Dec 122012
 

The number of articles written about the insipid and unfortunate trilogy, 50 Shades, is staggering. But at least most of them are better written than the actual books. Just look at the 1/2 star reviews on Amazon to see what I mean if you’ve managed to miss out on that aspect. This article I stumbled across today points out that while the actual sex is indeed a ridiculous fairy tale, the relationship is a tale of caution. Much of the media attention thus far has focused on the BDSM relationship between the two main characters. What’s missing, though — in the media, probably in our book clubs and certainly in our conversations with our teenage daughters — is a discussion of a serious and dangerous aspect of their relationship. Let’s be clear: We’re not talking about BDSM. Our concern is that the interaction between the characters outside the bedroom has been ignored. From the beginning

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Feb 262012
 
Assumptions and Asshats - That's a lot of ass, and not in the good way

“She was asking for it, dressed like that” It’s a common “rape apologist” statement. The women who are raped are blamed because they dared to present themselves as a sexual being. I think that sex bloggers get a little bit of this mentality from male readers. I present my sexual thoughts or even sexual photos. Once upon a time on this blog I even asked for HNT suggestions for new sexy photos. I don’t do that anymore for various reasons. In fact I’m not all that provocative or sexual, period, on this blog. That is a topic though for another post. My irritation1 lies with the readers who “in fun” take what I give and then demand more. In the vein of “it never hurts to ask” they claim they’re being flirtatious or really just paying me a compliment. If I wanted suggestions, I would ask for them. If I wanted to post more (quantity)

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Feb 212012
 

When your first line of communication is text-based, you  really should try to make a good first impression. I don’t mean that you need to hire Cyrano to ghost-write your profile, or be insincere or embellish anything. Be yourself. However, be yourself with decent spelling, grammar and punctuation. We’re not grading here (unless you message a teacher) but it speaks louder than your words: It says “I don’t care”.  For reference, Case File #267: His first message: Hey how are you I am Shane I would like to talk and get to know you I saw you and I have a bit in common and seem to be looking 1for the same things let me know ifi ts possible shane My response: #1. I do not know what the hell this means: “you are defiantly raland honest then i look foward to getting to know you” 2 #2. You live more than an hour from

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Sep 302011
 

I’ll keep you my dirty little secret, Don’t tell anyone or you’ll be just another regret.~All American Rejects “Dirty Little Secret” For some people, being or having a “dirty little secret” is erotic in and of itself. I might have considered myself one of those people in the past, but no longer. It’s taken being someone else’s secret for a few years to make me realize that it’s a sucky place to be. When the irony adds to injury, that there’s no reason for me to be a secret anymore because we’re now just friends, it stings a little more. And so, in my search on OkCupid for local friends, I’ve discounted married men who are not in an open/poly marriage. I specifically state that in my profile, yet of course they’re the type who won’t read a profile in full. Or worse, they’re the type who see that I don’t want what they’re offering

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Apr 082011
 

A quick break in my lovefest blogging of MomentumCon. Today’s post is brought to you by the never-failing producer of sex blog fodder, OkCupid. Now, I could just ignore this email. But I’m actually not sure how I feel about it. To preface: This guy’s profile is kinda weird. Not necessarily weird in a bad way, just that he’s using a type of humor that I’m not responsive to right now. Or wit. Whatever. So his language/wording is off-putting in a way, even in the first paragraph. But it’s the second paragraph that’s irking me.His reference to thinking ahead is that I have listed myself already in my new town noting that I’ll be moving to it soon. You think ahead. I can appreciate that. I’ll probably be here in may, so I’m saying hi. You seem… competent. And confident. Good things that begin with C. I’m pretty turned on by the fact that you’re

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Sep 182010
 
Fishy For Men Presents: Eau de Desperation

Ok so I have a little bit of a confession to make: I have a secret Fetlife profile. Not “secret” as in I’m posing as someone else or whatnot, well, not exactly….it’s just a blank profile. Seriously. Blank: Why do I have it? To see the profiles and photos that my friends want to show me. I had lost all interest in using Fetlife as another social network; I’d lost interest in anything BDSM related for a long time for reasons long-time readers will know about; and with Fetlife there is no location-discretion unless you outright lie. So, I deleted the Lilly profile ages ago. But in order to see other people’s profiles and photos, you must have a Fetlife account so I created a dummy version. It’s as empty as empty can be, almost. My profile tells people only three things: My age My city My sexual orientation and kink orientation Pretty broad strokes,

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