I’ve never been one to really review lubes, but ever since The Great Lubecation of 2015 sprouted my Big Lube Guide and a sparked activism for non-irritating body-safe lubes, I’ve begun collecting some of the better brands to find some water-based lubes to love. My previous favorites have been coconut oil and hybrid lubes, specifically Sliquid Silk, for their longevity and ability to still play nice with all of my toys. But water-based lubes deserve love, too, and Good Clean Love Almost Naked gets my love.
What I Don’t Like
I’ll say this early and get it out of the way: there’s only one thing I dislike about Good Clean Love Almost Naked lube – that they don’t make an anal-friendly version with a higher pH. Thing 27 I learned last year is that water-based lubes need to consider pH and what’s good for the vagina isn’t always good for the ass. A lube that has a pH that is too low will potentially feel irritating and may sting/burn. A normal pH range for the vagina is anywhere from 3.5-7, which the butt ranks in at 6. Higher vaginal pH can be associated with lower estrogen levels (and infection, but not always). I’d recommend starting off with the 1.5oz tube first to see how your body reacts.
When I look at the GCL site I see a lot of reviews saying how it “burns half the time” – this is possibly because your vaginal pH changes with your cycle, and they are using it during a time in their cycle when their pH is up around a 6 or 7, perhaps. Again, this is why I wish GCL would make a higher-pH version because then those that love it half the time could love it all the time by having one for their variances throughout the month. If you want to find out if the pH factor is an issue, consider testing your own pH at various times of the month to get a better idea of lube compatibility. Of course, this isn’t the only reason it could cause a burning for some people, but I’ll discuss that in the Ingredients section. I’m going to continue to hunt for a higher-pH thick lube for those who need it!
Why I’m a Fan of Good Clean Love Almost Naked
First, I like it because it’s thick. If you’re looking for a thick gel personal lubricant, this is it. I really hate runny lubes where I can feel something running between my ass cheeks – it’s distracting and odd to me. Good Clean Love Almost Naked stays where it should – my vulva, and my dildo. I can squirt some on and not worry at all that it’s going to drip off before I can even get the dildo inside of me. When I took the photo below, the lube had been squirted on the dildo a half hour prior, and then carried outside and posed for a few photos. It didn’t really run until the wind knocked the dildo over – then it was more like “displaced” versus dripping.
Second, I like the scent and taste. It’s warm. I realize that’s an odd way to describe a scent and taste, but that’s my brain, folks. It’s vanilla, but barely. Although they do make a Cinnamon Vanilla version, the Good Clean Love Almost Naked has a little something there. The taste is subtle and not lingering, but the scent lingers on my hand if I don’t wash it off (like when I tested it on the back of my hand). Some people have noted that the scent lingers even after a washing. I have chemicals sensitivities but the odor of this lube isn’t strong enough to bother me in the least. I only smell it if I bring my hand up to my nose.
When it begins to dry (absorb into your skin) it doesn’t get sticky. At all. A little saliva reactivated it really well though, even when I’d let it completely dry. I’m really loving this lube!
Good Clean Love Almost Naked is one of the few lubes out there where we know the osmolality number – GCL is 269, and vaginal mucus is 280. It’s about as iso-osmotic as we’re likely to find in a lube. In case you need a refresher on osmolality, here’s my bizarre way of explaining it, taken from the Big Lube Guide page:
We’ve got three situations – the best is if the lube is iso-osmotic – meaning your cells and the lube sit there next to each other, happy, making each other better. They’re content. If the osmolality is low, i.e. hypo-osmotic, then the lube is like my Italian best friend’s mom – eat, eat! It’s feeding the cells too much water, and at some point they will burst. When does this matter the most? If you’re trying to conceive. Hypo-osmotic lubes would kill the lil swimmers. The most common situation is when the osmolality is high, i.e. hyper-osmotic. It’s the vampire situation – the lube comes in all charming at first and things seem okay. The lube feels really slippery, which is great! But it’s slippery because it’s drinking the moisture from your cells. When they have no more to give, they are dead and dry. The outer layer of cells will slough off and leave your mucus lining very vulnerable, like standing in a snowstorm without winter gear. STI transmission can increase and at-risk people are at greater risk for infections – this is the same group of people who need to use more lube than the average person. Diabetics, those with a compromised immune system, those undergoing treatment for cancer, etc. If your partner has Herpes, you’re doing everything you can to avoid transmission – consider the lube, as well. Stick to iso-osmotic lubes.
There’s more to love! (But wait! There’s More!). Info provided by GCL, as displayed on SheVibe:
Good Clean Love organic personal lubricants enhance your love making naturally. They can help to reduce vaginal dryness and improve vaginal wetness. Our natural and organic personal lubricants are 100% vegan, paraben, glycerin and petrochemical free.
- Reduces vaginal dryness, increases vaginal wetness- naturally!
- No parabens, no glycerin, no silicone, no petrochemicals.
- 100% Natural and Organic ingredients
- Safe for latex, toys, and use throughout pregnancy
- Protects and moisturizes sensitive tissues
- Works with the body to simulate natural lubrication
- 100% Edible and Cruelty-free
- Recommended by healthcare professionals and sex therapists nationwide
Ingredients: Organic Aloe Barbadensis Leaf Juice, Xanthan Gum, Agar, Potassium Sorbate, Sodium Benzoate, Citric Acid, Natural Flavors
Aloe is very soothing, but some people are allergic to it, so that will suck. Some people are sensitive to Citric Acid which is often found in lubes that need a natural preservative. Both of these ingredients can cause a burning sensation, so if you have known sensitivities and allergies, give it a test first – just a little dollop and try it just before a bath or shower in case it does burn and you need to rinse it away quickly. Good Clean Love says that this lube is edible, of course, but I would want to lick up a big glob of it – it’s too thick. But I don’t foresee a situation where my mouth is going to be on genitals so soon after applying that much lube.
Off Label Use
One day I washed my cloth pads in a new detergent, not thinking a whole lot of it, until the next time I wore one I got the itchies. Life was pretty uncomfortable for a day until I was reminded that Good Clean Love Almost Naked has a high aloe content, and aloe is pretty awesome for irritations. It really calmed things down so that I could tolerate the irritation.
Just like there’s no one single perfect sex toy, no “best” that works for everyone, there’s no one best personal lube either. I really love Good Clean Love but I understand it’s not going to be everyone’s favorite. While I am baffled by the few on-site reviews I’ve seen calling it “runny” or “sticky”, I can only assume theirs went bad? Maybe they reviewed a different product than the one they owned? All I know is that is GCL is super thick and really lovely for me. If it sounds like something that would work for you, you can find it at Shevibe (who carries the most GCL products), Smitten Kitten, or Amazon – but use caution with Amazon. Make sure the “freshness seal” is in place (both the one over the cap and the foil bit you have to peel off after removing the cap).