Jaded

by ·

You’ve got your mama’s style but you’re yesterday’s child to me
So Jaded
You think that’s where it’s at but is that where it’s supposed to be?
You’re gettin’ it all over me

Jaded – Aerosmith

I love sex toys.

I hate sex toys.

I wish I could design sex toys…..but then I’d only design them to my likes and dislikes and that’s no good either.

I detest cheap-shit crappy toys like CalExotics. But yet I’m getting jaded on all the so-called luxury vibes. Mostly because many of the luxury vibes I’ve tried/owned are of the surface-buzzy variety and my body just does not like that. While I can recognize that Lelo makes some great toys, and when I first reviewed them they were especially innovative and luxurious….but they all just needed a little more oomph. And little more…soul. I’ve not owned anyt JimmyJane toys but I fondled a bunch when I was at Babeland.

meh.

In fact, “meh” was my reaction to a lot of the vibes I’d long lusted over when I finally picked them up while at the store. The Je Joue Sasi and G-ki? Innovative as hell, and probably really awesome toys for other people. I could recognize that the G-ki was great and would serve a lot of people very well. Just not me. I have a luxury vibe awaiting review that’s been very talked about and ….meh. It’s not as perfect as the manufacturer would like to tell you in broken English.

Even your average dildo doesn’t do much for me. It either needs to be identical to the Pure Wand (and then what’s the point, it would just be owning a second Pure Wand, lol) or fairly darn girthy. Anything else just does not do it for me.

I sometimes feel like I should stop reviewing. I just keep getting disappointed, over and over. In my head I know that a lot of these better-made sex toys are in fact very nice toys. I read a lot of reviews from my peers and they love them. I really want to review a Vida Vanta, and I’ll admit…it’s partially cause of their presentation, their packaging, the extras. It all looks SO promising. I really want to try a JimmyJane Form 3….but then I look at it and realize that the motor is not in the part that touches your body, and it likely won’t get me off. I was really excited by the Zini line of toys….but again it’s another manufacturer, I think, who embraces the not-very-intense buzzy motor. The descriptions on their other toys seem to match the one I have. I really want to try out the newer generation of Lelo toys….the Mona, Siri….I’m told they changed the motors and they’re more intense, less buzzy than the ones I’ve tried. But I still feel like I’ll be disappointed.



2 Responses

  1. Luscious Lily says:
    October 9, 2010 at 6:17 pm

    I’m worried I’m starting to get a bit jaded – I know I’ve at least gotten rather snooty about what I will and won’t review. Every so often I take on a “cheap” (but safe) toy because I know that this is the kind of review that will be most useful to the average buyer, but those reviews are getting harder and harder to write.

  2. Violet says:
    November 10, 2010 at 4:06 am

    I’ve been at this game for far less time than most toy reviewers but already understand the jaded feeling. My #1 toy is still a $40 supersized bullet.

    But… Im also the lucky one thats getting off on that brilliant g-ki that didn’t do it for you – will never be able to thank you enough!

    I haven’t used but have seen and held the new Zini roae, truly disappoint. It is a toy with so many possibilities, its technology is the bomb and the vibrations are damn strong – but that god damned shape that doesn’t give. Seriously we should all band together to design a line of reviewers ultimate toys. If there was a company that could create custom toys they would make a mint!