food as best as I can because I don’t want to sit there and be grumpy because I can’t have what my brain and tongue wants.

And please….before anybody attempts a “helpful” comment on which diet/lifestyle plan might work better for me? Don’t.

Don’t worry, this won’t become a weight loss blog. I’ll mention it few and far between here. Can’t say the same for Twitter though, those who follow me hear a lot about it to the point of boredom I’m sure. But I’m writing about this more to explain my mental status as of late, and why this blog is faltering. I’m hard on myself sometimes…..really hard. And when I fail, and when I can’t have what I want, I get grumpy. And man have I been grumpy. Cranky. Irritable. Pissed the hell off. But I’m trying to get past that.  In the past, one of the reasons I ate (besides my love of food) was to affect my brain chemistry. A burst of dopamine, a calming bite of this, an energizing bite of that…..and I can’t do that anymore.

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Posted by Lilly | 9 Comments

Wanton Wednesday: A Week of Phone Porn

Monday

First full day with the new phone

Sammi ( what, I can’t name my phone?) has replaced my netbook for at-home-but-don’t-want-to-be-in-my-office web browsing. It facilitates stuck-in-traffic amusement. A spark here and there as I glance at a TwitPic from some hot chick, or follow a link from Twitter to a hot post.

Tuesday

Ooohh, fancy camera!

Tuesday shows a return to WW after I found some really artistic camera-effect apps. I’m still looking for more and playing around with settings. My only gripe is that I find it a lot harder to take self-shot camera-phone pics with this new phone, as the “shutter” button is on the touchscreen and a lot of fumbles and mis-fires occur in trying to get a decent pic.

Wednesday

Raising the heart rate

I’d forgotten my ipod, and haven’t yet put music on my phone, so I puttered around on Twitter and such during my lunchtime walk. Someone I follow was retweeting links to some chicks TwitPics and uh…..wow. (also, I’m such a “guy” sometimes, I get frustrated if there’s a lead-up of sexy pics and no vulgar display of vulva) This chick had a gorgeous body and loved to show it off. Yay! Of course this also left me incredibly horny.

Thursday

stealth reading

While browsing the archives of my current favorite haunt for makes-me-wet written erotica, and subsequently trying to manually jerk off in the ladies room, I was reminded why I used to always have a vibrator with me at work. I finally emerged from the stall with weak legs, a flushed face and an ultimately unsatisfied cunt. I just couldn’t quite get there.

Friday

surprise smut

A much-loved but costly app is the Amazon Kindle app. The app itself is free…..it’s the books that aren’t cheap. I tend to enjoy chick-lit, modern romance books a la Jennifer Crusie, etc. Pure escapist fun stuff. What do we have here? Surprise smutty sex scene! yay! So now I can purchase hot short-story sexy anthologies for when I need a fix and I’m not able to hold a book in my hand.

Tuesday

heavy breathing….ask and ye shall receive

Long ago and far away there was a young man I flirted around with online and we (especially he) had a penchant for utilizing the “leave a voice message” feature of Google Talk. I’ve always loved listening to people jerk off. Men, women, I love it all. Thanks to cell phones, web sites, and more I’ve listened to a number of people that I’ll never meet as they forget I’m listening and just let…go. The hitch in their breathing, the whimpers and groans and moans, the sighs, the orgasm….. *sigh yum*

So today, I asked on Twitter if any women would be interested and brave enough to leave me a voicemail (and by that I mean heavy breathing etc hehe) on my Google Voice number. I had a couple say they might but I’m still waiting on these gorgeous gals to follow thru ;) One lovely gentleman did leave me a short naughty bit. And one anonymous (I’ll see if she outs herself in comments) girl who left me the MOST delectable voicemail in exchange for the following photo:

I queried on Twitter if perhaps maybe I should put up a Google Voice widget here and see what I get…..and so, I’m doing it. I’m eyeing up a few ladies who said they’d do it if I put the widget up. Most likely it won’t stay up forever. You get only 3 minutes, so make it good!

(type in your initials, nickname, whatever. then your cell phone number or whatever. you can click on “keep private” and i won’t see your number. then answer your phone! it’ll ring, and when you answer it will connect you to my voicemail. simple!)

(oh and, you don’t need to have google voice to do this….your own phone will work, GV calls you from a ghosted number and then you leave me the msg, and it doesn’t tell me your real #)

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Posted by Lilly | 5 Comments

Confessional: Annual Reminder

My husband and I travel to a place on Maryland’s Eastern Shore nearly every year. We’ve been going there now for something like 11 or 12 years. It started out as my “birthday present” trip, we’d go right around my birthday. Since we were staying at a place owned by his parents, we were able to spend more on dinners out than we normally could. After all, the seafood there is half the reason we go! Yum, blue crab! In our old life, these yearly 3-6 day vacations there became our beacon of hope – our escape from a life in a town we hated, with jobs we hated, in living situations we hated. The town we stay in is catered to people a little higher class than my family grew up as, but he was accustomed to it. I loved it while at the same time felt a little out of place.

So one night a few years ago, we had driven over to a town a few miles down to watch the sun set on the tiny bit of beach there. It’s about 20 miles to get from our spot on our little “finger” of land that pokes into the bay, to the other town and other finger. On the drive back, I can’t recall who was driving but my hands started wandering. Soon we were driving past rich homes filled with proper people while his cock was out and I was giving him a very teasing handjob. We both got so worked up that, a mere 4 miles from where we called home that week, I decided to pull over and take things up a notch.

I pulled into the parking lot of a store we’d never been in; the store, as most things there, closed before sunset. I chose that parking lot and that store because there were no parking lot lights. Of course it WAS pretty darn close to the road. Close enough that people driving by would likely be able to see us sitting there…….or rather, him sitting (I’m remembering now that I’d been driving) in the passenger seat and…..no one in the drivers seat, in the parking lot of a store that was closed. And this road was by no means less-traveled.

In the dark, in the car, in the parking lot of a somewhat posh store, he got a fantastic blowjob as uptight conservatives drove past us.

The next year when we came back to town for our annual vacation, we noticed that the posh store had done something we’d never seen in the 6 or so prior years. They’d enclosed their parking lot in a chains – n – fence post sort of thing with chains preventing anybody from entering their parking lot after hours.

*blush*

It was then that we realized they likely have security cameras outside their store, since a number of heavy/large garden accessories for sale sat outside their walls.

Every year we go back down there for vacations, and every single time we pass that store (which is usually multiple times during a trip, since it must be passed everytime we leave the town) my husband sighs contentedly, smiles and gets a little rush of memory of that risque blowjob in the parking lot.

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