Regretsy for Sex Toys: Clay and Wax Dildos
Subtitled: How to make a sex toy activist have a heart attack
OR
Stupid Human Tricks: Sex Toy Edition
ALSO
Don’t try this at home
In research for my post about wood sex toys, I’ve been spending time on Etsy. There are some whackadoodles and many legit crafters on Etsy, and this of course applies to sex toys. Today, Naughty Reenie pointed me to a whackadoodle of the highest order. I’ll link to the shop at the end of the post, but I honestly don’t want to give this guy too much traffic. I’ve screencapped his wares for you, in case he does finally wise up. You have to see this. It’s sort of like when something smells really bad, you know? We have this bizarre need to share it with someone else: “ewww man this smells funky! Here, smell this.”
I shared my horror over this on Twitter but now I shall share this with the world 1. I will do my best to describe it visually in the alt tags, Amanda and my other screen readers!
First up, the polymer clay dildos. Nope, they’re not sealed with anything to make them non-porous. Toxic? PSHAW YOU JEST, he sez. And yes, one of the balls has a crack.
The rest of his creations involve wax. From what I can gather, it seems that they’re made of clay first, molded into a shape, and then covered with white wax that’s been dripped all over it. Because TADA. WATERPROOF! *headdesk*
Not only are these the ugliest things I’ve ever seen, it’s the tip of a delusional iceberg. The creator refuses to believe that there’s anything wrong with using clay, it seems. Oh and, “anything” can hold on to bacteria if you don’t wash it, so that sex toy specialist was iffy, if you believe him. Reenie believes in the old adage “you catch more flies with honey”, and she also is a lot more level-headed than I. I would grab this guy and shake him violently. You can click on the screencaps below to read the artist’s glorious words.
Thank the dildo fairies there is no evidence of anyone having yet purchased one of his creations. I would think that most would not, based on the sheer ugliness of most of these, but on the off chance that the “Unicorn Dildo” appeals to someone? Let me point this out to you:
- The clay and the paints are probably toxic when used this way.
- The clay is very porous.
- The whole thing is unstable. At any moment, pieces of material could break off inside your body.
- DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME. DO NOT.
In case you want to visit this shop, or educate the owner, or hey even report it to Etsy, here’s the link to his shop named “The Real Shiz“. CLASSY. FITTING.
- or at least the world according to the few who read my blog ↩
I literally LOL’d at the product description: “Fairly accurate detail to simulate a penis as close as possible.” Delusional iceberg, indeed.
I’d also like to point out that whatever dyes and fragrance chemicals are in the “Hawaiian scented candlewax” probably aren’t safe for body insertion, but that’s small potatoes compared to the rest of the massive safety problems in these products.
Oh, yeah, it’s safe to say everything he uses is highly problematic.
I just… No. Just now. When I first saw these I wanted to cry at the very idea that someone thought it’s OK.
Oh, and any toy will hold onto bacteria if it’s not cleaned? Really? THAT’S his answer to toxic toys?
Well, on a bright side, he did take down those paper mache toys right?
Funny part is, I actually didn’t send him emails. But whatevs.
If only I could bully other companies into discontinuing their toxic unsafe toys, I’d feel like I’m accomplishing something in this way.
I wish I had seen those, in a way.
HOLY SHIT. The wax ones. Oh my god. The cracking white wax looks like a layer of come. IT’S HORRIBLE
You’re such a bully. lol Why couldn’t he just be humble and admit that he didn’t know this stuff and he’s glad you pointed it out to him?
Oh god, I didn’t even think of that. Now I can’t look at the black and white one without gagging.
Do you know how RARE it is to come across a person who is readily willing to say “I was wrong”? This person clearly is never going to be one of those. Ever.
He’s probably thinking of like, toilet bowl cleaner commercials, that show all the bacteria growing on toilets or something. I dunno.
I kind of think this guy was like, “Bitches love dildos. I’ll make so much money!” *laughs*
I’m glad you and Reenie said something to him. He needed to know that these were unsafe for intimate use. You saved someone from getting sick, and him from a lawsuit!
These toys are all hideous, if anyone brought them I would harp all over them. I can’t believe they just let people sale anything on Etsy.
I’m just going to sit in a corner, alternating between crying and throwing up.
His “naughty items” are what sex toy nightmares are made of. I am SO GLAD your “cyber bullying” has caused them to be banished. If only you could do this for all toxic toys, as you mentioned!
Clay ! /facedesk. As a QA Engineer myself.. this just makes me shake my head.. if only ignorance was painful.
So suddenly calling out someone for producing an item that’s a health hazard to anyone who buys or uses them is bullying? Sounds like someone’s butthurt and trying to summon the white knights.
When you’ve made an ignorant mistake, admit that you’ve messed up and try to do better or just back out gracefully without acting like a bratty two year old and ruining your own reputation in the process. I’ve learned that most of the time it’s not the mistake that ruins you, but your reaction to being called out on your mistake.
nope. condoms aren’t proven to prevent anything from leaching out.
So while this is an old post and old reply I just could not resist pointing out that it’s a rather heroic thing to make a person “butthurt” if it prevents countless others from uh, literal butthurt!
I just couldn’t resist. ;)
I’ve never seen a more fugly dildo… Holy shit.