When all else fails…make your own

My main chat partner during the boring work days  he’s not really been around much lately. Pressures and stress from work and home coupled with just being too busy have ended with him uninterested/unavailable to talk much and frankly I think he’s depressed. It absolutely kills me that I can’t help him. I have advice, but he won’t take it yet. I care about him a lot and I hate seeing him this way. I also miss him and see the friendship fading a little in some ways.

So yes…I was finding myself lonely and bored and thought what the hell. I’ll go hunting for a hook-up (or, used to) therefore why can’t I hunt for a penpal, a chat buddy? And so, I did. In true Lilly fashion I was very forthcoming on what I wanted and didn’t want. I told a little about myself and asked for the same in return. After all, what fun is a penpal if they’re incapable of composing a proper paragraph?

Did I find what I was looking for? I found some idiots who didn’t read, of course. I found some that just didn’t appeal to me. I found a few that seemed promising at first and then…meh. I found a couple that held my interest. Nice to talk to, we had some things in common…

But then they fell to the wayside as I somehow found myself in limbo….waiting on the friend to respond. For he’s the one I prefer to talk to, even over the “new friendship energy” of others. By the time I realized that our conversation had fizzled out an hour ago and he wasn’t going to respond to me, I was pretty down in the dumps and no longer felt like answering the emails of my new penpals. Then my trips started. Washington state, and then a trip a few states away for side work, home for 3 weeks and then gone again for a weekend of work, and just now back home. With all the traveling, the prep for travel and recovery from travel and the site design jobs I have, I lost contact with the few that had some potential.

I guess I’ll keep trying. It’s not like I’m looking for a replacement. I just don’t want to rely on him so much, I guess. I don’t want to have to keep reminding myself that it’s not rejection, it’s truly not me, it really is him.

*sigh*

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