I Don’t Hate the Picobong Moka

First, a little background on why me NOT hating the Picobong Moka is such a shocker

There are a lot of things I disliked about Picobong from the get go. The stupid name that reminds me of something childish; the beachy-fun website with their Hawaiian-like names; the toy designs that left a lot to be desired; and most of all their inability to call things what they are – they cutesy shit up with “C-spot” like we didn’t have enough of that with the oft-used “P-spot” – it’s not a fucking spot it’s a goddamn CLITORIS. The G-spot is the only genital bit allowed to be called a “spot”. Their first run included things like the Honi (a bullet intended for vaginal insertion, but the buttons were inside of you), the Tano (vibrating butt plug where again…the buttons are inside of you AND the seam scrapes your ass), and the Mahana (c-shape for dual stimulation, but rigid design makes it difficult to use).

Despite knowing I would hate it, I willingly reviewed the Honi. The packaging sucked and was ruined by the time it arrived on my doorstep; they included a very baffling 6-sided die with shapes of their sex toys instead of numbers making it nearly as useless as the faux-gold-plated Insignia brooch. I reviewed it because I kept seeing positive reviews on it and I KNEW that it had to be bullshit. I was right. It was buzzy and irritating and weak.

PicoBong Moka is Lelo Gigi’s College Cousin; The adult Skipper-to-their-Barbie, if you will

When I heard that Picobong had a new line coming out, I was unimpressed. Many of us were¹. Yet when I saw that the Moka looked a hell of a lot like Gigi at nearly half the price, I just had to review it. HAD TO. I figured I’d be able to compare and contrast with the Gigi until a fruitless search for days finally revealed that I no longer have the Gigi; I swapped it out to someone ages ago. Oops. No worries though, my friend Laura who runs a great Milwaukee sex toy store called The Tool Shed was kind enough to do a quick comparison for me and even snapped a photo of the Moka and Gigi side by side.

Image courtesy of Laura Ann Stewart AKA ToolShedGirl on Twitter

I read over my very old review of the Gigi and recalled why I didn’t quite love it, despite the fact that many, many women love theirs. I had 3 issues with Gigi:

1. It’s short. Too short for me. And that’s not because my g-spot is buried in the deep depths of my cavernous vagina, it is because I have big tits, a belly and short arms. The Pure Wand still remains my g-spot’s best friend in part due to the length and the extreme curve.
2. The location of the buttons was exactly where I’d rest my thumb as I held it during use.
3. The vibrations were decent and serviceable but not strong enough to matter to my g-spot.

The Picobong Moka fixes those first two complaints. According to Laura, the vibration strength and type is pretty much the same between Moka and Gigi. Moka is a little over an inch longer and the head and shaft are also just slightly bigger. Picobong’s bad habit of putting the buttons on the side of their toys proved useless for their little insertable jobs but on the Moka it’s kinda genius. There is no position in which I’d hold this and accidentally hit a button².

I know that a lot of sex toy users are reluctant to drop $100 or more on a vibrator. I would be, too. And while I think that the Moka is still a wee bit overpriced and I think it shouldn’t cost a penny over $50, it’s still a very good option for those on a bit of a budget. You’ll get the sorta-rumbly and moderately decent vibrations of the Gigi, the curved shaft and wide, flat head of the Gigi with a little much-needed length and improved button placement. Style-wise it’s more South Beach Party Girl than Southern Belle Sorority Girl (which Gigi so clearly is). And of course you’ll need batteries (2AAA) rather than the supposedly green aspect of a rechargeable sex toy but for many people those can also be positive aspects. So long as you always make sure you have a spare pack of batteries on hand (and really, what seasoned sex toy owner doesn’t?) then you’ll never be at the mercy of waiting on a recharge.

Oh, PicoBong. Is there really a ditzy California surf bum on your staff or do you make this shit up?

Like the Honi, the packaging is utter shit. The box is made of the most flimsy cardboard ever and you will not be able to use it for storage. There’s no bizarre dice included with the recent line of Picobong toys.

No, instead they’ve changed up the cap so that it has a slightly ridged texture and at the tip of the cap is a hole….for…a lanyard?? WTF? Am I supposed to wear my 8 inch vibe around my neck like the even-more-perverted-and-white version of Flava Flav?

   
Wait, no, I think there’s something else in this mangled box…. OH YES. It’s…..? Yet again, Picobong owners are forced to go to the site en mass to query “WTFISTHIS”. It’s a cute dangle! “Perfect for your phone, keychain, or whatever clever accessory option you come up with, our PicoBong dangles are a just-for-fun addition to your PicoBong experience.” IT’S SO FUN. I DON’T KNOW HOW I HAD FUN BEFORE THIS.

Picobong toys are covered in a silicone skin just like Lelo toys are, except with Picobong there’s more silicone and less plastic³. Then again, the silicone skin is merely covering up a hard plastic vibrator. And really, it’s the same for all Lelo toys. There is no plushness, no give – the entire toy is hard and rigid. So why are we even bothering with the silicone skin? Please, enlighten me. And since these are vibrators, you can’t boil them anyways. The silky touch to the silicone skin feels like many matte-finish ABS plastic toys, anyways. Go ahead. Pet the handle of your Mystic Wand and then your Lelo/Picobong toy. See what I mean? And in the case of many Lelo toys, a lot of gunk can get caught in the demarcation line between the silicone skin and the plastic handle. So why bother with the silicone skin??

So, no – I don’t hate the PicoBong Moka. This halfhearted endorsement is, however, not to be confused with an endorsement of the rest of the PicoBong line. But if you’re looking for a quality g-spot vibrator like the Gigi without the luxury pricetag, I will fully recommend the Moka. Because like the Gigi, that wide, flat tip is also pretty great for external use as well. With vibrations identical to the Lelo Mona and Gigi, just as quiet as them too, and a lower price tag it’s really not a bad deal. You’ll get the standard Lelo warranty, as well: 1 year warranty, 10 year “quality guarantee”.

The PicoBong Moka is a silicone sex toy with plastic parts and is considered very safe on the material safety scale. As it is a vibrator, you should use only the wipe down method for cleaning.