Heeldo Review

I’ve seen the Heeldo bopping around the industry for a few years, and was always curious. I finally got a chance to review one to see if it would work out like I thought it would.

Yes.

And no.

Many would probably laugh at the concept, and I do laugh at the thought of donning the Heeldo to be used on someone else (gives new meaning to the eloquent term “cunt-punt”), but for masturbation it could be really great for some people.

I, as you know, have troubles with thrusting a straight dildo. But I do so love my Tantus dildos and while their bases usually do a decent job of acting like a suction cup, I don’t have any surfaces in my house that are suction-cup friendly. So I thought that the Heeldo would be my ticket to improved self-fucking.

Sadly, it was not meant to be for me. You really just cannot have bad knees in order to use this for very long (or for some, at all). You cannot have flexibility issues. And you should be on speaking terms with squats on a thrice-weekly basis. Great for a fit person with no joint problems though. This would be awesome for people who like thrusting motions with a dildo against their prostate whilst leaving both hands free for penis love. This would be great for anybody for anal play, really, along with vaginal. But really, the more flexible you are, the more use you’ll get out of the Heeldo.  It’s comfortable enough to wear and use, you just have to consider your own limitations, if you have them.  It’s primarily made of neoprene with webbing straps and plastic buckles.

At first I didn’t understand, or identify with, their decision to make a fetish cam girl model their spokesperson, but I get it now. It’s a great tool. Hands-free self-fucking and provides a great visual for their clients with a foot fetish.  One aspect of their marketing is something I just don’t understand – they are firmly entrenched in the gender binary and hetero slant. So much so that their suggestion to use this as a “couples” tool is specific to only “straight” couples. Their idea is that she should use the Heeldo on herself whilst giving him a blowjob.   They could have just left the orientation out of the mix and been more neutral. Why couldn’t a gay couple enjoy this in the same manner? They could. Or a lesbian couple? I’m sure they might like it, too. Take that oral sex idea and remove gender altogether because it’ll work out no matter the configuration. They could have subtly been inclusive, instead of being exclusive.  Under the graphic where they advertise it’s use for prostate play, they do mention gay couples, as more of an afterthought.  When you click on that image and you get to the page talking about using Heeldo for prostate play, they seem to be more inclusive but yet….why feel the need to go this route? “Heeldo for men transcends sexual preferences!  It is the first strap on harness for both gay and straight men.” Oh so, only the Heeldo for Men transcends sexual preferences? *sigh* 

Heeldo comes in some pretty typical colors: Black, Red, Bubblegum Pink and Leopard-print. Industry standard, really, and no imagination.  The sizing is odd, too.  “Women’s” is for US Women’s shoe sizes 4-8. That’s it. The “Men’s” option is for US Men’s shoe sizes 8-12. There’s no really good way of being able to tell that a person who wears US Women’s shoe size 9 should get the “Men’s” version, sadly. If you happen to be female-identified and have a larger foot size, and let’s say you really like pink, you’re out of luck.  According to the site: “Heeldo for Her fits women’s foot 4 – 8 and is available in the black, pink, red, and leopard colors.  Heeldo for Him fits men’s foot size 8 – 12 and is available in both black and red.”

Dear Heeldo:  tone down the extreme gender binary / hetero slant. If they would just change the marketing and language to be more inclusive of the gender & sexuality spectrum, and less rigid, I suspect that more doors could open for them.  Can’t they just have sizing that disregards gender on their packaging and list a size chart describing what size feet it’ll fit, and offer all sizes in all colors?

Overall – it does the job it intends to do. It offers something of an alternative to relying to suction-cup dildos. It’s not going to be a tool that every body can successfully use, but it is definitely interesting.  Issues with gender, colors, and sizing aside, it’s still an interesting product. I would recommend it, I just would feel better about recommending it if some things were changed.

I was provided with a Heeldo from the company in exchange for an honest review.