Whataya Want From Me

He messed me up, need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around, I won’t let you down

I don’t really keep up with popular music very well unless they’re an artist I already know and love. So I had no idea that Adam Lambert had had a big hit single with this song when I heard it for the first time on Pink’s big Greatest Hits album. Her original version uses “he messed me up”, Adam’s version is identical in every way except for changing it to “it messed me up”. Sure, the song could really go either way but as someone who listened to and liked Pink’s version first…..”it” feels a little off, a little like copping out. Ah well.

There is one person out there who (I think) still reads my blog and I really wish they’d fuck off and forget about this stupid little space of the web. Let me be able to write what I want to, what I need to. But friendship trumps, so I have to keep trucking along and holding things back. Perhaps that’s been a big factor in my writing block here.

I’m the first to admit that a lack of sleep for even just one night (coupled with some other emotional crap prior to it) will turn my emotions into a something akin to a downed electrical wire in a puddle of water, sparking away and dangerous. Today I broke down in tears so many times over so many things, one of which is stupid fucking Father’s Day being shoved down my throat and me missing my dad so damn much. It seems that with this move and big change I’m missing him even more, even though it’s been a long time since he’s been gone. So a very raw and tired me went out to get the mail today, and I saw that I received a check I’d been expecting. Oye, I need to just rant this out and shake it off.

When we first moved into our old apartment, the apartment complex sent over our info to the county tax office so that we would be included in the big ass same-price-for-everybody school tax crap. We didn’t find out about these taxes until we were very delinquent and the tax collector came to our door. Now, how HE found us is beyond me as they had the incorrect apartment number, and they misspelled BOTH of our last names. Over our time period living in that county both of us tried in vain to call these damn people and get them to change the incorrect info. It’s fuckin hard to look up an account when you call them and they ask for your last name. “Well my last name is XXXX but you have it misspelled into some convoluted crap so I don’t know what to fuckin tell you on how to find me”. They were infamous for never, ever sending us bills or warnings that we were behind and so surprise! My wages would get garnished. Nearing the end of my employment before the move, I knew that my wages were still being garnished. I also knew that any “outstanding debt” (like garnishments or overdrawn leave) would delay my final check. So I called the tax office and said “Look, here’s what’s going on, I want to stop the garnishments” (btw every time I talk to someone there, well it’s probably the same person, she is always a complete bitch, rude as shit, interrupts and makes you furious) and she said the only way was to pay off the debt to them. Ok, tell me what the accurate debt is, I’ll cut a check this minute. What the bitch failed to tell me is that 1. they don’t open up checks that come in the mail for at least a week 2. they’re incompetent and STILL haven’t changed my name so that when they faxed over the stop form to my employer it had not only my maiden name but my incorrect maiden name, and so at first HR didn’t know wtf to do about it and the garnishment didn’t stop. 3. That an overpayment was going to end up being a huge pain in the ass and I was better off just letting it all play out by garnishment. When I knew that they had been paid off by me and were still getting money from my employer, I demanded my refund. Said they wouldn’t do it until the payment cleared to them. Then I call back, wondering where it is and THEN I’m told that (reasons never given) they wait a mandatory month til they send out the check AND THEN they charge me a fee of $5 for the check. Bastards. I finally got that check today…and see it is made out to my maiden name with the last third of my last name being totally wrong. They never fuckin fixed it. I was on the phone with them 3 times before the move to make CERTAIN they had our new address and my new name and everything. I called the bank and found out it’s going to be a huge pain and that the issuing bank might not even pay it out since it’s basically a fictitious name. I called up the local tax place today and just LOST MY SHIT on them. I mean the rage just poured forth, especially when I found out that now I have to wait even more – they won’t reissue a check in my real name until I send them back this one. They have continually fucked up and yet I get fucked over again and again. They only ever list a PO box, and when asked by phone if they had an office I could come to to hand over a check (months ago) they said they had no public office. Well, they have an office SOMEWHERE, they just don’t want to clearly deal with all the pissed off pissed on people like me, and rightfully so. I’d cheerfully wring that bitch’s neck for all this shit. Today I found out the actual street address.

Yes, I’ll admit to Googling “how to successfully mail a bomb” and it didn’t give me any answer on how I can rain down justice on these twats, but it did lead me to an article about how some vibrator buzzing away in a package in Russia scared them so bad they called the bomb squad.

This is why all rechargeables need to have a “lock” function and ToySwappers: Always remove the batteries before you ship your toys!!! LOL

It’s nearly 1am. Thursday night I went to Tied Up Event’s Chat Lounge in NYC, hung out with some friends, but mostly spent entirely too much time in the car because of freakishly bad traffic and closed highways and construction and motherfucking HELL it took us 2 hours just to get out of Manhattan at 10:30pm on a goddamn Thursday! Clearly NYC can never be evacuated, sorry for you city folks when the apocalypse hits :P  So yeah instead of getting home at a decent hour, I got home at 2am. I got up at 630 with hubs and drove him to work somehow. I was exhausted and in pain all day and the only time I could nap was an hour before I had to pick him up. The fury over the tax refund bullshit got me too wound up at lunchtime to properly nap. So yeah. REALLY hard day, lots of crying (which always exhausts me) and so not enough sleep yet here I am. I’m still up. I won’t say I’m wide awake but I know I won’t sleep if I would go lay down.

Maybe I’ll just watch more True Blood on HBO Go. yay for another night of fucked up dreams because I watch that show too close to bedtime.

The kitchen is a mess and it makes me feel guilty. Yet I still don’t clean it up. I didn’t do SHIT today.

#BRAINDUMP

apologies