Nov 062016
 

Womanizer vs Satisfyer Comparison

The Womanizer vs Satisfyer Comparison Guide

This thing has taken on a life of its own as I polled folks for the comparison info they most wanted to see. This meant that the once-tidy-and-small comparison chart has grown to monster proportions. Below you’ll find a small graphic of the chart; click to see it full-size. If you need to see the text Excel spreadsheet, visually-impaired readers can comment here or contact me and I’ll send it to you. If you’re curious on what some of the measurements mean you can just ask me or see the incredibly bad drawing at the bottom of the post.

The chart provides a large amount of quantifiable data and a few subjective opinions. The brief product overviews below provide more insight into my personal opinions on each item, while the full reviews hold back nothing (naturally). A lot of you want to know which product(s) I’d recommend the most and, as usual, my answer starts with “it depends…”.

If you…

  • Want to use yours in the bathtub OR care about buying a product that was well-made: Womanizer PRO40 or Womanizer Plus Size
  • Have certain mobility issues, flexibility issues, grip issues, or a larger body: Womanizer PRO40 has the best button placement but the Womanizer Plus Size is much longer
  • Are curious about the tech and wonder if it’ll work for you: Satisfyer 1 is cheap enough to test, get you by for a few months & then upgrade if you want
  • Agree that intensity navigation is important but can’t afford the Womanizer PRO40: Satisfyer 2 is your only option
  • Don’t have grip issues, don’t have small hands, and want the best quality: Womanizer Deluxe (W500) is the top pick for many
  • Prefer rechargeables, but can’t afford the PRO40: Satisfyer Pro 2 is the only Satisfyer I’ll recommend now
  • Care about supporting an ethical company: Womanizer PRO40, Womanizer Plus Size, Womanizer 2GO and Womanizer Deluxe (W500). For more info, read all the way through.
  • So far seem to have a definite preference for wands vs pinpoint stim: Buy a Doxy.
  • Like pinpoint stimulation but have a notoriously picky clitoris, and prefer rumbles: Womanizer PRO40. Satisfyers can feel too buzzy!

For quite some time I regarded the Womanizer with a healthy dose of side-eye; I was quite sure that it wouldn’t work for me. I remained skeptical of the many glowing reviews. When you’ve been reviewing sex toys for 8 years, you can often get a really good feel for the facts just by reading a handful of reviews. But the Womanizer shocked me – in fact, it left me speechless. It took me months to write my first Womanizer review because I felt like I couldn’t explain why I liked it or who else might like it (or hate it). I felt that the price of the Womanizer W100 was too much when I couldn’t confidently tell someone they would like it if they like X Y and Z. So for all of my issues with the build quality and company ethics of Satisyfer, I have to appreciate models like the Satisfyer 1 for their sheer affordability.

A Note on Suction: And this applies to every Satisfyer and Womanizer pressure-wave toy on the market: These seem to have very little actual suction. Suction can be great for bringing in extra blood flow to the genitals, and there are vulva/clitoral pumps for that purpose (or that awful pre-arousal thing, Fiera) – so I don’t want folks expecting any appreciable suction with these toys. I’ve been told by Womanizer there is no vacuum/suction, instead, the technology is “pressurized air pulses”. Yes, despite what parts of their site say and many other sites say, I asked and they responded. It may mimic the feeling of suction to a small degree, perhaps. I was able to see this better with these Satisfyer models, as shown in this video. There’s a lil nubbin in there moving rapidly in a small space, creating air pulses that match the nub’s speed. Then I did an informal experiment on a Womanizer toy to show that air is coming out, not being drawn in. It’s confusing, trust me. epi24 (Womanizer) said: “We prefer to call it Pleasure Air Technology”. Well, alrighty then. I’ll see what Satisfyer has to say, if they ever answer me.

A Note On Using These Underwater: While every other test seemed to tell me the same thing Womanizer did – that there’s no vacuum motor – putting these underwater did yield some suction. Mild, but more than regular use which is nearly nothing. I also noticed that if I held the nozzle tip a millimeter or so away from contact – just hovering – the “jackhammering” sensation kicked in and was the most amplified with the Satisfyer Pro 2. It reminded me a lot of the Wahl on high. I ran every model under water for a bit to make sure none were immediately affected adversely (I don’t have a tub, so I can’t use them this way).  However, there are more and more reports of Satisfyers biting the dust after being run under water. Some quit working, some turn on on their own and cannot be turned off. I didn’t experience these issues but some have, and with multiple models, enough to make me dislike Satisfyer even more. This issue has become bad enough that Shevibe has stopped carrying the “newer” (or older, depending on how you look at it) models of the Satisfyer. SheVibe now carries these models again in the “next gen” version, as the waterproof issue is said to have been fixed.

Womanizer vs Satisfyer Comparison Chart

Womanizer vs Satisfyer Comparison Chart *

Womanizer vs Satisfyer Chart

If you need more details or views on the various silicone heads, please ask.

Image of Womanizer and Satisfyer silicone nozzle heads view 1 Image of Womanizer and Satisfyer silicone nozzle heads view 2

All of the Womanizer heads - standard sizes on the left, XL sizes on the right

Womanizer Models

While I still feel that the overall cost of the Womanizer Deluxe (W500) and Plus Size is way too high, and I worry that the price point of the Womanizer PRO40 ($129) can’t compete with the Satisfyer range, I feel pretty confident about the build quality of the Womanizer line. Maybe their Deluxe W500 model wasn’t built for someone like me, but their PRO40 and Plus Size definitely are. The overall build quality isn’t always evident from the outside but Womanizer still comes out looking better and as Womanizer has noted – they pioneered this technology.

A note on the 30-day guarantee with Womanizer: Recently on Instagram Womanizer said “orgasms guaranteed” and I had to comment; I asked if their 30-day money-back promise was still in effect and they said “Yes! For the Deluxe and Delight versions!” Uh…wtf is the Delight version? They informed me that the Deluxe is W500, and Delight is W100 (except, it’s been discontinued). They stated there is no guarantee on the PRO40, sadly. There is no mention on the website of this 30-day money-back guarantee. If they give you a hassle, you can show them this screencap from Instagram where they publicly said it’s still a thing. Update: the 30-day thing is also in effect for the Plus Size and 2GO.

Womanizer W100

Womanizer W100Definitely discontinued – One thing that the Womanizer W100 has that the others lack is a really nice storage case. Sure, it’s baby-pink and has “Womanizer” emblazoned on it, but it’s really nice to keep the extra head, and charging accessories, all together. The W100 is the quietest model because it lacks the more intense levels. I feel that when the Womanizer W100 is pressed against your vulva, it’s nearly silent. Even when you break contact, it’s not that loud – 62 decibels. The Womanizer W100 has only one button but the power button can be tapped during use to bring you back down to the first intensity level. As of February 2017 update to this guide, no website is carrying the W100 model and it has been discontinued.

Womanizer Deluxe Pro / W500

Womanizer W500One word: Awkward – For as much as I loved the Womanizer W100, I thought I’d love the Deluxe W500 even more. Sure, it introduced the necessary plus and minus buttons to easily navigate the increased levels, but the power button was harder to press. The buttons are now located on the back side of the body, facing away from you, and are located in a place that is very awkward for me during use. The short, fat stature also makes it harder for me to hold. The designs of the Womanizer W500 are a little more classy, but still very femme with the exception White Chrome design – but even that has a Swarovski crystal “element” as the power button. The W500 is priced way, way too high at $219. It’s absolutely ridiculous and I can’t recommend this model with the other choices available. The W500 comes in the aforementioned White Chrome; Black Leopard, Red Roses, and Magenta Lace. The Womanizer Deluxe also comes with an XL head; the measurements aren’t in the chart because it’s complicated. While most nozzles have some extra width where the silicone touches your body, the canal of the nozzles are pretty straight. The Womanizer’s XL head is decidedly more funnel-shaped, so when I measured the interior, I put the calipers about 2mm down inside the “funnel” since I think part of the interior is going to touch flesh. The exterior ridge is 22 x 24.5 mm, and the interior is 18.6 x 19.9 mm.

—> In-Depth Review
—> Purchase at Shevibe
—> View/Download User Manual

Womanizer PRO40

Womanizer PRO40Practically Perfect – Until this model, Womanizer remained an overpriced, luxury item. And while $129 for the new Womanizer PRO40 still is considered luxury, out-of-reach pricing to many, it’s a bit more attainable than the price of other Womanizer models. The Womanizer PRO40 came out in response to the much cheaper Satisfyer knock-offs – and unlike the W100 or W500, the more affordable Womanizer PRO40 is waterproof, with a plain design that is a welcome change. It may still be more expensive than any Satisfyer, but the PRO40 has the features that keep me coming back to the Womanizer brand – comfortable nozzle heads, intuitive designs, and better navigation buttons. The PRO40 combines the best of the W100 (body, button placement) with the best of the W500 (extra power for those who need it, and up/down level navigation buttons), adds in waterproofing and takes away cost. I’m happy to have a slightly louder motor in exchange. The Womanizer PRO40 also comes with an XL head; the measurements aren’t in the chart because it’s complicated. While most nozzles have some extra width where the silicone touches your body, the canal of the nozzles are pretty straight. The Womanizer’s XL head is decidedly more funnel-shaped, so when I measured the interior, I put the calipers about 2mm down inside the “funnel” since I think part of the interior is going to touch flesh. The exterior ridge is 22 x 24.5 mm, and the interior is 18.6 x 19.9 mm. 

—> In-Depth Review
—> Purchase at Shevibe
—> View/Download User Manual

Even though the Womanizer Pro 40 is a little louder vs W100 or W500, it’s now my top recommendation over every brand and model.

Womanizer Plus SizeAlmost Had It – Extra length in the handle means the Womanizer Plus Size is more ergonomic for folks with reach issues, whether that’s due to disability or body size. They smartly put the up and down intensity buttons at the tip of the handle, but stupidly put the power button way down by the head. Since the power button also quickly takes you back to level 1, it’s a feature I personally use a lot and the placement is a ruiner for me. Whether it’s due to a change in overall size or a different motor the Plus Size feels different – less intense, less thuddy. The extra intensity levels are at the beginning to make the increase from level 1 on up less “jarring” I guess. While I love the extra length, I prefer the motor on the Pro40 and hate the power button placement on the Plus Size. I also hate the price tag on the Plus Size – currently $219 at Shevibe, the same price as the W500 Deluxe. It comes with an XL head and black storage bag.

—> In-Depth Review
—> Purchase at Shevibe
—> View/Download User Manual

Womanizer 2GORidiculously Large – Womanizer 2GO is billed as a travel-friendly, discreet version of the Womanizer. You’ll see in my full review how ridiculously large it really is; at 5″ tall it’s not fooling anyone. In some ways it is travel-friendly – the single button operation means you have to press and hold the button to get it started. All other Womanizer models turn on easily with a tap of the power button (too easily). 2GO is a little loud, and way more intense on the “lower” levels than any of the other models. It’s often too intense for me (note: intensity is only an issue with the original head, see review for more info). The cap falls off easily, too, but I do actually like having the cap. I don’t hate this one, but I have my druthers.  The price is high – par for the course with Womanizer, I guess – at $139.  It is made really well, though, seems higher quality than the others. 2GO comes with 2 heads! The XL head dimensions are: Interior: 19.5mm x 23.9mm and Exterior: 22.5mm x 26.8mm, making it slightly wider than the white nozzles.

—> In-Depth Review
—> Purchase at Shevibe
—> View/Download User Manual (nothing online yet – will update)

Satisfyer Models

The lower quality of build is definitely common across all Satisfyer models, and this is something that is honestly only apparent to me because I’ve tried all 3 available Womanizer models. I admit that I felt that many elements of the W100 seemed cheaply done when the price is taken into consideration, but it feels elegant in comparison to most Satisfyer models. I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again, that I realize I’m pickier than most. And I also want to point out my privilege in not finding the word “Womanizer” triggering, the way many non-binary, genderqueer, and trans folks might. I realize that, for them, my insistence on preferring the Womanizer PRO40 is very frustrating. I know that some sex toy shops won’t even carry the Womanizer because of the name. The part of me that refuses to work with sex toy shops that heavily gender their sex toy listings is incredibly frustrated that I can’t find a Satisfyer product that I like overall half as much as I like that damn Womanizer PRO40. 

On the higher intensity settings, the Satisfyer motors tend to all feel buzzy, like a vibrator. They lose that unique quality of “tapping” or rapid pressure taps that can mimic oral sex in a way. Instead, many become overkill, and feel very uncomfortable for me.

If you forced me to rank the Satisfyer models from best to worst I would be cranky and say: Satisfyer 1, Satisfyer 2, Satisfyer Pro 2, Satisfyer Pro Penguin, Satisfyer Pro Deluxe. Completely subjective, though.

A note on the “waterproof” features: Everything except the Satisfyer Pro 2 has been taken off the site at SheVibe because of many complaints that when used under water, the other models die. I didn’t experience that but also didn’t use them in the water – just tested.

A note on Satisfyer models and the User Manuals: Every user manual seems to be roughty the same when it comes to the warnings, and they all warn you not to get your credit cards too close, etc because of magnets. I don’t understand how there would be magnets in these, except for the few models that charge magnetically. Not all do, though. Strange.

A note on Satisfyer and warranties: Despite not advertising it at all, buried in legalese in their Terms and Conditions is mention of a warranty. I’ve been told that there is a 1 year warranty, and if you need to use that, email info@satisfyer.com. Thanks to Nikki at Fairvilla’s Sex Things for letting me know that they’ve tested that warranty and had a good experience! I don’t know what the parameters are, but you can download a copy of the T&C here, PDF.

Satisfyer Pro 2 – The Old and The New

Satisfyer Pro 2Affordable? Nah, Cheap – Rather than rename the Satisfyer Pro 2, the company made two changes and kept the name and design the same. This means that with most retailers you won’t know which model you’re buying, because they’re priced the same, too. You’d only know to see it in person – the new version has “Satisfyer” in raised lettering along the handle (shown here). Satisfyer boasted that the new Pro 2 was “90% more quiet” than before. Using my amateur decibel meter the difference is 9 points – the loudest rating on the lowest setting is 63dB on the new model vs 72dB on the old – it’s been explained to me by others that this does equal a 90% difference. It’s definitely a noticeable change, yet it is still one of the loudest models on the lower settings. And the high levels? Identical when not pressed against the vulva – when pressed against the vulva, the new Pro 2 is a bit more quiet. One strange quirk: The clicky clacky of the buttons on the Satisfyer Pro 2 is the loudest in the entire bunch. Louder than the motor itself. The Satisfyer Pro 2 comes in one color that is very gender-neutral, even if the packaging isn’t1. The button location isn’t the best for me and my preference but it may not bother you as much. Note: There’s now a third version – Next Gen – and this section and linked review will be updated soon!

—> In-Depth Review
—> Purchase at Shevibe
—> View/Download User Manual

Satisfyer 1

Battery-powered and basic, Satisfyer 1 is a decent introduction to pressure-wave toys. If you think you’ll want the Womanizer models but are afraid to drop that much money, try out the Satisfyer 1 for awhile, knowing that upgrading to the Womanizer will only make your experience better. If the Satisfyer 1 doesn’t work at all for you, then I doubt any of these will work. It’s pretty cheaply made, so I actually don’t expect it to stand the test of time. Satisfyer 1 has the most comfortable head of the cheaper Satisfyer models; it is similar to the Pro 2. The single-button design is basic, but the intensity isn’t awful (and is better than the Penguin). It’s not the most powerful Satisfyer, but it’s definitely in the running.  Note: This information, and the linked review, talks about the First Gen. Next Gen model information is coming soon!!

—> In-Depth Review
—> Purchase at SheVibe and Come As You Are
—> View/Download User Manual

Satisfyer 2

Battery-powered and confusing. Satisfyer 2 adds in something that no other Satisfyer model boasts: plus and minus up/down navigation buttons, a feature I’ve come to rely on. Unfortunately, the body design of the Satisfyer 2, combined with button placement, makes it unwieldy. It’s also the loudest model now being sold. Some may even say it’s also the ugliest version; the boxy 1970’s-style body reminds you of a straight-stemmed tobacco pipe, or maybe the Nike logo. The batteries rattle around, too. It has more silicone in the nozzle than the Pro Deluxe or Pro Penguin, but less than the Satisfyer 1 or Pro 2. If the noise factor and button location dooesn’t bother you, and you really feel that you, like me, need the extra plus and minus intensity navigation buttons, this is a begrudging green-light to buy this if you can’t yet afford the superior Womanizer PRO40. I will forever curse the button placement on the Satisfyer 2 because it coulda been a contender. Note: Shevibe stopped carrying this model due to the above-mentioned issues with waterproofness. They carry the Next Gen version now – this guide and the linked reviews are all about the original version. My updates on Next Gen will come soon!

—> In-Depth Review
—> Purchase at Shevibe
—> View/Download User Manual

Satisfyer Pro Penguin

Satisfyer Pro PenguinSmall and cute, the Satisfyer Pro Penguin will appeal to those not as picky as me. I have a huge gripe about the teeny, tiny silicone nozzle head that pops off easily (even during use, for me), and it’s corresponding lack of comfort plus difficulties maintaining a “seal”. The angle of head-to-body is less than other models so this means that the body of the toy will be angled further away from you. Coupled with its short stature this may mean it’s hard to hold for some folks with larger bodies or shorter arms (or the annoying combination of the two, like me). Like many Satisfyer models it has a brightly glowing LED light under the translucent silicone button. This is the only Satisfyer model that has the button facing your body, which is more comfortable for me but thin folks may find this causes the LED to glare in their eyes if they use it in the dark. I would probably recommend the Satisfyer Pro 2 over this, unless you simply cannot ignore the cute factor.  Note: This info is about the older model – updated info on Next Gen coming soon!!

—> In-Depth Review
—> Purchase at SheVibe or for Canadians, CAYA
—> View/Download User Manual

Satisfyer Pro Deluxe

Move Along. It’s awful, and I won’t recommend it to anyone. The design is way off the mark and it’s not comfortable to hold. Buy literally any other model. The Satisfyer Pro Deluxe has no redeemable qualities, unless you think that pranking someone by wrapping it up like a potato would be your idea of a good time. But even then, don’t buy it. I was going to publish a short, rage-filled review but you know what? I just couldn’t muster the spoons to waste reviewing this piece of crap.

* A few things to note about this comparison chart:

  1. As new similar products are available to retailers, and I try them, I’ll add them to the chart. By similar I mean no vibrations, just this air pulsing whoosiewhatsit.
  2. The decibels were tested with my phone and a sound meter. Due to the idling-engine type sound that the motors make on low, the sound meter jumped around a lot. The lower numbers then represent the loudest that the first settings will get. Also, I tested the sound levels without the nozzle being completely covered, like it would be in use. When the nozzle is completely covered the sound is dampened a lot.
  3. Charge and use time reports are varying from retailer info to manufacturer website / product manual info. One reports the Satisfyer has 120 minutes of use, while their web-version user manual reports only 30 minutes. When I can get an accurate number, I’ll add it.
  4. I feel that the fat & short design of the Womanizer W500 is awkward to hold and more awkward to press buttons. Womanizer boasts it being more comfortable to hold. We’ll agree to disagree, I guess.

The Knock-Off Issue with Satisfyer

Like anything popular, counterfeit and copycat products quickly flooded Amazon, AliExpress, eBay, etc. It never takes long after “white label”2 versions of popular brands are available for the emails about them to start hitting my inbox3. As you can see in this email screenshot there’s a knock-off of the Womanizer tech in a different body with a wholesale price of $20. At first glance, Satisfyer seemed to have fixed the primary complaints about Womanizer: design, name, price. But when you use any Satisfyer model side-by-side with any Womanizer it’s glaringly obvious that the price increase with the Womanizer will get you a product that is better made. I also just have a really hard time supporting a product that is such an obvious rip-off – maybe you don’t agree, and you need to have the most affordable option which I respect.

When I saw the Satisfyer brand, it was really clear that they’re going after the Womanizer market4 with this non-vibrating air-pulsation technology – they went the cheap route though with the motor and design, allowing the retail price to be so much lower than the Womanizer that they were guaranteed to steal a large chunk of the Womanizer’s potential customers5.

 

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  1. features a white femme person
  2. White label is when a manufacturing plant makes a product, but they are not necessarily a brand – they offer to make things for your brand. You, the brand company, don’t really design anything, you just slap your brand name on the packaging and maybe pick a slightly different color scheme. This is why you can often see a dozen nearly-identical sex toys on the sub-par retailer market
  3. Side note: why the hell do these companies think bloggers are retailers?
  4. **After this post went live** two folks commented via Facebook about their interactions with Satifyer reps at SHE NYC. One said: “True story, at this years SHE Expo in Brooklyn the Satisfyer representative said flat out to my wife and I that they took the “poorly designed Womanizer and made it better” then proceeded to essentially brag about how they got away with it adding how they considered a powerful patent lawyer part of the cost of bringing the Satisfyer to market. I mean, the guy was chuckling about it.” You know, this is not how a decent company behaves. At all. Jesus fuck.
  5. The company behind the Satisfyer has denied that they’ve outright copied the Womanizer tech; Womanizer responded by slapping them with patent infringement but it won’t hold water outside of Germany
Jun 082015
 

35 affordable sex toys under $35Newly added affordable sex toys – now updated for 2018!

One of the perks of being a sex toy reviewer is that often we are handed vibrators and dildos to review that we normally would not be able to afford purchasing on our own. I can assure you that I would never have been able to allocate the funds for the Lelo Smart Wand Large, the L’Amourose Rosa Rouge, and so on. Many others are in the same boat. And so they start out with affordable sex toys that may be porous, badly made, or single-use. Worse yet, folks may buy one of those kits from the bigger corps like DocJ and CalEx, the kits with porous anal beads and iffy vibrators and lube samples that may give you a yeast infection. Instead of buying a cheap kit take a look at the items below.

But we can’t ignore those with budgets. The folks who might normally just buy a PVC nightmare that will arrive smelling up the room and possibly give them a chemical burn in the worst possible place. I need these folks to know that they deserve safe, quality and affordable sex toys on their budget. I made myself a mission one day a few months ago; to comb through the Shevibe catalog and find “25 for $25 and under”. But honestly? That was hard to do. So I had to up the ante to $35. If you are in the US and get Shevibe’s cheapest shipping which is $5.95, then you can buy yourself a SAFE, non-porous sex toy for $40 or under, shipped.  Note: When I talk about “body-safe” I don’t merely mean toys that claim to be non-toxic. Body-safe sex toys are non-porous. Porosity has long been an overlooked issue.

I’m not promising that all of the affordable sex toys, particularly the vibrators, will rock your world. Especially when it comes to vibrators, you get what you pay for. I tried to avoid picking very many “mild” vibrators but some of these may be louder than you can tolerate. They may not last long. You’re here for a reason, though, and whatever your reason, these 35 affordable sex toys under $35 are all non-porous and range from decent to great 1.

What I also want to show you is that you can find safe, non-porous affordable sex toys under $35 without resorting to the gamble that is buying sex toys from Amazon – a place I really want you to avoid.

Vibrators Under $35

I thought that this would be the toughest category of affordable sex toys to flesh out, but things are actually improving! I could not find an affordable dual stimulation (rabbit vibrator) that I could include on this list in good conscience

  1. $9.99 gets you very commendable power and decent rumble in the Blush Gaia Eco. Simple but effective!
  2. Pocket Rockets are usually fairly powerful, one-battery wonders. I once loved one! Try the Water Dancer
  3. While I’m not a fan, overall, of the Satisfyer line I do think the affordable Satisfyer 1 is worth trying to see if you like this style.
  4. The hard plastic Cloud 9 G-spot vibe is noisy, as to be expected, but reports say the vibrations are more rumbly!
  5. Screaming O’s Charged Vooom is impressively strong and more rumbly than buzzy. I hate the company so hate recommending this and will try to find better.
  6. I read a few good reviews for the Aria Hue G and hope to try it, soon
  7. I’ve got two OVO recommendations for you. Their D2 impressed me well enough in person in vibrations and style, it’s best for external play.
  8. The OVO F10 is not the best shape but the vibrations are decent.
  9. Another little bullet to consider is the VeDo Bam – strong, but it has a few quirks
  10. The Fun Factory Jazzie is very moderate on vibrations & has one speed, but has a nice shape.
  11. And finally, the Doc Johnson Black Magic Bullet packs a very nice, rumbly punch for the price – the corded style needs extra attention to last you more than a few months and I don’t recommend it for internal use, but it’s a bullet vibe that kept me quite happy for awhile until I found the We-Vibe Tango.

Dildos Under $35

Again, once I upped the price cap from $25 to $35, things became so much easier. I went from struggling to find anything non-porous to recommend, to having more than enough to choose from. As of Feb 2018 there are almost 70 silicone dildos priced at $35.99 or less making dildos the easiest-to-find in the category of affordable sex toys.

  1. The Colours Pleasure Small provides a realistic design in bold colors, plus a suction cup. Some have complained about the texture and the firmness, though.
  2. I’m cheating here but I’m just gonna show you all these Blush Novelties dildos under $35.99 – 17 of em – including a dual density and some large models.
  3. I wanted to include glass on the list, for those who want to try the firmness of the material but I am struggling with this recommendation. I really really hate to promote Pipedream products in part for their sub-par quality and in part for their shitty company ethics. About half of their Icicles line is under $35. It makes me twitchy though to even talk about them. 
  4. For a slender glass dildo with a great g-spot or prostate curve, consider the Sinclair Institute Crystal G Glass Wand.
  5. Another glass option is the Crystal Heart of Glass dildo which didn’t totally fail the annealing test.
  6. For those who want size options and maybe something bigger, consider the silicone So Dildo from Marc Dorcel.
  7. The Cloud 9 brand has some silicone suction-cup dildos in various skin tones, all under $35.
  8. From trusted maker Funkit comes the NoFrillDo – 3 options at $24.99.
  9. I’ve got Tantus items on the list – the Starter dildo is great for those new to penetration…
  10. …as is the Silk Small
  11. For those who need a harness, the CalExotics Princess Low Profile fits up to 53″, so that’s not terrible2.
  12. Those who need more room can get the even nicer Sportsheets Plus Size Beginner’s Harness, which fits up to 72″ hips, has a nice back side and has 4 different o-rings.

Butt Plugs Under $35

  1. All butt toys can stimulate the prostate, but some are designed for that specific purpose. The Doc Johnson Mood Naughty 2 …..
  2. …or the LUX LX1 are two decent choices. 
  3. For those who like the sensation of anal beads, try out the Fun Factory Bendybeads…
  4. …or the much smaller, not graduated Pleasure Works Casanova.
  5. There are actually a lot of butt plugs under $35, so I’ve chosen a few that rate well with others and one super-affordable, the CalExotics Coco Licious Plug.
  6. Fan favorites include the Tantus Ryder
  7. …or the Fun Factory Bootie.
  8. The Tantus Neo has a super-comfortable base and plug style, and comes in a silky smooth dust-repellent silicone 3.
  9. Those who need something extra big can consider the Plump Plug.

Penis Toys Under $35

There are plenty of cheap masturbation sleeves but the material worries me with most in terms of toxicity. All affordable sleeves are made from a porous material, but I trust Tenga to not be toxic. Their 3D sleeves aren’t quite under $35 but are still an affordable sex toy option vs Fleshlights and the Tenga Flip Holes.

  1. The Tenga Eggs are listed as one-time-use but I think if you rinse it and dry it and don’t wait weeks in between, people have gotten a few uses of them.
  2.  Vibrating cock rings are very hit-or-miss and often don’t line up with everybody’s genitals or provide enough vibration. The Tantus Super Soft Vibrating Ring is decent enough. Knowing that the Screaming O Charged Vooom is a decent bullet I think their cock ring version would be fairly powerful.
  3. Cock rings in general are great because they can increase erection firmness and make orgasm more pleasureable (and delayed a bit); a good place to start for a nice reusable one is the Tantus Super Soft.

BUT WAIT, There’s More!

This 4-cuffs-and-a-blindfold kit isn’t a bad way to dip your toes into BDSM. This $11 paddle is a cute way to find out if you like the more broad sensation play of a paddle whereas this $11 whip is a good entry point to decide if you prefer sharp sensation play.

Need something to put your new little collection in? The Large and Extra Large Sugar Saks are woven with anti-microbial threads and this stylish Liberator toy pouch, with zippers that can be locked together, will keep prying eyes out.

So we’ve learned that there are plenty of really great dildo options for $35 and under, a lot of butt toy options for $35 and under, but the vibrator category still makes me sad. There are cheap vibrators, to be sure, but they’re just too crappy to list even if they are made from ABS plastic. I’d like to see more brands come out with affordable sex toys under $35 like vaginal and anal insertables that aren’t either loud enough to wake your roommate or so mild that they won’t please most people; the “mild” vibrations are why I didn’t pick anything by Bswish or CalExotics because my experiences with those brands consistently show their vibrators are very mild and surface-buzzy when they’re lower-priced. I’d like to see some realistically-styled vibrating dildos in the affordable price range,  because it’s apparently something that sells really well in the porous materials.

I don’t actually think that having silicone dildos/plugs that are only silicone on the exterior are a problem – unless the exterior can split or crack open. While it seemed shady and even a little weird to have a dildo advertised as “100% silicone” actually be stuffed with a foam insert or rubber rod, if this is what it takes to produce affordable sex toys that have non-porous, body-safe materials where it counts? I think I’m okay with it. We’ve only found out about this practice when the items have been sliced/cut open, to my knowledge.

Affordable Sex Toys Bonus Section! Can you up your budget to $50?

Not all of these are $50, these are items priced between $36 and $50. I also want to highlight the Tantus Grab Bag section. While their shipping prices aren’t super awesome (I think the lowest is $12/13, which eats up a lot of the $35 budget) if you can get your budget to $50 AND grab a sale, then you have some great picks for butt toys and dildos.

Create-Your-Own Affordable Sex Toy Intro Kit for around $50 + Shipping:

Vibrators for $50 or less:

Dildos for $50 or less:

Penis Toys for $50 or less:

  • The Tenga 3D sleeves don’t have a hard shell casing but feel great! The material is infused with Silver for antimicrobial properties which helps it’s porous stature.

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  1. Actually the Tenga Egg is porous, but I had no choice, and it’s non-toxic
  2. A more boxer/underwear style can be had for less than $30, but it fits an even smaller range of people than the Pipedream strappy harness – sad that they couldn’t take this anywhere close to plus sizes. These can be used as packer briefs or dildo harnesses
  3. For a little texture you can also consider the Tantus Juice Plug or for something soft and squishier try the Severin Small
Nov 022014
 
Amazon Warehouse (image courtesy of theguardian.com) - Why Buying Sex Toys from Amazon is a Risky Gamble

Amazon Warehouse (image courtesy of theguardian.com)

People sure do like to buy sex toys from Amazon and it is troubling to me. Not quite as troublesome in my world as toxic toys, but nearly so. A lot of people are more comfortable buying their sex toys from Amazon than a sex toy retailer, because they feel certain that it will be more discreet – they know that anything “sold by Amazon” will come in an Amazon box and an Amazon mailing address. And most of the time, Amazon is cheaper…and to detriment of the reputable sex toy shops, too.  Many of the higher-end manufacturers put a limit on how low their items can be sold, and Amazon sellers often completely ignore this. Either they are just shady people or…..they’re counterfeit.  In the years I’ve been doing this, I’ve had more people report problems ordering from Amazon than any other sex toy problems combined. I’ve had readers tell me, even as far back as 4 years ago, that they bought a “luxury” vibrator and something went wrong after a month or two. They took their problem to the manufacturer because it has a warranty, and they found out it wasn’t the brand they thought they were buying and the company wouldn’t honor a warranty claim. Rightfully so; it’s not their product. The counterfeit sex toy market is bigger than you think and it’s found a nice home at Amazon (and Ebay).

So Which Brands Are Suspect?

While this is by NO means a complete list, and I’d be suspect of just about anything, the specific brands I’ve heard of are: Lelo, Fun Factory, We-VibeFleshlights, Tenga, Fairy Wands by Merci Toys, Magic Wand.  Njoy is probably the most copied brand I know of. Multiple times a month I am contacted by shady companies in Hong Kong, Pakistan and India, who specialize in metal sex toys. They often go so far as to use Njoy product photos. The prices are super low, and there’s no way it could be an Njoy product, much less made of medical grade stainless steel, for that low price (in the ballpark of 15% of the cost of an Njoy).  One shady seller on Amazon was including free Fun Factory Smartballs that were counterfeits….and not even made of silicone as was found out from a flame test. Other products that I would be wary of: low-priced metal toys that claim to be stainless steel. I’ve heard some really bad things about a crystal-ended metal plug that is selling for around $20.  I would absolutely be suspect of glass sex toys sold on Amazon, as I personally experienced what can happen (see update from 2015 below).  Further issues abound with BDSM items (which are outside my realm of expertise) as well as specialty items like chastity cages:

 Another brand that can be suspect is Tantus. It was officially noted to affiliates “in regards to Amazon & Ebay, we don’t sell directly to anyone that has an Amazon/Ebay store. Tantus does NOT guarantee the origin, product quality, or authenticity of ‘Tantus’ items purchased off of these sites.” ETA (2017) Tantus changed from this to actually selling on Amazon, which I do not agree with. I don’t know how you will know if you received a genuine Tantus toy or a counterfeit. I’d suggest shopping at Shevibe, instead.

Could They Re-Sell a Used Sex Toy?

This part is just a theory but there’s another issue with third-party sellers that isn’t brought up much in discussions about Amazon – the returned sex toys. I’ve always felt pretty confident that there’s little to worry about when the major retailers who allow returns of sex toys (despite a few dramatic claims at the height of other issues with EF). Lovehoney and EdenFantasys both allow it. While Lovehoney is certainly bigger and more global, EdenFantasys used to hold its own quite well as a go-to retailer in its day. Logistically speaking, why would they risk their reputation and company on re-selling a returned (used or defective) sex toy? All it would take would be for one person to report it to the authorities and the doors would be shut. But with an Amazon third-party seller who doesn’t use Fulfillment By Amazon, a person could send back a toy and an unscrupulous seller could re-sell it. I’ve seen third-party sellers who do accept returns if it is “unused and unopened” but unless it’s been shrink-wrapped it’s not that hard to carefully open a box and make it look like it was never opened. On Twitter after this post was first published, this was said and very relevant:

Updated for 2016: Cosmo recently interviewed a person who has done a metric fuck ton of reviews on Amazon. This person is sent product from Amazon sellers; not Amazon directly. She noted that she has had products arrive “destroyed” or “be dirty like someone’s used them already”. This does not sound good!

The Amazon Shuffle – The New Shell Game?

Are all sex toys from Amazon possibly a counterfeit? Of course not. But the risk for getting one is high enough that I don’t feel that people should take the gamble. Many people have no idea that they even got a counterfeit some of the time, especially until it breaks.  Many think it’s okay to buy the item if it is listed as being “Sold by Amazon LLC”.  Here’s how it works: In the Amazon Warehouses, to save space, every We-Vibe Tango (as an example) goes into the same warehouse bin. Every seller who is storing their goods at Amazon for Amazon to ship has to give their item a UPC or Item Code or something. Everything with the same item code all goes in the same bin. They don’t have room to store every seller’s We-Vibe Tango in a different space. So now, whenever you buy a We-Vibe Tango someone at Amazon is grabbing from the communal bin. Since Amazon has many warehouses across the country, they’ll also ship your item from the warehouse closest to you that stocks the item. This means it’s not necessarily going to be the stock of the retailer you chose to buy from and there’s no control over that, either. You could be ordering from a reputable retailer on Amazon and still get the stock from a shady retailer.  The ONLY way you’re not taking a risk is if the item is being sold by AND shipped by a reputable retailer or manufacturer – of which there are very few on Amazon. And then, because it’s coming from the retailer/manufacturer and not Amazon, there goes all your assumed discretion in shipping and the possibility of “Prime” shipping. So what’s the point?

Update for 2015: For two distinct purposes, I purposely purchased sex toys from Amazon. One purpose was to determine what some of these Chinese vendors actually meant when they were calling a product “medical grade silica gel”, which meant I bought some items with dubious material declarations. Spoiler alert: it’s a crapshoot on whether you’ll get silicone (a material actually used for sex toys, whereas silica gel is not) or something…else. The second purpose was for my glass sex toy test. I purchased two that were listed as a branded item. Both came in identical packaging – which to say, it wasn’t manufacturer packaging. Both were purchased from different sellers. One I was able to confirm easily as a counterfeit, by being sent the actual branded item from SheVibe.

Is it Just Amazon?

No. While other sites don’t work the same way, there’s still a huge huge risk of the game ending badly if you buy from Ebay. If you find discount sites that look too good to be true….they probably are. Aliexpress.com is one such site.  Groupon has become another. I’ve been alerted to mislabeled sex toys on Groupon numerous times. Please just don’t buy sex toys from Groupon, either.

Stay Safe, Ask a Sex Blogger

So what would you rather do? Save ten or twenty bucks and take a big gamble on buying sex toys from Amazon or deal with a sex toy retailer that is vetted by your hardworking sex toy review bloggers, and is a company that actually cares about you? By buying from the companies we bloggers work with, you’re supporting the Good Guys in the industry. By using us bloggers as a sounding board before you spend your money, you could actually save money by listening to our advice in our reviews. I advise many people one-on-one on their purchase before they buy (email, Tumblr or Reddit). I’ve had too many people come to me AFTER their purchase, saying that they wished they’d seen my review before wasting their money and there went $100+ down the drain. Read all the reviews, email your favorite bloggers. Ask their opinion. And then, when you’ve decided, wait a little bit. Keep an eye on the sales. Tantus, for example, has a different sale every month. SheVibe has different sales every week. And don’t just take the word of one blogger. 

BOTTOM LINE: I’m such a huge advocate of safe, non-porous sex toys; I want every aspect of your sex toy buying and using experience to be as safe as possible. I can’t promise your safety if you buy sex toys from Amazon and Ebay.

When you CAN shop at Amazon

There’s really only three sexuality items you can safely purchase from Amazon, in my opinion. As always, do your research first! 

  1. Educational sex books / erotica books
  2. Condoms
  3. Lube, only after you’ve read up on which lubes & lube ingredients to avoid!

Where to Shop

If you’ve been here before, you probably know my most highly-recommended store is SheVibe.  My reasons are many and varied, but here’s the highlights: their stock is neither too specialized or too excessive. They don’t stock known-toxic toys. They educate their customers on the porous toys. The company is run by people who love what they do and who treat everyone – customers to industry people – with kindness and respect. Their prices are great, and they have many sales. They have a large and varied stock without trying to carry every product under the sun. They are often champions for smaller, indy brands like (the now defunct) Fucking Sculptures, Funkit or Lumberjill, and are open to suggestions. Nearly everything under the sun that I could ever recommend for purchase, SheVibe carries. I can’t say that about any other store on my list.

I don’t often recommend buying directly from a manufacturer, but there are two that I’ll break that rule for:

Tantus is great, and every month has a really great sale (no sale you like? Coupon code LILLY gets you 15% off – nevermind they took that away, maybe someday it’ll come back). Between their closeout section and grab bag section, you’re bound to find a safe, silicone dildo to fit your budget. And their customer service is great. Problem with your order? They’ll take care of it. Currently their shipping is a bit high though and can be a deterrent for small orders – although they do offer free shipping in the US if you spend $100. 

Crystal Delights is another wonderful manufacturer of truly high-quality glass items. Their specialty is glass plugs with Swarovski crystals at the end. They also make tail plugs and glass dildos. 

Other retailers I can recommend:

Early to Bed is a Chicago-based shop with an online presence. They have a great selection of items for trans and genderqueer people; however they have a habit re-naming the sex toys they carry. This makes it hard to locate a particular sex toy if you know it by brand and style name.

Smitten Kitten is a Minneapolis-based shop with an online presence. They have a great selection of kitschy and cute gifts, they carry an extended line of BS Atelier products, they’re the only shop I know of right now carrying Hole Punch toys other than Shevibe, and they are the brains behind the Lube Guide and every starting point I’ve had for toxic toy research. Their educational book section is absolutely fabulous.

Goodvibes is a long-time shop with an online presence as well as a few brick stores in the US. They don’t carry anything toxic, but do carry some porous items. Their overall catalog tends to be slim and I have numerous favorites that they don’t carry. They also sometimes re-name toy, but more often I’ll find them stripping the manufacturer’s name from the lower-end stuff – since I try to avoid recommending certain brands, I’m not a fan of this practice. Their prices are not as good as SheVibe. They do have a decent on-demand porn store, though. I’m not a big fan of GV but they’ll do.

Come As You Are is a nice little Toronto-based cooperative shop with an online presence. They’re one of the few better stores that do carry a few toxic items – in fact the first few things that come up in their dildo section seem to have phthalates. However, they’re one of the few places that carry a silicone vaginal dilator set with the dilator sizes ranging from 1/2″ wide to 1 1/2″ wide and you can buy the sizes separately. Their prices seem to be good and they also have a great selection of items for trans and genderqueer people. They do have educational material on the site, but continue to (as most places do) insist that condoms will absolutely protect against phthalates (it’s not actually been proven true, nor has it been proven false).

I’m trying to locate other Canadian, Australian and UK shops I’m willing to recommend. I’m picky, yo.

Lovehoney used to be on this list, but now they’re on another list. I can’t recommend them anymore.

Other places that are fine, I just don’t work with them: Babeland is best if you are at a brick store. Online their selection is kinda meh. UK shoppers can also check out ThatPosition or Vibrator Kingdom. Canadians, check out Pinkcherry. Australians, I’ve heard MissX and AdultSpice are good.

Sep 102014
 

silicone suction cup dildos on various surfacesLike the rabbit vibrator, suction cup dildos are (for me) a great idea in theory but terrible in execution. I’m no spring chicken anymore and I have the knees of a person twice my age. I can’t deny though that plenty of people love these things. One reason why I have trouble with suction cup dildos is the lack of a compatible surface. The surface has to be completely flat and perfectly smooth, no imperfections that would break the suction seal. Bathroom tiles can sometimes work, but they need to be at least 1/2″ bigger than the base on each side to have a chance at working. Mirrors and windows work, of course. Painted walls though, normally do not. Before you get it in your head that the suction cup is for you, make sure you have a surface that’ll work with it. I see a lot of people buying the porous / possibly-toxic versions way, way too often so I’m providing a list of all known safe versions. There’s a surprisingly larger selection than I expected! As of 2018 update, there are a lot. SheVibe’s updated website lists 115 silicone, suction-cup dildos with prices ranging from $21 to $125, which doesn’t include the butt toys or vibrators.  This also doesn’t begin to take into consideration the smaller, fantasy dildo makers. I haven’t included any of those because I don’t own any, don’t review them, haven’t really seen them much in person. Wanna know about those? Go see Lunabelle.

Affordable Silicone Suction Cup Dildos Under $50

When I first made this post in 2014 the list overall was a little slender and there were fewer options under $50. Nowadays we not only have options under $50, but I count 37 options for $29.99 or less at SheVibe. And many of these under $50 are actually really well made – affordable no longer means being limited to ultra-firm single density or silicone shells stuffed with foam/rags/etc.

Early2Bed carries a few that I’m not yet seeing in many places. Max, Fairy, and Astral. Max is realistic-looking but small while Fairy and Astral (Maia brand) are completely non-realistic. It looks like SheVibe is now carrying a bit of the Maia brand, and using the manufacturer’s naming they carry the Maia Porpora D1 (updated to Riley) in hot pink and purple and the D3 (updated to Kendall) in Blue or Purple.  For a moderately sized (7″x 1.6″ for the D1, 1.75″ for the D3) silicone dildo, the price ($30) is quite decent. I want to note that the only products I recommend from Maia at this time are these dildos. They have a core that is another, non-silicone material (presumably to lower production costs) which you should never see and should not at all affect the safety of the silicone material on the outside (and it is silicone, and quite thick at that). I’ve also been told that the Maia silicone is very firm and has texture to it, making it a bit of a lube hog. Also at Early to Bed is this glow-in-the-dark blue dildo that is actually the NS Novelties Firefly in Silicone.

New-ish from CalExotics is their Packer Gear line. There is a foam core, but you’ll never see it and it won’t affect the dildo. These are apparently, from the product line info, meant for packing. They’re flexible! They’re also all under $35. ETA: I have received one to check out and the silicone feels nice and smooth, without any grabby texture to it. The silicone is relatively firm but it still has bend. I don’t see how one would pack with this, but whatever. It’s still a nice dildo – not my favorite, but you may like it and I don’t see anything wrong with the foam core.

Blush Novelties continues to expand their options for affordable silicone dildos. Every model (except for one) in their Real Nude line at Shevibe has a suction cup. Prices range from $39 to $56 so they’re priced lower than Vixen Vixskin and Tantus. The soft outer layer is delightfully squishy and the core is very firm, but they can bend in half. However, photos have shown the Sumo (supposedly 2″ diameter) easily able to bend in half. I know that my larger Tantus O2 dildo can’t do that. Early To Bed carries a red version of one of the designs! Also from Blush the new Luxe Mio is short and very fat, 1.8″ and reasonably priced. Also included in the link above for Real Nude line is a line of single-density affordable, brightly colored silicone dildos. In Late 2017 Blush introduced the Avant line – vague shapes colored in block sections like striped socks, and the silicone is matte and dust-resistant. The Blush line may be listed in the “budget” section here but their dual density options and the Avant line are gorgeous, well made, and feel great. I fully recommend them.

Doc Johnson’s Vac-u-Lock line was always baffling to me – they require a special harness (none of which look all that awesome to me) and they were all always porous/toxic materials. But in recent years Doc Johnson came out with some silicone vac-u-lock options. These can be used by themselves as a dildo, but I noticed that Shevibe carries a Vac-u-lock suction cup accessory, directly copying Tantus. Since I’ve never owned a vac-u-lock toy I don’t know if the Tantus accessory could be used here instead, but the DJ version is only $10.  This means you can get a realistic, suction-cup silicone dildo for right around $50.

The Cloud 9 brand has a wide range of realistic silicone suction cup dildos in a few sizes and a few flesh tones. I’ve flame-tested another Cloud 9 item and at least the items listed at SheVibe as silicone are definitely silicone. Their prices range from $21 to $25!!

I’ll mention the Godemiche line out of necessity, but note that I don’t support this brand. SheVibe carries a couple suction-cup base options full of glitter, like this one in teal for $40.

The Colours line, from NS Novelties, has a variety of sizes of suction cup dildos in a bunch of colors.  The overall styling is realistic, but the most of the colors aren’t (there are pale skin tones but also pink, blue, purple, etc).  Sizes range from 1.5″ wide to 2.1″ wide, and only the 8″x2.1″ is priced over $50. I’ve been told that this brand is very firm and combining that with the veiny/rough texture has been uncomfortable for some people especially when used anally. Yes, this is the brand with the rainbow dildo.

BUTT TOYS! Not to be left out, there are a few silicone butt plugs with a suction cup base: Cocolicious from CalEx (might have a foam or bead core, like Pipedream); Colt brand Jumbo (over 2″!) plug, the gorgeous Funkit Cashew, two different styles from CalExotics, and some Tom of Finland girthy plugs.

Vibrating Suction Cup Dildos

The Blush Nude Impressions line are under-$60 suction-cup vibrators in 3 non-realistic colors – most of them are priced at $49. I loved the blue one, and have been told that they’re working on revamping this line – adding more colors and a magnetic charger – with the revamps arriving late 2018.

CalExotics Luxe line has a vibrating suction cup dildo that is “touch responsive”, claiming the deeper you stroke, the stronger the vibrations. I haven’t tried it, but I don’t expect the vibrations to be super powerful.  Then they have a cheaper rabbit style suction cup vibrator that, frankly, I’m skeptical about in terms of vibration. It’s $36 so at least you won’t be out a ton of money. Unfortunately, the suction cup (removable) is PVC.  Similarly made with a PVC suction cup is the CalEx realistic vibration suction cup dildo – G-spot style or Standard. Both come in two unrealistic flesh colors.

Higher-End Silicone Suction Cup Dildos over $50

Of course with Tantus, there’s the silicone suction cup attachment, which works with their vibrating dildos. You can also find them at SheVibe, usually for a better price (catch a 10-15% off SheVibe sale for the best deal).

Fun Factory, usually known for the vibrators, have a few dildos. Amor, maybe the Boss (unconfirmed), Bandito and Tiger all claim to have suction-cup bases. The Amor and Boss are subtly realistic while the Bandito and Tiger are not at all plus are heavily textured. New to the line-up is the Bouncer, also with a suction-cup base.

Smitten Kitten carries CJ Hooker, a somewhat realistically-styled dildo from Hole Punch that comes in vivid purple and blue gradients.  It’s got an interesting taper to it, but is 1.75″ at the widest. SheVibe now also carries it, in green and for $20 less. FYI, it’s modeled after the creator. There’s a new one called Chewie, in some gorgeous colors, that is fairly realistic and a little more slender than CJ Hooker.

Funkit, maker of clear silicone with vivid pigment swirls, has an entire line of sex toys based around that innovative hinged suction-cup base. Shevibe carries 3 models – 1 plug and 2 dildos. The NoFrillDos do not have the suction cup base.

New York Toy Collective has a very realistic “uncut” dual density dildo with a suction cup base called Ellis.

Vixen dildos sometimes have a naturally occurring suction cup base. I contacted Vixen to get the complete current line-up:

Vixskin: Tex, Raquel, Randy, Maverick (rumors have it that the Mustangs can be suction-cuppy, but Vixen didn’t list it)

Original Formula: All with the exception of vibe versions, or anything with testicles (Johnny). i.e. All of the Realistic Bents, Randy, Leo, Mistress, and Woody.

Filed under “but how would that even stay on the wall” is the ginormous Tom of Finland Kake Cock. Tom of Finland also makes a few sizes of a standard butt plug with a suction cup base.

Silicone Suction Cup Dildos for Canadians via Come As You Are

Their selections are limited compared to SheVibe, but they have a couple of Fuze dildos that say they have a suction-cup base; Vixen models; two NS Novelties items that they’ve renamed but are the same as the Colours line and of course the Colours Pride dildo; the New York Toy Collective Ellis; the Blush Juicy and Mio; a trio of butt plugs; and the touch-responsive Luxe vibrator.

 

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Jun 042010
 

First dildo GuideIf you’re buying your first dildo, you’re probably unsure where to even begin. Look at any given sex toy retailer site that offers a half-decent selection and you are bound to be overwhelmed by the sheer number of dildos to choose from. Dildos that look like penises, rockets, or nothing at all. And of course then there are the factors of size and shape and affordability. After all, you don’t really want to drop more than $50 on your first dildo, since you may end up disliking the shape or growing out of it.  If you’re starting out with extremely slender dildos there’s a better chance you will grow out of them and end up preferring larger items; if you’re starting out anywhere around 1.25″ or wider, then you may very well end up keeping it as a “warm-up” dildo.

My first dildo and vibrator were chosen in the Time Before Silicone, but were also not chosen by me. What I ended up receiving from my then-boyfriend were items I definitely wouldn’t have chosen for myself. They had realistic styling in clear, non-realistic TPR or PVC coloring.  If you’re buying for someone else, make sure you can answer these important questions about them, with certainty. If you can’t then you need to buy with them, and not for them. If you’re buying for yourself then make sure you’re choosing a color and design that appeal to you vs something you think your partner would prefer, or, feel “less threatened” by.

Size

Choosing the size of your dildo should depend upon what has already been in your vagina/ass. Think about your most pleasurable sexual experience (solo or partnered) and what felt so good – was it the sensation of fullness, being stretched by something larger? Was it more about the zing of pleasure that came from the head of it stroking your g-spot (or prostate)? Take a look at a ruler. Actually look at how wide 1″, 1.5″, 2″ is on the ruler. It probably doesn’t yet mean much, right? Now, measure your carrots, cucumbers, or zucchini to get a good idea of how that linear width translates to circumference (but please don’t use them as a dildo). If you liked the feeling of fullness, then I’d suggest starting with a 1.5″ at the most. If your focus was on the object/cock hitting a certain feel-good spot, and especially if you’d not had experience with dildos/cocks, go for 1″ or 1.25″ diameter.

If you’re just starting out with penetration OR have medical issues that prevent penetration (or make penetration painful), consider getting a silicone dilator set to ease into things. SheVibe carries a Sinclair Institute set and individual ones from Fuze and Come As You Are has a full set of individual dilator dildos. However, a number of the dildos below come in small sizes with no texture and a uniform width (or at most, slightly tapered at the tip).

Material

For the love of Pete if you’re going to take any advice it’s this: no jelly, no rubber, no PVC, no cyberskin or UR3 or Futorotic or anything like that used in mid-range ultra-realistic dildos (they’re usually painted). They smell funny, they’re not very well made, some of those will have phthalates in them, and they’re porous so they can’t ever be shared or fully sanitized.  I’d really like emphasize silicone. You can find cheaper options that are (usually) non-toxic if you choose TPR/TPE/Elastomer, but these are porous. Why should you care about non-porous vs porous? Why should you spend the money on silicone? Why should you care about the brand? In short, silicone can last a lifetime with minimal care; porous materials can harbor bacteria, mildew/mold, etc. Porous materials cannot ever be completely clean. They can actually make you sick if enough bad crap is making a home in the pores of the material. If you stick with brands that I and other reviewers trust, you’ll be sure to have a silicone dildo that is actually, truly, pure silicone. 

Silicone comes in various densities and can be somewhat soft, very firm, or squishy. If you decide that the more common, firm silicone isn’t for you, then you’ll want to consider spending the money on a Tantus O2 style or Vixen Vixskin style. Vixskin is a little more plush, but Tantus O2 is a little more affordable. Even more affordable – introduced in 2015 – is Doc Johnson’s Truskyn silicone which I find to be a really nice dual-density. There’s also Blush Novelties with their Real Nude line.

If you decide you absolutely can’t get silicone right now, go for glass (while understanding the issues with cheap glass) or cover the dildo with a polyurethane condom. Porous materials like TPE/TPR are non-toxic but they are softened with mineral oil-based ingredients most of the time. Oil, as we know, isn’t compatible with a latex condom. And, if you do choose a porous material please keep an eye on it for discoloration, odd odors, and black dots. I recommend tossing it after 6 months use to be safe.

Shape and Features

For some reason, a lot of people split off into two very different camps when purchasing their first toys. One side runs to the cutesy child-toy-like items or “incognito” items. The other side will pick the most realistic dildos.  It’s hard to get a very realistic dildo in something super small, but a few do exist like the Vixen Vixskin Spur.

Many people love the idea of a suction-cup base. This post lists out pretty much every silicone suction-cup dildo I’ve found.

Purchasing

Another option is to check in on the Tantus Grab Bag.  If you don’t care about the color of the dildo, you can get a really good price.  Their Grab Bag designs change, though, so if you see the Silk Medium or Leisure available – grab it up. Leisure is a good starter design but for that size (1.27″ wide) and price ($49 at Shevibe) I found other dildos at that size for less money than the full-price non-grab-bag version. The tapered design of the Leisure is probably better suited as a beginner’s anal dildo, to be honest.

I generally advise people to avoid Amazon and Ebay; counterfeit sex toys are definitely a thing, and you could get something that you think is silicone but is not. Some people have had good experiences buying from Amazon, but the risk of getting a fake sex toy is high enough that I advise you to avoid it. Stick with well-known sex toy retailers like Shevibe, Early to Bed, Smitten Kitten, or Come As You Are for Canadians1, and buying direct from manufacturers like Tantus. I’m working on expanding my list of retailers I trust for folks outside the US, as I’ve had to remove Lovehoney and Lovedreamer from my list.

Also, on anything from Tantus: Watch for their monthly sales, and don’t forget to use my coupon code (LILLY). Sometimes my code is a better deal (15% off anything), sometimes the sales are better deals. And, sometimes their sales don’t require a coupon code,  so you can use my code to save even more on top of the sale.

Price – this likely won’t be your last dildo so I don’t recommend spending more than $50, if possible (this is easier to stick within the US).

Recommendations from smallest to largest:

First dildo recommendation #1 Tantus Silk Small - slender with a barely tapered head, no texture, shiny silicone and a sturdy base. Tantus Silk is available in small, medium and large, and in colors light pink, purple, and black.

Tantus Silk – The Small is 0.8″ wide and the Medium is 1″ wide so both are great for just starting out with penetration. Both are made from a fairly firm silicone but due to their diminutive size, they’re flexible. You can find them at Shevibe where they’re currently all priced under $50. If you’re buying numerous Tantus dildos (and live in the US) consider checking out buying from Tantus direct (and use my code, LILLY, for 15% off). Sometimes their stuff is on sale up to 50% off their prices or the Silks are a Grab Bag option. Early To Bed carries them, too.  In Canada, try Come As You Are.

First Dildo recommendation #2 Blush Novelties My Little Heaven is very slender and doesn't look like a dildo. It has a ring-pull  base that is probably not snal safe., The body of the dildo is extremely curved and said to be designed specifically for g-spot stimulation. Available only in lilac purple.

My Little Heaven – Definitely a strange shape, but I’ve read a few positive reviews which convinced me to list it here. Combined with the under-$20 price, it’s hard to avoid recommending this. At 5″ long and only 1″ wide it could be a great way to stimulate your G-spot without requiring a girth you can’t handle yet. Due to the low price you can afford to give this strange shape a go! You can find it at Shevibe, currently priced at $18.

First Dildo recommendation #3 Tantus Starter - Shiny silicone, max diameter of 1.1". Slightly bulbous head with a vague penis detail at the head. The rest of the shaft remains the same width. Harness and anal safe base.

Tantus Starter – Another very small dildo choice, this has a slight head and maxes out at 1.1″ wide; it’s also under 5″ long. Similar to the Silks, this Tantus silicone is fairly firm but will have flexibility due to the size. Also like the Silks this is made from the Tantus hand-poured silicone – it’s shiny and attracts dust and fur like crazy. It will require a little more lube than anything with a matte, silky finish. You can find it at Shevibe for $30. I can’t locate it on most other sites, strangely, so this may be discontinued.

First dildo recommendation #4 - Vixen Small Realistic Bent. Slightly softer silicone than Tantus, this is styled like a penis completely with foreskin wrinkles near the head but only comes in black and deep purple. Harness-compatible and anal safe base. Vixen Small Realistic Bent – Vixen’s single-density silicone is slightly squishier than Tantus silicone but is just as much of a magnet for dust and fur. The Small Realistic Bent comes in Black or Purple (which is one of the most amazing purples I’ve seen – blue opalized flashes and swirls), and is 4.7″ long by 1.2″ wide. Again, this will be pretty flexible due to the small size and slightly softer silicone.

First Dildo recommendation #5 Vixen Vixskin Spur - same size and style as the Vixen Small Realistic Bent. Spur is made with dual-density Vixskin silicone which feels fairly realistic and comes in 3 skin tones - light, medium and dark. Vixen Vixskin Spur – This is the same design as the Vixen Small Realistic Bent, but comes in their signature dual-density Vixskin. Vixskin is often thought to feel the most realistic of the available dual-density silicone brands. It’s the only dildo here above $50, because some may really want a soft, realistic dildo. Shevibe has it for $68, and Canadians can get it from Come As You Are.

First Dildo Recommendation #6 - Fuze Rebel- Matte, silky silicone in a bright moderate purple, with a base that has ridges to give sensation to someone wearing it in a harness. Overall shape is mostly uniform with a rounded head and very slight bulge-y bloops to the shaft. Fuze Rebel – With a base designed for harness play, the Rebel has a nice matte, silky finish that’ll resist dust and fur more than shiny silicone. Rebel is 5.5″ long and 1.25″ wide, and comes with a hole at the bottom for sliding in a small bullet vibe. As with the others, the slender size means it’ll be flexible but it isn’t a squishy silicone either. You can find it at Shevibe, or Come As You Are.

First Dildo Recommendation #7 - Dr Berman Marilyn Pelvic Floor Exerciser - Marilyn is made of a non-porous resin, so it is clear with a light purple tint. It's an affordable alternative to glass. It has weighted balls inside the resin at each end but those can be ignored and this just used as a regular dildo. Dr Berman Marilyn Pelvic Exerciser – Let’s forget about the supposed “orgasm balls” (ugh). I picked this because it’s a hard acrylic resin. It’s solid and slippery like glass, but unlike the affordable, slender glass items that are maybe not made in the best way for glass, resin won’t require such babying and care. It’s 1.25″ wide and slightly tapered. Under $30 at Shevibe. This is one of the few here that is not anal safe.

First Dildo Recommendation #8 - Blush Ruse Hypnotize Cerise color - made of shiny Cerise colored silicone it has veins for texture and a very realistic shape, including balls. Also has a suction cup base. Blush Ruse Hypnotize – At 6.5″ long and 1.3″ wide it’s heavily versatile. The suction cup base will work in many harnesses. The raised veins will add texture; if you don’t want that texture you can try the Ruse Juicy which is the same size and price, but more smooth. Both are very affordable at under-$25 at Shevibe. I haven’t tried these but have been assured by Ducky Doolittle, person-extraordinaire whom I trust completely, that these are silicone through and through, no foam cores or anything.

First Dildo Recommendation #10 - Blush Real Nude Ergo Mini - a bright pinky-purple color. Dual-density silicone with a vague penis shape. Blush Real Nude Ergo Mini – The Real Nude line is Blush’s dual-density silicone. The Ergo Mini is 5″ long and 1.3″ wide, with a matte satin finish. It also has a suction-cup base, because Blush seems to be realizing that if they maximize the versatility of a dildo, it’ll sell well. The base is also harness-compatible. At $30 for a dual-density suction-cup base silicone dildo, I’m thrilled to see these on the market. Also consider the larger Real Nude Helio which is 1.5″ wide and still under $40.

First Dildo Recommendation #11 - Tantus Curve in Midnight Purple - Shaft literally looks like someone bent it at a 30 degree angle about an inch up the shaft from the bottom. There are subtle ridges along the top of the shaft with a vague penis head. Harness base, no balls. Tantus Curve – A Classic Tantus design, and often copied, Curve lives up to its name with a dramatic curved shape. It has a large base that won’t slide out of a harness, and is 6″ long and 1.37″ wide. It’s made from Tantus’ firm, shiny silicone. The tapered tip would also make it great for anal play. The Curve is similar to the Acute which has a little less dramatic curve and is slightly smaller at 1.25″ wide.

First Dildo Recommendation #12 - Tantus Sport - Imagine the stick shift for a sports car - uniform shaft with a ball on top. Now take the top inch and angle it slightly about 15 degrees and put the ball ever so slightly off-center on the shaft. That's the Sport. Teardrop-shaped harness-compatible base. Tantus Sport – Sport has a more pronounced, bulbous head which many people like for precision fullness at the g-spot, allowing for a little less girth at the vaginal entrance or sphincter. Sport is priced a little better than Curve, at $40, and is 5.5″ long by 1.4″ at the widest part of the head. Sport is also available in a dark purple, and for $10 more you can get the matching starter harness.

First Dildo Recommendation #13 - Blush Luxe Purity 2 - Tapered head that quickly swells up again in the middle then tapes down again. Available in medium liilac purple. Blush Luxe Purity 2 –  The Purity 2 is $24 at Shevibe, which may mean that it is not silicone through-and-through – which is fine, because you shouldn’t ever see the inside core. This is a guess, and not a fact, but I’m basing my educated guess on the style (matte silky silicone) combined with similarities to other also-very-affordable silicone dildos that I found had a non-silicone core. I’m not concerned either way but I plan to find out. Similarly the Mio is a whopping 1.8″ wide and only $27. It can’t be solid silicone at that price.  The Luxe Purity 2 is 5.35″ long and 1.43″ at the widest portion.

First Dildo Recommendation - Split Peaches Unicorn Horn Dildo - straight with a twisty-swirly "horn" texture, tapered. Pearly white shown. Split Peaches Small Unicorn Horn – This thing is too cute to leave out. It’s tapered, gathering itself to be 1.5″ at the widest insertable portion. The original horn is pearly white, but also comes in a rainbow design and pastel design. The small size is part of a trio – each style also comes in a “medium” and “large” which are both pretty wide at the base. I’ll see if I can find out what size they all start at, at the tip.

Wet For Her Five Jules Medium – This style comes in 3 sizes, ranging from 1.1″ wide (small) to 1.5″ wide (medium) to 1.75″ wide (large) and each size offers three colors – black, pale pink, and pale purple. Anal safe and designed for harnesses, these look like they have a silky, matte finish. The silicone is probably quite firm. All sizes are under $50, with the Medium coming in at $44 from Shevibe.

 

 

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  1. Again please check the material – they do still sell jelly items and other materials I don’t agree with