VibeReview: UltraReal (and ultra creepy)

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UltraReal by Doc Johnson, Courtesy of VibeReview.com

I had such high hopes for this dildo. I’ve never owned a suction cup dildo and I was quite excited for all the things that I could do with it. When I requested it, the site didn’t list the material – which is rubber. Had I known that, I wouldn’t have wanted to review it. I can hear BBG calling me a toy snob as we speak ;) There’s good reason why I can’t stand rubber toys.

Do you see that? The red dots? Thats dye from the carrying bag leaching into the toy!! Those red dots were not there. I don’t think they extended the realism to razor burn. I suppose you could put a condom on this if you’re worried about the nasty chemicals that are escaping! I, however, don’t want to use a condom on a toy when I don’t have to – I’m not in a sharing situation with it. Another reason I hate rubber is the smell. This toy has the typical rubber smell, which is offensive enough, but then it’s also perfumed to try and cover up that smell. To me it is downright nauseating. So while this toy could be a huge turn-on for me to practice my cock-sucking skills on, due to the realism….I can’t get it even 8 inches from my face, I find the odor that offensive.

The size is good. The suction is….decent. Doesn’t stick to walls very long (I tried and failed. 2 seconds after this photo was taken it fell off the wall, hit the surge protector, turned that off which turned off both computers and elicited a large exasperated sigh from my partner and a dirty look, as he was in the middle of a game……oops…)

The major selling point to this dildo though is the realism factor. It’s a copy of….someone’s penis, and not a 10″ long pornstar, either. There are raised veins that are actually tinted blue. There’s texture to it to match the skin of a real cock and balls (minus the hair, thankfully) – the feel of it though is a bit tacky to the touch. I’m not a fan of that, and it tends to pick up any bit of dust/hair/etc floating around. It’s a bitch to keep clean.

It’s a little weird reviewing a toy that I only looked at….this thing isn’t going to be used by me. Which means…..how am I going to get rid of it?? Seriously?!? I’m afraid to throw it away. I don’t wanna freak out the sanitation workers should this thing go tumbling around on its way to the crusher and have them stop the truck, freak out, etc.

Yep, I’m a total dork with my sextoys sometimes….

This toy makes me feel kinda like Lorena Bobbit. And I’m not into that kink….

If you’re looking for a suction-cup dildo that is silicone, you might look to the Bandito. While it doesn’t have the girth of UltraReal, it’s a lot better looking, works in a harness, and most importantly – it’s silicone. I can’t speak for that toy as I have yet to try it, but Scarlet reviewed it here so take a look!