Before You Ask to Review a Sex Toy….

Today I’m giving you some advice that I don’t tend to take for myself, at least not consistently. And I should. You see, I’m an anonymous blogger. I don’t show my face on the blog, I don’t go by real name. A bunch of other bloggers, and industry people, have met me and/or know my legal name but they still call me Lilly. It would be downright weird if any of them called me by my real name. *shrugs* I just AM Lilly.

However….the connection between my legal name (and address) and Lilly / Dangerous Lilly is something that I expect these people to keep to themselves. My privacy on this matter is tantamount to my being able to do this. I have reasons, valid reasons, for keeping the two things completely separate. So do many people, who aren’t bloggers. Sex workers, porn performers, etc. I guess I mostly expected the sex toy companies to get this, but a lot of them don’t. I guess I can’t really fault them, because this is something I should be proactive with.

[pullquote]Always inform new review partners of your anonymity and level of discretion needed for packages they send you. Don’t assume they know![/pullquote]We all should, for those who need some level of anonymity.

I don’t really know what the UPS driver, the bank teller or the postal service person would DO with the knowledge, but whether I like it or not, they all have seen that connection I try to keep buried.

So before you work with a new company, be it a retailer OR a manufacturer, be up front with them. Talk to them about the level of anonymity you need AND the level of package discretion you need. If you need that package to be discreet because of your neighbors, or who you live with, you have the right to discuss this and ask for it. Today I received a review item from BMS Factory, that had BMS branded packing tape all over the outside, and was sent in a Pipedream box. allll over this box. It also had “Lilly” on the outside of the box. It’s more tolerable than “Dangerous Lilly”, but that’s because of my situation. I can assure you that if I were younger and living with family and someone saw a box with something other than my legal name, I surely would get questioned. I totally do not hold BMS to blame for this. As their rep said, they’re more accustomed to sending out samples to a magazine, and not a person. The onus is truly on me to advocate for my privacy in this arena, and I need to do it more. The companies don’t mind following your request, I find.

PackageI’ve had numerous other instances of this happening, too, so I don’t want it to seem like I’m calling out BMS. It was just something that happened today and it’s happened a bunch of times recently, and it prompted me to write this post.

tl:dr – Before you accept a review product from a new manufacturer/retailer, inform them of your anonymity and discretion level that needs to be met, lest you find a package on your doorstep that clearly gives away what is inside and what your blog name is.

5 Responses

  1. Reenie says:

    WAAAIIINNN!! This happened to me sooooo many times too! I just never thought it was something I had to discuss with the people I’m working with. Now I know better… I just received a package today with the name Reenie on it too. Good thing my parents were not there, but I’m pretty sure the UPS dude is starting to wonder something, and that makes me feel extremely uncomfortable. It’s not the first time he delivers me a package with the name Reenie on it. Previously, he even delievered something that led to the idea that a sex toy was in the package.
    I just want to add that as a customer, you are allowed to contact companies/sex shops and tell them that you want discreetness. A company with great customer service will take this seriously and they will help you make this work. Great post Lilly! <3

  2. Heaven says:

    I have went thru this with one company as well already. It really upset me that they did it as well. When I had never recieved a package that way before. Now I know to talk to them when they are sending my stuff out.

  3. gardenlobster says:

    Good to know. Something to think about!

  4. My worst one so far was from a UK manufacturer. They weren’t used to shipping directly to individuals and put “Electrical Vibratory Massage Appliance” on the customs form instead of the usual “Novelty Item”. And, of course, I had to go in and pick it up from the post office!

    I do have a PO Box, and use it whenever possible. Last Christmas, I won a dildo that they refused to ship to a PO Box so I finally gave them my home address. The delivery company didn’t put a package slip in my box or on my door, and I didn’t know what had happened to it. I went to the apartment office to pick up another box and found that they had it for months! The box was plain, but I’m hoping that no one there knows who the Fun Factory is. :-)

    I’ve recently been having issues with getting a lot of damaged/open packages at my PO Box. I’m beginning to think someone is curious! I’m thinking of switching to getting a box at one of the UPS Store/Mail Boxes, Etc. places where they give you a street address and accept UPS, DHL, FedEx, etc. because it would solve the issue with having a street address in my business name.

  5. Two services that might help would be signing up for the delivery notification service from FedEx and UPS. It notifies you when a package is set to be delivered at your house, and then you log in and say to hold it at their facility for pick up by you.