Posted by Lilly | 3 Comments

I’ve found a new secret to my G-spot

Or rather….my husband has. For the first decade of our sex life his penis alone managed to hit my g-spot over and over during sex to varying degrees of bliss. In more recent years he and I have done more exploring both with his fingers and both of us using toys. I never doubted my husband’s ability to locate my g-spot and stimulate the hell out of it; combining his skill in the last few years with a vibrator on my clitoris gave me intense orgasms which would be immediately followed up with vaginal sex that was then even more pleasurable for me since the g-spot would be even more sensitive and swollen after a clitoral orgasm.

But the last few times we’ve fucked he suddenly changed his fingering technique and he knew right away that I approved. It was more intense and amazing as evidenced by my even louder moans and screams and gibberish. His manipulations have frequently left me with the sort of orgasm that jacks up all the right hormones and chemistry to leave me euphoric (and sometimes to the point of uncontrollable giggling right after). But this? All I could say (after I came down from the breathless high) was: What the FUCK did you just do there because holy crap it was amazing.

Every woman’s g-spot is a little different, like a snowflake sort of. And just like we all like different types of clitoral stimulation, we all like different types of g-spot stimulation. So what works for me might not be a euphoric nirvana trip for you, too. But his description of his new technique and what he’s feeling has left me certain that the g-spot is not a “spot”, it is not a zone, it is more than just a differently-textured spongy spot of sensitive tissue in the vaginal wall. Whatever he’s hitting there is a thing, an object, and 3-D…. much like the prostate.

The first time he tried his new trick he “had it” for a bit and then “lost it”¹. Both g-spot massage techniques were pleasurable and aided in me achieving a blended orgasm fairly quickly but this new, intense treatment was just cranking up the pleasurable sensation to HOLY SHIT FUCK OMG ITS AWESOME^Y#~%@^(*^. I cannot duplicate what he’s done via my love, the Pure Wand. If I were smaller of body and longer of arm and generally more flexible perhaps this is something I would have discovered on my own but I think his position lends him a more unique angle of assault. For me personally my G-spot is right next to my pubic bone, therefore fairly shallow in the vaginal canal. He can use this location to a distinct advantage now² by changing his digital manipulation from a 3-finger massage (which I loved because it provided both a filling sensation and spot stimulation) to a 1-finger massage aided on the sides by 2 other fingers. He’s extending his middle finger to do more precision stimulation right on the g-spot. He’s going above and beyond that “come hither” motion to a more twisting, side-to-side-and-all-around intense high-pressure attack. I’ve used words that sound harsh like assault and attack but that is because this is no slow and easy massage; this is an intense treatment but in the most awesomely pleasurable way. He does this because he knows I can take it and I like it, but I wouldn’t recommend that every person try this on their g-spot-owning partner without a build-up and knowledge in existence that the person enjoys “rough” sex and intense stimulation.

Perhaps something else that is adding to this newly awesome mix is that I’m using a vibrator that doesn’t overpower the g-spot stimulation sensations. In the past when I’ve used the Wahl or the Hitachi with the Pure Wand I almost couldn’t really feel the g-spot stimulation. I knew it was going on because the pleasure factor had tripled but I could only discern clitoral stimulation. The balance has shifted a bit now that I’ve started using my We-Vibe Salsa on my clit while he’s doing this. Yes, it is a powerful and intense vibrator but it’s not as overwhelmingly intense as the big, electric massagers. The deep-tissue rumbly factor to the We-Vibe Salsa hits the external clitoris and the internal portion of the clitoris, while his fingers are ramping the g-spot stimulation up to 11 and probably also getting a bit of the internal legs of the clitoris which leads to me floating on a motherfucking rollercoaster climbing cloud of things beyond words. I truly can’t even come up with the words, that’s what it’s all like.

Don’t be afraid to try new things and go a little outside of your box. This g-spot thing might be hard to find since it can’t be mapped, but believe me it is real and with time, exploration, a good clitoral orgasm and a willing set of fingers and/or dildos you CAN find it. Oh and no, this new technique didn’t make me squirt. I don’t really give a crap about squirting anymore since it doesn’t correlate at all to the intensity of my orgasm. It’s not a goal, it’s not a thought to us, it’s not a checkbox on the list. And there is no “right” or “wrong” way to achieve orgasm or stimulate your clitoris or g-spot – you do whatever feels good to you.

 

Oh and if you’re looking to try out the new We Vibe mini vibrators? EF is having a site-wide 20% off sale, which will save you almost $20. And I think it’ll qualify for free shipping, too!

 

 

this post sponsored is by: EdenFantasys (What this means), where I buy my sex toys

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Posted by Lilly | 2 Comments

A Phthalates Experiment (or: I touched a slimy dildo on purpose)

Yesterday I purposely opened up a box of phthalates. Inspired by a video from Jennifer Pritchett, owner of The Smitten Kitten, I opened up a box that had been languishing in my 2nd-floor storage room for over a year with camera in hand to show you all what I might find.

Back story: A year or so ago when I first thought up my idea of sex toy education workshops I realized I had no manky jelly sex toys to trot out like the sideshow horror they are so I went to ToySwap to see if anybody had any they’d send me. True Pleasures had a big box full of things waiting to go to a sex toy recycle center, which included dead rabbit vibrators, dismantled sex toys and some nasty jelly/pvc toys. I didn’t open up the box right away because we were due to move in less than a month. Then I didn’t get around to it because of life and no workshops planned.The box sat upstairs in our storage room, which had no A/C for the first 2 months we lived here. The box of items had also been sitting in her house for a few months before it was sent to me.

As I went through the big box of dead sex toys I encountered various results…none of them good. The star of the show was a horrid-looking tentacle dildo from a company called Zeta Paws and who knows what the material is, but there’s definitely phthalates. It behaved just like the dildos that Jennifer describes in her interview – sweating, greasy and gross. I opened the zip-lock bag and the odor was even stronger.

Then I touched it.

EW COOTIES.

Well, yeah. Pretty much. I touched it on purpose. I wanted to show the shiny grease on my fingertips. And yes, I wanted to see if my skin would have a reaction. Others had reported many various reactions to me such as peeling skin on their hands (from a sex toy store worker), bad chemical burns of the vulva and vagina, or milder reactions such as itchy skin. I only touched the dildo for a minute and only with my fingertips. I purposely didn’t wash my hands for awhile. DAREDEVIL, I know.

My contact was minimal so the skin reaction isn’t some big, obvious deformity. Keep in mind that this happened because I directly “fondled” a dildo that was sweating out toxic chemicals for only about 2 minutes followed up by not washing my hand for an hour. This photo was taken after the 1-hour mark and then I promptly washed my hands for like 5 minutes. But the damage was done. You’ll note in the larger photo that my skin shows some mottled, pink irritation but also note that my skin on the left is both shiny (from the greasy chemicals) and dry – the dryness another sign of chemical irritation. The skin on my fingertips was also stinging from the chemical irritant.

The side-effects from my brief phthalates exposure were not limited to just the skin on my fingers. I developed a headache a few hours later and chalked it up to needing more caffeine. Hours pass by after two cups of coffee and I still have a headache. Fast-forward to 18 hours later and I wake up feeling….hungover. I still have a headache and I’m in the trenches of a fibromyalgia flare-up – triggered by the phthalates. There’s no other reason for a fibro flare-up – the weather isn’t doing anything funky, I’d been sleeping well this week and generally taking it easy because of the back injury. I am tired and achey and my brain is fogged.

Please, think twice before you use that jelly, vinyl, pvc or cyberskin sex toy. I know that many manufacturers like CalEx and PipeDreams and Topco and the like are all reprinting their packaging to proclaim their toys are phthalates-free but are you really going to trust them?? I don’t. Throw out your greasy, stinky sex toys and stop buying these questionable materials from questionable manufacturers.

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Posted by Lilly | 2 Comments

Surprise! We-Vibe has 3 Amazing Vibrators

We-Vibe has done what I didn’t think was truly possible: Created a rechargeable clitoral/external vibrator that is powerful and rumbly – and I truly do covet a good, rumbly vibrator. And they didn’t just make one, they made three. The combination of lower RPMs with a powerful motor leads to vibrations that go way beyond a tickling surface buzz. With the high speed having 4800 RPM (compare this to the We-Vibe couple’s vibrators whose high speeds are 5500 RPM and while they are decent, they lack the power/rumbly I need), the We-Vibe Salsa, Tango and Touch are all rumbly sweet goodness. I’ve talked a lot about why I love and need rumbly vibrations; my clitoris needs stimulation past the surface level, it needs something that’ll rattle the legs that go deep inside me. The Salsa and Tango can provide that; I’ve even been able to orgasm when the charge is dying or the vibration is on setting 3 of 4. That really speaks to the sweet-spot these vibrations hit, and shows that it can go way beyond just “moar power”. Find yourself the right type of vibration and you may not need something as mind-blowing and hand-numbing as the Hitachi Magic Wand.

The We-Vibe Salsa and Tango are probably a lot smaller than you’d expect. I won myself a back-up copy of the Salsa at Dirty Bingo during MomentunCon and I immediately took it out of the box to show off to my table. Everyone who hadn’t seen it was surprised at the small size. These mini vibes are just about exactly the size of my slightly-plump-and-short middle finger. The We Vibe Touch however is more substantial in size but it is still an external-only vibrator.

Salsa and Tango are nearly identical – the only difference is that Salsa’s tip is bullet-pointed and Tango’s tip is lipstick-pointed (slanted tip with a flat surface). Salsa comes in red, black or white and Tango comes in light blue, pink or purple. I don’t quite understand why the Salsa is the only item in the We-Vibe catalog that has deviated so far from their normal color scheme or why the Salsa seems to come in colors usually deemed “masculine” while the Tango is more “feminine” – either way, I don’t care much, but I will admit that I prefer the red/white/black over the very-overused purple/pink/blue. The Salsa and Tango are also hard plastic. This is, for me, their winning feature over the somewhat more ergonomic Touch¹. Touch has the same exact motor but it is surrounded by a lot of silicone. For women who don’t like a lot of power, this would be the better choice because it dampens the vibrations on contact. If you just turn on any of these vibes and touch the tip of your nose you might be a bit afraid – but since these are rechargeable they’re more susceptible to the power decrease that seems typical in most rechargeable vibes. As soon as pressure is applied the vibrations are dampened to various degrees. Pressure doesn’t have to mean how hard you press the vibrator to your skin; it can also mean how you hold it, or how much flesh is surrounding it (women with fleshy outer labia will notice this). The Salsa and Tango do experience some of this decrease but not even half as much as the Touch. I can nestle the Salsa in between my labia while sitting at my desk (it’s then held in place by my body and my underwear) and still feel a lot of powerful, rumbly vibrations. The moment I do this with the Touch I’m disappointed. For the Touch to get me off I have to make sure I hold it as far away from the motor as possible and spread my labia to expose as much of my clitoris as possible. I also can’t apply much pressure (which for me then the whole design of the Touch is pointless because I can’t cup my clitoris with it, that’ll dampen it too much). 

None of the products feature a vibration-lock function; it only requires a normal push of the button to turn things on. It can turn on accidentally during travel so I recommend that you find a pvc/leather small pouch just for the toy itself to help prevent nearby items from pushing up against the button. You could keep the charger base attached to it for travel to help ward off accidental button-pushings. The charger for these is a bit ridiculous, I’ll admit. It attaches magnetically so you do need to be careful that the contacts are lined up and such. The portion of the charger that touches the toy is not permanently attached to the cord that goes to the wall and I don’t understand it. There’s the bulky head of the outlet plug attached to the cord which ends in a jack-style plug and then that plugs into the tiny charging base. What does this mean for people like me? I could potentially lose the charging base if it gets unplugged. This design doesn’t make the charger any more travel-friendly because the outlet plug is still so large and you do need that for recharging on the go. The manual/site lists 2-hour run time; I’ve actually found it to be more like 1 hour or a little more but I do run it on the highest steady vibration setting 90% of the time.

All the vibes have a single push-style button at the base, where the charger attaches. This base glows a faint orange color and will pulse if you have it on a pulse setting. It doesn’t take a lot of effort to turn it on or change settings but yet it isn’t overly sensitive, either. All the vibes also have the same exact vibration settings. For some reason I first assumed that there were only 3 different steady-vibration settings; I kept thinking that the button just wasn’t working well. I’m not sure which two settings are the ones I couldn’t really distinguish from each other but that ended up being the reason.

Fun Fact: We-Vibe Salsa is nearly the same size as the RO-80mm bullet & Tantus’s N1 Bullet

Why does this matter at all? Because the RO-80mm bullet, and ones that look just like it,  is used to power a number of high quality, silicone sex toys. Top dogs on that list include anything made by Rocks Off LTD (Rock Chick, Bad Boy, etc) and any vibrator from Tantus. I’m not a fan of the RO-80mm bullet for numerous reasons; the first is the battery type it takes and the second is the surface-buzzy vibrations that don’t travel well through dense silicone (and are also of the “itchy” variety). I own a few of the Tantus Little Secret vibrators (basically a silicone sleeve over their N1 bullet) and I don’t love them because the vibrations are meh – not exactly un-powerful but they’re not rumbly like I need. Replace the bullet with the Salsa? Newfound love!! I’m really excited to try out the Tantus Panty Play now, simply because of the Salsa. The only downfall of course is that all that silicone tightly surrounding the bullet does tend to take down the intensity of it a bit and it might contribute to the charge draining a little faster. I’m hesitant to say that only the Salsa will work here because it mimics the pointed-tip bullet shape; the Tango has the lipstick-shaped head with the flat, angled look to it but it’s the exact same dimensions as the Salsa so it likely will work unless it’s a really tight squeeze in the particular toy you want to pair it with. Salsa is not a 100% perfect match though to the RO-80mm / N1 bullet: while it is 80mm in length the 80mm on the RO bullet is including the protruding push button; also the Salsa is about 2mm wider in the body. I’ve not run into any problems though swapping out the Salsa for the RO-80mm – just add a tiny dab of lube before sliding it in the toy. RO-80mm & N1 bullets take an LR1 size battery which can cost you anywhere from $1-$3 per battery depending on your area/availability. Given how quickly you’ll run through batteries the cost in getting a Salsa merely to upgrade an RO-80 compatible toy suddenly seems more plausible. As for the Tantus vibrators that take the smaller, single speed bullet that uses LR44 cell batteries? The Salsa will stick out the base more but is still the same width enough that it can be used as a replacement.

Regardless of the few minor downfalls to the Salsa, Tango and Touch I would still recommend them highly. If you want the most powerful vibe possible, then choose the Salsa or Tango. If you prefer the  subtler side of vibrations, choose the Touch. Yes they all carry a high price tag and that will deter some. After all, you can buy a bullet of any type for much less or a cheap pocket rocket for less than $15. I’ve only had one pocket rocket last me more than 6 months (It’s actually one of the first sex toys I bought so that is an amazing feat); these We Vibe products come with a good warranty and will last you a lot longer than the cheap-o jobs. This is the motor that I wish ALL rechargeable vibrators had; too many of them are moderate and most of them are surface-buzzy. If the Lelo Mia had this motor I would be in love with it because of the USB-recharge option. The Salsa/Tango are powerful and/or with more pleasing (rumbly, deep) vibrations than: Lelo Mia, Lily or Nea, Je Joue Mimi (dulls down too much with pressure), JimmyJane Form 2 or Form 3, anything from Bswish, RO-80mm bullet, Layaspot, Extase Liberte, any of the Tantus Little Secret line, and any cell/N-size battery operated bullet.

 

Disclosure: I purchased these on my own, or acquired them in a swap. I owe this review to nobody but you, readers and consumers. However, this is a sponsored post so that I may be able to purchase more sex toys to check out for you!
Check out the cleaning guide for Plastic and Silicone Vibrators for more details.

 

this post sponsored is by: EdenFantasys (What this means), the place I buy my sex toys

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Posted by Lilly | 10 Comments

Sex Toy Journalism: Seeking the Truths of Silicone via Flame Testing and Confronting Manufacturers

What is Flame Testing and What Does it Prove in Regards to Silicone Sex Toys?

Flame testing a silicone sex toy is neither unheard of or common. Where did it originate, I wonder? Was Metis Black the first to do it and the sex toy reviewers followed suit, eager to seek truths where we were skeptical? In my opinion, a fair number of sex toy reviewers are reviewing for one primary reason: as a means to get “free” sex toys and perhaps earn a little affiliate money. They will rarely dig deep into faulty toys and will rarely have a strong negative review posted. However there is a smaller circle who actually care about what you, our readers, purchase because we were once the buyer and burned too many times and wasted too much money on shitty toys or toys that were harmful to our health. I will slap you silly¹ if you buy a jelly dildo.

You’ll hear a lot of manufacturers putting it down but the basic fact is this: Flame testing isn’t perfect but 8 times out of 10 it will properly reveal that a sex toy is or is not pure silicone ². Since the government will not regulate adult products, and the manufacturers are only required to have 10% silicone in a product to be able to simply call it “silicone” on their site/packaging, there is a lot of distrust floating around in the sex toy industry. Unless you are buying your sex toy from a trusted manufacturer, I’d suggest that you perform the flame test on your sex toys.

Why flame test? “Pure” silicone, be it food grade or medical grade, shouldn’t melt or deform under the heat of an open flame from a disposable lighter or match – a fact you’ll see demonstrated in the video below. I discussed this a little bit with Metis Black of Tantus in my interview with her. I’ve seen numerous blog reviews on various sex toys where the reviewer did a flame test. I’ve also had scared manufacturers try to tell me that the flame of a Bic lighter will melt anything, even silicone (hint: that’s false) and that it is an inaccurate test. Ok, fine. But who the hell has access to fancy machines and labs? Not us reviewers. So we do our guerrilla researching the best way we can. And here is one more basic fact: If a flame from a match or lighter, held directly to a silicone sex toy, will melt said sex toy – then what the fuck is Tantus using? Because their silicone products do not melt. In fact, neither does Lelo or Jollies³ or Fun Factory or We Vibe⁴. The fact that I simply cannot get Tantus silicone to melt or disintegrate is all the damn proof I need when performing a flame test. But why would I do a flame test on Tantus? We know their stuff is silicone. It looks like it, smells like it, acts like it. Tantus is the “control group” – the standard I’m holding things to.

What can you expect from a flame test if the material actually is silicone?

A number of things, depending on the oils (softeners) in the silicone. Tantus products have varying levels dimethicone mixed in that will burn and you will see a very pale ash left behind. This ash can then be brushed off and you will see virtually no damage to the silicone. It will not be sticky, there will not be a chunk missing from the product. Products from manufacturers like Lelo, Je Joue and other “luxury” silicone sex toy makers use something called SST:

“We [Lelo] use certified “body safe food-grade phthalate-free silicone” which is coated in SST (Silicone Soft Touch). It’s used to enhance the silicone, otherwise silicone will not be as smooth to touch or pleasant in the body. It’s completely safe for use in the body (liquid silicone) and we have the FDA certificate to prove that, but it may be causing the carbon marks you are talking about.”⁵.

When a flame is taken to these matte-finish silicone toys the material won’t burn at all like the Tantus dildos (and there will be little to no ash) and it won’t melt like silicone blends. The most you’ll see here is some brownish-blackish scorch/carbon marks. These marks will mostly or completely wipe away and the material will be unharmed. Again, there is no stickiness or material loss. The product is not ruined. You may see a change in the material that Metis called “petrified” (think Death Valley-esque texture) but in the cases I’ve had that happen, I was able to scrape that portion off using my fingernail – what was left behind had no visual or “structural” damage and no discernible loss of material.

Silicone items CAN burn but will NOT melt as a result of a flame test. There is a difference. But like I said, it’s not actually the solid silicone that is burning it is the softeners, the oils, the SST.

What can you expect from a flame test if the material is not pure silicone?

Elastomer, TPR, TPE and of course jelly/rubber WILL MELT to various degrees. I put flame to a SinFive Pikilo dildo because I knew what the material was (a non-porous type of TPE called WTP) and simply wanted to see what would happen. It would not burn no matter how long I held the flame. There was no ash. However, the material was extremely hot to touch and was shiny; it was also then pliable and could be deformed sort of like putty. The material did not disintegrate though like TPR blends have. The softer portion of the dildo had the most obvious melting. The bottom portion which was extremely solid and unyielding didn’t show as much damage but it did change the texture and it was sticky.

You’ll read below what happened to two “Silicone Elastomer Blend” products that were lit aflame. They burned excessively and the material was destroyed – it flaked off, disintegrated and what was left became sticky. There was the telltale pale ash of silicone/dimethicone burning off (the “silicone” part of the blend) but then the Elastomer behaved somewhat like the SinFive Pikilo: sticky, deformed, ruined.

Recently in the reviewing community some of us who know better have been looking at certain sex toys and just knew that something was wrong. They didn’t quite look like, act like, or smell like pure silicone. These items had the same common factor: They felt more like rubber/TPR than pure silicone (very pliable and soft feeling, very stretchy, faint odor). But the manufacturers were calling it silicone in promotional material, packaging, etc. Time to do some digging!

Flame Test Failure #1: Hold On To Me Kegel Exerciser from Bedroom Kandi, a line from OhMiBod

I spoke at length with Brian, founder of OhMiBod, regarding my flame test and the material of the kegel ball holders for Hold On To Me but at the end of the day he said that his labs say it is pure food-grade silicone and that his own flame tests did not have the same results as mine (mine are pictured below and shown in the video). Be that as it may, I waited until MomentumCon where I could show my results in person to other people who are experts: both retailers and manufacturers. Every single person immediately said without question: “This doesn’t appear to be silicone”. Brian had told me that flames from a lighter were too hot (incorrectly listing a Bic lighter as 1900 degrees; that isn’t the case, that’s a butane torch not a diffuse flame of a disposable lighter), that instead I should be heating up my oven to about 450 degrees and placing the black holster for the beads directly on the oven rack. Given what had happened during my flame test I simply was not willing to risk having this material burning and sticking to my oven racks. It’s a good thing I didn’t try that. I recently did a similar test while cooking dinner; I had roasted chicken in a 400 degree oven in a metal roasting pan. A few minutes after I pulled it from the oven I reached for the already-very-ruined Hold On To Me holster and simply pressed it to the hot pan. While it was no longer hot enough to deform the material and produce ash, it was hot enough to slightly melt it and make it sticky. That did not happen to my food-grade silicone kitchen utensils. While a pure silicone toy will burn a little bit after the flame is removed, it was never more than a glowing smolder. The HOTM went up in serious flames.

Flame Test Failure #2: Studio Line Vibrating Makeup Brush from Screaming O

The other product is the Screaming O Studio Line Makeup Brush; it was subjected to a flame test and it failed in exactly the same way as the Bedroom Kandi HOTM. There was destruction of material, flames, and in the end it *melted* – I had sticky, gooey black material on my fingers that reminded me of what happens to bike tires on a really hot summer day. Screaming O admitted via email that their product is not 100% silicone. A fellow EdenFantasys reviewer commented on my EF review of the Studio Line Brush telling me that

“the toy is made from “latex and phthalate free SEBS silicone, which is a silicone elastomer blend.” So, they don’t claim it’s medical silicone or 100% silicone. Elastomer will melt if a flame is held to it. But, even silicone toys should only be tested with a match, anything hotter may actually burn or melt 100% silicone.”

Um yeah, they do imply/”claim” it’s pure silicone simply by not saying that it isn’t. Right there on their website, as I noted in my review, it says “Phthalate-free soft silicone”. I, as the consumer, therefore assume they mean true silicone and that it is non-porous. But it’s not. Why? According to Screaming O:

“Our government says that a company can  label a toy as “silicone” if at least 10% of the product is silicone, which is how we originally came up with “what” the products were made of on our packaging.  After some thought about this, we too think that this needs to be defined a bit further. We are actually in the process of updating all of our products to offer detailed information on what they are made of.  We realize that our consumers are becoming more savvy and educated about things like that and want to make sure everyone has complete information. Please bear with us as we compile this information, update our packaging and websites, and get it all out to our customers.”

I called them out on it personally saying that it’s troubling and does not breed respect or trust in the brand, hence the response above.

At this point I cannot trust that anything Screaming O packages as “silicone” (as opposed to SEBS, if they even package anything that way) is true silicone and non-porous. I’d advise you to assume the same from this company until they change their shady practice. I’d expect such loop-hole marketing from the likes of Pipedreams, CalEx or Topco or even Doc Johnson but I was surprised to see it with Screaming O since I had heard good things about them.

Products shown in the video below are listed in the order they’re shown: Pleasure Dome Hitachi cap from DownUnder Toys; Lelo Tor II cock ring; Bedroom Kandi Hold on To Me kegel ball holster; Silk Small dildo from Tantus; Super Soft Stretchy C-Ring from Tantus; Fun Factory Ellove. The Pleasure Dome was chosen because the material is thinner and stretchier than the dildos. The Tantus items chosen as “control group” pieces. The Lelo and the Fun Factory were chosen to show what happens to silicone coated with the silky, matte-finish liquid silicone product.

 So I’ve now had two companies scoff at the Flame Test, claiming it is unreliable and impossible to achieve similar results every time (except…I did) and these two companies have both said that the flame is too hot (except that one company’s product didn’t melt and one did, and the Tantus didn’t). Metis still stands by the flame test but admits that there are more accurate tests – they’re just not available to consumers, however. I can get a little bit Aspy in my logical thinking skills, I’ll admit, but logic here is telling me:

1. The products known to be true silicone (medical grade like Tantus or food grade like Lelo) simply did not melt or disintegrate. I couldn’t make them melt. I tried!

2. A product known to be a silicone-elastomer blend, the Screaming O Studio Vibrating Makeup Brush, looked and felt just like the Bedroom Kandi Hold On To Me holster. The flame test results were identical there, melting and material destruction and flames.

ERGO and HERETOFOR (whatever): The Bedroom Kandi Hold On To Me that I have is not pure food-grade silicone as the manufacturer says. Now whether they’re uneducated or their plant is making shit up, I don’t know, but the experiment revealed that it does not behave like a pure silicone product. That’s the conclusion I’ve reached. You can make your own conclusion. It’s possible that since reviewers received a so-called “early run” of the product (told to me when I raised my first concern over some instructions in their manual, noted in my review) that this first production run was pushed out fast and wasn’t made to OhMiBod’s specs. It’s possible that Brian’s items are silicone and mine are not. I don’t know, I didn’t see photographs or video of the flame tests he says he performed and I don’t have access to a lab to test mine.

I believe in the flame test, and not just for “anecdotal” purposes as Lelo deemed it.

How to perform a flame test if you suspect that a sex toy is not a pure silicone item

For safety’s sake you should have a bucket of ice water nearby. Be aware that lower quality silicone and blends will retain more heat, as will food grade vs medical grade (my Tantus items didn’t retain much heat but the food-grade ones like Lelo did). Use either (both if you’re feeling geeky) a match or a simple Bic style / disposable lighter. I’m not sure if a standard Zippo (the refillable kinds) would be too hot, but the “windproof” lighters most certainly are too hot and should not be used.

As explained in a “further reading” link below, the temp of the flame of a lighter or match is about 600-800 degrees. By only applying the yellow/orange part of the flame to the sex toy you’re safely staying around that 600 (or less?) mark. The blue/white portions that are closest to the ignition source are potentially too hot. Apply the flame for about 5-8 seconds to a portion of the toy as close to the base as possible if it is a toy you would want to continue using. Let it cool off a few seconds and then view your results. If you see ash, wipe it off.

I’d suggest that you document the results. If you find that an item fails the test and the manufacturer is calling it merely “silicone” (since as Screaming O said, they’re allowed to do that by law even if it’s a blend) and not labeling it as a blend you should be ready to back up your public claims with photos and/or video. If you’re reviewing the toy, be it on a blog or as a consumer, and you have a flame test failure it would be helpful to the sex toy community if you’d let us all know! Blends lack the properties that we hold dear to silicone: Bacteria-resistant, non-porous, sanitizable (i know that’s not a word, shush).

ETA 4/11: Want an example of something that is a silicone blend that you’ve likely owned already? A cell phone “skin” case. At some point I’m sure nearly all smartphone and Blackberry owners have used the el-cheapo version of a phone case (hell, I still use mine) that is called silicone. You’ll see them listed as silicone skin cases, because they have some stretch and instead of clicking on like a hardshell case, they just stretch over the back. The soft material provides some shock-absorbing properties. These cases are the kind that are so soft you can crumple them up into your fist. Now you know what I mean? Good. Feel that, stretch it, get to know it. It’s a silicone blend. I just today light a corner of mine on fire and it acted like the Failed items up above, except that there was much less ash (so therefore, less silicone in this blend). The material disintegrated and got sticky.

Further Reading:

• What is the hottest part of a flame? (I applied only the yellow/orange part of the flame to these toys.)
• What is the temperature of a Bic lighter flame? (Those looking things up online and confusing “butane” temps with a simple lighter will refer to this for accurate information)
• Healthy and Green Sex Toys (Metis Black writes about her take on Tantus silicone and the adult industry)

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Posted by Lilly | 2 Comments

Decompressing and Deconstructing: MomentumCon 2012 Aftermath

I mean “aftermath” in the best possible way, but yet my brain is a freaking mess. “Overstimulated” is the best way to describe my current state. I go from leading a fairly boring life to a jam-packed weekend full of sex geek fun, feminist conversations, sex-positive atmospheres and 50-some hours with “my people”. It’s funny to me how different Mcon 2012 was from Mcon 2011 – a lot of the same people were present (but yet a lot of new faces) and a lot of similar sessions/discussions but my experience was very different. This year I co-presented a session on Blogging (the only session not to focus on anything sex-related, I think), I found slightly fewer sessions that interested me and/or applied to me personally, I hung out with different people.  Last year I think I really only spoke with 1 of the vendors but this year many hours of conversation was had whether it was in the vendors rooms or over drinks in the hotel bar. It was enlightening, empowering and validating. I think I have a better idea of what road I’m going to be taking now that my time in the sex bloggosphere has hit a multi-path fork in the road.

I will continue to remain “Lilly” and mostly anonymous. I will not be telling my family anything, unless it gets to a point where I simply have no choice. It’s not easy lying about my whereabouts but it’s been done so far. All that matters is that my husband is incredibly supportive of me and loves what I’m doing, loves that I care. That’s really all I need. He had a supremely shitty work week and was just depressed and exhausted; I felt guilty, a bit, for having fun at Mcon when I felt the pull to be a supportive partner to him but he wouldn’t let me go there. He insisted numerous times that I deserved this fun weekend and that I needed it, that he was proud of me and wanted me to soak it all up. And I did.

I was still my same socially awkward self, but less so. I started up more conversations. I put myself into conversations. Yes, I panicked when I realized that the “oh hey meet us at the bar for drinks” turned into “Oh, we’re sharing a table with Dr. Carol Queen, Dr. Joycelyn Elders, Lynn Comella and Metis Black” but hey, I didn’t speak. I let the grown-ups talk while I sat on the edges in awe with the lovely Jenna of Tantus. Crista (my amazing partner in crime for the weekend, and roommate) and I hung out with Ducky Doolittle, Jenna and Metis; had conversations and intelligent discourse on the ethics and practices of the sex toy industry. It was a dream. I got enough hugs from friends to last me weeks. I felt pretty in my big Victorian skirt. Nobessence is no longer an entity, a luxury company – I know them now to be a spectacularly amazing couple leading a fairly normal but wonderfully sex-positive life committed to making excellent sex toys. I’m trying so hard to keep all the memories and words said in all these amazing conversations fresh in my memory but my cursed brain is leaking out things. I hate that. I wish I could have just been wired all weekend, recording everything like a spy. For my own personal use, of course, nothing else!

You all know I’ve never thought much of the Big 5 companies of the sex toy industry, but I know think even less of them if possible. While I can’t repeat some of what was said, suffice to say you should just take my word for it. Support the smaller companies whenever possible, you’ll never regret it. But I also learned that I’m wrong sometimes and while I still say JimmyJane is overpriced, Jacq from Sugar in Baltimore told me things that changed my opinion a bit. I finally held a fully-charged Form 2 in my hands and noticed it only once had that wonky motor issue other reviewers had mentioned but I also noticed that it was perhaps a little more powerful than I expected and it certainly surpassed the (still hate it) Form 3.

I think I’d like to consider the possibility of hanging up my shingle as an official consultant. Now to narrow down who I can help and what I can do and how to go about making this a reality. But there are a number of smaller sex toy companies/manufacturers/adult industry people that need a better SEO presence and need more information on social media but don’t know how to get it. I think I have something to offer. I have the experience of being on both sides of the coin.

Not everyone will be walking away from MomentumCon with the glowingly positive experience that I had. Some people are hard to please, some are argumentative, some are just simply looking for absolute perfection from everyone and every word said. It won’t happen. Nobody is perfect and people don’t always do/say the right thing – but we tried. We all had good hearts. But the first person to gripe about my “privilege” and “checking it” just because I was able to go to Mcon? Will be told where to go. I was not handed my trip to to Mcon on a silver freaking platter, I worked MY ASS OFF to make the money to get there. I made sacrifices and I worked hard.
So read everything with a grain of salt.

I can only hope and pray that there will be a Momentum 2013 because we all need more – more instruction, more discussion, more debates, more affirmations – and we’re not done learning. If you are reading this and read my posts about last year’s event and say “I wish I could have gone”, here is my advice to you: Do whatever you have to do to start saving up now and get yourself there next year. You have no idea how it will change you. It changes you. It’s amazing. Thank you, everyone, for making this weekend the best weekend I’ll have all year, hands down.

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MomentumCon – The Impending Return of My Bubble of Amazing People

In less than a week I’ll be at Momentum, back in my beloved bubble of My People. Of course, in exactly a week’s time from right now, the moment I’m writing this, the bubble will be slowly bursting and all of my lovely friends will be departing for home and quite likely I’ll be alone in my hotel room for awhile. Hopefully I’ll be able to do things different this time and be able to write better about sessions I attend. Last year I tried to take notes and live tweet but all of that left me missing out on key statements – let’s face it, I have the focus and attention span of a gnat. This year I’ll be getting over my high school / college era anxiety and will be parking my ass in the front rows for many sessions so that I can just take personal use audio recordings for later perusal. I’m hoping that my fear of public speaking (or performance, as was the case growing up of participating in piano recitals) will not cripple me for the morning on Saturday. The session Laura and I are presenting is nothing like anything else going on (we’re doing a geeky session on Blogging) which could work for us or against us. It fits in with Momentum but yet in a tiny way it doesn’t. The UK recently had a conference called ErotiCon and while at first it seemed to deal a lot with the erotic writing and such, there was still a lot of sessions that would have been very useful and at least one that sounded similar to the one we’ll be doing. After reading someone’s re-counting of a session they attended there I’ve realized that I’m technically not a sex blogger anymore – I fall into a better category called sex journalist. But can one be called a journalist if they’re only writing on their own blog?

Momentum is probably one of the few sexuality events that is attended by all sorts of people who are horny perverts in their own ways yet there is no “play” party or plans of sexy orgies. At least not for me. I just want to soak up the company of People Similar To Me while it’s available before returning to my currently-boring life. Perhaps inspiration will strike me when I’m down there, who knows. If it will happen any place, it will happen there. The sessions blow my mind. The abundance of influential people is awesome and scary.

Overall I’ve been very excited for this weekend for the last few months. Some things have happened in the last week or two – seemingly minor things to other people but things that nonetheless speak volumes to me – which have set in motion a terrific depression and a heartache of epic proportions. So if you are at MomentumCon and catch me in a moment where I think nobody is looking (or I lose my self-control for a moment and my mask slips) and you wonder why I look so miserable….just give me a hug. Or a cigarette. Or both. I’ve not smoked in months but damn I need one lately. I have no fucking idea yet what I’ll be wearing because my entire wardrobe has been the butt of some huge cosmic joke or karma for who knows what. No big deal to some people but (confession time here) I’m one of Those Women who somehow think that a killer outfit will make up for the fact that my personality is not always sparkling and vivacious, that my social skills are lacking and that I’m not conventionally beautiful. Will a really great outfit (or at least ass-kicking boots) be enough to shut off the little voices in my head? You know, the destructive ones. I don’t know. I guess I can try. If I could suddenly heal this heartache the weekend would look much brighter but I can only hope that I’ll find a way out of the grey cloud long enough to enjoy the friends I so rarely get to see. Hopefully I can get it through my head that they won’t love me more if my nails are properly manicured or if I were 80 pounds lighter and just relax.

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