May 272015
 

Jopen Envy Fifteen Vibrator ReviewI’m reviewing the Jopen Envy Fifteen because I’m on the hunt for a decent remote-controlled vibrator; it’s what people ask for the most, it seems! The thrill of wearing a vibrator in public is a gateway kink for many people; it’s one I can get behind! But sadly when it comes to remote control sex toys the market is lacking. A really great RC vibe needs to nail down these three things:

 *  A remote that allows the remote holder to know what’s going on – what setting the vibrator is one, basically.

 *  A remote connection that stays through clothing, flesh and ideally from across the room. Bonus points if it works through a wall.

 *  A comfortable vibrator shape with decently rumbly, decently powerful vibrations.

Con – Weird Shape

Every Jopen vibe I’ve tried has been very powerful and pretty rumbly so I had high hopes for “rule 3” to be met with the Jopen Envy Fifteen – and we almost had it. Look at the shape of the design. Where would YOU expect the vibrations to be centered? If you’re like me, you expected the vibrations to be in that portion that sticks out a bit – it would be a great design for those (like me) with full labia and a “buried” clitoris. But strangely the vibrations are focused at the other end. So this leaves the protruding part to sit at your vaginal entrance, I guess. The design sucks for me because of my full labia, chubby mons and buried clit. It’s vibrating my labia, right now. 

Jopen Envy FifteenPro and Con – Powerful!

Yes, the vibrations of the Jopen Envy Fifteen are powerful (no, not Tango-powerful, not quite). I didn’t think I could ever say this, but they’re ….. TOO powerful. The first setting is barely anything. I can feel that something is happening with the vibrator, but that’s it. The second setting is still very mild to me; kinda rumbly, but mild – although very sensitive folks will find it to be a great setting. The third setting jumps up to a level that could make moderately sensitive people orgasm. Already the third level is more powerful than some of the more mild vibrators I’ve owned. The fourth setting isn’t noisy, but it can be heard if you’re sitting on a chair and the room is quiet. It’s moderately rumbly and decently powerful. The fifth setting is rumbly in hand but between my labia and under pressure, it’s only moderately rumbly with a hint of buzzy. The fifth setting is pretty powerful. All of the settings can suffer from vibration dampening when surrounded by flesh, but it’s not too bad. I actually was able to orgasm on the fourth setting by wearing it in a way that wouldn’t be discreet in public (half of it sticking out of my labia like a mini cock, the red light blaring away) and putting a lot of pressure on my clitoris.

So it’s probably too powerful for those who are moderately-to-very sensitive IF you don’t want to actually orgasm in public. If you do, you might not last long. For those who are more orgasm-resistant, this might be the panty vibe that gets you off if that’s your aim.

Con – Controls Aren’t Intuitive

I first thought my Jopen Envy Fifteen was broken. You turn it on by pressing and holding the button on the vibrator for 4 or 5 seconds. Nothing will happen, except that the red light will be brightly shining. You then press the middle button on the remote, but a slow, deliberate button push, not a quick click. You’ll want to hold the remote in your hand by the fat end! Be warned – when you turn it on, it starts off at the THIRD setting. Here’s where it gets odd – to decrease the power level, you first have to click the top button (“up”) and THEN click the bottom button (“down”) to get to the first setting. Clicking just the top button will take you to the second setting if that’s all the lower you want to go to start off.

You can then click on the center button for 6 different patterns. You can also use the increase/decrease while in a pattern to change the vibration intensity. The red light on the vibe will blink along with the pattern, also.

Con – It’s a Bitch to Turn Off

Here’s where it gets annoying – the only two ways to turn it off are: 1. Press and hold the button on the vibrator for 3 or 4 seconds 2: Click the middle button on the remote 7 times (if you’re not in patterns) to cycle through all of the patterns to get it to stop vibrating. The red light on the vibrator will remain lit until it’s turned off at the vibrator.

The red light on the remote does sort of let the remote-holder know what’s going on. If the remote’s red light doesn’t light up, it means you’re going in the wrong direction with the buttons or you clicked it too quickly.

Con – Bright Red Light!

The vibrator of the Jopen Envy Fifteen has a very bright, red LED light under the silicone skin. Yes, it can be see through panties. It can be seen through most pants. The button is going to be roughly in the area of the vagina so it’s probably not visible to others if you wear it correctly and you’re standing up but I’m betting there would be situations where the red light would be visible. In a dark place, even more visible.

Pro – Remote and Vibrator are rechargeable

They include a Y-shaped recharging cable that plugs into both the remote and the vibrator, and then the other end is USB. Too many remotes take weird batteries, so this aspect is nice.

Pro – It Might Work Really Well Under a Harness

I can see the design of the Jopen Envy Fifteen working for many people when they’re wearing a strap-on harness. Not me, again, but if your labia is not chubby, if you don’t have a buried clit, this could work well for you to use while wearing a harness.  I can totally see someone buying this for the sole use of wearing it while they’re strapping on. Between the remote and the design, it would be easy to use and pretty comfortable.  Yes despite the fact that the design doesn’t work with my labia, it is overall comfortable.

Pro and Con – The Remote & Connection

Except for the fact that the light on the remote will not light up if you cannot go any higher/lower in vibration intensity, the remote holder doesn’t really know what the wearer is experiencing. If you get distracted you’ll forget where you left them.

The connection stayed put through my clothes, so that’s good. The remote is advertised to work up to 16.5 feet away which is……meh. It’s alright. It’s not going to work through walls and it’s not going to work from across a long room, but it’s decent. The remote is small and easy to hold, though. There’s that.

Final Thoughts

Overall, unless you’re using this during strap-on play OR you have minimal labia/mons and a prominent clit, I don’t think I can recommend the Envy Fifteen. Despite the price being pretty good (under $100), it has flaws that make it frustrating. The vibrations in use aren’t as rumbly as other ENVY/LUST items, and the jump from “tease” to “whoa” is a big jump. I think it’s going to let you down more often than not. Given the really bright red light, I don’t think it’s suitable for play in a low-light setting in public. I’m not loving the design because it rules out anyone with a buried clit. For public play, the remote sucks. For many uses, the remote sucks.

I’m going to keep trying out remote control vibrators to see if I can find one that isn’t awful. I’m losing hope, though. Industry, step up your game!! If someone could come out with a remote like Dorcel’s, with the connectivity and range of the Lelo Sensemotion, and a vibrator with rumbly vibrations in a decent range from teasing to decently powerful with gradual steps in intensity combined with two styles – one suited for innie clits and one suited for outtie clits – we’d be in business. But I have a feeling I’m going to be long gone from this world by the time sex toy companies recognize that not all clits are outties and design toys accordingly. Next in line for this style will be the L’amourose MAE – think it can impress me?

 

  • Ugh! I’m waiting for a good remote controlled vibrator too! I have my fingers crossed on L’amourose Mae! Don’t give up Lilly! Don’t lose hope! Keep looking for it!
    That red light though. *giggle* I’m just imagining someone’s pants with a red dot that’s blinking non-stop while they are ordering their coffee.

  • Elizabeth Shore

    Great review, Lilly. We’re including a link to your article on our Sexy Saturday round-up tomorrow at http://www.ladysmut.com.

  • FieryRed

    Oh my goddess. There is just no excuse for such ridiculously non-intuitive controls. That alone would be a deal-breaker for me.