Jan 112010
 

It seems as though most of my readers respond better to a tiny, provocative 3-line post with a half-nekkid photo, than my rambling words lately. It seems like I can’t make a move to speaking my mind more because of the comment count I get on those posts vs the comment count on the erotica and photo posts. Perhaps I’ll just post little else than brainless smut and sexy photos here and post the intelligent discourse posts on other blogs. Maybe. But sometimes, like today, you’re just gonna have to deal with it because this is something I feel strongly about. If you don’t like this kind of stuff from me, then you can safely stop reading now.


Britni posted a few weeks ago about V Magazine’s “size” issue which she posted a whole bunch of preview photos from. Plus size models that look amazing…..

…..Amazingly perfect. And while they are a step in a right direction, moving away from all models being a size 0, they still don’t do much for “fat acceptance”. I look at these models and try to remember that they’re models and so they have to be proportioned “just so” but they are not realistic representations. They are the Perfect Fat, the most Acceptable Fat that the general public can handle. The rolls are at a minimum, their tummies are relatively flat, their butts are still that idyllic heart shape, etc. When I look at the advertisements and posters for Lane Bryant, I don’t feel like my size is acceptable because these models, to me, are barely plus-sized. I wrote about how tough it is to shop for plus-size clothes over at EdenCafe but I want to include that post here and expound on it a little.


I wear a size 20. Depending on the brand and the style of the article of clothing, I might even wear a 22. What’s funny is that I wear a larger numerical size than I did a few years ago, but I am not actually any bigger. I have a few sweaters that are Lane Bryant from only 4 years ago, and they are a size 14/16. They fit me the same as current size 20 or 22. And no, they’re not stretched out. Way to make me feel like shit, designers. At the age of 32 (and I’m usually told I don’t look a day over 25) I am not yet ready to dress like my grandmother.

But the brick-and-mortar stores at my disposal think otherwise. Why? Why do clothes designers assume that if you’re plus-sized you’re 1. over 5′9″ and 2. over the age of 45 or “matronly and modest”. Some department store plus-size sections will carry the occasional fashion-forward pieces that are age-appropriate for me, but it’s like finding a needle in a haystack. Combine that with them also offering styles that most plus-size women should not wear and an abundance of matronly/modest articles, and it’s no wonder I hate shopping.

I have read various uncredited sources that claim as much as 50% of the American female adult population wears a size above 14 (16 and up is considered “plus”). If it’s even just 40% then pray tell WHY are the plus-sized sections so damn small?? Old Navy won’t even carry those sizes in the store. Macy’s, Sears, Bon-Ton, JC Penneys, Target, Wal-mart, Kohl’s etc have a plus size section that equals only 10% of the “regular” sized women’s clothing. Plus sized clothing gets maybe 20 brands on average, while the other section has a hundred or more. They will convert only a tiny percentage of the regular sized clothes into plus-size. I can’t tell you how many times I walk by a cute/sexy top at Kohl’s with a wistful sigh, wishing it came in my size.

So we’re relegated to shopping online. Women on average have a much harder time with clothes fitting than men, jut because we’re all shaped differently even at the same dress size. But plus-size women have even more issues with clothes fitting at our size and being flattering. If the item is shown on a model, usually that model is barely a size 14 and has toned upper arms and a mostly flat belly with an otherwise “proportionate” body. Um, hello, I don’t look like that! How the hell am I supposed to know what it *might* look like on me? So now we’re forced to shop online where we can’t try on things first, we have to guess. We have to subject ourselves to the measuring tape if we want a better shot at the clothes fitting, but that’s not even a gaurantee.

I recently found this outfit at Hips and Curves, a lingerie site for big girls – and of course, their models are the Perfect Fat and so even though its a site for “my size” I still look at this outfit and feel like I need to slim down a few sizes to have a chance at looking as good as the model does in it. I would love to be able to wear this for the next NYC Sex Blogger Calendar Party. The Parisian skirt and the corset, with maybe a their wide-neckline sheer body suit under the corset for some arm coverage given that the party IS in November. But seriously, I feel too round and chunky for their clothes, even though I am their target shopper.

In a time when brick-and-mortar stores are pulling out all the stops to bring in and keep customers, you would think they would try to appease a larger cross-section of their customers. My local Target leaves only a paltry (and shameful) -6- racks for the plus-size section. Maternity gets more racks!! I can assure you there’s less business from Maternity women than plus-size. I’m not asking for equal shares, I know better. But if all these department stores committed to doubling (or tripling in the case of stores like Target) the plus-size section I can gaurantee you they would see a huge return on that.

I’ve run into very few online stores that show their clothes on a model that might look more like me – and these are places that have a little less polish, a little less high glamour professionalism to  them. The more mainstream the store is, the more of a Perfect Fat there is.

Britni directed me to a site I’d not heard of before, called Fatshionista. It’s a blog, it’s an information source, an inspiration source and a guidance in navigating the online shopping world. They offer a section where members can review the online stores. On the LiveJournal community pages there is a huge list of any online store that carries some plus-size clothing or is completely dedicated to plus-size. Many of the more popular ones I’ve already been to but there were many I didn’t know about. While this won’t make future shopping *easier* it will at least give us more options.

EDIT: The lovely Britni passed on some more links so I’m highlighting all those and all the other links in this post:

  • If you need inspiration on outfits, check out the Fatshionista Flickr Pool
  • A great “fat positive”  blog, The F Word
  • Fat Fu blog where you can subscribe to the Notes from the Fat’o’sphere section, a list of a whole bunch of fat acceptance/fat positive blogs.
  • Fatshionista is the main site, the Review section offers up reader-reviews on all the online stores that sell plus size clothing, and the LiveJournal community page also has a big list of places to shop as well as other sites to read for inspiration and education.


  • Lilikka

    I don’t often comment due to being shy, but I have to say I definitely prefer your intelligent posts to ones that are fluff. Of course, you’re super beautiful so the pictures are always awesome, but your intelligence is still the reason I’m drawn to your blog.

    And I completely agree with how difficult it can be to find clothes that look good on a plus-size woman! And while it’s great that a single magazine is choosing for one month to put in plus-size models, it’s simply not enough to get people to accept that most women aren’t sickly thin.

    ~ There’s no such thing as too shy to comment on this blog ;)

  • http://kittykillkill.wordpress.com kittykillkill

    You actually surprised me with this post. When I first started reading it (and checking out the link to the other website honoring the plus-sized models) I was going to think that you’d be happy about it. Surprisingly, I was wrong (for the most part). Temper and I were looking at these exact pictures last night and Temper actually made the comment on how these women didn’t look “Plus sized.” I do agree with you here on how it IS a step in the right direction, but not close enough to what the actual plus sized woman represents. I told Temper when we were looking at these women that some consider plus sized to be anywhere between a sized 10 to a 14. How fucked up is that first of all?

    I used to be a size 20-22 about idk, 10 to 12 years ago. Even back then clothes were hard to find that were stylish and God forbid there was even be any plus-sized models displayed anywhere unless it was “Emme.” Until recently, I have always been a big girl and always found it hard to find good clothes. So, I understand your frustration. It won’t be long before I have that problem again.

    This was a very good post!

    ~ It is indeed fucked up, but then, I think that 99% of the fashion industry is fucked up. I never knew that about you! you’ll have to fill me in on how you lost weight.

  • http://www.insatiabledesire.com/ Rayne

    Omg, thank you. I thought the same thing when I looked at that spread.

    And I about cried when I went to WalMart last month to try and pick out something cheap, but wearable, for M’s company’s winter celebration this month and found that everything for women my size was either so badly made I’m sure it would tear if I twisted the wrong way, or looked like something I’d find in my grandmother’s closet. We’re gonna have to make a trip to the mall or something and hope we can find something there. WalMart’s just not gonna cut it anymore.

    A designer I’ve found that has a really decent plus size line (though I hate their “Look at me! Look at me!” golden cat) is Baby Phat. But they’re expensive. :/

    ~ Yeah I know….I went to Every Fucking Store in my area to try to find something for my own little wedding and for one I had to attend, and of course the NYC party. Its not easy.

  • Wumpus

    The Fashion industry on a whole is narcissistic and completely unrealistic. Recent Aribrush photos of Emma Watson(took her leg off) and I believe it was Angelia Jolle(a chunk off her waist) why is my question when we as a society get to a point of not realishing in ones uniquiness, the curves of a woman, a small scar or heaven forbid the love handle at the waist this is what makes us….not some androgynous stick figure. It makes no sense to why the fashion industry cannot create a unified measurement that makes sense for woman. And stock the damn shelf, don’t relegate women or even men of a certain size to the dark corners or “plus” size stores. There shouldn’t be a market for the plus size it should be just Clothes stores. Gah sorry I rant on certain topics and this is one of them.

  • http://mygrayline.blogspot.com Gray

    Awesome post! I am going to go through all those links later on! Finding clothes is a pain in the butt. Thank you!!:)

  • http://britisstillshameless.blogspot.com Britni TheVadgeWig

    I understand your frustration. I actually stopped posting naked pictures of myself for a while, because I was frustrated that people would skim my *actual* posts, yet leave 9,000 “that’s hot!” comments on my tits. Or, someone who claims to be a “long time reader” would email me, yet I know I’ve only seen their name commenting on my smut, and that’s confirmed when they ask me questions about myself that I answer ALL the time. You’re not a *reader*. You click, looking for tits, and if you don’t see any, you move on. It’s incredibly frustrating, as a smart, intelligent person with a lot to say, when you feel like your words aren’t appreciated. There are a million and one places you can go on the internet to see gratuitous nudity; that’s not what I want my blog to be about. Heh. You can see that I feel strongly about that, too.

    You make a great point about the “perfect” fat. Models that are “fat,” but only in the right places. Tits, hips, ass. They are still proportioned in the “desirable” way. Holly at Pervocracy wrote about that the other day, here. And, as I said on your post at EC, it’s a shame that the majority of the population has the minority of clothing available to them.

    I love Fatshionista, because they’re women of size celebrating fashion, clothing, and themselves. And not all of those girls are “perfect fat.” They’re normal, every day women, looking fabulous. That site ALWAYS makes me smile. Their Flickr pool rocks. I’ve done a “Standards of Beauty” post on my own blog featuring them before, too.

    ~ More great links, ty Brit!!

  • http://britisstillshameless.blogspot.com Britni TheVadgeWig

    Oh, and I don’t know if you read The F Word, but it’s a great, fat positive site. Through it, I found the Notes From The Fat O’Sphere RSS feed, which is an entire feed of fat acceptance and fat positive blogs. I love it.

  • http://rtws.blogspot.com Emmy

    Some of the issues you raise remind me a bit of the project runway episodes where they make the designers design for the “normal woman”. And, like you mention, the looks either turn out too matronly or they are simply too poorly made to even consider as they do not lay properly on the real woman.

    Model fat is also a great way of describing these women. I do applaud your attempts to online shop. When I was at my heaviest 6 years ago, I wouldn’t even consider it as I knew I would end up returning most of it because of the models giving a false impression of how it would look.

  • http://moresexchocolateandredlipstick.wordpress.com Amy

    It’s my dream for me to get as many comments on a ‘regular’ post, even a smutty one if not an ‘intelligent’ as on HNT pics. Still, that is the way of the Internet. And there are a lot of us who appreciate your intelligence and wit!

    What I find a little bit weird about those pictures is that their faces are skinny. Not all of them, but a couple of them look like their faces are a bit small for their bodies. It could be the way it’s shot, or the airbrushing, but it very much seems like they only have fat in the ‘right’ places – and the face is clearly not a place that it’s acceptable.

    It does seem strange that no one has cashed in on the market for fashionable plus size clothing – it seems to me that there’s a lot of money in it! The problem is is that fashion is about aspiration. They would never show ‘real’ models because fashion isn’t real – at least high end fashion isn’t real. It’s bought by the minority and coveted by the majority.

    xxxx

    ~ yeah I noticed that, too. I bet their double chins were Photoshopped out.
    And 90% of the clothes sold in this country are not high fashion, so why do we cater their standards? I just don’t get it.

  • Happykindaguy

    I may be talking out of my ass here, but here goes anyway. I’m guessing that a lot of larger women generally don’t feel very good about themselves and the way they look. They are constantly bombarded by the media with images of miniature sized models. They are sent messages that anyone weighing more than a chicken wing is unacceptable to men. Please understand that I’m not saying I agree that you should feel badly about yourselves. I just believe a lot of women struggle with self image, and I do believe our society is to blame for that. Anyway, I’m assuming these attitudes would carry over into shopping. Women that are a size 2 shop for the fun of it. But if you aren’t happy with how you look, shopping must be horribly stressful. Wouldn’t you want to avoid that stress at all costs? What’s my point? I think heavier women shop pretty much only when they NEED to. They will buy less than thinner women. That may well be what drives what you can find in stores. Maximizing floor space of what they will sell more of. It’s my hypothesis anyway, now that you’ve got me thinking about it. Of course, I’m a man, so I really have no clue what women think.

    ~ You do have a point. But so do I. Now, how to blend those in the eyes of the purchasing departments, lol. IF those stores carried more clothes, better clothes, to appease the 40% of the population we WOULD buy more.
    WTF ever happened to places like the old department stores who offered free alterations to tailor the clothes you bought from them to fit your body better? *sigh*

  • Lady Julia

    I think Happykindaguy has a point about heavier women finding shopping stressful, but I believe the stores are short-sighted if they are under the impression that, because we buy less now, we would continue to buy less if we had more options that were nice. I’ve never met a woman yet that didn’t enjoy buying something nice that she felt good in.

    I like how I look in the clothes I have. Because I’m short it’s not always easy to find something that is made for me instead of an 8 foot Amazon. I have to alter almost everything. If I had a nice selection of clothes from which to choose, I’d shop more and enjoy it more. It’s not like I am a rarity, either. There are almost as many women my height and size as there are tall, short thin women.

    Lilly, love your blog. I read it via RSS feed so I don’t usually take the time to comment. This time I had to (and I’ll try to do so more often in the future). You’re clearly an intelligent, interesting lady who will draw interest no matter what you post.

    Thanks for taking the time to share yourself with us.

    ~ Why thank you my dear. And you do make a good point about having the clothes altered. Honestly I think that most women *should* have their clothes altered a bit, no matter their size. But alas most of us can’t afford it and don’t know how to sew =/ I have a lot of clothes that are good but could be great with some minor altering.

  • http://b-the-slave.blogspot.com slave b

    Don’t think that we don’t appreciate your deep and meaningful posts at all, the smut is nice but its more the icing on the cake the be honest, if all I wanted was just smut there are plenty of places to get it :-P

    I completely agree with what you are saying here though. I’m a fan of bigger girls, and I see the way Mistress is everytime we go shopping for her, she does that same ‘i wish that was in my size’ sigh when we try to find her pretty clothes. Retailers need to get real about who they are selling to and adjust their range accordingly.

  • http://fairnine.blogspot.com Elise

    I love your written posts just as much as the occasional picture. You are so very real, and I prize that. I would not like your photographs as much if I thought there was just some brainless woman behind that camera. Your blog is well done because of your intellect, your gorgeous sexuality, and your passion for a variety of topics.

    I adore passing well-dressed “plus-sized” women on the street, and a part of my adoration may stem from the fact that it is extraordinarily difficult for women of larger size to find the perfect fit! Here’s to hoping for a change!

    ~ YES! I do see some very well dressed plus size women, and sometimes feel like stopping them and asking. Actually I did with one lady in my office who is just so awesomely dressed – but she’s a taller black lady and frankly can get away with clothing choices that would look ridiculous on me. They just would. She says she shops mainly at Ashley Stewart.

  • http://kinky-world.net/ Kayla

    We sorta got into that on Twitter, but I completely agree with you. I refuse to shop at Old Navy because they only offer plus-size online. Like we’re something to be hidden in the shadows or something.

    I’m 18 and wear a size 26. Clothes choices are horrid. I like Torrid.com and casual-plus, though.

    ~ I had SUCH huge problems shopping at casual-plus, bc their sizes are all JUNIOR plus!! They don’t state what that translates to in normal plus size clothing but I think it’s stupid. If a Jr plus 3X is really equivalent to a 1X in regular….you’re making the “jr plus” gals feel bigger than they are!! how utterly dumb.

  • http://www.eclecticenchantress.com/ Eclectic Enchantress

    I think in this day and age where fat acceptance is a hot topic and more women are making the attempt to be more confident, no matter their size, the retailers should take heed. Me, I wear 20-24 (yeah, the weirdo sizing thing) and I LOVE to shop. I had to work for that self esteem though and still have those “fucking EW” days.

    Sure Lane Bryant has some excellent stuff but c’mon, I like to wear as little as possible when I’m on a hot date…not be dressed for the office. Torrid is fun but odd in their sizing as well. And both can be a bit on the pricey side. There is a growing population of smaller retailers that are fat positive. Does that sound fucked up or what? Small companies that sell great clothing in a wide range of sizes and good prices. The drawback, no dressing rooms…*sigh*.

    Well, you’ve definitely made a statement that bears sharing. And, I always love your posts, naked pics or not *wink*

    EE

    ~ Why thank you EE, you know I love hearing from you! And YES those stores are too pricey especially for the quality of clothing!!

  • Tyler

    I’ll be honest, I did find your blog from posts you made on a couple of message boards. Being a man, I’ll admit that I was awestruck by the curves.
    However it’s not too often that I go from the message boards to a site that I’ll actually start following.
    Yours, of course is a very pleasant exception. Curves are one thing, but it’s the creative and very intelligent mind that’s made a fan out of me.
    So yes, I do enjoy HNT or any other photo occasion, but I read every article you post.
    I may not comment, but I do thoroughly enjoy them all.
    Intelligence and a respect for the English language and proper grammar is very refreshing these days.

    So, enough blubbering and rambling, I do actually have a point!

    I agree with you here, it is pretty sad how often we see perfectly ‘normal’ and attractive folks photoshopped to hell on magazines to make them into alien stick figures that are completely unrealistic. As a photographer, it makes me sick to see it used with such poor judgment. As you mentioned – the new ‘average’ size is 12 to 14, so how are women (and the young girls of the world) supposed to feel when a size 2 model gets hacked and touched up because she’s just not small enough.

    And from a male point of view, the clothing situation isn’t much better. I’m 6’3″ and 325, which causes me grief to no end. My girl is size 22-24, so we have much the same opinion on going shopping for clothes.
    Most times I find a couple of racks stuck in the corner, full of old man shirts, and fabric that looks like it could be a carnival tent, rather than a shirt.

    as has been mentioned, everything you hear these days is about how the population keeps growing and getting bigger. you’d figure that someone would be trying to make money off this group and offering some quality clothing in the mainstream stores. It’s endlessly frustrating.

    ~ thank you, seriously, that is lovely to hear :) but ugh I’m so sorry you men have the same issues!! I didn’t think it was as bad as we have it.

  • http://scoobysnaxz.deviantart.com scooby

    While I will never fully be able to relate, I can at least sympathize with you on some level. I stopped being able to shop in department stores some time ago as my general physical size and build are not carried or sold by the brick stores. Interestingly enough, my wife who is actually the same age and very closely matches your size as well has similar issues frequently. This reply is about one of those. My wife’s grandmother is an interesting person, but she is notoriously bad with gift giving, meaning she gives the worst gifts. So last year for my wife’s birthday, she gets the “grandma” box as we call it and she opens it up and its the most hideous, horiffic, two piece moomoo for lack of not knowing the actual cut style either of us have ever seen. The card says, “this was the only thing I could find in your size and I wanted to buy you some new clothes, love grandma.” Now, you have to understand grandma lives in AZ, but seriously?? My wife and I still laugh about it to this day.
    After that little quip, one piece of advice that worked for me some years back. After about 3 months of attempting to find a pair of levis jeans in department and specialty stores that were my size and having had no luck and with much frustration, I wrote a letter to the then president of Levi’s corp. and told them that my feelings on the fact that their clothing cater to a specific size range and that in my personal experience I had met/knew less people in their specific range than out of it. It was just bitchy enough that I got a personal phone call from Levi’s and they made two specific styles of jeans in my size and put three other lines into production in my size range. I still don’t get to shop at department stores much, but at least I can find the styles that are in, in my size now online or in specialty stores.

    For what its worth, write a letter, you never know.

    ~ If I knew how and who, I’d write letters. Ugh and your poor wife!

  • http://dangerousliaisons-aurore.blogspot.com/ Aurore

    I have to say I can relate to everything you’ve written. Buying new clothes is my personal kryptonite. I actually buy most of my clothing from Rickis because they seem to understand that you can be short (5’2″) and fat at the same time with a desire to not dress like grandma.

    I don’t understand any of the sizing issues or images the fashion industry puts out. Most of my close friends, we are not little girls, and yet we all struggle to find appropriate clothing for just about any occasion.

    Maybe one day the fashion world will catch up to the real world – hopefully soon before I need to find a new dress!

    ~ At first I wanted to write to TLC and ask that they do more What Not to Wear shows on bigger women, but then I realized that it likely wouldn’t be of much help to most of us because the women would be shopping in NYC stores that we don’t have and/or can’t afford!! Ugh.

  • Hot Momma

    I too am in the same boat and the same size! I just wish we didn’t have to call it Fat Acceptance, how about Zaftig Acceptance or Voluptuous Acceptance, fat to me is such an ugly word! I hate what it represents and I like the idea of accepting ME and ALL of me, no matter what my weight is.
    Meh! Whole nother topic I understand, but nevertheless, I commend you for bringing this to light, because it does in fact impact a lot of people.
    Keep up the good work, while I don’t post often, I read your blog almost daily!!
    I found you from Coy Pinks website, which I found from The Beautiful Kind’s website…so kudos to you sexy ass gorgeous women, no matter what damn size you are!!!
    MWAH!! Licks and Kisses in the all right places!!

    ~ Thank you!! Yes, “fat” has become an ugly word and I wish it weren’t so…..but just like “cunt” there’s a movement to try and take back the word and make it ours, make it positive. It might take awhile, but we’ll get there.

  • SteelHorseman

    I am just smiling so much for you right now. This is a very thoughtful and heartfelt post and you deserved all of these wonderful comments.
    As one of the rare men to comment, I just want to say that I have absolutely no weight fetish of any sort. I don’t know how to define what makes a woman beautiful to me, it is just something that is there. I think you are beautiful, and I bet I would feel the same about many of these women who commented above.
    One thing is for certain. The stores really need to pay attention to the market and stop trying to force everyone into a “perfect” box.

  • http://www.askgarnet.com Garnet Joyce @ AskGarnet

    Once I got fat I didn’t know where to shop. No one taught me since I’d been shopping at regular stores for most of my existence. But a combo of depression and arthritis ended up making me into a plus sized lady. I started w Lane Bryant and Avenue and hated everything I wore. Thankfully on vacation I stopped into a Torrid and fell in love. The closest store to me is over an hour away, but I go a few times a year to stock up. I love them so much because I finally can wear clothes that I look damn hot in and fit my sense of style.

    Also, I prefer your intelligent posts

    ~ Thanks :) Occasionally LB had some decent clothes, but I found that they would literally fall apart at the seams. Plus, they’re pricey. Sadly I don’t have a Torrid near enough to me, and what I see online is usually still out of my price range =/

  • Backseat Boohoo

    I totally understand what you mean, just from the opposite side of the spectrum. It drives me nuts that just because I’m “petite,” designers think I should dress like a 14-year-old teeny bopper. I want to dress my age, dammit! >:(

    ~ Yes, you’re right….you either have to shop in “petite” stores where it seems they’re catering to the over-40 and corporate crowd, or the juniors section.

  • dareuu

    i am male and i really want to sound off on this. i saw that spread on multiple sites. my initial reaction when i opened up to see the pictures was “what is plus about these women?”. i am married to a plus size woman and it sounds like the two of you are very close to the same size. it is near impossible to try and buy her some kind of sexy outfit that won’t look like she is wearing her daughter’s clothing.

    i don’t think that i have any kind of bbw fetish. i just like women with curves. i like women that are soft. most of the women you see in magazines are not appealing to me at all. the women featured in the “plus size model” article were attractive to me but they were more like what i would consider normal than plus size.

    i really wish that designers and the rest of the fashion industry would get a f-ing clue and start making clothing for real women. real women that have real lives. real women that can’t spend 8 hours in a gym. real women that aren’t starving themselves. real women that are not afraid to say “hey, let’s go to dairy queen for a blizzard.” real women that we all know and love.

    on a side note, i visit your blog 2-3 times a week but i rarely comment. i love your posts…all of them. the intelligent discussions, the emotional outpouring, the sexy pictures, the seductive fantasies. i hope you don’t start splitting them across multiple blogs because it is all of that that makes you who you are, not just one type.

    ~ Thanks for the vote of confidence!
    I do want to say though that dress size doesn’t make a woman “real”. i think the fashion industry as a whole, from runway to walmart, should be bulldozed and began again from scratch because it’s just all wrong for just about any size.

  • http://www.29-pearls.blogspot.com/ frances

    incredibly well said. often i feel you are writing the things that pass directly through my mind. thank you for say them, though it seems some may not appreciate it. you rock!

  • http://deweyssystem.blogspot.com/ Dewey

    I can’t offer an empathy, not that you were looking for it, or even asking for it, but unlike some people, I enjoy reading about the real you, and about what the real you thinks about, worries about, and struggles with. So thank you. It’s nice. I can sympathize with you that not being able to find clothes must really suck!!

  • blueyeguy

    Have you tried Coldwater Creek online? My s/o is a plus size and she buys much of her everyday clothing there

    ~ I have looked, but don’t usually see much that’s my style

  • Marcus

    I have been offline for a while and just now saw this post, sorry for such a late reply. Anyway, I very rarely comment on anyone’s blog at all. When I do comment it is likely to be in relation to something sexy such as pictures or erotica since I rarely think that I have anything worthwhile to add when a blogger posts something intelligent. However, I sincerely hope that you never get to the point of posting nothing but brainless smut and sexy photos because that is not why I keep coming back to your site. While those things are nice, and I do believe you are one of the most beautiful women to ever grace this planet, I can get brainless smut in plenty of other places online. If the site was entirely sex and smut I would have enjoyed the sexy material and when I was done I would have closed the site and never returned. Instead, I find myself wondering each day what you have decided to post. I don’t know about anyone else, but just because I do not respond to something certainly does not mean that it is not appreciated. Also, I refuse to buy clothes for my wife for the same reasons you discussed. Instead, when I want to buy something for her I tell her what the spending limit is and we have fun going around and trying to find an outfit for her. She gets to try on lots of clothes (which she loves doing) and I get to see her, for just a moment, in outfits that are a lot more daring than anything she would actually wear (or be allowed to wear) in public. Over time I have also learned which of the dressing rooms in local shops have questionable locks that may be used to get quick glimpses of my darling one as she changes. ;)

    ~ Ah dressing room fun! My kinda couple! Never think you don’t have anything worthwhile to add in comments, I’d be willing to bet you do ;)

  • http://listener.tumblr.com Listener

    It’s not as bad for guys, but it’s pretty bad. There are no stores except specialty shops that carry pants or shirts that I can wear. I’m not even the biggest guy I know, but I still can’t shop at any department store or mall store. Target doesn’t carry clothes my size. WalMart has a few things — they do have a pretty good “big guy” selection, but only for “average” big guys. I’m not just big; I’m also tall. I can’t wear the same sizes as shorter overweight guys or taller in-shape guys. I own nothing that is cut quite right for my torso.

    At least I can shop at K&G for suits — they’ll tailor them if you buy them at the store — but just once I’d like to be walking through Target, see a funny shirt, and be able to buy it.

    Oh, and online? Just like there are fewer selections in stores for plus-size women, there’s much smaller inventory for big guys — they all say “up to 4X!”, but they’re always sold out by the time I try to buy.

    I feel your pain. I really do.

    ~ I think it’s time we write to company owners!

  • Lannay

    I have that skirt! And you are so incredibly correct. I’m a size 20-22 and so I ordered the skirt in my appropriate size. It fits….but not at all like it does on the model. It’s tight on the tummy, there is no elastic at all so if you do get it (which I say go for, it is beautiful) but make sure you size it right..or else you’ll be squeezing which is no fun. Also I’m only 5’5 and there is no give for drape at all. I can’t put it up in the front and still have a train in the back, it hits mid calf when I do that. All of that said however, I do love H & C..oh and Torrid too is great. There aren’t many stores that have sexy clothing for plus size women so as frustrating as it is I’ll still continue to shop (and pay the ridiculous shipping!!! That’s another rant altogether…maybe it’s just canada, i don’t know lol) :)

    Oh and PS…While I completely love your pics and erotic stories I do also love your intelligent posts too :)

    loves to you and hubs
    lannay

  • http://www.andeatingit2.com Joanna Cake

    What Backstreet Boohoo said. I dont work in an office. I just need some casual clothes and Im fed up with wading through the Barbie themes in the kids section.

    However, our local Tesco (in the UK) superstore do seem to do a huge spread of clothing sizes. The bigger and smaller sizes aren’t there for long tho, leaving all those in the middle to benefit in the sales.

    Those of us in the sizes at either end have to buy anything we like that is in our size as soon as we see it, because it certainly wont be there the following day.

    Surely that must mean that there is a bigger market out there in the biggest and smallest sizes than they are stocking for and a smaller one for those sizes where so many garments end up on the sale rail a few weeks later… They are getting the ratios all wrong.

    ~ I wonder what I have to do to get people with power in the retail stores to see this post and the thoughts by others…..

  • thepinkpoppet

    Great post! Thanks for laying this all out there. For me personally…I have been large woman (size 28). I have been small woman (size 8). Right now I am rather average sized woman(size 10-12). I remember and understand the hellacious frustration of trying to find proper fitting and beautiful clothes and being so mad at designers that I could have spit at them. They never seemed to realize that the average woman in the world is not a size 00 and that if they designed clothes for real women they could increase their sales and make us happy at the same time. I always found it insane that if I did indeed find clothes that were age appropriate and fit across my ass or tits, they danged sleeves were so long as if they expected me to have ape hanger arms since I was larger other places.

  • http://iveylane.blogspot.com Ivey

    Like some of the previous commenters my size has varied from about a twenty years ago a size 10 at my smallest (which I still believed to be enormous since I worked in film and TV) to a size 20 two years ago at my largest. Right now, I’m about a 14. For someone with a reasonably healthy body-image shopping can be challenging, but for one who is larger than the “prefered” size AND wraps their self-worth into that freakin’ number, it can be beyond excruciating bordering on self-torture. But many people I encountered over the years saw it only as a shopping problem. But for me, the constant struggle with weight carried over into my work, my relationships, my sexuality, and so many other areas.

    Thanks for the many thoughtful posts, Lilly. I truly enjoy reading them and will be back for many more.

  • http://www.dantes2ndinferno.blogspot.com blazngScarlet

    My size has also varied over the years, but I am at a comfortable 16 right now.
    I’m healthy and I feel good.
    However, i;m also short …. 5’3″.
    Finding plus-sized clothes has been a challenge.
    Especially AFFORDABLE ones.
    However,I have had some success with Torrid.
    I have also shopped online at: http://www.biggalslingerie.com/dress1.html
    I also have noticed that the models in the clothing section are more accurately portrayed … double chins, rolls, dimples on the butt, etc.
    You might want to give them a look-see.

    Anyway, thank you for the article.
    I do think it’s nice to see bigger women models …. just use all types.
    Same thing with smaller women.
    We’re all built differently, we should celebrate and encourage our fellow sisters for how beautiful they are …. regardless of size.

  • http://kateanon.wordpress.com kateanon

    I appreciate this, as I have some of the same complaints. Lingerie especially can be difficult, I tried both a small local adult shop this weekend (in their tiny section) and Torrid, and had no luck with some of the lingerie pieces, corsets and such. Frustrating.