Inconceivable!

Newsflash: Sometimes, I’m lazy.

Really lazy.

Sometimes? I get cranky AND lazy.

I know, you’re shocked. I seem like such a sweet, brilliant, put-together person, right?

When you’ve stopped laughing at that last one, continue on. You asshats.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~~

Sometimes I buy sex toys and then never review them. Lazy, right? I know. Usually I just bought them for my own damn curiosity. Like the OhMiBod Freestyle W. Quick review: Meh. and a little Yawn. Compared to other higher-cost sex toys, it’s awfully noisy, sometimes sounding just like a blender on low speed. The shape and such isn’t bad I guess. The silicone is weird – not quite matte, not glossy, a little texture to it, but not as much texture and drag as say…Fun Factory. The vibrations are firmly in the moderate camp and lean more towards buzzy.

I got the Touche Ice (small) free with an order and I picked it for non-sexual reasons: I have tendonitis in my elbow and one thing that I’m supposed to do when it gets really inflamed is massage the problem area with ice. I figured “hey, why not get it? it’ll at least hold the ice for me, and maybe add in a little massaging vibrations”; I was half right. It has this little knob the sticks down into the ice so the ice will stay in place until it melts down more than halfway. The portion that holds the water and molds the ice actually is silicone, it passed the flame test. But the vibrations? I’m sorry, what vibrations? There’s this tiny little bullet that may, on its own, do something for someone but when it is shoved firmly in the handle? The vibrations don’t even travel to the knob, much less the ice. Oh well. It’s useless for adding vibrations but great for those with injuries. I don’t think I’d pay full price for it, though.

I’m not sure if I’ll write up a full review on the Tantus Panty Play, or not. I’ve recommended it because a few others I know thought it was decent, and because of the three similar styles available Tantus is the company I trust the most but I have to admit that I hate it. I can see how it would work for some women. Your anatomy has to be just right for this one. My mons and labia are too full due to my weight (I think) and so the ridge that is meant to rest down in between the labia just doesn’t reach my clit. The thing is way too long, too, for me. When I inserted the Salsa I was expecting that it would simply take it from meh to amazing….but instead it vibrated the crap out of the “tail” portion of it, the part that extends back past the vaginal opening, and turned it into something…annoying.

Speaking of the Salsa….it’s out of stock again, but according to the site it’ll be back in stock around March 14th. There is currently a site-wide sale going on that lasts through the 15th so if their estimations are correct, you may be able to nab a Salsa for $59!

OH HEY. One more thing. Did you know that I’ve secured a beautiful Fucking Sculptures dildo to give away during my 5 year blog anniversary giveaway extravaganza in June? Well now you know. It’s preeeeetttyyyy. A mottled white and silver, curved, bloopy design that was originally called Bedpost but I believe is now Pussywillow. Oh it’s lovely. But you shouldn’t have to wait until then! SheVibe.com is giving away the Fucking Sculpture dildo OF YOUR CHOICE. Click that banner below to enter. It’s really easy, the entries include Twitter, Facebook, G+ and Pinterest options.