Nov 232011
 

I wonder how many people have the cohones to truthfully respond to this question?

I will allow you to be anonymous and won’t spill the beans if I know who you are, I promise ;)

My confession:

A bedpost. Oh I know what you’re thinking. Like this, right? No no. no. The one in question was more like this. Yes it was long, and I yanked it off the bed. Yes I was desperate for anything that had a chance at helping me orgasm since I had nothing that could vibrate.

Why was it dumb?

1. Because it was probably dusted at some point using a chemical spray, like Pledge.

2. The accidental ramming of my cervix resulted in an hour or two of moderate cramping and spotting later on.

Nov 192011
 

There will always be people who don’t like you or something you’re doing. After all, you can’t please everyone all the time. And because I am me – emotional, headstrong, attached, fucked up – I tend to hear frequently “Don’t take things so personally”. I can try but ultimately I fail at that often.

Recently on Twitter Kit O’Connell shared his find of a WordPress plugin called Broken Link Checker and he mentioned that having a lot of broken links looks bad to Google. I paused for one moment when he mentioned that most of the links he was removing belonged to e[lust] and pleasurists but I quickly realized he was correct – there is absolutely no reason or need to continue to link to a blog that is gone or a post that is gone. It is gone! Logic prevails. And so I installed the plugin on both sites. When going through the broken links on e[lust] I would check things out if it came from a site that I knew was still up and running. A couple people have chosen to delete some old posts for various reasons; if they had moved the post I would have updated the link. I found some people who had deleted all their old stuff and with the deleted e[lust] submissions they also deleted the e[lust] digests. I’m sure that these people are not the only ones who have deleted old digests but they’re the ones I was alerted to for alternate reasons. One person continues his site and so I asked him why he removed the old editions from his site – yes, I took some offense to his action and his response. He said that he didn’t like e[lust] or any “aggregator” since Sugasm. I wrinkled my brow in confusion. Then he said (I am paraphrasing here or creating complete sentences) that they are repetitive and muck up blogs and feeds and are self promotional as opposed to curated, reviewed or filtered content.

Again I am confused but realize he can have his opinion and my words will never change his opinion – nor will his further explanation of his opinion change the fact that I think he is quite wrong. So I do not respond. I am offended in part because he said unkind things about the project I work the hardest on that benefits more of you than it ever will me and also in part because I chose to make guideline changes so that it was anything BUT an “aggregation” site and actually yes the content IS reviewed and filtered. By its very definition e[lust] is not an aggregation site. I summed up this change in the recent post on e[lust] about the upcoming changes for the new year:

I hope that my change this past year in what type of post/site is included in the digest has helped you all feel even better about participating and sharing the digest with your readers – unlike Sugasm I strive to include only real, genuine content from genuine bloggers as opposed to content from aggregation sites or highly commercialized “blogs”. While you may not see what goes on behind the scenes I do end up turning away a submission because it does not fit in with the new rules. I don’t want to promote those sort of sites anymore than you do. What I want, what I think we all want, is respectable method of putting our best foots forward and gaining new readers to our blogs while also finding new friends and promoting each other.

Newer bloggers are not familiar with Sugasm. The few veterans left that will read this surely remember. I don’t know about you but there were often times sites/posts that I did not want to be linking to. One could get around this because Sugasm only required participants to publish the Top 3 & Editors Picks on their blogs. And many people did just that, myself included. Did that mean a lot less cross-promotion of fellow bloggers who did not land in the Top 3? Yes, unfortunately. But it also allowed me to not publish those links I didn’t always want to promote. The ones to sites that actually were by definition an aggregation site; commercial sites filled to the brim with ads and pop-ups; posts that contained no real content, just links to services or items that they were selling. It was most definitely self-promotion at its “finest”. A number of the sites were high-traffic commercial sites and I still to this day get referral hits from them….perhaps that is the reason he preferred Sugasm; not for snobbery but greed? Sure we all could get more traffic if I allowed those sites to participate but I learned something back when I used to get included in Fleshbot: there is relevant traffic and there is useless traffic. Relevant traffic from other bloggers means you are getting someone to your site who is already interested in your type of site. The high traffic numbers from the commercial porn-type sites are people looking for fap material, who will never comment or participate or likely become a regular reader of your words. While I modeled much of e[lust] after Sugasm, I also changed a lot. Those changes were my effort to regulate via rules. Occasionally something fishy would still get in and so I took the bad guy role and now filter the content, disallowing submissions from sites that might at first look ok but contain sex-negative writing or are barely-disguised SEO blogs. The only thing that I don’t do is filter by talent. Are there some submissions that are…..well, not going to win any awards? Yes. But at the least it is all bloggers…..just like those who make derisive comments about e[lust]. But there are always going to be self-centered people in this for themselves once they find a way to start making some money off of their site and I feel offended not just personally but on behalf of everyone who does participate. Taking it personally on behalf of everyone is why I am so hard on the people who don’t re-publish – they’re not just hurting me, they are hurting everyone who participated who published the edition and are linking to them but they won’t do the same. It is why I go so far as to remove people from editions when they eventually refuse to publish. 

But anyways.

The jerks and pompous douchebags are far outnumbered by the great folks of the community who participate in and help with e[lust]. And as I said in my post at e[lust] I welcome suggestions for change. The schedule change was inspired by a suggestion from Molly Rene about basing the schedule around a date, something more steady and concrete. Thank you Molly, you might just have saved e[lust].

I hope that the changes I’ve made are all for the better. And for those of you who participate faithfully in Wanton Wednesday, Sinful Sunday or HNT – if you ever see a photo that should be highlighted by e[lust], let the blogger know that I’m now taking self-submissions for consideration. It doesn’t mean that there will be a publishing of all the photos I am linked to….it means that I will cull the submissions to find something really great. I don’t want my own lack of time to prevent this feature/aspect of e[lust] that I liked.

Nov 092011
 

I’ve not been around much lately. First, we were planning a weekend away which was cut short due to the winter storm that knocked out power for most of Connecticut. Then I had no power for days and froze my ass off and generally was miserable. THEN I had to go out of state to stay with my mother (actually, my great-aunt, where she’s staying, because her house isn’t rebuilt quite yet) and take care of her after a foot surgery. I knew she’d be a pain because she’s never been a good patient – is stubborn, wants to do for herself, even if it means she’s disobeying doctor’s orders. I thought I’d be able to go to a family member or two’s house every day for a few hours to get internet access…..but I wasn’t. That only happened twice in the 7 days I was there ( and I wasn’t supposed to be there 7 days, either). You know what happens a lot more when I’m away and without internet (as I have been at least 4 times for extended periods since late August)?

  • People complain that I’m late with something, like this all is my whole entire life and not a side hobby
  • I get more requests for invites to ToySwap when I’m gone. Coincidence I’m sure but still weird; and it’s difficult/impossible for me to invite when I have only my phone as “internet” so they have to wait for me.
  • I get advertising queries that I can’t respond to right away and then when I do they never get back to me again
  • My site goes down
  • Drama happens (oh wait…that’s every week)
  • Sex toys come in the mail and I can’t open them up and try them out immediately (hello, WeVibe 3)

At the last minute mom changed her mind about when I was heading home and suddenly I’m finding myself not coming home Monday, but late Wednesday. By the time we were done running errands Monday and Tuesday I was so exhausted I was literally falling asleep at the dinner table. Guess what wasn’t on my mind? Wanton Wednesday. But I wake up Wednesday morning with a few genuinely concerned people, some others who just like to harass me when I’m late on WW due to REAL LIFE and others still who don’t even follow me but are whining that the post isn’t up. Am I griping about every person who tweeted about it? No. Not everyone. But seriously I’m never more popular on Twitter than when people are whining that I’m late with something. It’s never the good stuff, lol.

I was already on a thin string and that kinda all set me off. And now I’m home, days later than anticipated, with e[lust] looming in front of me lest I get more irritated tweets wondering where that is (like I’m some kinda business and my services they paid for are down……).

Do times like this make me want to just pack it all in?

Yup. They do.

I’ve considered ending Wanton Wednesday. Others have volunteered to take over hosting it, but I’m on the fence about that. Perhaps my Wanton Wednesday has had it’s time and now it is time for someone else to come up with their own version. Of course there already is SinfulSunday and Wank Wednesday, so it’s not like the community is lacking for anything.

I keep bouncing around on ending e[lust]. Sugasm was way more erratic in the last 8-10 months that it was active, yet I cut back to a monthly digest instead of every 2 weeks, and take a month off sometimes due to holidays and suddenly there are people complaining that I’m unreliable with e[lust]. Really? You try running it tip to bottom just one time. See how easy it is. I’m now finding that a lot of the people who used to submit consider themselves “too” something to participate anymore: intellectual, serious, famous. Some just don’t post much anymore. Is sex blogging dying out? Sugasm had more entries in it their last 2 years because they allowed anything to be submitted; commercial sites, photos, reviews, etc. I’m not sure how the sex blogging community sees e[lust] anymore and if there’s a reason for me to continue it.

These past few weeks have bounced back and forth between comedy and tragedy, both in the greek sense and the literal. I’m about at the end of my rope. I’m also tossing around the idea of whether or not to keep blogging. I don’t think I have much to say anymore and I’m certainly nothing like I was the first year; me, my posts, my photos….nothing is the same. I’m pretty unsexy lately! There is nothing dangerous anymore.

 Posted by at 9:53 pm
Oct 162011
 

Fucking. AWESOME. I can’t wait for this movie to come out.

From the lovely Wikipedia:

Female hysteria was a once-common medical diagnosis, made exclusively in women, which is today no longer recognized by modern medical authorities as a medical disorder. Its diagnosis and treatment were routine for many hundreds of years in Western Europe. Hysteria was widely discussed in the medical literature of the 19th century. Women considered to be suffering from it exhibited a wide array of symptoms including faintness, nervousness, insomnia, fluid retention, heaviness in abdomen, muscle spasm, shortness of breath, irritability, loss of appetite for food or sex, and “a tendency to cause trouble”.

Since ancient times women considered to be suffering from hysteria would sometimes undergo “pelvic massage” — manual stimulation of the genitals by the doctor until the patient experienced “hysterical paroxysm” (orgasm).

 *grins* A “tendency to cause trouble”. I like that one the best. Oh, yes, sexual frustration and unattended horniness can indeed lead to trouble-causing. So I heard about this from my little Alexa toolbar, an article on the movie that is more about well….

“‘I lend my friends sex toys’: Maggie Gyllenhaal inundated with vibrators after signing up to film about history of the device” Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2040426/Maggie-Gyllenhaal-inundated-vibrators-signing-sex-toy-film-Hysteria.html#ixzz1ZTBwNpbf

 From the article:

Maggie said: ‘By the time I finished the movie I’d been sent 15 vibrators by different people in London with vibrator stores. It was a pleasant surprise.’

‘So I have this incredible collection, and I actually use one or two of them.

‘I lend them to my friends, and they’ll take them for six months at a time.’

Comments were quickly closed on the article but you can all guess what people were saying. “Ewwww that’s so gross, lending??? She wants them back???” *sigh* STFU and get laid. Or vibrated. People have no fucking clue, do they.

Lending of vibrators aside, I wonder what the reaction is going to be to this movie. Of course when it comes to sex-related issues there’s always the public reaction and the private reaction. Like when a poll study shows that only 10% of people admit to using XYZ or doing XYZ during sex/masturbation but we know damn well better that it’s more like 60%. People are just too ashamed to admit it.

Best line from the trailer clip: “Do you think it’ll catch on?”  “I’ve no idea, but imagine if everyone had one!!” Imagine, indeed. I feel the same way about the Pure Wand.

 Posted by at 4:59 pm
Sep 302011
 

I’ll keep you my dirty little secret,
Don’t tell anyone or you’ll be just another regret.
~All American Rejects “Dirty Little Secret”

For some people, being or having a “dirty little secret” is erotic in and of itself. I might have considered myself one of those people in the past, but no longer. It’s taken being someone else’s secret for a few years to make me realize that it’s a sucky place to be. When the irony adds to injury, that there’s no reason for me to be a secret anymore because we’re now just friends, it stings a little more. And so, in my search on OkCupid for local friends, I’ve discounted married men who are not in an open/poly marriage. I specifically state that in my profile, yet of course they’re the type who won’t read a profile in full. Or worse, they’re the type who see that I don’t want what they’re offering and their ego says “Yeah but I’m different” and they contact me anyways.

I had one such debate recently with someone. Typical married-man profile: Not much information, no photo and in an introductory email he says he lives in city A when he listed city B on his profile. Usually I just tell these men to go to Ashley Madison instead, they’ll have better luck finding a mistress. The most recent guy insisted he just wanted a good friend. Nothing more. Except….I would still be a secret. It’s really hard to have a friend and be a friend when there’s secrets like that involved. For a number of years I knew that if my close friend should fall ill or worse, I wouldn’t know about it. No one in his life knew about me. I couldn’t text or call him whenever I wanted, no matter what. There were rules and restrictions. There still are. I explained this briefly to OKC guy and it was after the 3rd exchange that it sunk in my head that he wasn’t listening; was he even reading what I wrote? Or had he become such a master at evasion and redirection that he could be mistaken for a politician or lawyer?

“Sometimes it’s easier/better to keep things under a cover” In response to me saying I was not interested in being anyone’s secret, and I would only date/friend married men in open & honest relationships.

“I am sincerely lacking one aspect of a relationship, and you will get in return a Safe, Sane and smart companion. I don’t have anything else going, and no plans either, just one open and understanding friend.” Just one friend?

Again I reiterated that I’ve already been down this road and it doesn’t lead to a very fair or equal friendship and I wasn’t interested in doing it again. “I completely understand your stand, and there’s no force on my part. All I can do is try to tell you how “I” am. If nothing else worked out, I “was” pretty sure you’d be VERY much fun to plainly hang out with as a person. If you think this is about fairness, may be I was wrong.”

I know, you can’t fix stupid, but wow. So I’m no longer fun because I don’t want a secretive friendship? Nice.  I’m now ignoring all his messages because he can’t seem to get the hint. Something else he’s said three times in only 6 messages is that he won’t “force” himself on me/anyone, yet he keeps messaging me. The language he uses, the deflection and weasel words, all spell trouble. At least I’m smarter now.

 Posted by at 2:17 pm

What Makes Me Happy: Sharing Sex Ed Info

 Blogging, Navel-Gazing  Comments Off on What Makes Me Happy: Sharing Sex Ed Info
Sep 252011
 

Long ago and far away when I actually did HNT and then WW on a regular basis AND tried hard to get nice photos, it was quite a compliment when the occasional pic would get reblogged via someone’s Tumblr1.

But this is better. WAY BETTER.

I was getting hits from Tumblr again and so I clicked through to find out what had been reblogged and was DELIGHTED to find out that someone was sharing my Sex Toy Care and Cleaning Guide page. (Which now makes me want to go update it and see if I can make it even better) Considering how passionate I am about people learning about the safe materials and the bad things to stay away from, this makes me hugely happy. I think it was this chick who originally posted about it, adding in this:

I guess the reason why I’m posting there seems to be little info on this kinda stuff despite the fact that plenty of folks who follow me and who I follow use sex toys. It’s worth while sharing info and most of all it’s important to be safe when doing what ever gets you to reach the big O

Another gal reblogged and this which I thought was cute:

Important info, but I can’t help but giggle at this line — Turn it on and make sure the batteries are strong or the charge is recent – there’s nothing worse than getting halfway through a jerk-off session to have your favorite vibrator die out.

Hey, it’s true!! I’m not sure what’s worse, finding out before you even start that your toys are dead or having them die halfway through. Either way ends with no orgasm for me.

Someone else who reblogged also added in a note saying that the post on how Jelly Sex Toys are Dangerous is almost more important to read also made me happy. Have thousands of people reblogged these? No. But if 65 reblogged, and even just 10 people on each of those Tumblrs read this info and learn something new…..I’m happy.

I still don’t quite know how I’m going to do it, but I will somehow teach workshops about sex  toy education to prevent others from buying jelly or CalExotics crap.

  1. Ok well then it got a little bit annoying because I’d have people come to me and say “hey isn’t that your photo on that Tumblr, uncredited?”. Yeah. Flattering but I’m not fond of people taking my work and using it as their own (which I’ve seen done, they pull it from a Tumblr that didn’t bother to keep in the linkback)