Mar 252012

In less than a week I’ll be at Momentum, back in my beloved bubble of My People. Of course, in exactly a week’s time from right now, the moment I’m writing this, the bubble will be slowly bursting and all of my lovely friends will be departing for home and quite likely I’ll be alone in my hotel room for awhile. Hopefully I’ll be able to do things different this time and be able to write better about sessions I attend. Last year I tried to take notes and live tweet but all of that left me missing out on key statements – let’s face it, I have the focus and attention span of a gnat. This year I’ll be getting over my high school / college era anxiety and will be parking my ass in the front rows for many sessions so that I can just take personal use audio recordings for later perusal. I’m hoping that my fear of public speaking (or performance, as was the case growing up of participating in piano recitals) will not cripple me for the morning on Saturday. The session Laura and I are presenting is nothing like anything else going on (we’re doing a geeky session on Blogging) which could work for us or against us. It fits in with Momentum but yet in a tiny way it doesn’t. The UK recently had a conference called ErotiCon and while at first it seemed to deal a lot with the erotic writing and such, there was still a lot of sessions that would have been very useful and at least one that sounded similar to the one we’ll be doing. After reading someone’s re-counting of a session they attended there I’ve realized that I’m technically not a sex blogger anymore – I fall into a better category called sex journalist. But can one be called a journalist if they’re only writing on their own blog?

Momentum is probably one of the few sexuality events that is attended by all sorts of people who are horny perverts in their own ways yet there is no “play” party or plans of sexy orgies. At least not for me. I just want to soak up the company of People Similar To Me while it’s available before returning to my currently-boring life. Perhaps inspiration will strike me when I’m down there, who knows. If it will happen any place, it will happen there. The sessions blow my mind. The abundance of influential people is awesome and scary.

Overall I’ve been very excited for this weekend for the last few months. Some things have happened in the last week or two – seemingly minor things to other people but things that nonetheless speak volumes to me – which have set in motion a terrific depression and a heartache of epic proportions. So if you are at MomentumCon and catch me in a moment where I think nobody is looking (or I lose my self-control for a moment and my mask slips) and you wonder why I look so miserable….just give me a hug. Or a cigarette. Or both. I’ve not smoked in months but damn I need one lately. I have no fucking idea yet what I’ll be wearing because my entire wardrobe has been the butt of some huge cosmic joke or karma for who knows what. No big deal to some people but (confession time here) I’m one of Those Women who somehow think that a killer outfit will make up for the fact that my personality is not always sparkling and vivacious, that my social skills are lacking and that I’m not conventionally beautiful. Will a really great outfit (or at least ass-kicking boots) be enough to shut off the little voices in my head? You know, the destructive ones. I don’t know. I guess I can try. If I could suddenly heal this heartache the weekend would look much brighter but I can only hope that I’ll find a way out of the grey cloud long enough to enjoy the friends I so rarely get to see. Hopefully I can get it through my head that they won’t love me more if my nails are properly manicured or if I were 80 pounds lighter and just relax.

Jan 162012

Now I turn the tables on other reviews, after answering these questions myself in Part 1!

Elizabeth Red has been reviewing sex toys for quite a few years now at her blog, The Red Sneaker Diaries. I would say that she’s a good combination of a little bit forgiving and objective mixed with honest1 and intellectual in her reviews. You can view most of her reviews on her blog here at her toy box page. I also love her Lube Lab pages where she breaks down the different types of lube in all their scientific hotness. Elizabeth is the first in a short series of long-time reviewers that I’ve asked to answer 4 easy (or are they?) questions about sex toys and reviewing.

1. How many toys, roughly, have you reviewed or acquired in other ways since you started reviewing?

Answer: 300 review products + at least 100 items via swaps and purchasing

2. How many of them actually saw a lot of use past the review session?

Answer: I will give you two answers.  

A:  Lots saw use after initial trial session.  Probably 75% of them.  Now a days I probably pick things up for fun use only about 30% of the time but early on I used almost everything a handful of times before letting it get dusty.  This excludes books, which I just never reread.  

B:  I have been actively trimming my collection for a while now, I think I’ve probably kept about a hundred things2, so that’s how many I would say saw real active use that lasted over time.  Still, many of those see little use but fill niches that I get a hankering for every once in a while.  Honestly, I feel like I could choose just a few dozen of my real favorites and be happy with them.

3. What toys have been your top favorites over all the time you’ve been reviewing?

Answer: Hitachi Magic Wand, The Wahl, Eroscillator, We Vibe Touch, Lelo Siri, Saryoa and Gigi, Nobessence Linger and Fling, my Hans Hardwood dildo, Vixskin Maverick, Jollies Jollet, Njoy Pure Plugs, Aneros Peridise, my TENS unit, Bongers3, Venerous Shaving Trio,  LeatherThorn Rose Blush Paddle, my custom Leatherbeaten Flogger.

4. What has been the most important thing or two you’ve learned since becoming a reviewer that you didn’t know as a consumer?

Answer: This is harsh, but what I now know is that as a consumer I’d be totally fucked.  Obviously I enjoy luxury toys but many of the luxury toys I’ve had that I was soooooo stoked about getting have been total duds4, and many on my list of favorites I was not expecting to love as much as I do.  Maybe that’s more an issue with having tried so many things, however.  I guess what I do now know is that one should never pay full retail price on anything – it *will* go on sale.

Thank you, Red! I would very much agree with the last answer. I think I spent around $300 or $400 in my time purchasing sex toys the few years prior to reviewing them and I don’t use a single one anymore. My most expensive splurges were SO not worth the money; the Doc Johnson rabbit was great and amazing for a couple of runs and then it quickly turned on me. That soured me on spending over $75 on a single item. I also bought the Feeldoe before it was bought up by Tantus; it was just as expensive back then (probably more so since it was being made by a smaller company?) and I ended up not able to ever use it for the intended purpose. It sat around mostly unused for quite some time. Occasionally I’d use it as a dildo on myself but I eventually put it up on Toyswap.

  1. I respect anybody who can disagree on that dumb Better Than Chocolate vibrator: “no. No this vibrator is not better than chocolate. I’m not such a super duper fan of chocolate but, just, no. What this vibrator is better than, aside from a kick in the face, is a lot of other vibrators.”
  2. I know how many things she’s sent away to better homes from her ToySwap list so to hear she still has about 100 things left is mind blowing!
  3. This bizarre-o looking set of what appeared to be large drum mallets that Babeland had, you’ll find the review listed on her Toy Box page
  4. Ugh, yes, I so agree

What Makes Me Happy: Sharing Sex Ed Info

 Blogging, Navel-Gazing  Comments Off on What Makes Me Happy: Sharing Sex Ed Info
Sep 252011

Long ago and far away when I actually did HNT and then WW on a regular basis AND tried hard to get nice photos, it was quite a compliment when the occasional pic would get reblogged via someone’s Tumblr1.

But this is better. WAY BETTER.

I was getting hits from Tumblr again and so I clicked through to find out what had been reblogged and was DELIGHTED to find out that someone was sharing my Sex Toy Care and Cleaning Guide page. (Which now makes me want to go update it and see if I can make it even better) Considering how passionate I am about people learning about the safe materials and the bad things to stay away from, this makes me hugely happy. I think it was this chick who originally posted about it, adding in this:

I guess the reason why I’m posting there seems to be little info on this kinda stuff despite the fact that plenty of folks who follow me and who I follow use sex toys. It’s worth while sharing info and most of all it’s important to be safe when doing what ever gets you to reach the big O

Another gal reblogged and this which I thought was cute:

Important info, but I can’t help but giggle at this line — Turn it on and make sure the batteries are strong or the charge is recent – there’s nothing worse than getting halfway through a jerk-off session to have your favorite vibrator die out.

Hey, it’s true!! I’m not sure what’s worse, finding out before you even start that your toys are dead or having them die halfway through. Either way ends with no orgasm for me.

Someone else who reblogged also added in a note saying that the post on how Jelly Sex Toys are Dangerous is almost more important to read also made me happy. Have thousands of people reblogged these? No. But if 65 reblogged, and even just 10 people on each of those Tumblrs read this info and learn something new…..I’m happy.

I still don’t quite know how I’m going to do it, but I will somehow teach workshops about sex  toy education to prevent others from buying jelly or CalExotics crap.

  1. Ok well then it got a little bit annoying because I’d have people come to me and say “hey isn’t that your photo on that Tumblr, uncredited?”. Yeah. Flattering but I’m not fond of people taking my work and using it as their own (which I’ve seen done, they pull it from a Tumblr that didn’t bother to keep in the linkback)
Aug 022010

One of the reasons I loved Sugasm and I love doing e[lust] is finding new blogs to read that I wouldn’t have known about otherwise. Rori at Between My Sheets posted the list of 30 (!!! Amazing guys!) volunteer judges for this year’s Top Sex Bloggers list. Looks like I’ve got some new blogs to go check out, as I’ve not heard of a number of these.

Without further ado, here are your 2010 judges:

  1. Bunny from Sex Kitten Chronicles
  2. Lilly from Dangerous Lilly
  3. Bilinda from Fantasies of an UnOfficial Concubine
  4. Stan, a BMS reader
  5. Brandis, a BMS reader
  6. Amanda from Bad All By Myself
  7. Nanny from Naughty Mommy Reviews and Junk
  8. Red from The Red Sneaker Diaries
  9. Dallas from Naughty Americans
  10. Becky from Empire Labs
  11. Arabella from Bombsells & Rockstars
  12. Emme from Maui Kink
  13. Sir Zoomer from Vanilla-Xtract
  14. Vixen from Secrets of a Blue-Eyed Vixen and Tits for Troops
  15. Nadia from Diary of a Kinky Librarian
  16. Chris, a BMS reader
  17. Fantasia Lilith from Pillow Talk Press
  18. Monicker, a BMS reader
  19. Janie, a BMS reader
  20. Arvan, from SexGenderBody
  21. Martin, a BMS reader
  22. Roxy from Uncommon Curiosity
  23. Brian, a BMS reader
  24. Ruth from Geeky Nymph
  25. Violet from Screaming Violet
  26. Mr. C, a BMS reader
  27. Crista Anne from PinkSexGeek[dot]com
  28. Inara de Luna from Temple of the Red Lotus, The Qadishtu Experience, and Petals in Ink
  29. Cin from Seeing My Own Reflection
  30. Jaye from MacLeod & Valentine

Some of these people I already know and love, and some I need to start checking out. You should too!

While I’m at it, I’ve got my own little list of volunteers that deserve an extra little bit of thanks, for their present or past help on e[lust] things, in no particular order:

Apr 142010

HNT Wicked Wednesday pic is one post down……

I have a lot of social issues and flaws (to the point that I have been asked once or twice if I have Asperger’s, lol) and I do or say things that come out wrong. As my position in the community as creator/editor of e[lust], I also too often censor myself and try to remain neutral.

Combine those two things, and the result is a huge infraction of friendship.

Recently Roland posted again about one of his favorite subjects to rant about….Entitlement and Privilege. My eyes glaze over anymore, and I have a personal policy of not engaging in fights in comments. Why?

1. The person starting the debate/rant/diatribe is 9 times out of 10 a stubborn mule. They will not listen to anything other than agreements. They will continue to counter your arguments, facts and opinions until they are blue in the face. I have seen others do it without hesitation and guess what happens? The arguer is left PISSED and rabid-eyed, frothing at the mouth while the one who started it is calmly chuckling to himself.

2. As I said up there, because of e[lust] I try to bite my tongue too much. When I started it, I knew that I had friendships in the community that put be definitively on one side of the room, so to speak. Just because I am friends with this group and against that clique, though, didn’t mean that I wanted to alienate anyone from participating in e[lust]. I had visions of fostering a community-wide thing where gang lines got blurred. Holy fuck, you can stop laughing at my pacifist ass now, really. Ok, seriously, stop laughing at me. Are you done yet?

Even though part of his rant was about a person I care about dearly, Kyle, I commented on the post but held my tongue on my feelings. Roxy, in true hell-hath-no-fury fashion, took me to task about it, ripping me to shreds on her blog. Utter itty bitty shreds. Her words are vicious, and meant to hurt (unlike my actions of silence, which wasn’t meant to hurt). But I put myself in her shoes, in Kyle’s shoes, and I have no argument. She’s right. She’s 100% right and I’m unhappy with myself for my need of neutrality.

Part of what was said on Roland’s post:

The usually brilliant Butchtastic Kyle wrote a blog post about his humiliating experiences at the hands of the TSA agents at the airport. Normally, I would think this would be a topic to break the beers out for, since I too have had some head-spinning experiences with security dudes before and love to compare notes.

However, here’s the rub; Butchtastic Kyle was whining – and it’s fair to call it exactly that – about the inappropriate search he received for going through airport security packing a silicon cock.

Yep, weeks after the dude in Detroit tried to blow up an airliner with explosives hidden in his underpants, Butchtastic Kyle thinks it’s in somehow appropriate to march through security with six inches of silicon stuffed in exactly the same place – his briefs; and then gets pissy about the reception he got (both from security and in the comments on his blog, including mine.)


So my words, that I shouldn’t have held:

You’re wrong. You are flat-out wrong. You missed the entire point of the post, of the incident he recalled, his words. Did you even really read it? You, a white hetero cis-male, couldn’t ever possibly put yourself in Kyle’s shoes and understand how the TSA’s treatment felt. The TSA had every right to pull him aside and do a search. That part I will not deny and I don’t think Kyle was, either. It was the utter disrespect and disdain they served up to him. The lack of privacy and humiliation. NO ONE deserves that shit from ANY ONE. Period. If you suffered the indignation of a public humiliation I’d bet all my pretty undies that you’d be up in arms and fricasseeing the offenders.

After Britni attempted to school him in comments he replied to her “You seem to always assume that your perspective is the only correct one, and that anybody who disagrees with you is somehow not entitled to have an independent opinion of their own.”




He also said in comments “Some people in this community are aware that I was actually the subject of a documentary in the UK on a certain form of discrimination!” Then pray tell, how HOW can you say Kyle was WHINING? How would you react if one of us wrote up a ranty blog post saying how you were coming off as a whiny, entitled sad sack? I invoke the Golden Rule here. Try it sometime.

Another quote, while I’m at it:

Ultimately, if I’ve learned anything from this experience it’s that it’s all very well to call out people like Britni and Kyle; but you sound like a bit of a horse’s ass if you end up exhibiting bloggy behavior that’s arguably worse than theirs.

*scratches head*

That was said ironically, right? Seriously? No, really, tell me it was.

In conclusion….

I have learned 3 lessons

1. Even Switzerland has to step in sometimes.

2. ….shit, I forgot the second one……

3. I’ve grown up. Old me would have read Roxy’s rant and written her off for doing it publicly without bitching me out personally, and for her vicious words. This Lilly read it. Thought about it. Talked to Roxy. Cried and apologized and did the whole “other shoes” bit and went “wow….she’s right. I was wrong in my inactions.” Publicly apologized and attempted to right the wrong.

So Kyle….and Kyle’s loving White Knight (roxy)…..I am humbly and terribly sorry. Sorry for remaining neutral and thinking it was ok. For not seeing that the way I handled it was wrong. Sorry for not saying fuck my “job” and drawing a line in the sand. Mostly, sorry that you are hurting and I didn’t help.

I won’t be making this error in judgment again.

Mar 292010

Thanks to this blog I’ve been to NYC four times now whereas I’d never been there before. I’ve become friends with people all over the country, and even in other hemispheres! But this time, the blog is taking me to Seattle.

Literally, the blog, because it’s advertising money that bought my plane ticket, lol.

Why Seattle, you might ask? My girl, Coy Pink, lives in Washington State and so I’m going to visit her in a month from now and one of my days there she’s going to show me around Seattle. There’s another reason for our visit, but I’m keeping that a secret for awhile ;)

I’m actually pretty damn nervous about it, to be honest. For one, she’s hot. Have you seen her???? I go to her HNT’s first and um, well, I tend to save some on my hard drive…..ya know…..for um. artistic inspiration. Um. yeah. Aaaaaanyways. For two…..I’ve essentially never flown before, and I’m doing the flight all on my own cause I’m a big kid now! I’m afraid of heights. I’m afraid to fly. I get all furklemptz when I have to go blindly into places & situations that I’ve never been in. I would honestly not be surprised if at some point during the trip I screw up and miss a plane. Sadly I couldn’t afford a no-stops plane so I have layovers both ways in Atlanta for an hour or so.

If you’ve been in the Atlanta airport, tell me a few good places to eat!!! I’ll be there for breakfast on Saturday and dinner on Monday. I don’t think they serve food on flights anymore, right?

For anybody who has flown out of the Seatac airport – do I REALLY NEED to get there a full two hours before a flight?? Really? Truly?

Totally Random Unrelated Question Time:

Does it bother you when people mis-spell your name? Am I being childish when it bothers me that someone will call me Lily when it says Lilly right there in front of them be it in the comment field, my email sig, or Twitter? How bout I just call you Tom or Jane next time, regardless of your actual name?

God I’m getting cranky in my old age. In a couple of months I’ll be more into my mid-30’s than early-30’s.