Loved
When I dug deep into the blackness and confessed my flaws yesterday, I never expected the reaction that I got. I expected for people to read that post and think about how much of a deviation it is from what I show on this blog and be….disappointed? No, that’s not the word. I don’t know what word I’m looking for. But either way, I was surprised at what I got.
And I cannot tell you all how touched I am. No, seriously, y’all made me cry. Like big, fat Hallmark-commercial tears when it’s that time of the month and you’ve just watched the episode of Grey’s Anatomy where Denny dies*. The sweet things, the supportive things, the “I feel that way too” things…..was just overwhelming. And it makes me sad that so many people feel that way; I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. Why does it have to be this way? What has happened in this world that we have to feel this way? I grew up around mean, judgmental people. Sometimes I think it’s an epidemic of Pennsylvania. Why can’t I have people like you all in my daily “real” life, why do you have to be scattered around the country?
I got more comments on my Flawed post than on my HNT. Some people might see that as a complaint. No no, I see that as amazing and touching and meaningful. I can’t even tell you how much I love you guys.
And then today I get this email from the DivineCaroline.com site – somebody, I don’t know who, nominated my blog for this award. Whoever did that…..thank you. That’s pretty awesome. I have zero expectations of winning, just going by the number of sites nominated and the winners of last year (not sex blogs), but I don’t really care. That’s not what it’s about here. Somebody likes this blog of mine, and that’s a pretty cool thing in my world.
psssstt…..
There’s only 2 days left to enter to win an NJOY PURE WAND from me and edenfantasys.com. I’m really excited to give away one of these and I hope to be able to give one away again in the future. It’s obvious a lot of people are lusting for this toy!!
* Don’t click on that link if you’re feeling at all emotional or sappy, ok? Just don’t, lol.
when we first started to talk in either email or im, you were quite forward about how you looked, almost brazen in your forwardness about your size…i’m reading convos from a girl who’s heavy and not the least bit shy about it. so refreshing.
and from what i can see in the photos you share, not much has changed over the year outwardly.
so what has changed inwardly to make you think that almost every part of you looks wrong…and it doesn’t. i’ve always felt that you are who you are, and when it doesn’t work for you, you make the changes that you can, either inwardly or to the outside world.
i get this discussion from Her all the time, and from my side it’s this horrible distorted body image that many women have. She’s not big, not small, but constantly feels that She has to look differently to fit some mold or model.
sorry, too much ranting.
but please, please, please, like yourself…lots of other people do, and like you more than you know.
~ My confidence waxes and wanes. What happened? Perhaps the ego-bruising failed hook-ups/dates or almost-meets since that time. Perhaps it is seeing all these fucking beautiful women in HNT land that I simultaneously want to devour with hands and mouth and feel such body envy towards.
OMG! Both my daughter and I cried when Denny died…It was such a cruel, mean thing to do to us!! :(
~ I KNOW!!!! Ugh. He is so fucking sexy, an Izzy was happy and *sigh* fucking happy killers, those writers.
this will either sound really cheesy or really sweet.
first, thanks for commenting on my HNT post.
second, i was ecstatic to have found your post (regardless of pics) because i felt pretty alone. i’m a big girl, but not shy about my bod and sometimes that’s lonely. i have no qualms putting it out there that i’m a big girl, but i kept wondering where the rest of my shameless ladies were?!
so, basically, you’re awesome.
lol.
And we love you :)
The blogosphere never ceases to amaze me in its awesomeness – if the whole world was as supportive and encouraging and accepting as everyone who resides here was, then it would be a better, happier place to live. It’s something non-bloggers can’t really understand and they’re definitely missing out!
xxxx
Of course you’re loved, ya big goof. :-) You are fabulous.
I too cringe over all the HNT photos I’ve taken but don’t show. I wonder if I will have the courage to show my midsection. (I focus on my lower legs and my breasts as they’re the best physical parts of me. But my stomach? Hips? Yikes. Flab-o-rama.)
Isn’t this little community we have here wonderful?
Hey.. We are kinda in this together. *Group hug*
Congrats on the nomination!
congrats on the award nomination!
I had to go back and read yesterday’s post…wow, it’s sad to say that we are all our own worst critics. Especially women, we see flaws in ourselves that no one else could possibly see. We have people that love us and care for us and no matter how much they try to convince us, we just don’t see the beauty that we possess. I say all of that to say, that you are beautiful! One day when no one else has anything to do with it, you will wake up and say, “You know what? I am ALLLLLLL RIGGGHT!!”
P.S. cumgrats on the nomination!!
Big virtual hugs and kisses from us to you.
You have the courage and talent to discuss/reveal those things the rest of dream/fantasize of, but can’t put into words. For that, we are eternally grateful.
xoxoxxo
Congrats, again, on the nomination!
Like someone already said, isn’t it a great little blog community we have here – supporting each other through things like imperfections!
~Emmy
Oh Hunny…huge hugs (pun intended) from one big girl to another! You are awesome as a woman, a blogger, and dontcha forget it! If my 50 year old boobs can be on the internetz, so can your sweet young titties! Congrats on your nomination, and you rawk!
nilla
vanillamom.wordpress.com
I don’t expect to stay in the lead for the Divine Caroline award thingy for too long…I was in the lead last year, but inevitably, someone close to Jesus on the Internet always seems to win the top spots.
Not much room for us sassy gals…I’m glad you were nominated too, because I wouldn’t have found yours – and others’ – cool blogs.