Alter Egos, Super Heros and Secret Identities
In my post earlier this week I spoke of how one’s impression of sexbloggers can differ greatly from the reality. Many of us that participate in HNT post weekly provocative half-nekkid photos. We’re dressed in sexy near-nothings, or wearing nothing and posed sinfully. Not all, but a lot. And most do not include their face in the photos. Therefore many readers must think that we must be model-beautiful to be posing and preening like that and having all this sex! All this hot, sexy, kinky sex!
And the fact is, we’re not all 10′s. I read on the swinger blogs quite often that the couple writing was disappointed by the lack of attractive (to them) people at the swinger clubs to fuck – but hey we all have sex. Words and attitude can make up for a fuck of a lot, I’ve found. We’re all tapping in to our inner Sex God(dess) and bringing it slowly to the forefront.
Those who responded to my earlier post agreed that their real-life, non-superhero alter-ego is a good “cover” so to speak. Perhaps some of us are “average”. Perhaps others are “above average” in the physical appearance department. But, regardless, unlike people such as Audacia Ray and Violet Blue and Rachel Kramer Bussell, our real life work/socialization doesn’t have anything to do with sex. We are not “out” in that way.
Someone brought up a good point though. And a few points to ponder.
It all seems so innocuous, doesn’t it? These masks that we wear in public and even to our close family and friends. The question of the moment is : Would you treat somebody you know personally near and dear to you any different if all of the sudden they had a blog. What if they had a sex blog? What if…. they had a sex blog and you’ve been commenting there for a long long time?
What if you found out that they had a sex blog?
I’m not going to touch on the area of co-workers because you’re not usually close to them despite sometimes seeing them more waking hours than your family. But what if you found out your aunt/uncle/cousin had a sex blog? Your parent(s)? Your child? Is the blood relation a multiplier in the squick factor?
In speaking of a family member, I don’t know how you all were raised but as a kid you were kicked out of the room for “adult” conversations. As a teenager you likely hid your burgeoning sex life from these authority figure adults. And holy gods it was eye-burn-worthy if you walked in on a family member (parents, worse) having sex. It’s a fact of life, it’s something nearly everyone does to some degree. But with those people it’s a taboo topic. Now I know of people who openly and graphically speak of their sex lives with, say, their mom. I couldn’t do it, I just couldn’t. To find out a family member has a sex blog could be awkward, weird and uncomfortable knowledge.
Now, your close friends. It’s a different matter, no? Those are your peers to whom you likely do talk about sex with in some fashion. Depending on how prudish all or some involved parties are is the extent of the conversations. I know that any sexblogger wouldn’t be very phased by the knowledge; we’re all open and sexual beings.
What if you found out that they have a sex blog AND you’re a regular reader/commenter?
Would it lessen the blow, or the squick factor, with family members? Or would it be worse because you’ve now inadvertently been privy to all sorts of information and maybe photos that well…..just isn’t “normal” for family members to share.
What about if it were a friend? A sex that you’re not attracted to, would you be less open to their kinks and likes now that you know them? A sex you are attracted to but perhaps not the particular person; is your view of them going to change? Will you suddenly be attracted to them in real life?
What if you are the one being found out, or being read?
I know one blogger in particular had this problem and for her it was a major squick factor (because it was a family member who found her blog, and continued to read knowing it was her and her half-nekkidness). Would you expect those who found out to treat you negatively or at least think less of you? Or would you adamantly insist that their views of you not change? Would you be furious if you lost the friendship of someone who had very opposite sexual ideals, solely based on your blog?
Me? I would likely embrace the knowledge if it were a friend. I wouldn’t be upset that they never told me, most likely. A family member would be a different story. I think I would be a bit scarred. I think there would be a bit of deterioration to the relationship, perhaps temporarily perhaps permanently. Is that wrong of me being a very open and sexual person with my peers?
If I were found out – I would completely expect that my family members would see it all very negatively. Real life friends? I don’t know. An open relationship isn’t normal but it isn’t as taboo as infidelity. Of course I have a healthy dose of “embracing mysluthood” on here which could be seen negatively as well by many. I’d be saddened if I lost a friend or was shut out entirely by a family member, but if they’re so uptight and unforgiving that this would be my great sin….hm. I don’t know.