Jan 022013

A reader pointed me to this article on Salon.com by an author I know and like, Rachel Kramer Bussel. Said reader thought that the topic was relevant to me and my site. Sure. It is.

But then all thoughts of writing up something about what she wrote went out the goddamn window when I made that tragic, tragic error. You know that error. When you read sex-based articles outside of our blogging bubble and actually read the comments:

A clip from theoatmeal.com
image courtesy of theoatmeal.com from this comic

And then it all went off track. I actually can heavily relate to a lot of the comic that I’ll be borrowing images from, “Some thoughts and musings about making things for the web“. You see, I thought about leaving a comment. And then I found that I have to have an account on salon.com and log in and frankly, I’m too lazy for that shit half the time. So I read the comments, and immediately regretted it.


Really. Really?? You make assumptions about the writer and THIS is what you assume???


Again. They don’t even read, do they….


I think Willie99 is a straight man who likes vibrating buttplugs and is ashamed to admit it for some reason.



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I know. I asked for it. But Mr. Oatmeal was right.


All of this is why I decided a few weeks ago to turn off commenting on a Youtube video I posted. I made up a clip with some introduction text about the rabbit vibrator scenes years ago from Sex and the City. Holy mother of pearl the COMMENTS. The women that I wanted to pet and take under my wing, who said in all honesty something along the lines that they would like one but their husband/boyfriend won’t let them. To which my inner feminist goes “what do you mean ‘LET’ you??? YOU own your body!!! [insert rage here]”. And the men trolling for fights, saying the things that I don’t have to repeat, you already know.  I know that sites like Salon.com think that having open season on the comments like that increases their traffic and shit. Who knows, maybe it does. But it doesn’t mean people aren’t going to talk about it and link to it. However, it now means that (as depicted above) the experience of just reading the article for itself has been tainted, nay, ruined, for the other people who succumb to comment-reading.

The article in question, after all of this? Oh, it was fine. I have no issue with it. The title does come off a bit misleading but I blame Salon for that, not the author. It’s a little hard for me to be completely unbiased though on the contents of the article simply because the author, and her boyfriend, are acquaintances of mine. Although I have to admit that my go-to reaction is still “Seriously? A vibrator is making him feel insecure? *sigh*”. It’s a touchy subject with me. I usually do try very hard to see both sides and I have done my level best to see it from the jealous person’s point of view. After all, I used to feel the same way about my partner watching porn, years ago. But really it boils down to something that needs to be talked about and worked out, and keep this in mind: The problem lays with the person who thinks that the vibrator is a threat. The problem isn’t the person who wants/needs the vibrator. The problem isn’t the vibrator. Are you (the trolls, not you lovely readers of mine) really going to tell me that I AM A BAD PERSON, or that I am addicted to vibrators, or that I ruined my own clitoris because I rarely can climax without a vibrator???? Yes, I’m sure they will say that and truly think it. But when we judge a person for anything, we usually don’t know their path or their story. Learn their story and go beyond the surface, and you’ll find truths that shame you for your judgment. To judge me for my need of a vibrator is to tell me that my body is broken; I spent years almost never having a clitoral orgasm until I found vibrators. Do you really think I’m not worthy of something as base as an orgasm?


  5 Responses to “This was going to be an intellectual post with thoughts and musings about vibrators and couples with me tempering my rage against those who get offended by sex toys”

  1. I totally know what you mean about reading comments on sex-related stories on non-sex-positive blogger sites. Ugh. I’m constantly amazed by how sexually backwards people in our country can be.

    Thankfully, I have a primary partner who thinks the more the merrier with sex toys. And despite what those commenters may think, I’m all for my straight partner using butt plugs when he wants to get off. Jezus man, prostate stimulation feels good! Any guy too uptight to at least give it a try is probably too up tight for me. (I say give it a try because everyone is different and it might not do much for some guys.)

    But it’s people like those commenters who hinder my search for a suitable friend with benefits. Most guys are too sexually backwards for me to consider them. Le sigh.

  2. Those comments made me froth at the mouth a little.

    But that’s probably just because my vibrator gave me rabies.

  3. Ugh. I went through and read all the comments. Are people really this dumb?

    Like you, I cannot orgasm with my hands. It really sets me off when people imply something is wrong with me because of this. EVERYONE is worthy of an orgasm no matter if you need a vibrator or not.

    Oh, and my husband uses butt plugs most every time we have sex. I do find it to be a turn on. I’m not running screaming because he has toys as well. Morons.

  4. Oh, do I laugh or cry here? Hmm…

    I have to say whenever I read an article/watch a video/whatever, I feel a need to read the comments. I don’t know why. They usually just fill me full of rage and despair. These people dress themselves in the morning. Ponder that one.

    ~It’s like how when we see an accident, or a bevy of cops….we go out of our way to see what’s goin on. There was some kerscuffle 40 feet down the road here today and because of the trees, I couldn’t see, so I got out my binoculars. I heard the commotion so I had to investigate. See also: Curiosity Killed The Cat.

  5. This is one of those sticky situations. I read comments. I made them. I get into arguments on the internet. I know one of the biggest complaints I hear from other bloggers is that people don’t comment. I think part of it is the “don’t read the comments” mentality that we’ve gotten into. Are the vast majority of people that uneducated? Yes, unfortunately. Which is why articles like this, our blogs, reviews, and videos are so important. It’s why educators are important, and why those of us who teach need to strive to reach new audiences and not just the already sex-positive ones. Creating logins is annoying, but with a password manager it gets easier. With G+ connectivity and Disqus it gets easier. I’m pro-comments, and I’m pro-education. We still live in a society which was founded on Puritan ideologies. It’s changing, but it’s slow. Things like this are a reminder that while we personally may live in sex-positive worlds, we’re in a bubble there and this is what the rest of the world is really like.

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