Mar 172011
 

Recently I reviewed the VR6, a dual-stimulator/”rabbit” style from the Vanity line. But the times that I wished I could just lop off the clitoral arm and use only the internal portion made me recently acquire the Vanity VR2 in a swap. I figured that at least one end of this long, mostly-straight version HAD to have the same gorgeous, Barry-White-esque pitch that the VR6 had.

Wow, was I wrong in my assumption.

The VR2 has a bit of a retarded design. In between the small end and the fat end it is very flexible. In fact, with the fat end inside of me I was able to bend the smaller end up to meet my clitoris, for the most part. Except that that ended up pushing the fat end towards the vaginal/anal wall and away from my g-spot. But the important part of this quickie review is that the VR2 motors are nothing like the VR6. They are buzzy and bland in the small end, and not very rumbly and not entirely powerful in the fat end.

Herein lies the most irritating design factor of the VR2: The buttons are located NOT in the middle, but on the fat end. The fat end that vibrates. The fat end that is the only end that would feel like anything at all inside of me. How the FUCK am I supposed to control the thing with the buttons buried inside of me?!? At least I never got to the point of orgasm with it where my PC muscles might have had a chance at turning off the motors, lol.

The more I read about Vanity/Jopen toys, the more disappointed I am. They had POTENTIAL, man. Real potential. But peel away the fancy cocktail dress and you still have CaliforniaExotics, and that really says it all. I won’t say that 100% of their toys are bad, because I’ve had the occasional decent one (in terms of vibration pitch and intensity, not necessarily quality/design). And of the Vanity line that I’ve seen, I can personally recommend the VR6 for lovers of deep, rumbly internal vibrations. I’m reluctantly recommending the Vanity VR3 rabbit because from what I read it seems to be similar to the VR6 but with the clit arm angled up instead of in, and the g-spot more bulby instead of curved – until I experience it for myself, if I ever do, I won’t say it’s got the same motors as the VR6 but if I take the word of the opinion of the on-site reviewer as being the same opinion as mine on the VR6 then yeah, same motor.

I’m seeing a lot of people raving over these and when we’re accustomed to the almost child-like designs of bunnies and butterflies and pearls and enough simultaneous action to appease the most ADHD masturbator, it’s understandable. But they’re NOT the perfect rabbit vibes. The VR6 is the closest I’ve come to a really awesome rabbit vibe, yeah. Perfect? Just not possible. But hey. The VR6 is better than the Zini Roae or the Je Joue G-ki, in my book both for power/pitch and function/design.

Jan 152011
 

Long ago and in a land far away I wanted a Cone vibrator. Eventually I read enough reviews that told me to avoid it. Sadly there were not enough reviews out when I asked for the Cleo that would have told me to stay away. In fact, nearly all of the people on EdenFantasys who’ve reviewed it already claim that it’s a lot of things that I claim it is not.

Brass Tacks – What does it feel like? The number one thing that other people claim it is (to which I say “Are we using the same toy?!?”1) is Powerful. While I can agree that to some women  this might be considered “powerful” it isn’t to me and I have enough to compare it to to say that with confidence. Here’s the thing – a deep, rumbley sort of vibration can feel like it’s more powerful than it is. That’s why I tend to enjoy them so much. That sort of vibration stimulates beyond the surface.  But then to those women who find the Cleo powerful the Wahl, the Harmony Bullet, or any electric massager will be considered “whoa nelly you’ll burn off my clit” powerful. This isn’t to say I’m right and you’re wrong or vice versa. But I cannot ever give this toy an intensity rating of anything higher than 3 out of 5. Maaaaybe a 3.5 out of 5 but EF’s rating system tragically doesn’t allow for half-star choices2. And I’ve even tried 2 different sets of batteries to be sure one wasn’t half-dead. How sad is it that I have toys that pack a far greater punch on half the battery power?? My Harmony bullet is the same deep vibrations and runs on 2 AAA’s and knocks the pants off the Cleo in terms of power. Sometimes even *I* have to back down off the top level of vibrations on the Harmony.

Ono Cleo vs Lelo Mona – I know, their shapes are nothing alike, nor are their intended uses. But it was the best vibe I could find that had the same type of rumbly vibrations. I would say that High on the Cleo is like setting 5/6 out of 8/9 on the Mona (I had trouble determining exactly how many levels there were on the Mona). I always expect a battery-powered vibe to be more intense than a rechargeable. That’s usually been my experience. Not this time!

The Cleo’s big draw is the unique shape which is great for those who like to rub/grind their clit against a vibe. The other big draw is that it’s meant to be used in the shower/tub because it comes with a big-ass dual-sided suction cup. Ah, the suction cup. I hate it.

  1. It stinks, and fairly noticeably at that
  2. Unlike the SinFive suction cup dildos, the suction cup base does not firmly affix to the toy via screwing in. It’s a suction cup on both sides. It suctions to the toy AND to the wall, leaving two points of possible instability.
  3. Suction cups are picky fuckers – they require a completely 100% flat and smooth surface. Too much moisture, too little moisture, it slides around or falls off. Do you know how cringe-worthy it is to have your solo tub session come to a clattering LOUD halt when your sex toy falls off the wall?!?

You can most assuredly use this without the suction cup feature. Unfortunately….this requires big hands if you need to hold it. As you can see below, I had trouble holding the base with my small hands. Sure, I could set it down on my bed/pillow/other surface and grind away but the base is slippery smooth, hard plastic. And the base unscrews very quickly – there are no threads, just a quick quarter-twist. (this also makes me highly question the waterproof-ness, since there’s no rubber o-ring)

What is up with that shape? It’s an interesting shape – in fact it kinda reminds me of a pommel horse (ex-gymnasts cheer! a vibrating pommel horse!). A design that, again, I thought would get me off. And it might have if the vibrations were a bit more intense or a bit more concentrated. They are concentrated to a degree in the larger protrusion but it’s not enough for me personally. I’m also not sure what the point is to the dual humps. For me this grinding/rubbing action is only good for the clit, not my vulva or labia (but others might love that) and it’s certainly not capable of penetration. I just don’t get it.

I’m supposed to reach around where now?? The controls are just two buttons discretely hidden in the silicone, plus and minus. They seem to be located in a really bad spot for changing the setting during use – they are located underneath the smaller of the two humps….and most of the vibration is in the larger hump. This means I would have to reach under or back around me to change it during use. So I had to choose the setting (high, straight vibrations for yours truly) and then put the toy in place. Since I hate patterns and found the lower levels of vibration boring, this ended up working out for me but won’t for those who like to change up their sensations during use. The buttons themselves require a bit of effort to push (certainly not as easy as Lelo buttons) and glow faintly when pressed. There’s a number of different vibration intensity settings and then eight different pattern settings.Really? 8? Overkill but if you like patterns you’ll be sure to find one here you can enjoy.

The packaging is also sub-par for a toy of this price. It comes in a colorful + black flimsy glossy cardboard box with a window. There is nothing “premium” about the packaging and so don’t expect to use it for storage. There’s no storage bag or anything for it. For the cost of this toy I’d expect at least an upgrade on the packaging.

Bottom line: I’m having a really tough time recommending this. Since it’s primarily marketed as a shower toy, the base is difficult to use without the suction cup action. But it also doesn’t quite work too well in the shower. For the flaws, the lack of oomph, the pitiful packaging and finally the high price tag – I’d say to avoid it unless you can catch it on a really good sale and don’t require direct / intense vibrations. If rubbing with moderate vibrations is your thing, you might like this. But, really Ono? A price tag of over $70?? No. Other than the fact that the colored, main portion is velvety silicone I can find absolutely nothing about this toy to justify this price. If it were priced more like the Pleasure Tops (which sadly isn’t silicone) then I could recommend it as a novelty addition. Sure, it comes in pretty colors and looks different and cool. Does that make up for everything else? No.

 

  1. When I read the first paragraph of the descriptive review I really wonder if I got the same toy, they kiss up to it like it’s going to win them money!
  2. this right here is a travesty because many times I’ve wanted to give a halfsie rating
Dec 172010
 

Lelo asked me to review the Isla from their super-premium line called Insignia. The Lelo Insignia line as far as I can tell is marketed towards the upper-middle class who might choose form over function. The Insignia line is, by far, their best visual work yet.

Ah if only beauty trumped brains. Or, rather, brawn in this case. Isla and the other Insignia vibrators are beautiful but they don’t really appear to be anything special. The trademark Lelo box is a little more posh on the outside, but the black pressboard is still the same, just bigger and compartmentalized. The black and white satin pouch remains the same. For some reason, the line includes a brooch of the Insignia logo – does wearing this signify to others that you are a modern, vibrator-using woman? ;)

Isla and the others all have three big design changes – the buttons are totally different and are underneath the silicone; the handles are pronounced and oval with a cut-out; finally a metallic plastic “interior” is added for looks. It surely doesn’t add anything to the use. In fact….it makes it a lot harder to clean. As you can see below there is a fairly noticeable gap between the plastic and the silicone – I had a bitch of a time cleaning lube and fluids out of the crack. If this portion were actually made of metal I might be more impressed but it’s still plastic. Before I go further, let me point you here to the details section on Lelo’s site about the toy where you can see exact measurements and other specs. Specs don’t vary, but opinions do, so I’m focusing here on my opinions of the toy in use, not a technical paper.

The buttons….instead of four buttons in a circle, there’s now three in a row. One to increase power, one to decrease power and the center button changes between straight vibration mode and pulsating mode.

The charging port – a source of mass confusion on Twitter as the first wave of the Insignia line reached reviewers. Basically unlike the prior vibrators that had a cover/plug going into the charging port that you lift away, with these you just poke the charging jack through the silicone dimple and it will still be waterproof.

The Lelo Insignia Isla is marketed as their g-spot vibe of the line but the curve is subtle. The size is subtle and feels slim to me. In short….it’s a boring vibe that just doesn’t have a prayer of doing squat for my g-spot. Mona far outranks it in function; even Gigi as well. It also seemed that the motor is not quite as powerful/rumbly as Mona or even Gigi. It felt a bit more diffuse and nothing to write home about.

I’m a harsh critic – but I’m picky and I’m fair. I don’t like dropping cash on a lackluster vibe anymore than you do. This probably wasn’t the best specimen of their line for me to review because I already have my g-spot needs very well taken care of. However, given the cleaning issues and the motor I can’t exactly see myself having a hugely positive review of the Alia, either, which is their Siri/Lily version of the line. So far as I can see the Lelo Insignia line is made to appeal visually and it best used by women who have sensitive clits and g-spots and want their vibrator to look posh. I can’t really find a justification for the price increase, either.

 

I was given this vibrator in exchange for an honest review, by Lelo. I thank them for the opportunity to try out one of their newest sex toys.

Nov 302010
 


Vida Lussuria Vibrator Review


I have this fault when it comes to sex toys – ok well it can apply to many other things. Makeup, for example. Show me a nice little kit of some eyeshadows and etc. and oh that’s nice but I’m not quite tempted. Now….show me a kit that has a really cute case and a few extras and is presented well? Sold! And that’s one reason I was drawn to the Vida line of sex toys from MyPleasure.com.

It wasn’t until after I received the vibrator that I found out that Topco actually makes the Vida line. They’re not shouting it from the rooftops and it’s not exactly easy to figure this out but they are the parent manufacturer and I have to be bluntly honest with you – if I’d known it was Topco, I would have been a lot less interested in it because in my past experiences Topco does not manufacture a high-quality toy. They might be trying to look like and act like a luxury manufacturer with the Vida line…..but they’re not. At the heart it’s still a Topco item and examination shows this. I hate to disappoint readers but I warned you before that not only have I become jaded about luxury sex toys, I’m super picky. If you’re going to charge over $100 for a toy, it needs to wow me. It needs to be worth that investment.

The entire Vida line of vibrators share these same features:

  • Rechargeable
  • Includes a soft wrap-style pouch for the toy
  • Silicone and plastic material
  • Comes with a reusable zippered faux-leather case

At first glance, it’s all gorgeous and draws you to buy it and comes with a case big enough to hold at least 4 other toys and wow!! Then you really start looking at it, and using it.

The pouch and case

The case looks nice, but close inspection reveals typical Topco corner-cutting constuction. The cheap zipper is a large-tooth zipper which means its choppy to open and close and can easily get jammed. The zipper actually goes the entire way around the lid, but there is a piece of material glued to the back to give the impression of it being “hinged”.  When you first receive the item and unpack it, the vibrator is sitting up on a piece of foam so that it’s packaged nicely and the items aren’t just rattling around in the case – except for some reason the foam that is immediately visible without removing it from the case…..is dyed black. My hand was damp from just washing the toy and the dye did rub off a little on me when I handled the foam.

The pouch is black microfiber sort of, it wraps around the toy with the head of it down in the pouch part and keeps shut with a satin ribbon. The problem is, Topco/Vida only seems to have made one size – and it’s too small for the Vida Lussuria. From what I’ve seen in reviews of the Vida Vanta it fits that one perfectly.

The Lussuria – A visual inspection

Ok so the extras could be over looked, but what about the toy itself? As with the case, the construction seems flawed and obvious corners were cut. These flaws are shown in the photos above and include: creases/dents in the silicone covering; unknown black paint at the charging port once the silicone cover is lifted; obvious open edges and poor fit of the plastic pieces.

There is one button, which does light up, and you must cycle through everything. You can hold the button though to turn it off quickly. The noise of the button is quite clicky and loud.

The Lussuria  – In use

There’s two things about this toy that hit me right away – it’s loud. Secondly, the louder it got……well, it just got louder. It didn’t translate to the ultra-powerful vibration that others have talked about in their reviews (mostly of the Vanta). In fact I didn’t really feel much at all! Its surface-only buzzy vibrations have more bark than bite and as I held it to my vulva while increasing the power level I could barely feel any discernible tactile increase in intensity. Am I crazy? Are the other reviewers ultra-sensitive? Did I get a defective one? I have no idea what the answer is.

There are two sides to the Vida Lussuria and it can be used as a clit vibrator or internal. The scoop I assume is meant to cradle the clit but without any power intensity that design feature did nothing. The other provides ridged-stimulation which could be nice. As a g-spot toy it didn’t impress me much.


Overall, the problem with luxury sex toys is that a few companies, namely Lelo, have already set a bar. While I personally don’t 100% love all of the Lelo toys because of a motor/power/intensity issue, they ARE well-made toys. Topco’s Vida line seems to be trying too hard with the exterior and not focusing on working on their quality and interior. The premium-style packaging (from box & bag to case) signifies to buyers that what’s inside must be good – it’s like how comedian John Pinette describes salad “Salad isn’t food. Salad comes with the food. Salad is a promissory note that something good is going to happen… and I should just wait right here.” In the end, I could recommend many other vibrators that outperform the Vida Lussuria. Many thanks to MyPleasure.com for sending me this to review, they are wonderful to work with and a great place to buy from.

Nov 192010
 

A lot of reviewers have been staring at and sighing at the Zini line of toys for awhile now. They appeared to be unlike any other sex toy, so far as design was concerned. The cheesy lost-in-translation language makes you roll your eyes, but you ignore it because the Zini line isn’t American, it’s Korean.

The Zini Roae is another in the ever-expanding world of “Premium Sex Toys”. High priced, supposedly high-quality, and supposedly “perfect”. In fact, Zini claims (on their website found here) that a lot of the points of the Roae are superior to other sex toys and “perfect for everyone”. The length, the width, the angle of the insertable portion, the vibration, etc. Now, I know I’m jaded. I realize this. But it also makes me expect really super fucking great things from vibrators priced over $100. As of this writing, the Roae sells at Edenfantasys for $139. And I have to be perfectly honest….I wouldn’t recommend you drop that kind of cash for it.

The Roae is a rigid, silicone-covered dual-stimulator vibrator. Dual-stimulator / “Rabbit” vibrators always rope women in with the promises of one toy doing the job of at least two. It’s a trap I’ve fallen into, as well. But the thing is…..most dual-stimulator vibrators are going to work for only a small portion of the population for two reasons – strength of vibration (some women are totally fine with less power) and the design (i.e. your body and the design and measurements of the toy must line up).

It pains me to say that this vibrator fails for me. But again, these are reasons it fails FOR ME. I’ll be getting a second opinion on it in a few weeks, and will post an update from someone else whose taste in sex toys is very different from mine.

1. They say the curve is optimal for g-spot pleasure (nay nay, it’s magical!) but it’s not for me. My g-spot is fairly shallow inside my vagina, just past my pubic bone (and also requires more of a “hook” to the toy)

2. The vibrations are best described as “diffuse”. It says that it has multiple motors but I have yet to translate this into either pin-point clit stimulation or overall power. Here’s a screenshot from the Zini site showing exactly where the motors are….neither are near the clitoris nub. I wouldn’t necessarily say it’s weak or buzzy – it’s just not enough vibration/stimulation of the clit for me to really get off.

3. The clit portion appears like the larger “pad” of it will rub your clit, but it doesn’t for me. The only part of the clit portion that comes in contact with me at all is the very itty bitty tip.

4. I have fuller labia, and because the buttons are pretty far down on the top of the clitoral stimulator, the “minus” button is completely buried within my outer labia.

5. I enjoy a girthier toy, sometimes toys that many women wouldn’t be able to tolerate. While I wouldn’t call the Roae ultra-slim, it’s still thin enough that the width can not make up for the gentle g-spot curve that doesn’t work for me. As shown on their site, the Roae is slimmer than traditional Rabbit-style vibrators.

You have to admit, the Zini Roae looks really pretty and cool and sleek. Premium/luxury sex toys hook you on their looks. Their packaging. Their included extras. The Roae comes in a box that seems to be typical now for the higher-end vibrators – colored, pressed cardboard that is very sturdy and looks modern. Zini also includes a very nice storage pouch for the toy. The buttons light up and are fairly easy to use (with the exception of placement on the toy because then for me half the buttons are buried during use). There are 5 levels of power, and 10 pulsating programs. The 3-button design glows white when you’re changing the power level, blinks orange when you click the center button to switch over to pulsation patterns, green when you’re going “up” through the various patterns and red when you’re cycling back down through the patterns. You can lock the vibrations for travel, like Lelo toys do, and when you’ve successfully locked it it will blink red, unlock blinks green (simultaneously pressing the + and – buttons). It is rechargeable, with the charging port located on the curve – the cover for the port fits very snugly so the toy is splash-proof but not for submersion.

Cleaning the toy is fairly simple; it’s silicone and plastic. Use the wipe-down method but keep an eye on the clit portion and the gaping seam between the silicone part and the plastic part – fluids get trapped in there pretty easily and require a careful fingernail covered with a damp cloth/paper towel to fully clean it. This is how I, and pretty much most knowledgeable sex toy sellers and reviewers would tell you to care for this toy (and of course the lube situation). But Zini has other ideas, and I don’t know what their basis is. In the manual as shown below, they tell you to not use any chemical (i.e. bleach) or alcohol-based cleaners on it (therefore making it impossible to sanitize). They also tell you not to use any scented or oil-based lubes/massage oils.

Who might like the Roae? If you: Have a deep g-spot, prefer slimmer insertable vibrators, do not need strong vibrations on your clit, your clit is situated 1.5-2″ from the entrance to your vagina and your clit is larger than a pea and sticks out a bit. If you meet all those or nearly all of those criteria, I think you might enjoy the Zini Roae. But when you get right down to it these types of sex toys aren’t always worth the monetary risk. This is why I’ll always recommend a good bullet vibrator for external stimulation and then a separate vibrator/dildo for internal – because if you have 10 women in a room it’s pretty likely that none of them will have the same preferences of sex toy attributes or the same “layout” of their vulva & vagina.


Thanks to EdenFantasys for letting me try out this toy which was
provided to me at no cost, in exchange for my honest review.

Jun 212010
 

So not too long ago I got this email from OkCupid. I haven’t logged on there in a good long while, (read: months) and so I was confused to see an email from them. I’d turned off all other ones, so was curious why the fuck they were bugging me.

What did this email tell me?

Here, you can see for yourself:

*blinks*

They’re now segregating based on perceived attractiveness.


I’ll let that sink in a mo’.

No, I’ll just let it sit there on it’s own, because I’m just too damn flabbergasted about it to say much more right now.